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aviisevil Jul 9
how many times have I sat in a cafe alone

empty chairs to keep me company.

with a brave face, and tensed brows

trying to look past the hazy blur that
seems to have caught me in trance.

sipping on the bitter coffee to remind me there's something to live for

and finish before I leave here, be gone for maybe what could be my last time

of sitting alone in a cafe, of people and chatter to keep me company,

I used to like it here.
when was the last time you enjoyed yourself ?
aviisevil Apr 26
between, there lies my burden
on my knees i am but a servant

serving at your feet as i've done
a thousand times before

swollen gaze
resting upon your eyes

i can't flinch
and catch me by surprise  

bound in chains, kissed by
******* --

i want to taste your
addictive lies

corrupted conscience
lost in sermons

you're so vindictive it'll
never suffice

you and i cannot

in this malfunctioning

spiralling through summer
as it grows

into autumn, uncertain,
of the winter that passes by

in that weakness i find myself
drawn to you

in your arms of ruthless

suffocate me with your
fruitful diversions

the more i am awake
more it worsens

i'm barely alive haunted
by desertion

desperate for an escape
from this burden

yours even   ever after,
i am truly yours.
you can't have everyone, everyone can't have you.
aviisevil Jan 31
beacon of hope
emarald heart of mine

frolicking in

in a transparent

pretending to be

running amok
in the golden fields,

forcing the winds;

and you can see
heaven when

the sun falls

every dark hour

and the beacon
of hope,

becomes me.
beacon of hope is a nice way to start a poem.
aviisevil Jan 28
look at home,

the night is dark
and yet forgetful

warm room with
bodies sound asleep

cosy air breathes
through the windows

as the leaves fall
somewhere in the future

and a rainy day
is on the offering

carelessly stoking
arms of the clock

it's a shelter still
this warm room

filled with things
that will be --

old and dying,

as the leaves fall
somewhere in the future

for enough springs have
come to pass

now that i sit here
looking at old photographs,

visiting home.
this poem is about time and progression, memories, nostalgia, golden days and dark cold nights. I miss what has happened, and I'm afraid of what is going to be.
aviisevil Jan 26
watch me as i suffocate
at the corner

of this malfunctioning

where all thoughts come
to die

and decompose into
boarded windows

and cracked walls

old and vast
traveling as i have

circling me as i
draw a line

ever further from


cold blue eyes
stare at me

from between the

and there's no place
dark enough to hide


there's a grave divide
in my smile

of all those things
i couldn't whisper

and bring to life

always breathing colours
into the corpses

making love to the ideas
in my folding head

unbecoming of the caught

that grows into new days
and old nights

witnessing the many storms
that have knocked on my door

to lure me out in
the open

where the world can
haunt me

possess my conflicts
and scars

it's alright if i die

here, and now

in this endless moment
that we live in

and call home

where everything's pretty
all the time,

I have nothing else to tell you.
aviisevil Dec 2020
i am small
barely enough to live
another day

i am weak
brittle bones afraid
of being betrayed;

and when i scream
i pretend they're all
here with me inside
my broken mind

maybe it's all a dream
maybe not,

how can i tell
when i'm barely alive ?

i'm too scattered
to fight this settling calm,

i can't sleep
maybe it's in my head

and i can feel it in
my arms --

unsettling my veins,
and in my frozen tears

it's circling inside
of me, always, right here

when the blackness
swirls and swarms;

and it's the same
despair that

i've bled now,
so many a times;

caught in my

far from
the giving sun

to be so old
when i'm young

i am numb and
forever dying

so cold
like the last night,

that i spent with
my eyes wide open

trying to find meaning
in the shadows that
move across the walls

dancing in stark

there's something here
in this room with me that
does not exist

or has ever spoken

and yet i hear it breathing
down my neck,

i can taste the whispers
that have made a home
in the deep of my skin,

i can feel my mind
fighting the dread, the dead
and everything inbetween,

and i love this hurtful
existence, i'm in love with
the flames,  

i've known nothing else
and nothing else can be the
same as this pain --

it's strange how much
we fight the things we cannot

there's this white noise on
the other side of the world
we'll never learn how to
contain --

and it'll seep through
our cities and thoughts

in the same wilderness
as i once was;

you'll just be as weak
and small

as we've always

no rain nor fire
or rivers or trees

just us free,
drowning forever.
once in a while I know I belong in these words I still don't know how to write, but I belong here just the same. I'm the ink, I'm the sight, the story and the song.
aviisevil Dec 2020
tonight i see no stars,

tonight the deep black has swallowed what little's left of the world

tonight there's nothing out there to look down upon me from the distance

and she's not here to fold into my arms to comfort my soul

tonight i see no stars, i see no ghosts sailing in the eastern winds

i don't hear the city mourn with its lost lovers and young pain

there's melancholia at every corner filled with silence it cannot contain

maybe there's more to this nothingness that my eye's cannot explain

tonight i see no hope for tomorrow and i don't wait for the promised sun

i'm sitting here in this silent room while the lonely road goes on --

i'm waiting for the birds to sing and break me away from this lonely hour

but it's still an eternity between me and the sounds of the living

and i don't have the comfort of the sky of reminding me how small i am

and smaller still, whatever that ills me and keeps me awake

as i stay still fighting the wilderness that has made a home inside of me

i wonder about distant planets those that exist for nothing

i wonder if they know of my pain, if they know what it means to live with a broken heart that never smiles --

i wonder if there's someone somewhere awake just as i am;

i wonder if his night is filled with stars.
every poem isn't a labour of love, but this one has all my heart!
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