Don't look at me like that
because I don't get you at all
I would like to call that a stare of longing
but I'd be lying to myself
Funny how my mind thinks your eyes speak love
when my heart is the one falling
I must be stupid
I must have lost my mind
There's a space in my hollow head where you walk around
Banging on the walls and the door
You talk to me through the vents manipulating my feelings
I may be smart enough to know I don't love you
But I must be stupid to keep you up there.
Ugh! I don't even know. He was so irrelevant to my life and yet I can't let him completely go.
I am currently alone but I keep on thinking "leave me alone"
I am so ******* sad
I don't even know why
I sound like a whiny teenager
I need this to be over
I've been feeling this non-feeling for years now
I don't use the word depressed
because my feelings seems so shallow to be diagnosed as something so real and heavy.
I tell myself that a lot.
I compare my pain to other people's pain and I feel like I don't have the right to be depressed.
I know it's a bad thing to do.
And one thing is, I can never harm myself much less push myself on the verge of death
But I think about it almost every day
Whenever I am allowed to think
I think dangerous thoughts
I think about thinking of dying
I know I'll never do it
but somehow I still wonder
Hello, it's been a while but I still find myself stuck in the same old, same old.
It's been a while but I still find myself wishing for the same thing over and over again.
It's been a while but I still find myself repeat, repeating the same mistakes.
It's been a while but I still feel the same.
It's been a while, nothing changed, you're still a million miles away.
I want to write poems that move mountains and pinch hearts
But I am just a silly girl
Who loves to daydream and not try at all
So ******* hopeless
Always staring far away
Head in the clouds
And there I go again
Sailing through the endless stream of clouds
And I wonder why am I here again
and how did I get here
Oh what was it I was talking about?
The year is almost ending
oh how fast 2016 had been
It almost seems like everything is still the same
Yet a lot of things are different
I haven't written anything for months
and now I feel like a bucket filled with
water from a faucet streaming more,
overflowing and have nowhere else to
go but wherever the ground leads it.
I've been through a lot
Yet still not enough
My mind is filled with thoughts
Yet my heart still feels empty
What a year, this year has been.
I wonder what would it be like when I die
Would I be just another thing to be sorry about and forgotten in a week?
Will they uncover my secrets?
Will they see me in a different light?
Or will it never matter?
Just another face
Just another name
buried on the ground