i couldn't never write a book, sorry, a novel, i'd hate to become a puppeteer, someone who attempts to play chess, a fiddling and bothersome shadow-baron (schattenbaron)... imaginary "friends" is not my thing, plus... i don't have an exact elastic approach to heidegger's compliments concerning poets: i only like heidegger because he likes poets, **** me, he elevates poets to the stature of philosophers when language "things" are made necessary... i.e. (and verbatim) - language - only if speech has acquired the highest univocity of the word does it become strong for the hidden play of its essential multivocity (as withdrawn from all "logic"), of which poets and thinkers alone are capable... welcome! welcome! to plato's republic! Brennus & Alaric welcome you, quiet fondly depicted by Joseph-Noël Sylvestre... and when the Huns pushed the leaders Fritigern and Alavivus into the eastern empire to settle... and emperor Valens... that's history for you: a cascade of: and and and and and and... sometimes a p.s., but mostly the and and and of causality... facts come barging in, you forage... but thanks to heidegger: the poets have earned their graces... and can return to the republic... as wordsmiths... i mean, was i ever to think of myself as a french dada dandy? frivolous and superfulous raconteur / racketeer? poet or philosopher, that's beside the point, the point being: i'm not a novelist... i don't like dealing with language that chokes that i rely on mostly and that mostly being: i like the idea of a raw vocabulary... i'm more of a butcher than an artist... i like the rawness of an inverted crossword puzzle... in my "trade"... there are no clues, whether synonymous or antonymous, in this spaghetti of: ex nihil factum sermo (out of nothing came the word)... poetry, of all places, allows this form of unadulterated nibbling at raw vocabulary... bypassing the standard g.c.s.e.: overt-scrutiny of poetics... i never like that... a 5/ 7/ 5 syllable haiku poem should never be preserved for its essay-worthiness to extend into 2000 words in a school exam... poetry strapped to pedagogy is... less heavily censored, more... over-scrutinized... you're not supposed to think in terms of poetry: you're supposed to, feel... and since when has feeling become so overrated, so despsised? oh... when people "learned" to feel, prior to learning to think... you really have to learn to think, prior to learning how to feel... if you ask someone from the orient, they'd counter the western perception of placing thinking / "reason" on the top of the pyramid with horus' eye as emblem... to learn to feel: is to learn to how to not think, while to think? it's to learn how to not feel... pretty simple, no? not really... neither approaches should be underrated, they should be understood better... who the hell needs, or wants, to be an apathetic brain-in-a-pickle-jar zombie: constantly engaging with a dialectic? then again... who wants to be a heart in an electric chair constantly bamboozled into pointless reactions? so i'm more of a butcher than a "poet", i simply appreciate the raw realism of cutting pieces of the tongue that extends into the brain's fathomability - and that overrated visual ******* of dreaming most people associate themselves with... but that's beside the point... i really appreciate days akin to this one, humid as in the concrete basin of Beijing while europe is frying in the African plume... no thanks, no, me go to Greenland or the Faroes Islands... do i look like a ******* ******* / camel jockey? why do i have limited respect for islam? i once watched a video of a saudi with an european bride... sitting on oil was both a blessing... and a curse... muhammad would whip some of these saudi brats silly... but of all days... when i get to work my magic in the kitchen, and make the most superior food in the whole wide world? blue indian cuisine: i call them blue indians and not red soxs because: come on... the raj... and that polytheism that doesn't want to disappear... h'americans can boast all they want: the steak, the hamburger, the hot dog, the pizza... n'ah... n'ah mate... it's either curry or you're chewing chicken bones, ******* out the marrow... indian cuisine is superior... i love the days when i cook up two curries... it feels like being back in edinburgh, walking into the joseph black building, the perfumes of sulphur and wood, the 12 hour experiments it would take us to conjure up an ester... esters? bases for the perfume industry... that' the grand thing about cooking a curry... you start to feel like a chemist once more... the two curries? a tikka masala: sure, an easy adventure... marinating the chicken what not... the real fun came with the malvani... blitzing the masala up: a bay leaf, half a nutmeg, 4 / 5 cloves, 7 dried chillies, 10 peppercorns, a cinnamon stick, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chilly powder, turmeric powder... and that's just the malvani masala... the cocunut masala... ****... only two green chillies... how to get the right colour? ah... blitz up some coriander stalks... garlic and ginger... milk to get the whizz-kid on the job... it's superior cuisine, indian cuisine... it reminds me of a being in a chemistry lab at edinburgh... doing organic experiments... mind you: it's more fun, the environment is less sterile... even my mother said: you're stinking up the place, you're worse than the sikhs two doors down... so... why would i visit an indian restaurant, or indulge myself in an indian take-away, if i can mimic? i see no point... there is no other cuisine on the planet as good as what could come from either Goa or New Delhi... the colours, the perfume of the spices... by now a hamburger, pizza or hot-dog are staples or both humble beginnings and even more humbled ends... i've found my 1st to none passion... and with a afghani naan bread... and with rice infused with turmeric... tiresome ponce schemes of duck a l'orange... spaghetti this that and the other... one bias... though... scandinavian treatment of raw herrings... in cream sauce... i'm a sucker for those herrings like i'm a sucker for pop music... the added zing of the herrings' rawness out-competes the bland sushi manifesto... eating one of these herrings in a cream sauce... has the complimentary sensation, very much akin to performing oral *** on a woman... oysters are beyond the marker of metaphor / literal association... well: hello today!

I.

i'm starting to suspect, that one of the...
"supposed" stars...
   is actually a planet - due to its colour -
      it's unlike all the other -
todkompf, metallic white
glitter...
      it's hued in a more orange
spectacle - more fire...
less distance...
                and on the canvas
of the night?
   sits lower than all the other stars,
which are more up -
   rather than on a horizon
to speak off...
   question is... is that *mars,
or is that venus?

**** it: 'ere i go...
'n' buy me a *******
telescope to investigate further...

II.

did the ancient romans really
distinguish the arithmetic
quantity of I - or IX -
   or XII or...
                with a dot?
       not unless it was inscribed
in stone -
   where even upsilon had
to vacate the more easily chiseled
in:              YOVR POINT?
just wondering
   how only two diacritical marks
were applied to the encryption -
and both... not for orthographic
reasons, but for aesthetics -
    what's the actual difference
when the guillotine digestion
machine (like me) comes in and
says...
    
     ȷokιng around...
        what with the iPod...
   why shouldn't ι,
                    come ιn -
   and give a ȷester's ιnquιsιtιon?
out of... mere... curιosιty?
ιt's not lιke those two-heads
even make a dιfference...
come on! ιt's ιneffectιve,
there are no orthographιc reasons
for ιt!
        why, even, bother?
    and no fancy name eιther,
ιn the dιacrιtιcal famιly...
  dot... when compared to?
cιrcumflex, caron, macron,
      cedιlla,  ͅ (ιota subscrιpt)...
you name ιt!
can someone, please,
ȷust gιve me, an approprιate reason?

III.

it's not like i can confuse,
i with I - since i have 1, and 2 instead
of II, and 3 instead of III,
and 4, instead of IV,
       and 6 instead of VI...
ah... L(l) -
              and the exodus of handwriting
in the digital age...
any schmuck can write
now... but... i'd love to see
them write with a pen, on paper...

personally - i couldn't write an intact
word with a pen...
   calligraphy: a bit like monkish
Gregorian chants... coming near
to extinction...
          i could sometimes write
out a intra-connectivity of syllables -
but... entire words?
    no chance... the digit system
came in... and i had to learn how
to position my arms before
the keyboard, to write, and not look
down...
   unlike my old G.P.,
who, bless him... nearing his retirement,
pecked, like a crow,
on the keyboard...
   looking down on it...

the ENTER key? right arm pinky finger...
SPACE BAR key? primarily
left hand thumb...
   unlike a piano, you don't actually
use all the fingers on both arms...
e.g.? ring ringer on the left hand?
rarely used... unless doing some
mental hand gymnastics...
  
stream of "consciousness" - no words,
just observations -

(0,0,) LH ******* A
    RH index finger N -
     that's - ah! ring finger of
the right arm is used, quiet a lot,
  notably?  SHIFT + (?/) key -
      *******...
   but for the apostrophe?
    the (@ ') key...
  which, on my machine translates
as the (" ') key...

IV.

     - interlude -
--- -- - - - -  - - - logic  -- - - -  -- - bomb -- - - --  -
- - -- computers -- -- - - & - -- microprocessors -
- - - --- -- - --- -- -(parasense ----- - - remix) -- -- -

V.

it is chiromancy in reverse,
only that i'm reading my hands...
facing down,
rather than staring on the reverse
side of the... where the girdle of venus
is situated,
   or the index finger skin folds
of the chokhmah, chesed,
    netzach - respectively -
akin to reading mandarin:
   from the the head - to the base
               of a knuckle.
i read my hands - looking at a screen,
how else can you write anything,
distracted by looking down
onto the keyboard -
  no aware of the spacing?
        question: how fast is your typing?
don't know:
what sort of ******* am i to note
down, and how many amendment
will i have to make to the text,
as we plow along to your diatribe
monologue?
                  
VI.

why would anyone sit up all night,
drinking?
     ****** question, esp. given
yesterday's 5 / 6 am carnival of rain...
out of nowhere,
there i was, ready to call it a night
well spent (not working in a Stratford
casino) - dreading the heat of
the sunrise...
  boom!
   thunder, lightning...
    the air turned white from
the ferocity of the rain...
   literally...
                the ground was wriggling
with a meteor shower -
excited gnat fly like puddles
appearing and disappearing -
soon becoming lakes
  within the confines of a supposed
**** of worm parasites...
      probably your typical day
      on the Faroe Islands...
you know... on such occasions...
you really can't help, but stick
your head out of the window,
far enough to drench your head
and hair in regenwasser...
            i should have walked
into the garden and
cleansed my whole body...
   but...
guess all ι needed, was the head...
       god...
  there's nothing more **** than
listening to horror movie soundtracks
while it pours a mini-monsoon
outside your window,
  and there's thunder, and there's
lightning...
   and you're just about to fall asleep...
like a baby might...

VII.

oh god... the one time i don't take
a beer for a walk, coming back
from the supermarket...
and i pick up... this genius:
genius... tortilla wrap...
    falafel + hummus + a hint
of mango chutney (with a tease
of arugula leaves)?
            **** me... who needs
beer... if not a bottle of mineral
water... to accompany
taking a walk?

Why do I feel numb
Watching the world
Listless in sight
Because I only see it in black and white

Colors are washed out of my eyes
And every light in me has died
All I see are smiles as frowns
Because I only see them upside down

Love songs don’t have any meaning
For a person who is trapped in their mind
Love can attempt to come my way
And I will just glance and walk away

Storm clouds cries and fills the ocean
But my salty tears competes with emotion
Filling the ocean ten times till tomorrow
That the ocean will be overwhelmed with sorrow

In the end,
I try a superficial smile
And try to fool myself for awhile
But as much as I try
There is nothing left inside
Because everything in me
Can’t seem to come alive

1601

Of God we ask one favor,
That we may be forgiven—
For what, he is presumed to know—
The Crime, from us, is hidden—
Immured the whole of Life
Within a magic Prison
We reprimand the Happiness
That too competes with Heaven.

I smile knowing that this isn't a dream.

I smile knowing that you are where I am and I am where you are, in the dark, under blankets, on a cloud that would have felt like nails if you weren't here.

But I smile knowing that my breath doesn't escape into the loneliness of my room, as it brushes against your neck – my kiss of air that pushes you closer into me.

And I'd whisper words like
"I love you"
And
"You are so beautiful"
that would glide across pillowcases into your ears. And if you aren't awake to hear them, I'd make sure to repeat them the first thing in the morning when you wake.

But for now, the silence competes with the crickets, your soft snores, and my even softer sighs of laughter, in disbelief that such an adorable situation has laid itself out right in front of me,  in my arms.

I have trouble falling asleep, because for the first time, my reality is much sweeter than any dream my mind can ever imagine.

your energy competes with mine,
a battle just to feel alive.
i know that i can't beat you,
so i only live to please you.
you cast away my sorrows
you numb all of my pain
they say i have everything to lose
but there is nothing for me to gain
you're my only support,
yet they say you tear me down.
i've been told to look forward,
but i like this view from the ground.
i seek you in the shadows,
constant struggle, endless fight.
and every time i find you,
they rush to turn on the light.
i smile at the thought of you
dancing in my veins,
my body is just a vessel,
you are my soul, my heart, my brains.
you let me be myself
though i don't know who that is.
i've lost track of who is using who--
but that is half the bliss.
i lean my head back,
let the world drip, and melt, and shatter.
i can't remember-- what is reality?
i suppose it doesn't matter.
you made me trust that you would join me
in the depths of my despair.
but lately it seems like you dragged me,
like i wasn't already there.

the moon competes with the sun
just like I competed with her long black hair
her piercing eyes that looked like the ocean
and the sky when I would wake up early

I watched the way you looked at her when you thought no one was watching
but I kept an eye out
every time I felt the hairs on my neck stand up

I questioned you about her
you said it was nothing
you told me she was your best
and you’ve known her forever
that nothing would happen
because you knew better

you said you liked her as much as I liked peppers
I used to hate peppers

but I guess things change

I now eat peppers

I’m still getting used to them

and you’re still calling me at 4 AM
asking if I like the taste
and I’m wondering if you really learned to love her

The motorcycle being the ride
God’s word being the preaching stride
The ride leading believers into salvation
The spoken word being God’s own revelation
Faith that Heaven can only create
Unbelief is nothing more than to hesitate
Praying hands with indication needing participation
Then it is the Holy Spirit that gets the world’s attention
God doesn’t need to ride to make his point
He wants us to listen and understand as God’s word speaks
It’s not a twitter with a tweak
It’s not a contest where one competes
It’s pure salvation conquering struggles in defeat
The steps of our footprints
The sun capturing our years from our walk
Echoes from Heaven hearing our every word in talk
The value of understanding
The Bible being the key to knowledge
What has already been spiritually kicked in
It becomes the continued walk until days end.

From gentle falling snow to air born blossoms Mexico City stroll the city observe the
Architecture with the tree above fragrant and scented the place and its history is mind and soul
Altering the culture undertakes enhancing you could quickly transport yourself to ancient
Mesopotamia at the gate Ishtar a honing emerges from the submersed recesses of knowing
Plentiful abundance you are a space traveler in your own planet what happened the possibility
Of renewal of nature triggered something wondrous you are on solid ground but you are also in
Wrapped by Cinergy so large nature unbound intricate exquisite the very mood of life
Expressed through a wild heart that never fails to excite stillness holds your sight you presume
Certain facts just by the innocence that casually hangs in display beauty enriches then
Sweetly on a wafting breeze the fragrance of Lilac everything now is sought in this perfume that
Can never be bottled but it catches and releases joy and thrills across the tendrils of the heart
Amazing disembodied that can’t be matched or missed every turning ever filling with
Enchantment pleasure that is universal everyone is accosted delighted the spectacle is then
Perfected by rain and mist that leaves droplets on all that is visible saturation enters and drips
Unconsciously in the extravagant folds of the soul bliss awash in environs where only gentle
Fields grow such richness competes with the poverty that rules at so many points in life we
Walk imprisoned then it occurs happens without fanfare or announcement nature explodes as
Far as the eye beholds a virtual fair an extravaganza nothing is left unaffected you are invited to
This show you are to be a participant in life at its far reaches the swirl the blending of affection
And tranquility gifts so unabashedly presented hush befalls the entire world quietly it
Commands Without rehearsal the perfect show comes to life for your viewing and pleasure
Though we are buffeted by strife and challenges that at times seem unreasonable but just by
Taking a stroll and looking at the garments Mother Nature adorns herself in paths and gates
That are lying before you twist and turns that speak to the essential human in us all come to
Such wonder all you have to do is open yourself cherished living you will find created by an all
Loving Heart for His children you are the entitled keepers and reapers of a harvest that
Continues its Renewal year by year and truly does get sweeter as time goes by

She arrives in high stilletto’s
And a miniskirt so taught
That the boys are all distracted
And our job becomes a rort,
And the office girls get ******
And production spirals down
So then our new Middle Manager
Rolls up her sleeves and goes to town....

She sticks her oar in frequently
And stands with jutted hip,
She’s territorial dynamite
And serves us gloating lip.
She often curries favour
With Department Heads and such
And makes a fuss at our expense
Which irritates so much!

She has a way to circumvent
The types she will not face,
In using her authority
To snidely put them in their place.
Her manner is too sharp
And too dismissive for my taste
And the condescending smile
Has me grinding teeth to paste.

And the way she stands and taps her toe
And glares beneath her brows
Has the office juniors panicking
And avoiding, as allows.
There’s an issue over paper
And the telephone account
And the petty cash, though balanced,
Is a questionable amount.

Historically our working week
Has employed a give and take
With an easy flexibility
That allows us all a break,
But the new Middle Manager
Has reversed the mode of work
So that everyone competes
And the roster’s gone beserk!

Her manner’s often strident
With a whiplash to her voice
And the snarl of her vindictiveness
Leaves us all with little choice
But to bend our backs to labour,
Work our fingers to the bone
And suffer her till knock off
Then, thank God, we’re fleeing home!

There’s a memo in the “In box”
Rumour has it, from on high,
That due to overdue restructuring,
That some redundancies are nigh.
And though there’s great reluctance
And some measure of regret...
It seems our new Middle Manager
Has got her notice...Sorry Pet!


Marshalg
Victoria Park Tunnel
15 January 2011

.
She walked naked into the woods,
where the moonlight danced with fog.
Where an owl competes with a coyote,
the rush of the creek drowns out a dog.

Fascinations overwhelmed her,
she just wanted to know.
Then a future reading of an ultrasound
appeared from within the glow.

She looked beyond the stars above,
as Saturn's colors began to swirl.
She thanked God and she walked back home,
she now knows that it's a girl.









.

What I have is a pitch
angled at nothing
and I envy the limber crowd of bees,
and I envy the spider’s easy meal.

The low hum of a wash cycle
competes with, then dislodges my dirge,
gradually builds a golden,
natural looking wan expression.

Diffident? Go out and meander
content to accept the indifference of meaning.
This walk is not a protest.
This work was only ever play.

Suitable for all skin types
our explanations can’t help themselves,
run like British accents on trade
and explain away any need for help.
Non-streaking conceits
you know best how much you are worth.

some people might cite you that slavery had disappeared,
not to my knowledge,
         it was a wednesday at my local supermarket,
and there was only one male in the place, a manager,
and only women stacking shelves and sitting at the tills...
it really looked like all the men were laid off...
         well... what with the export of manual labour
to china... what sort of man would want to stack shelves
for a lifetime? it's not exactly coal-mining,
it's not something his body is used to doing...
                   he stacks supermarket shelves,
       and then watches modern day "gladiators"
break the sweat and have a lean body...
                                              women can stack supermarket
shelves...
                  men? they need physical ambition...
     women can have that, when being pregnant...
then this old strytoczała "******" of a woman tries
to encompass small-talk with my purchase...
    - would you like me to pack your bags?
- no no, i'm fine...      
               all i have is a rucksack, a bottle of ***,
a bottle of ms. pepsi. and a bottle of ale...
                 i can't do small-talk, i never know why people
would even bother with it... it's easily disposable...
       but it's a wednesday in my local supermarket,
and there's only the male manager, and the rest of the employees
are female...
                    imagine seeing men moaning like women
in the easy-sector of physical exertion...
       there's absolutely no reward for them!
                             what the **** are they doing?
     something akin to housework, knitting, or gardening,
arranging "flowers" / packaging in the most satisfying formation...
    have they all left for australia to work in the outback?
i wish they had...
              i buy my *****, a fat employee is buying
sugar snacks and ready-made meals...
                and i'm thinner than he is... even though i know
that alcohol bloats you up a bit...
                 but what sort of men are you breeding?
in india they'd be called the untouchables...
                 in england? they're called the disposables.
oh slavery hasn't died... it just evolved, morphed...
    it's called a 0 hour contract...
         and you know what that is? right?
        you're aiming at: poodle!
                             you earn an hour's worth of employment
whenever they want you to come in for work,
and if they don't want your labour? you're back
at zee-ρ: yep... 0. like kant said: 0 = negation...
     western societies lied about a need for labour...
    forget the hegelian master & slave relation...
      it's more        parasite & host these days...
        am i a social justice... thingy?
                                isn't it a form of slavery?
the worst kind... it's not like you have to be constantly present,
like house-service, and have a constant form of "employment"...
the new whip is the clock that has no synchronisity
with, any form of responsibility...
          if this isn't slavery, guided by spontaneity,
then i'd rather be an african-american in the south prior
to the civil war... at least i'd be fed, day by day with some
sort of rigour, some sort of structure...
         where are all the men gone to?
     so you think a strong chimp mating with a weak woman
will provide a strong chimp?
     just another ****** working a 0-hours contract...
come here poodle... pooh pooh... come back on friday
    and work 5 hours... we might call you back in 4 days to
work 7 hours...
                      **** me... and i thought my jokes were bad...
but this 0-hour contract "innovation"...
    you're basically opening a can of worms, or at least
summoning the spirit of pandora...
       you're really summoning a bunch of crazy *******...
  and that's not even islam...
               islam is going to be a softcore version of violence
these ******* will be programmed into...
    you're going to be talking ***** films, ******* gang rapes...
i know i would, be reduced to that sort of level
if i was on a 0-hour contract... fair enough if you're a woman...
but take metallurgy from men, or other types of production
that makes their physical strength utilised to an exertion
that competes with athletes... and you take that away...
  they either get fat... or they go mad...
    and that's mad in the casual sense of exercising violence...
but of course you sold us out to the chinese...
       and if you try to retract that "chess" move now?
well... we number a few millions... they have a billion willing
conscripts to overwhelm these lands....
       the german third *****? that's candy-floss compared
with what might come.
    but yeah... thank you very much... i'm with the dodo project;
and my my, ain't this spiced ***, just fine?

I have a most insistent cat
who skulks unseen into my den,
hides until the moment that
I start to write.  Precisely then
she figure-eights around my feet,
nudging nose beneath my thigh.
Next jumps upon the desk, competes
for my complete attention by
a feline strut across the keys
with tail furled proudly in the air.
She then descends upon my knees;
her work done, nests without a care.
Just showing me her catty side,
or budding poet?  You decide.

He plays with himself,
He thinks he competes,
But he never wins,
And he always cheats
So long in the game,
He doesn’t know why,
He likes to keep score,
But it’s always a tie,
Clean for minute,
They call it detox,
*** in a jar,
And shadowbox,
He thinks he ahead,
You can tell by his grin,
But he’s running a race that nobody wins
©B L Costello 2018

Now and then
I take a nap
A nap on the couch
It’s that or pretend I am paying attention.
To accelerate a reluctant somnolence
I return to another house
A house very far away
And in the past
Where my mother is busy in the kitchen.
While I doze off my jet lag in the closet she calls a bedroom
The almost rhythmic sounds of her kitchen are a sleeping draught
A draught so powerful no ****** competes.
I wonder now if she knew.

Be inspired by blinding lights,
Followed by empty roads,
Let dotted images linger behind your eyelids,
As roaring traffic competes with stale music and smoke.
The lost crickets find solace in illuminated screens,
And my youthful insomniacs wonder where the poetry went?
Some remain, holding onto their pillows,
Others are gone,
But there sobs were lost among our silence.

So
I'm not
That independent woman
who doesn't need no man
In fact I'm feeling lost
though you my friend most boldly state
the truth that God completes
Something competes
it reaches first
and informs my heart of missing parts
Despite my fear in this debate,
it may soon be too late
as all contracts heap amidst the pyre
where Time burns
upon the Earth's last fire
mock marriage ends in conflagration
to be replaced by Consumation

'. If anyone competes as an Athlete  he does not receive the victors crown unless he competes
according to the rules 2 Timothy ch 2 v 5

I watched from the hallway of 19 Cimla Creasant ,my Gran with her Bible praying by herself .
Just Gran and God , her daily act of obedience unto thee.
' Call yourself a Christian ? '. My Grans rebuke of some mischevious deed ,
For all I knew were scorcher comics and superman books , and sooty and sweep
Squashed in a cupboard .
Yet Gran has her victors Crown her wreath of golden bronze , She ran her race with Gods
Good grace , and at last seen Christ face to face ' well done my good and faithful servant . '
Green shield stamps coop books , ham salads and cups of tea .
To look out over skewin and see the night lights shine as if just for me .
Then there was rusty the dog , and the odd 50 p from Aunty Jane in our grateful hands
For an Ice cream for being good as gold ,
We would listen for the coo coo bird on the hour and like trumpton take a bow .
My Grandads shed where My Father as boy would hammer nails on wooden floor ,
And the scarey cracked old mirror at the very back of the wooden floors.
Of walks to Opels for fish and Chips with white wet hanky at hand .
Sudden stops , just to listen to her grand children talk  and walk down the Cimla again .

Jesus Christ has risen today , Gran took us to her church one Easter
To sit in pews and sing nice hymns , to smile and be polite ,
no Barlymagrew as yet I knew Cuthbert Dibble doubt.

To the knoll we walked ,past river stream , and woodland ,
A cross was marked in some rock along the way ,
Is this where Jesus died , was crucified  , hung up on a tree ?

The book I read on mothers stairs  this man in comic strip ,
When i was 10 years old ,
The same man who died for me  torchered on a tree .
Would it be tie a yellow ribbon , or the ****** red Barron from Germany ?

We used to pray in Chennestone  hands up all to see
a peek to see who's looking
We  listened to Griegs Morning , and sung  there's  no discouragement to be a Pilgrim .

Then one day God came calling on the Isle of Wight.
On  Covie camp on blended knee i opened my heart to thee .
Oh the lion may roar from time to time ,
Gods grace is still enough for me

I have a brother.
He doesn't share my blood
But we share a life
Hidden from others.

I've known of his every lover
And he's known of mine.
We've known eachother
Though we'll deny it.

I love him for his mind,
He loves me for mine.
No, I lie.
He loves me for my body.

I know his darkest desires,
His hopes and his shame.
He knows my dreams;
I've tried to hide my failings.

We've been lovers -
But only at night!
When dark deeds
Can be hidden

When the sun is out
We sit and laugh
Like brother and sister, but
The kind that don't fight.

I've known of his every lover
And he's known of mine.
We've known eachother
Though we'll deny it.

My every love
Competes with him
Even though
They don't know it.

He's married now.
The wedding was last month.
I didn't go
But I will see him soon.

I know his bride.
But I will not see her.
He and I will spend some
Time together - family time.

He doesn't share my blood
But we share a life,
A life which will remain
Hidden from others.

The desire the need
All I want to is one sweet kiss
Won’t you do this one simple deed
Each passing moment even more the kiss I will miss

The desire to hold her tight
To defend her from the world’s pain
I will protect her even after I lost the fight
If ever she is hurt I will look upon myself with great disdain

The desire the need
To hear her Beautiful voice tell me
That I truly am awake indeed
Now old dreams pass and new ones are becoming the ones I want to eventually see

The desire to see her beauty that competes
With sunsets most wonderful
My stress when around her sincerely depletes
For she drives it away unknowingly with her beauty most bountiful

The desire the need
To comfort her when she is down
Away from what is stressing her I will gently lead
Until peace and quite are finally found

The desire to feel her gentle touch
As she comforts me in my time of need
Never understanding she does so much
Caring for me in both word and deed

The desire the need
To spend the rest of my days with her
My love for her will grow stronger than ever anyone has believed
Without her I will be lost for sure

The desire to wake up with my arms wrapped around her
Not a stressful thought through my head will pass
For with her I am sure
All the cares in the world have left me at last

A faint train blows
Sliding along the Earth's shore

Your pillow rustles against your head
The noise competes
With that distant blurrly breath
Don't let

Because just when you lay still
And leak into slumber

You'll forget its existence
You'll hear the faint train blow
You'll remember then

Down where the river flows
   This is where the old souls go
Where water dances in lustrous blues & bright yellows
   Some died old & others were young fellows
They play jazz & R&B tunes
   Drowning out their gray moods
Each one shows up sad
   Then leave with a smile worth a grand
But none are here for money, no
   They're here to forget the ones they let go
Heartbreak hurts indeed
   But having a broken soul, nothing competes
Down by the swaying willow tree
   Old souls become free
Dressed in the hues of their stories
   Sneaky eyes have tried to read
Careful! Don't be seen
Humans shouldn't intervene
For there is a soul from the past
   A boy who's last breath was a laugh
Still young & naive
   He craved a new world to see
The sight of a girl led him to the town
  And his laugh became an alarming sound
All souls searched and seeked
  Braylen Otto Oakley
Whizzing past familiar places
   And seeing grieving faces
They shouted his name
   Wanting the pain to go away
Rummaged through their past
   Hoping these feelings wouldn't last
"What is it you look for?"
   BOO
Where did he go?
   Nobody knew
Till then they scream out Boo

the rationale of the ultimate intimate*

one more for Bala*

a single pillow, an intrepid phrase,

"the rationale of the ultimate intimate"

sought and retained,
then fist-hammered into place,
for your fists reckon and recall all to well,
the contours of your face

the face,
the glib exterior
the canvas cover over the place
where reason and intimate
clash when each competes for your attention,
and ultimately,
it is the intimate that seizes by coup,
any semblance of that banished ghost,
rational reason

better perhaps to say,
that intimate was the ultimate rationale,
thus friend,
each then given its due
but your poems confirm
the intimate rules the world

.this is not spectacular writing, this is mediocre, but given i've had to contra- the κατάκτηση (conquest), πόλεμος (war), πείνα (famine) & θάνατος (death)... it's like the ancient greek readers of mythology: the four titans have been conquered... but what emerges are the new gods... λόγος (reason), ύπνος (sleep), έρως ("love") & πάθη (suffering)... and i'm not using shapes or colours to depict the change... as once the mighty Chronos... to subsequently mind a Zeus... point being... homosexual literature: when the act of homosexuality was still taboo, and was even punished by law... a ****-****** poem from the 1950s? well... sure as hell competes with 1970s Italian pornographic cinema to... forget whatever is happening in the current whatever-whenever is, and is: "happening"... remember... the sister of πάθη... απάθεια... i never inclined myself to state: suffering... i.e. medicine without the anaesthetic... πάθη is only understood via his sister: απάθεια.

just across from my windowsill:
two years if not more
i've watched the lights
be turned on, and off,
    rooms illuminated:
being switched...

                nothing spectacular,
not the grief of a lingering
shadow ruminating
            post-mortem drowning
in the night at the sight
of an afternoon's worth
         of a coffin being lowered...

two books reviews:

   (1) biography, reviewer
victoria segal,
      withdrawn traces:
searching for the truth
about richey manic,
author sara hawys roberts
& leon noakes...

      (2) memoir,
reviewer leaf arbuthnot,
when i had a little sister,
author catherine simpson...

    molly russell...
a smile that could make any
man wish he were
a father...
        and...
     make one think of
undertaking a reading
of the genre of literature
that's philosophy:

  well... only at the open air
market
back in the city where
i was born...
   if only approached
with the proper candour:

philosophy is
the matriarch of bachelors,
it suffices to say:
  how it is approached,
how it isn't:
     a heaved hive
of contradictory inhibitions...
or some:
   other wording to
suit the circumstance...

"home"...
             "home"...
i too can begin a history
with a 4000 B.C. worth
of history...

    before i was an Anglo-Slav,
i was a Pollack,
   before i was that i was a
Slav,
   and before that?
   i was a Lengyel...
     now:
  the every new to be
affiliated with:
   instance and revision...

well... for what a pyramid's
worth, or the hebrew text...
seems i too can bite
into and chew a past
that's...
                     well...
   with what is a "gripping"
past:

and to think in having
the sun as a clock,
and the moon
              as the godhead
of dreams...
    and not of this:
              sped-up
variety of 1000.0001

         0: multiplier and
divisor...

               0 = x & ÷...
   and negation...

            Lengyel...
a history:
            but no etymology...
no loan words...
no Latin prefixes
or Greek suffixes...
   no modern word:
für leben...

well... it's back to:
listening to a vinyl album...
i was this close to wanting
to repeat the song
see the light
from the album prequelle...

yet upon 2nd listening...
i was still drinking
a glass of cider...
and i was still mesmerized
by the vinyl
spinning at 33rpm...

       whoever is Logos,
whoever is Pathos...
i welcome the chores
of Hypnos...

  no alternatively
arriving at the four
donkey-riding riddles
of the apocalypse...

the four brothers:
   logos, hypnos,
                      eros & pathos...

      mind you...
frank o'hara...
the poem returning...
it's as if:
   i find myself in better
company
   of ****-****** poetry
than upon the altar
and in the shelter
of the opposite
         aspect of my: function...
somehow i'd much
prefer to peruse the ****-******
poetics
   than claim subject
of a woman's body...
it's as if:
         claiming
    a ****-via-the-****
allows a man
to grow a second,
higher, metaphysical
tongue...
in place of what could,
at best: be a case of
"schizophrenia",
           i.e.: bilingualism...          

i'm done with the Greek
imagery...
            i leave the four horsemen
at the gate,
   i had to,
i replace them with:
the universal plagues
of the universal man:

logos,
   hypnos,
    eros... & pathos...

since? well... we already known
of the claim of a man
being an embodiment of logos...

honestly?
  logos, hypnos, eros & pathos...
(mort est mort! so no!
no thanatos: no man
prior to, or even upon death
allows his mind to: die)...

   the embodiment of logos...
time to de-abstract what evidently
requires a personification
on the stage of a precursor
demi- succeeded by
                       a            deity...

what else, if not rhetorical
blunders?
   clearly spoken...
as... footballers?
em, but, em, but...
you know...
oh sure... clearly spoken!

what was once a woman's
body, a perfume,
a sight in the dimmed
lights of a brothel...
what was 120 quid for
an hour's worth of
kissing a *******'s lips:
as an excuse for not
having trimmed my
***** hair...

             i had to succumb to
****-****** poetry...
   a phallus is not a phallus
is a broom is not a broom
is...
           well: unless
female genitalia were ever
to be a floral pattern...
    but no ******* oyster...
well...
my ****-envy...
   that's a skyscraper...
but, honey bear...
every **** is a floral pattern
but not a gooey salty-sick-yuck
of an oyster?

who's the *****-envious
and who's
at Alice's picnic of things
being all: roses
and not... eating-itself
slobberings of a smack
             of the ol' mollusk?

what's the equivalent of the English
slang...
and American version?
rhymes and... for the latter:
acronyms.
                   i hate American acronyms...
GOP... DNC...
government of power?
            democratic national curriculum?
what the fuse?!
now... the Americans spewing
acronyms is worse than
English slang -
because there's a definite meaning
behind it...
              i remember the time
when you'd pick up a dictionary,
at a time when people would wear
clothes that had the word, duffer,
printed on them...
  duffer: a stupid and an inefficient
person...
           ha... people used to wear
said clothes back in high-school
on non-uniform day...
   mind you...
       you can't exactly have a teen
fest fetish movie surrounding
high-school at the movies...
if, you go, to a catholic school...
and there's a uniform code...
everyone's uniform...
              in uniform...
            no one competes via
                       clothing, trends, etc.
    that's the closest i came to joining
the army... then again...
i might not have went to a catholic
school...
      i might have been under
  the jurisdiction of Ignatius of Loyola...
cardinal manifesto
of the black pope:
              i.e. Stendhal -
my favorite book in my teens:
and one of the few books...
that i read, being inspired
by a movie...
who was it... Rachel (kel kel Ra-ca-ca-kel)
Weisz and Ewan Mcgregor...
i still can't read anything
by J.R.R. Tolkien...
   fun fact...
how can you tell the difference
between
a Hibernian and a Hearts
or a Rangers contra Celtic fan,
i.e. a protestant Pict from a catholic
Pict?
   Mc'paddy
                           (that's catholic)
Mac'george
             (that's protestant)...

Glasgow blue (protestant)
  Glasgow green (catholic)
      Edinburgh green (catholic)
Edinburgh claret (protestant);

savvy? good good.

MY LITTLE FRIEND

Have you ever just stopped to watch a hummingbird?
You have to do it quietly as not to be heard
Approach with caution and make not a move
Until Mother Nature calls you; then it’s time-make your move

On a limb high above the ground
A hummingbird is perched making no sound
Suddenly the hummingbird leaves its resting place
It flies in front of you as it shows you both its beauty and its grace

Wings are flapping as fast as they can
Reminding you of the spinning blades of a summertime fan
Chirping is heard as it begins to move away
You can only imagine what it is trying to say

You see it hover over a bright red flower
Its wings flapping away with so much power
Its beak begins to pierce the flower’s center
Spreading the pollen as it begins to enter

It’s such an amazing show to stand by and see
As it competes for this same flower with a nearby bumble bee
Take time out of your day to watch the hummingbirds
And, you just might be at a loss for any sort of words

At the bus station
grizzled men eat Milkyways
watching
runaways squeak around
in too-tight jeans
and babies cry to Jackson Browne
while we all read the National Enquirer
and wait.

On the bus mothers shift
bags and kids around in messy piles
the empty wrappers tell stories
while Willie Nelson competes
with static to sing in rhythm
with windshield wipers
and cigarette butts
tally the miles.

you know why i'm not afraid
of plagiarism?
   memes...
          funny, isn't it,
i don't mind, or, rather,
i started to not mind plagiarism...
because the plagiarists have
been inseminated, ***** even,
i don't know whether i ever
owned a puppet,
but if i'm plagiarised i own a:
cohort...
    it's nice...
     you can rule by ridicule
rather than be ridiculed
as ruling,
notably the english monarchy...
it's nice to have pawns who
don't even think they aren't
pawns...
         but that's the beauty
of intellectual virology -
  an idea is like a virus,
  and the fact intact remains
signifying:
               well: go ahead with it...
i don't mind anonymous
"credit" 4 it...
             you think i have
i have any complacency to mind?
    rot the gnat and vermin...
i am the one to fuse
plague and language together...
         man was
always endowed with a heart
and woman with a heart,
when it came to, politics...
women always, meddle...
           how isn't punctuation
important in writing,
given it be necessary that
equate punctuation with rhyme
and consolidate prose with poetics...
    punctuation = rhyme -
                           overseer? yes.
- and why do i not mind plagiarism,
pontius pilate...
            the only person worth
being remembered of the new testament...
oops..
         why do i not mind
plagiarism... i know they'll mutate,
morph...
             but that doesn't matter...
a part of me remains,
  and all the better should the plagiarism
be otherwise be defined...
         but it's too late:
the innocent seed competes
with the forbidden fruit...
i have my paupers and my
                  puppets...
                 for grit and gift of word,
i have my: assembly...
            you can plagiarise all you want,
all i ever gain is yet another
puppeteer's string of
                          limb annexed.
i love the idea of memes & plagiarism...
it means the utmost anonymous
            influence being exerted:
how far is the puppeteer away
from the necrophiliac, may i ask?
   thank you for a chance to
not prioritise a demand for
a gene chronology on the altar of Cronus,
allowing me, to,
   ******* my meme,
rather than consecrating my gene
in the ******* of fake white
             and...
  the agony of what would be to come...
    ever wonder the mystery
of autumn, when a southern wind
blows?

I remember my moms cups of coffee as a child.
A hazelnut aroma rising out of her travel mug --
a gift she got as an underpaid teacher who had to get her boost on-the-go
--filling the car like steam from a hot shower fills a bathroom.
I remember that smell ironically always headed to school.

I remember the first time I was offered a sip of coffee.
Not nearly as sweet as it smelled.
Bitter liquid that terminated taste buds like water extinguishes flame as it billowed across the tongue and  down the hatch.
I remember that taste vowing never to have to again.

I remember when my sister started working at a "coffee shop".
The one that competes with itself across street-ways,
and still has lines filled with downward looking drones despite being in Paris.
I wouldn't even eat the pastries she brought home
knowing the aroma entwined around them long enough for osmosis.

And sitting now, in the office of my retail store at 23,
Staring into my travel mug,
which looks like an above ground pool version of the black lagoon,
These are the memories that come to mind
as caffeine blocks adenosine from their receptors in my brain.