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Elioinai Jan 2021
I have been given the boon of freedom
My feet were kicking placed
upon a journey
to discover the exhilarating arctic air
upon the mountain named Independence
It wasn't my idea
to forsake the traditions of my mothers
who each built homes and took the names of men in their youth
whose strength lay in raising strong
children and learning how to be formidably equal partners
It was not my first choice
me, who had from almost infanthood
idolized love
and longed to be rescued by a darling prince
I think perhaps I was my lineage's silliest daughter
my flights of fancy almost ruined me
the cliffs of my foothills more dangerous than the peak
I now eagerly climb toward
For now I see that glittering helm
that sun graced pyramid
that promises the reward
that self-love brings
the complete rest of contentment
the gift of eternal passion
that can never be stolen
or caused to be ****** inside a desperate pairing
There is no need for a marriage of convenience
Nor a tryst of loneliness
No shackles formed from crippling self-consciousness
But only deep, thrilling, ice-cold self-acceptance
I AM whole
Elioinai Jan 2021
the fire of life
crackles ever fiercely
But hope snuggles in next to me
as I finally let my walls burn
hope is the only barrier I need
between me and life's flames
She's warm and smells like Christmas
Elioinai Jan 2021
Something good is coming
Something good is coming
Hope whispers to me
Though my strength lies down to sleep
It has not been plundered
My bright future Love keeps
Safe for me
Though my strength lays down to sleep
It will rise up in Joy
my eyes upon the East
as the sun braves the sky
Elioinai Jan 2021
When the leaves turn gold
I stand in joyous awe

When branches become bald
dread creeps in to the raven's caw

I feel the Red Oak's scarlet kiss
turn like death upon my lips

When every year my confidence slips
that I will see bright life in this
Remind me that green comes back
That verdant veins will run wild again
the dry earth will not crumble away
before spring rains sweep in to quench the brown decay

It comes back
Life always comes back

all that becomes old
will be restored
will be renewed
Elioinai Nov 2020
Every time I slow my mind down
I have a moment of peace
but then I freak out

Because pace is something I don’t have
if direction is sight, I’m incurably blind

When I stop to reflect
I want to throw up
And jump out

But I can’t run
when I’m stuck in exhaustion on this couch

I wrestle with believing I’m worth more than this
and feeling I aught to be more grateful that I can even walk

I find you lie to me
You cannot stay with me
Only love is power in me

Freedom is stepping forward in hope
and taking what I prayed for
Because I am worth more

I’m worth the crown God gave me
Elioinai Oct 2020
Like swimming in cold water
I am shocked back in my skin
Pure sensation pulses fiercely
and I know that I can win

Freedom spills into old scars
as I lose my fear of sin
For the first time hope comes swiftly
and whispers “now begin”

The chill that deters others
heart sparks my Phoenix anew
and I emerge from frothy depths
glowing peace like drops of dew
Elioinai Oct 2020
I’m old enough now to see
that the only thing
ever holding me back
was me
No one blocks me from the sunset
no one keeps me from it’s rising
So now I’m riding
through my open country
I was born incredibly privileged, but somehow incredibly blind
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