i've come to believe
love is giving someone everything you have left inside of you,
pouring it out for them,
even if it leaves you empty.
it's giving someone the power
to destroy you
& letting them do it
over & over again
& being able to forgive them
every single time
one of the very few conversations I've had with my father was on a night where I felt lost, I was recently heartbroken & kept to myself for a while. if you know me, i haven't had a relationship with my father for a very long time, if anything, I claimed to hate him. but for some reason that night I was feeling so low & walked in his room & sat on the floor with my eyes filled with tears. I think he saw the pain in my eyes & recognized it as his own, he said
"your mother was 15 years old when we met, I loved her instantly. when I first went to her house, there was a wooden chest at the foot of her bed filled to the top with empty liquor bottles. I knew at that moment I was dealing with a broken person. 20 years later, and she's still broken. you can't fix someone who is broken, no matter how much love you give to them"
& ever since then, it's all made sense to me.
Please do not get angry at me for feelings that I cannot control
I guess I'm nothing but selfish
Wanting all of you
But only being able to give you
What is left of me