I have kissed boys
People in between
But lately I have been kissing bottles
Their lips are colder than yours
But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest
Yet as these toxins rush through my veins
I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin
Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me
But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin
Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know
I didn't mean to be me
It happened so fast
It was hard to see
Trying to be
I didn't mean anything
I was ignorant
I didn't mean
I was born with this image
I try to distinguish
I didn't mean it
To be me
Maybe I should
I didn't mean
To be here
it feels like a serrated knife
has entered my chest with such an extreme might
backed by a force with so much emotion
that it's hard to feel the pain
my whole body hurts when thinking of
thoughts that maybe shouldn't
it's hard to tell the different between dreams and reality these days (i think i'm feeling what i'm supposed to be?)
the knife has been twisted and
with a might
I cannot express.
leaving it's wound - is even worse
it was filling a void that not even I could muster
filling a void I didn't know was there.
now that it has left its final resting place (in my chest)
i should have left it there.
in every sense of the word
I find moments where I overthink to be oddly satisfying.
I have a brief moment of confusion and frustration, where I am writing stories in my head that are not true.
Sometimes it's difficult to find what we call - a middle ground.
Sometimes i'm not quite sure what that means anymore.
Life as we know it- is changing.
No one knows what it will look like three months from now, or three years from now.
My heart aches to realize the devastation of that which we are currently experiencing.
To truly understand the depth of it all.
What is normal,
What is not.
What we see,
What we fear,
What we love,
What we challenge.
These moments are trivial.
This reminds me of the stories I used to hear,
when God miraculously parted the sea.
Without hesitation, He did it.
Opening up a title wave of emotions
to wash over innocent bystanders.
To not be judged - but to live freely,
without moments of fear.
Sometimes, I feel my heart opening
In places I cannot explain.
Stretching a muscle I have yet to feel,
I have yet to notice,
I have yet to exercise.
And the moments after...
leave a sting so bad.
But, I finally feel like it's worth stretching.
That it's worth... expanding.
Moments like this -
Moments with you -
are always worth the sting.
winters are warming
the icicles inside my aorta are melting
allowing my emotions to push and pull
with the blood coursing through my veins
the flowers inside my ribcage have been weeping for so long
until you began to water them
purposuly and diligently
here I am,
filled with passion for you.
hopelessly devoted to everything that you are
and everything you will be.
everything we will be.