I’ve seen my inner lady
dressed in long, flowing organzas
she’s standing on the edge of sea cliffs
or the middle of empty, rolling hills
while pastel clouds flow past her legs
and pain ripples her hair
I think my soul feels stuck
like legs locked in position
almost exposed in sheer fabrics
the touch of sorrow has softened to a breeze
but endlessly caresses my being
beauty brushes my fingertips
and wraps around my torso
but it’s like passing petals on the wind
nothing enters in deeper
there are so many ways
you could have ended
forgetting to look both ways
gun on purpose
Death came pretty close
before your eyes were even open
Don’t let the only killer you can control
get the best of you
*****, you lived!
Don’t let your mind **** you
Suicide is the only killer you have control over, don’t be afraid to get help, I wanna see your best yet.
I dream of you
then think about looking up definitions for love
I’m just one of many people you hurt
You hurt me because that’s who you were
You didn’t know how to not hurt
It wasn’t that you were slipping up or were in a bad head space, you did what you did because that’s WHO YOU WERE
I don’t know why I didn’t understand that
I don’t know why I thought for so long, just maybe, things could be different or have been different.
You weren’t for me. You were a clumsy oaf but you were dropping everyone since childhood. I wasn’t special. I wasn’t the first, and I wasn’t the last.
I thought so highly of love and it’s power, and I wasn’t wrong. Love is that powerful, but it can do nothing for someone who won’t receive it.
You couldn’t receive my love because of WHO YOU WERE. You couldn’t receive any kind of love very much.
I wasn’t a fool for trying.
I offered you something beautiful and undying, and again, I wasn’t special. I wasn’t the first to offer you a real love you couldn’t handle, and I wasn’t the last.
My heart was just one small casualty in all your destruction. For you it was all in a day’s work and you couldn’t help stepping on what your eyes were blind to.
Maybe one day you’ll see all that you did, but I don’t wish that for you. Even if you become capable of understanding the destruction from the lies you planted in me, it would be placed next to an understanding of everything you did to everyone else.
And that’s a lot of ****.
I’ve come to realize I don’t need your apology. You apologizing would be like a child apologizing for breaking vases during tantrums he threw as a toddler. You didn’t know better because no one raised you better.
I’m fine now.
I have new vases.
Cathartic dump because I don’t like journaling and maybe someone here needs to realize that you can’t love the toxic out of others
It would be ok
if I died today
for I know myself to have lived a full life
But Death does not speak of today
Nor does she speak of tomorrow
Death says she will meet me at a place much further away
I’ve pondered her faint whispers often
and though I sometimes feel her gentle caress
She has very, very long fingers
If you would like to hold a weeping woman
then I’m the one for you
I wash your feet with my tears
bringing every overflow of my heart to You
I do not have to turn away
or hide my face in wait for composure
You ask to see it all
so I place my present in Your presence