Fade away
into the next day
so the sun can warm your icy skin
so the light can revitalize you
so you can live to breathe
another day*
it's raining today
it's teardrops and gray
i can't breathe
when the sun is drowning in the raindrops
i drown in this puddle of tears
i fell down the rabbit hole,
i drank too much of the Drink Me
i shrank down, teeny-teeny-tiny
i'm drowing in my tears
i'm drowning, i can't be saved.*
"Wake up, child, wake up
'Tis naught but a dream, see,"
Aye, but my dreams reflect my soul.

Powered by a thirsty rush
I seek to destroy an innocent touch
To tear apart the thickening rust
Sharpen my razor against everlasting love
Fumed with pale malice, a sickening lust
I rip the flesh that harbors my trust
Cringe at bleak stares as my knife thrusts
Passion immolated, heaved and crushed

I eyed you from across the room,
Tim was yak-yakking about some drop D heavy metal band
he was drumming in,
But I was tired of socializing,
I had only come to drink,
yet I was overtaken by you.
I'd seen you prettier, livelier.
You looked so blue
decked all in red,
in your worn out ****-me-shoes.

I think my mouth was still agape,
when your gaze turned my way.
We both were locked.
Getting headsick from the smoke,
waiting for the flame to catch up.

You'd never seen me so unkept.
I hadn't shaved in a couple months,
my hair was to my shoulders, and
my body was drowing in wrinkled,
secondhand, early 2000s high fashion.

I walked over. Leaving Tim talking about
fusing dubstep with his metal ****.

You were working at a bank,
making three bucks more than minimum.
You changed your major.
Your relations got too public,
so you're shooting for journalism.
Haha me too, or something like that,
is what I said.
Your smile became parasitic to my clumsy words.
You said we should hang out for old time's sake.
"I won't take no for an answer."

"I'm too sober for this."
I walked off, grabbed the flask from Tim,
spent the night strolling under streetlights,
and hoping to have a revelation.
But all I had was a dwindling buzz,
and a divine gravity pulling me
away from remaking the same
mistakes.

I can feel it coming back
The hollow cavity, once again
Has claimed residence in my chest
I can feel it suppressing each breath
It weighs me down, I am carrying lead
It poisons my blood stream
I try to scream
Nothing escapes because my lungs are filling
I can’t breathe
The viscous liquid is killing
The world has drowned
Or possibly
It was me

Like quicksand, the more I struggle
The more the sand buries me
Inch by inch
Gasping for breath the small sediments
sting my throat
there’s no way out
only down
only the ground
that fills my lungs
I can’t breathe
No more sound
The world has drowned
Or maybe
It was me

The grains of sand fly through the sky
The wind picks up
More and more sand flies
It whips my hair, it stings my eyes
The wind gains strength
Calamitous glory
The grains meld together
They move together
They pulsate and writhe
Seemingly devoid of time
They fall and rise
A sea of sand dunes takes the skies
I can’t breathe
There is no more air
The world has drowned
Or conceivably
It was me

It sounds different from the ocean
I can hear the movements of each grain
I can hear their commotion
The tide pulls my legs
The wind rips my hair
The waves crash down on my body
Thousands of tiny scratches cover me
Head to toe
My skin is sanded thin as paper
The current is swirling
The sound of sand rushes
Like the indistinct murmur of hushes
The wave rises
The wave rises
If a wave rises it must fall
The wave falls
I cant breathe
I am crumpled, a paper ball
The world has drowned
Or likely
It was me


The thinnest parts of me rip
I spill out into the sea of grains
Undefinable, my pain
Indescribable
I can no longer tell where I begin
And where the ocean ends
I can now see the way the sky bends
The water becomes salty from my tears
Or maybe the salty water is my tears
My fading gaze flickers to the horizon
It is just a straight line
The world has drowned
And certainly
It was me
but inconceivably
Its all just a straight line

I loved you because you were broken
my soul could look at yours and see home

every minute we spend together was like drowing in the ocean
I would sink deeper and deeper and eventually I would choke
but the darkness of the water never botherd me, I liked it
maybe because you were always there with me

in the morning I would look up and see the sunlight
coming through my window, the lights would touch my face
and every single morning when I would open my eyes
the first thing I always think of is you and how much I love you

I wish I could have you near me, like everyday
but we both know that never was a great idea
after a while we would remember how much we are a like
and I would hate you for being that way, you would hate me
maybe that is why you are my soulmate, why I love you

Im looking for parts of myself in the people I love
it gives me comfort knowing there are kids out there who are like me
a little bit mad, a little bit broken, but with golden hearts and voices

I always loved the idea of us being in love forever.

War zone in my brain,
Nothins really the same,
Exepct my heart that’s same,
But my brains not the same,
Sufferin depresseion that I cannot tame,
Losing my mind it feels like everyday,
Drowing in thoughts and my hate,
Gonna have to break the gate ,
The gate of gratification and grace ,

Leave my devil to the grave,
But my devils immortal hes lurkin,
Every corner every crack ready to break out,
Sick of bein called a disappointment and a clown,
Bout to rain havic on this little ******  town,
But calmdown and open ur 3rd eye and face the light,
But the lights is mine,
But im not mine,
Im my devils,
Forced to do his transactions and his deals,

But its hard to open grace when ur a disgrace,
A outcast from myself and life,
Used to be a angel but now im fallin from  grace,
Fallin from grace from this race of pain and change,
Hasn’t been the same since 6th grade,
Alawys bullied pushed and pulled,
But there so much u can pull a anchor by a rope,
Before the rope breaks and the anchor stops,
Like that anchor and my gratification stopped,
And lost my grace,

Open ur 3rd eye and face the light,
But the lights is mine,
But im not mine,
I will never escape this race of anxiety and change…

My heart is leaking, my heart is pouring out and I sit on the shore of it all. Tearing myself apart and skipping the pieces across
The ocean of its fluid hoping one day I drown entirely in my pain.

i’m drowing and i can’t tell which way is up
i can’t tell if i want to know which way is up

i am quaking like sand and soon my mouth will froth like the shore
it’s cold and it stings and there is so much saltwater filling my lungs, filling my stomach, filling every nook and cranny

maybe the people of the sea didn’t lure people to their deaths
perhaps they merely helped them attain it

when i was a little kid i started drowing
my cousin saved me before it was too late
every since then
i thought when i was drowing someone would save me
but no one has ever since

one thing i have noticed
in my youthful years
and jottings
and observations

is that people rarely band together in the times when we should
when, for example, there is
a delay on a plane
a bus
a train,
we roll our eyes
and groan in unison
unison? really?
in frustration
in exhaustion

and yet, when the Titanic was
taking its plunge
into the Ocean's merciless and deep belly
brother turned on brother
friend on friend
drowing humans and enveloping their lives in water
so that you may have a lifebelt

Death once said
'i am haunted by humans'
and i agree

we are monsters.

When i look into your eyes I see the infinite galaxy.
Its an Out of this world level of intimacy.
Its a Place where you, I and The most High live unity.
Its a place of stillness fill with serenity.
Where The Our Dreams Become interwined with reality.
Where Metaphysical Fantasy becomes A living valley.

In this place You make my brain stimulate
As the the words formulate
our brain cells become awake
and our thoughts began to penetrate
As We serve one another an essential  
subtance and Truth on a plate.
Raising Our engery as it Elevates.
Indulging in Our frequency as it Vibrates.
Staring slowly in yours eyes While we quietly meditate
And the pain subsizes and evacuates
Drowing the voices of the hurt that are drying as they suffocate.
Feeling one anothers embodiment as we soundlessly communicate.
Your bring out the beauty of this beast Everytime we conversate.
Its a sensational authenticity
We are wires that spark fires of Electricity.
A source of Power that drives,
Exuberantly Spirited and adernalized.
What a blessing it is to be Revived and Alive.

they sent ashes to his widow with a letter of apology
told her how brave he was, for serving his country
how quick a sob turned to a wail
for the sweet soldier who had fell
he fought and died for what he felt was right
and left his lady lost in the night
"I promise I won't be away for long,
before you know it, I'll be home."
words echoing through her ears
she feels like drowing in these tears
because he promised, he never lied
she felt betrayed because he died
the laugther, the love, there was plenty
and now she's numb, feeling empty
because this can't be true
she vividly remembers eyes so blue
and a smile that reached the corners of her soul
he made her feel alive, free and whole
she touches her stomach, and knows she must go on
because it's not just her, she's not alone
there's a child coming, any day now
and she has to be strong somehow
for the little one who will also grieve
for a father who isn't here, who had to leave

I've bled blood thicker than water and thinner than a sheet of ice. It never mattered what i did, i always broke through. today was the same as yesterday until i set myself free. I was drowing inside my body, killing the fear and squashing the insecurity. We trivilize poignant things and make mountains out of mole hills. The thing about living is that you just have to let it all go, let it do what it wants to you. All you can do is choose to appreciate where you are and follow the path of least resistance.

I find myself finding it harder to sleep at night
I can't help thinking maybe it's the light
I turn it off
and my mind creates images you can only see in the dark
I turn it back on
and my thoughts go on and on
I toss and turn
and close my eyes
I can hear the clock ticking as time flies
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling
please let me sleep, I am more than willing
For a while I can feel myself drifting away
Hello sleep, I'm on my way
But the voices
The lights
They won't let me sleep
Playing in my mind like an eager child
I'm ragged
Weary
Drowing in my own thoughts
I close my eyes and try again
I can feel daytime crawling on my window
I need more time, I wish I could borrow

I should have never let you go...
I can't do this alone...
I thought losing you would set me free,
But now I'm missing home.

Things were getting easier...
I thought the worst was through...
I never saw it coming...
When I ran into you.

The icy truth wraps round my throat
and haunts me every night,
I'm never getting over you.
...and might never be alright.

The folly of a foolish heart,
Young, naive and free.
Blessed with a love so beautiful,
But was too blind to see.

I hope that there's a purpose
A lesson hidden in the pain
I hope I find the sun again
Cause I'm drowing in the rain

Drowning in the ocean baby,
Drowing deep within with you.

I never realised just how blue your eyes were baby,
Until we sank into the blue.

Alone to sleep in dark abyss.
Forever..

Together,
Just Me & You.

A wise man he once told me never turn your back unto the tide
I did that once he told me, then he turned around and cried
It washed away my house of sand and all the memories that it held
I felt like I was drowing "Don't ever do it!" then he yelled.
The sand just like an hourglass, was washed away and gone
I was so sad, I felt so bad like I could not go on.

But then I saw my reflection on the water
And I heard the mermaids sing
And I decided not to let the tide take away everything!

I still had my umbrella to keep me safe from getting burned
And the vast ocean before me, all the things I've not yet learned.

Only He can walk on water, and that's when He gave the sign
I noticed another set of footprints in the sand right next to mine
It's then that I had realized He'd been watching over me
Protecting me from harm from the perils of the sea
I had gone as near to the edge of the shore that I would go
Rather than drown I built a boat and I began to row
"Keep your compass pointed always in the direction of your dreams"
Life isn't always easy, but it's easier than it seems!"

I blinked, just for a second, when I looked again he was gone
But the story that he told me in my heart will carry on
He made a lot of sense that day, gave good advice to me
I wouldn't let it beat me, I would learn to tame the sea!

So I grabbed my pail and shovel, built a fortress strong and high
and dared those waves to knock it down, but if it did I wouldnt cry
Instead I'd build one bigger, with the help of my family
Nothing was gonna' beat me, not even the raging sea!

Sometimes I look out from the shore and I could swear I see
That wise old man sailing off into the sunset
and look back and wink at me!

last night it was exactly a year ago it happend
there were sad words leaving my pencil, I wrote a letter
a letter to say goodbye to everyone who once loved me or didn't

I was dancing with the demons in my mind, it was good
I was singing songs with my shadows, songs with the broken ones
and the devil was watching me from a close distance

my socks were ***** and the ***** bottles were empty
I don't even remember what happend to me that night

all I wanted was to create art when I woke up that morning
drowing in pain and tears, I wanted to make a painting
a painting with sad colors, like grey and black and navy blue
a masterpiece filled with my blood, my pain, my empty emotions

it were the pills I swallowed that night to keep me from falling appart
it were the blades rushing over my veins that made me feel alive
all these lose things, all these things, the visions of monsters, the pain
all the tears I cried that night, the alcohol I drank to keep me calm

but still it was your beautiful smile that haunted me, killed me
your pretty eyes and wonderful angel face that made me wanna live
you were all I could think of from the moment we first met, forever

it was you and only you.

i don´t really know what i want. i have been with so many boys, with so many personalities, i got stuck in so many smiles, and i can´t understand why i'm always so alone. i don't know what i'm searching for, it seems like no one is good enough for me, i feel like i could never be happy with anyone, even if this person loves me and everything but i can't stand with someone for so long and i feel like i am the problem and i sort of am. i don't know what i need, i am walking for a long and dark highway where i can't find nothing but myself, and i don't know where i want to get. i am so confused about me, it seems like i don't even know myself. i look at the mirror i don't have any problems with what i see superficially, but when i look inside of me i see absolutely nothing, i don't know if i am happy or sad, i feel like i don´t know myself. i feel like i'm not being true with people, i feel like i've been drowing into a deep sea where  the water is so black i can't see where i am, i don't know if i will breath again an in this kind of situation, no one can help me. how could anyone understand me when i don't? i live so lost inside my way that i can't even say what i want my future to be, i don't have expectations about me and nothing can change that, i have always been a confused girl, since i was a kid, even when i was a kid i could see my future in a mist where i didn't know what i was going to turn out to be. i am walking ahead but i don't know if what i want is there, i feel like at anytime i can just regret everything i've been doing and just walk back and maybe turn to right or left. i don't know where i'm going to take myself but i am not expecting nothing and i'm not sticking out with anyone because i don't think anyone can handle my inconstant way without getting hurt.

The ink revealed all my sealed joys
"I love you like the sea loves the shore."
But waves were drowing the shore,
And then the midnight moon comes into play
They say drowning is blind,
Little do they know
Blind are those, who never drown
If and mays come into play
"May I drown in the sea of your love?"
"What if the waves drown you?"
But...
What if I really want to swim in
What if I want to get pulled in
To the deepest parts
What if the current of those waves
Take me somewhere
A complete else where
From the real world
Where it can be just you and me.

Leaden feet
Soul heavy
Constriction wracks my chest
Eyesight fading out at best

Every step
Burdens me
Drowing out my screams
They don't know what i mean

Cold are we
Faceless sea
The crowd is sundered
With a sound of thunder

Chemical feeling
Rising faster
Black metal plating
Hidden by color

Nausea knowlage
Turning over
Sterile and voiceless
Overpowered

The second freezes and the door explodes
One or two to every home
The crowd plays on
A silver show
And all of mine
are on their own

Masqurade
The masks are on
Every sillable
of every song
The Loss of feeling
I have no doubt
And they are carried off

A few rounds pop off
The music stops
For a split second order holds everyone still as stone
Then my life is taken before my naked eyes
And I wake up here, alone, surrounded by the flock


My heart has been torn from my chest
God give me strength

I was a good kid
I Kept tighty
I snitched on the wrongs people did
Until everyone hated me for it
Snitches get stitches
For the longest time i didn't listen
Until people started to ignore me because of it
Until i lost friends because of it
Until i was told i was stupid because of it
No one wanted to talk to me cause of it
Tragic
A little girl in 3rd grade being told she's worthless
Because she didn't think you where suppose to write on the board when the teacher wasnt in the room
Because she didn't think cursing was allowed at her private school
Yes i went to private school
Plaid skirt and all
It was as if from 7 to 3 i was there Barbie doll
Dress me up
Skirt and all
Then tell me what to say
The lies you make me say decayed my teath away
The secretes tucked inside of me made me feel afraid
In the 4th grade i was scared of my reflection
In the 5th grade i began to show all they said i was and
Wasn't ready for that
Speaking of the 5th grade i went to public school
Suprise
Barbie got put from maximum security
To a weaker division
Security wasnt as tight
So the other kids wkrds didn't lessen
Bullying went from this hobby to thier full time expression
Until some people promised they liked me
Told me to touch other people
And let other people touch me
Until i was something
And i kept quite
Because snitches got snitches
They started fat jokes in the 6th grade
Poking at my stomache
Metaphorically Writing fatty at my grave
And at this time i want exactly sane
So to stay friends
They said
I had to get skinny
And the best at they did that was to stop eating
Give them my food and i get nothing
With My stomach fat i could survive years on empty
With my stomach fat i was the reason africa went hungry
The best way to stop world hunger
They said
Was to **** me
So i stopped eating
And like every other mental disorder it grew into an obsession
Ana was its nane
And it was like a growing infection
Ana is more than a disease
Its a professional temptress
Baby let me see your porcelain bones
breath in until your lungs explode
Feel more than you can control
and let me take over
I let get take over
But my parents couldn't know
The lies dripped out of my mouth
Like how the snow escapes the cloud
I got lost in a blizzard
Lies and ana and lies and ana
Who needed friends when i had depression
Who needed friends when i was headed towards perfection
Reapeated that i was happy till i believed it
Than she came along
Told me that real friends didn't hurt you like that
And that i was already perfect
That i life was worth living
And that i could escape depression
Promised she wouldnt leave me
Promised she wouldn't hurt me
I wasnt the only one with a lieing problem
You see we where both unstable
Dragging eachother down
So niether of us are alone
Dieing together was better than living apart
Until are decided she wanted better
Like she was drowing and i was an anchor tied to her
She cut me lose
So she could get to the surface
And i sank lower than ever before
Her exact words where i just can't bring myself to care anymore
The worst part is
I thought it was my fault
That i did something to make everyone hate me
That i was a problem in this world
And I just had to realize it
All she said was lies she recanted once she found out who i really was
She hurt me
Than called me the liar
So this is where i am now
Sinking
Trying to teach myself how to swim
Alone
I can't lie my way through this one
And ana cant give me oxygen
Im trying to get over it
But im lost in this blizzard
And i can't find my way home

An ice sheet froze over the deserted waste-land,
Empty from warmth, an ice palace of cold.
The long road through this land lied empty,
No traffic for miles, not a single sound.
Water fell from the Heavens, drowing all life,
Smoothering the last breath from their frozen bodies.
Only the toughest could survive there,
But even they have turned to nothing.

Crooked fingers grasp,
A nearing empty bottle in my left hand.
Your hand,
Loosely gripped in my right.
The cigarette that hangs from my cracked lips,
We'll follow into the night.

Seventeen years too old,
Left looking for cheap thrills.
Waiting for an early death to unfold,
Brought on by unprescripted,
Prescription pills.

It's cliche and *******,
But all I can write about is unsatisfactory coffee,
And harsh, stale, half-lit cigarettes.
My thoughts and hands are not insync,
Like when my own hands stopped me from drowing in the kitchen sink.

perhaps and maybe
in another time and place
i could have entered into forever with you.
it was a short bliss,
a melding of minds.

but the tides were not in our favour,
our ships drifted apart.
and i watched from the shore,
as you crashed upon the rocks.

and now you flounder,
drawing breath and drowing,
in turn.
and i wonder if i could save you.

and i have so many words i want to tell you,
i have so many fixes i could give you.
i see that you can be so magnificent,
if not at the mercy of the sirens.

i can no longer be your oarsman,
i can no longer mend your sails.
i am sailing another current.

but i want to help you chart your course,
i want to show you the stars to follow.

you are lost,
and the only captain that can mend you,
is living in your mirror.

I was bleeding into a porcelain
cup watching each drip, drop and fall
rippling into the pool, drowing
my ex lovers in apathy. I could see
their faces in the tiny waves
as they washed and broke against its sides.

My knuckles cracked like nail polish,
skin chipping away and regenerating
like an over-juiced lemon.
Damp pulp and disfigured rind,
bitter and dried up
wrapped around the china.

I placed it to my lips staining them
like liquid roses in a glass,
mixed with mascara and salt water.  
Scorching my throat like breathing in
burnt paper and singed tobacco
as the steam rose up like
heat from the pavement in june.

in my dreams
i am drowing in a sea of emotion.
my head held just below the surface of the water
and all i have to breathe through is a straw

Turn me into a metaphor
Any metaphor, I don't care which one
Either I'm the raging storm or the silhoutte against the moon
I'm the sunshine on your wet hair or the rain drowing you
I don't ask for your love
Just make me into a literary device
Pen me on paper
That is the only way I'll feel alive
When your words caress my presence even if your hands don't
When I will be immortalized in your works
I don't care if you stay with me for eternity or let me go
I want you to remember me and construct me into prose
Which maybe people will recall
And feel something, anything at all
I want you to use me to create that warmth
That sensation that the lonely strive for
So break my heart
Use my pieces to scratch out words
Use my blood to ink them into sheets
I don't care what you do to me
Just turn me into a ******* metaphor
And store me in your poetry

The world shatters in a million brilliant pieces.
His footsteps echo on the floor
but I can see his strong frame no more.
Blackness is the only thing visable
and I ***** blindly for the exit of this broken place.
My fingertips brush against a wall
my feet follow the path.
It's a circular world with no way out
I'm trapped!
My feet fumble awkwardly and I stumble and fall
and lay defeated on the ground.
Images of him
laughing,
smiling,
loving me, race through my mind like a waterfall
drowing me.
I begin to choke on bitter tears.
I can't breathe anymore.
The blackness is closing in.
Slowly my body bends and I give in.

Gasping and covered in sweat,
my body trembles, my heart beats frantically.
I'm surrounded in the darkness caused by light
but he didn't truly leave tonight.
It was just a dream...

still trying to find my
voice
even when im
drowing in a
never ending sea of
them.

a dress
a skirt
pink lipstick
that never felt quite like me
baggy pants
baseball cap
dirt and roughhousing
that wasn't quite me either
I was ugly
or at least everyone told me I was
I was too masculine acting
sometimes feminine features
my chest was too flat to be a real girl
my walk was too swagger infused
my fashion style, too--- not enough cleavage if you know what I mean
apparently a shirt and a pair of pants suddenly made me unattractive to both sexes
both sexes
both
I felt like both
makeup and a baseball cap
flat chest, and a flower skirt
skateboards and hair products galore
looking back,
I was always fluid.
the gender waters in which I was drowing
I was only drowning in because I can swim in both currents
fluid
fluid
fluid
****
Living
Under
Imposed
Doctrines