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Alexander Anilao Nov 2014
You taught me what it felt to be one and the same, with a girl whose smile and perfection is, one and the same.

You taught me how to wish for things we don't need, like a body to hold onto under satin white sheets.

You taught me how to feel accompanied, regardless of the lack of company. Butterfly wings, make me feel crowded enough.


And then I realize how long it's been since you've left.  But these are lessons you've taught so well, so I still remember –

How it feels to want to be one and the same, with a girl whose smile makes her mistakes go away.

How it feels to lie alone under satin white sheets, wishing that having you beside me was something I didn't need.

... I still remember when Alexander used to be Alex and Her

... I've never learned how to forget.
The transition was super weird writing this... But the transition from having someone special to nothing Is more troubling
I  am told that I apologize too frequently
And it's true, I'm sorry
I'm sorry for who I am, and
more importantly who I could be and should be but am not
If I could
I would
escape this body
This stomach
These thighs
These arms
This mind
This mouth
If I could
I would be tall and strong and proud
If I could
I would be athletic and healthy
I would enjoy running and jumping and forgetting
I would have games you could attend
And awards you could collect
And a GPA you could overlook
I would embody a daughter you could accept
If I could have a ***** I would
I would stop the disappointment before it began
I would be the mistake that was worth it
I would walk with my chin up
I would be funny and fearless
Everything that you think you are
I would be persuasive and charming
I would dribble a ball
or maybe even throw one
I would be accepting of your mistakes because it's likely I would repeat them
I wouldn't be so sensitive,
or so difficult to be around
I would be the son you have to tried so tirelessly to morph me into
If I could I would have a voice that I am unafraid to use
I would say what I want to say when I want to say it
And not worry about who hears or who cares
I would be honest and open
And not concern myself with privacy,
Tear this fleshy exterior and give my bones some air
Let my secrets and my past and my fears breathe
I would need you as much as you need me
Let you hug me and hold me and believe that everything will be alright, when it won't
If I could I would overlook all afflictions you have done and make you feel like my life has been unaffected by your mistakes
I would be strong and brass
I would be smarter and more leveled
If I could I would unravel and go unguarded to be poked and prodded
Just to  make you feel closer to me
If I could I would stop being so emotional
I would sow my tear ducts shut and hold my feelings about what you have done to me at my feet
so they never reach my tongue
If I could I would stop being so flawed
So freckled
and so fatty
So hairy
and so unhappy
So determined
and so disappointing
So opinionated
and so oppressed
If I could I would shed this skin and become the woman life and those who gave it to me want me to be
My wave of self hate comes in cycles
And today the tide is especially high
If I was sorry
For being a human being
I would
I apologize
I see you, ya
I may be finger-punching
my smart phone at the dining table -
but darling, I see you, yeah
We’re seated at the table
you say something
but you think I’m listening to
Taylor Swift on Youtube
True - but hey,
I see ya, I hear you
I hear both of you
I multiply, I multi-task you see

I’m walking along the shops
I’m pushing the pram
with my baby inside
and I’m updating status
on the phone too
and getting that download –
but hey, stranger round the corner
I see you, ya, don't ya worry; yeah I see
my baby and I see you
stranger round the corner –
but hey, watch where your going

hey - I see you guys, I see you
no doubt all day I sit
in my couch tapping away
on my new supersize phone
but I’m smart hey – I see you guys
I see you my darling at the kitchen –
get me another coffee, will ya
And I see the kids glued to their sets
and little Toby our kitten
curled at my feet – why, thank you
for the coffee;
darling, can you
put a few cans of beer in the fridge –
see? I see ya, yeah…I see you all
and with this, I take leave of you my friends at HP for a while...till mid-January 2015 or so...hey, but I see you!
Alexander Anilao Nov 2014
I really enjoy school,
like, really REALLY enjoy school.
Aside from the insurance of a happier future, which will come in time,
there's also that guarantee of a happier time, which is now,
which is whenever she's around.

Whenever she's around, I do better, simple as that.
It's the simplest fact, she motivates me.
She motivates me to get that 100%, to do more than just pass,
to get A's as straight as Rulers used in geometry class,
Shout out to Mrs. L!

And you know what isn't enough?
7 periods in a day.
Give me 10 more commas, a hyphen, anything, to help me catch my breath –
she's taken it all, and with it she ran away.

She takes notes as efficiently as the way she passes them to me.
I'd study our nation's entire timeline, and still make time for dinner and a movie.

She makes me smile like there were helium balloons tied to the ends of my lips,  
balloons, red like my cheeks, as they touch the ends of your fingertips,

But before it can rise  past the stratosphere,
Take my hand, let's get out of here,
I don't need to be in chemistry class,
We've already taught each other that,
and truthfully my dear,

we've got a bond stronger than H2O.

So drown me in memories we've made,
and hold me under the ones we will.

If I have to be wherever you are, no matter how far, I'll be there still.

You make perfect attendance so **** easy to me.

This is for "no one" in particular.

An extended version of an already existing piece of mine. If you're writing something lovey dovey, and you've got the right muse, your work can last forever to be quite honest. There was a point where everything just started to become automatic, it may even be fragmentation idk. I talk too much. Goodnight
Alexander Anilao Jul 2014
I am stubborn.

I would probably stub my toe on the same leg, of the same table, repeatedly, over some period of time, instead of making sure that said table, and said leg, never meet, my poor little toe.

Which is fairly easy, but instead, I must now walk awkwardly, because it hurts to put pressure on my bruised foot. I curse under my
breath. I am upset, yet,

I'm not sure if I can simply stop falling.

I am stubborn.

I would probably break my heart, by entrusting it to the wrong hands, of the same girl, repeatedly, over some period of time, instead of making sure that said hands, and said girl, never meet, my poor little heart.

Which sounds fairly impossible, so instead, I must now breathe awkwardly, because the bruise placed inside my chest is unbearable.
I curse at myself for breathing, I am in agony, yet,

I'm not sure if I can simply stop falling.
Pain is pain
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