If my dad was here
There would be no heartbreak, no hard ship
no heart ache, no 'I quits' no I can'ts' and no church candles to be lit
No fear of the dark or fear of the end
No tears to be shed on August 27th
If my dad was here
We'd build our own treehouse
I'd pass my exams cause there's no one else I'd want to help me out
He'd help me get on with my mother, and we'd always go out with my brother
We'd do family things together and not cry about past lovers
If my dad was here I'd be a princess no longer searching for a crown
I wouldn't need counselling for all the times a man's laid me down
If my dad was here maybe I wouldn't try to fill any voids
I'm not saying everything would've been perfect but, if I could go back that would be my choice
I'd make it me instead, seeing as the prophecy said one must die in 97,
So then I'd be my dad's own angel, writing poetry from Heaven
But I can't undo the past and I can't change a future that's unseen yet
All I have are these photographs of my mum and dad oh how my face should be between theirs
My dad wore a dark grey suit with a blue tie on his wedding day,
My mum still never told me the exact date but
If I were to ever find out that'd be my second birthday
If my dad was here,
I'd finally have a permanent reason to stay..
But seeing as he's no longer here
I'd best be on my way,
Travelling and writing,
Sharing these exact words..
Singing and smiling,
Celebrating my self worth
Dancing and rocking out,
I'm pretty sure he would've liked Elvis and also the Beatles
I'm pretty sure he would have liked anyone who touched the lives of ordinary people..

Oh how my dad was not an ordinary person.

If you're the moon with your phases
Then I'm a star gazer, mesmerised by the view..
And if your 'ring of Saturn' falls out I'd go up there myself and find one more suited for you

And how does it feel to have a face that so many call home?..
Cause for three sleepless nights, this 'homeless girl' gave up everything just to write you a poem..

Oh I've been struggling,

I've been staring at the page for ages,
Trying to find the most honest way to say this..
See every time you touch my heart I feel it breaking
So I will never let you know..
But you are so beautiful, I can't take it

And no I won't stop believing
That everyone comes into your life for some kind of reason..
But I'm not using you to write, I'm using you as a source for breathing
though every time I see you I fall to pieces..
..But every piece is in awe with you
So would you collect them and adore me too?

Oh I just can't describe this..
If there was a metaphor you know I'd write it..
You make me lost for words but I won't stop trying,
In hope of finding new parts of you,
Oh you are so beautiful, I don't like it

Cause it ties knots in my stomach.
And then my heart beat drains out the city but I can't stop it..
Is this a horrible poem cause I'm just being honest..
And though adrenaline is supposed to keep me going,
Oh you are so beautiful I can't focus

So don't get too close for comfort
Cause I love you so much my heart hurts,
And it's a pain my heart could take
If you just stay and take the pain away

And your little smile could go to the end of the world,
And I'd whisper your name if it was the end of the world,
..And I have writers block so I don't know what rhymes with 'end of the world',
But don't let me go even when you're someone else's girl
Cause you'll still always be this loser's world :')

.. And if I'm a stargazer mesmerised by the view,
Then I hope every constellation will add up to you.

Now that it's a new year, is it time for a change?
Cause now you're here with a haircut and trees of green on a chain, around your neck..
And you're trying out rings of Saturn for the sole of your nose,
And you've been working out for hours just to slip into new old clothes, oh what next..

Cause I know that people change and people grow over time
But you're the moon, with your phases and at the end of each night
I hope you embrace every part of your being,
Cause you're a beautiful mess, a heartbreak delight

Oh so can you tell me, would you hide your deepest scars from your soulmate?
The one you've given all your heart and your soul to, on your worst days
Even when he's so far away
And tell me, would you keep your darkest thoughts from your best friends?
Cause if you're lost I'd wanna find you again,

And darling I'm a fallen star in the palm of your hand,
Though there's still a million in the sky, they're your fans..
I better show you that I mean something, and my goal this year is just one thing and that's,
to keep you for as long as I can

And I don't care if that's selfish,
God knows i can't help it
I love you, and God too, has felt it
Cause I prayed through all the times you nearly didn't make it,
Even with no faith you made me believe there's a place for guardian angels to do their saving

And I need you as much as I hope you need me too,
Like I said I can't help but go all crazy over you
Cause it's a crazy kinda poetic loving truth
And aren't you glad i wrote this poem,
Just to tell you again!

That I don't care if this is all selfish
I love you and God too has felt it
And if you ever wonder where I am
Just look between the lines in the palm of your hand,
I'm a fallen star and you're the moon,

you're where I wanna land,
I love you.

You were beautiful from the moment you stood out and said 'hi'
And I was nothing but a truck load of sad October nights,
but then I met you and I wanted to move on, yet freeze time...

I loved the way that you listed all your favourite bands,
and helped me see a side of music that I didn't understand
Though Taylor Swift will never be on your most recently played,
I know you'd still keep an open mind

And my mind will always be grateful enough to rewind..

Back to the first week when I was still a mess,
a dreamer with no drive,
writing a book for no one to impress
but I wrote thinking things would someday be different,

And i was right..

Cause in those November nights,
those long and tiring bus rides
you were the checkpoint every time I almost died
and now we're in December,
and I don't know how long is left of this ride..

I'd never thought that you would slowly start hating yourself,
just because I always swore you knew yourself better than anyone else
but it turns out that you are just another puzzle to unlock, to solve..

and in the second week of November we just sat there in a shop and read,
and in the third week I remember, sitting in a coffee shop, writing with passion again
oh what a wonderful way to be of use, as my muse and best friend

But feelings change, as hearts over think..
And sometimes all it takes, is just a blink back to November..

Oh, those insightful talks, about the impact of long walks
i held onto your every word and thought
but that was in November,
and those meaningful hugs and that early morning rush..
you caught me busted, running from the bus'
and now I'm sentimental

Oh I know you'll find someone maybe in a month or two,
but I hope you'll always love me as much as i love you
'cause all I seem to remember last month
is that for all of November,
you were the reason why I couldn't give up

'Under the sky with you..
I wrote a line for you
and as your eyes found the Moon's,
those stars were fixed on you..
'Everything is beautiful, your broken smile too..'

And back at the tree house, I
wrote a poem for you well, tried*
but it was way too simplified..
I needed bigger words like;
The juxtaposition of this composition is too excruciating to be euphemism now..

... So darling let's be real,
You and I, we both know how we feel..
'craving love from others but rejecting it from ourselves..
If only my hugs could heal,
maybe then I could love myself..

'Lying on the field, eyes closed..
I thought of my bow and arrow,
'how I've tried to set the target on your heart,
but the thought of hurting you made it hard to let go..

Do I take your breath away?..
Or am I just a breath away from doing so?..

Oh I just want you. So. Bad.
'So bad that if you hurt me,
I'd hurt you back..
'Write a song, a traumatic chapter for dramatic impact..
If only feelings could change..
but maybe your feelings will..

Maybe one day you'll see everything is beautiful,

.. and I can be too.

Your heart's on fire,
your attributes I admire
I used to be 'factionless' 'til you became my home
and you're beautiful, I wish you knew it..
Fight even when you're wounded,
Do what it takes to push you through this

And when we hug don't let go,
Not until I can hear your thoughts
I wish I could make things better,
but all I know is how to string some words together
.. Don't let hope go, not during this war,
No, fight even when you're wounded,
Use your Courage as your sword.

I'm thinking about us,
Oh what a friendship..
But I'm not the only one..
Who seems to treasure it

We took the pictures from the wall,
And we became them..
A series of movie moments brought to life..
And 'Photograph''s my favourite

So have you fallen in love yet?
Have you fallen in love yet?
Have you fallen in love yet,
with the idea of us?
Cause I'm falling in love,
And sorry if it's a bit too much,
And dont worry if you don't love me enough,
But I'm falling in love..

And i remember being off my head
On my 17th,
Crying 'I'm in my black dress
With no one to impress!'
'Wondering if you'd choose me,
Over your cigarette
And wondering if i deserved more
Than your ignorance
See i was breaking down,
Tryna get to you..
'About to climb up that roof,
But not jump of it til i told you the truth..

That for some reason, i think i love you..
... And I'd love you sober, too..
Though its been a while and I'm not sure im over you or what im 'supposed to do..

But all i can really say is..

I'm thinking about us..
Oh what a migraine.. (Haha)
Cause you took the letters that my heart poured out,
.. And made them spell out my name

But all of these poems and letters,
Were actually for,
you.

Please don't break my heart..
Break a part of yours instead..
And then give it to me,
So i can treasure it forever

Cause you are strong and brave
I've seen your story scratched on your arms..
And every day's my favourite day,
Every day that we're together..

Oh this city's vibrant, we're in the heart of something brand new,
And my phone's on silent, cause my mind's plugged into you
And we're on top of a smaller world below,
Well you and I dear.. We both know.
We're a friendship that won't sink,
..But a love that can't float

Fate don't wake me up,
Cause i don't wanna wake up to someone better
And i know I'm not the one,
But right now I'm the only one,
Writing you poems and letters

The clouds are fading,
I'm under a different sky with you
And it's amazing..
Cause you're a star that's drifting too,
And I'm not breaking, i swear,
Oh that's impossible to do,
When you and I, dear..
We're a friendship that won't sink,
But a love that might lose..

So promise me you will keep,
Coming back into my life..
Cause one day i might be,
Alone in the city, walking at night thinking..

The city's no longer vibrant, oh it's quieter without you
And my phone's on silent,
Though I'm awaiting a call from you
And when i see that star shine, from a different sky I'll know,
That you and i dear..
We're a friendship that never sunk,
We just learned to float

I wrote a book..
But it's half a page,
I wrote a poem
But all it really says is;
'I'm in love'

But i won't say a word..
I'll just write words down,
I'm close to keeping you
In my life for a little longer now

And its gonna be the last day I'm 16,
Its gonna be the best night of my life
Cause if its gonna be the last day I'm 16,
I want your taste of what true lust is, so just close your eyes

And i will.. I'll make it hot,
As the bass drops,
I'll play a song that makes your heart stop, as i lean in..

Cause theres something about you..
Theres just something about you
And i know i can't lose you,
If you're someone else's to lose..
But there's something about us
That leaves me breathless and confused
Theres something about the way i know you want me too

I'll make it hot,
cause this could be love..
I wanna kiss you bad but you make my heart stop..
And now i give in

Cause there's so much to lose,
You're so beautiful..
And theres so much to lose
When you're the one I'm pouring my heart to
So don't spill my heart's ink,
Cause theres still one more last thing
Left to say,
Won't you tell me that I'm pretty..
Or tell me you can't love me
But you'll kiss me anyway..

I'm writing you this poem to..
Tell you how I really feel,
You see the words right now just seem to, flow much better since
Our connection's real..

See i would never wanna lose you,
Cause that would mean I'd lose my everything..
And i know i mean just as much to you too,
Cause you and I, we've gone through many things..

So I'll be your wizard if you'll be my angel
I'll be your star in the sky
I'll be the one you send your fears to
When Superman's not online
I'll be the writer if you keep me writing,
I'll be a fighter if you keep me fighting
Just be the one i fall back on,
Cause I'm looking in your eyes..
And suddenly everything i wanna be,
I've become.

Maybe we could still be soulmates..
maybe..
Maybe we could still have a connection
I know that you're taken, baby..
I should just accept it..
But somewhere along the lines,
Of you and i..
I know you loved me too..
(I hope somehow you still do)
So maybe we could still be soulmates..
Maybe God made me for you.

Don't worry about a thing,
because it will all be fine,
In the morning the birds will sing,
And the sun will shine
Life goes on, that's how time flies by..
So you might as well move on,
And leave your bad place behind

Don't cry over someone who,
Isn't even worth it..
It's their loss if they can't see
you're perfect
Don't cry yourself to sleep
Dream a dream for me
And then wake up next morning
Bright and early..

Oh when you're feeling down,
I'll be there to make you strong again
So pick your heart up off the ground,
Be strong don't ever pretend again

Okay one more verse,
Let's see if i can put this into words..
Don't over think the situation
Cause that will make things worse, oh
Just relax and let it go
I know it's easier said than done
But if we both never try,
We might never see that sun

When my counsellors asked me if i'll be okay without seeing them,
I said yes i'll be okay and i was excited to be okay because saying goodbye is like 'Doctor Who' And in Doctor Who,
People have to say Goodbye at some point for new faces to come along for the adventure..

And they smiled and said
Yes thats correct,
And i guess that's the best goodbye i'll ever get

I said i wouldn't write another poem,
But everyone could see this coming
I'm just a heart with no home
Yet home is where i'm always running
I couldn't deal with the pain
I thought you of all people would understand
I tried to run away
But had to run right back to dive into my plans..
Its 2months til October,
2 months til it's over
It's gonna be my 17th birthday
And i was gonna disappear like
A gutless soldier
But i'm sitting here now in my cold lonely room
Staring out of the window, wandering
What happened to you,
Cause when you changed i changed with you well at least i tried
I tried to be more suited for you
And be more easy on the eye
But its not enough
And every night i remember prom
And when i come on this site
For reassurance i just feel much worse
Yeah all the hate in other's words
They're like venom to me
And we both know that if i were to become so famous, you wouldn't be jealous of me
Because i'd break and i'd cry when the pressure's getting to me
You said you loved me once so why are you forgetting me?
It's not fair for me to be broken by my soulmate and,
A bunch of people who never knew me at all just knew my voice and face
And i'd rewind the whole year if i could
Or at least the past 24 days,
Cause thats the last time when we spoke properly and when you put me in my place

But i'm gonna do great things down the line,
And i'm not gonna give up no not this time
You all hurt me too much for me to write such nice things and quotes
And i'll be either dead or maybe famous 5 years down the line i should hope

So let's just get this back to you
This doesn't feel like a poem more like a rap for you
And i'm sure you knew,
That when things got tough
I always took the wrap for you
And i hate how we're so distant,
You won't give my songs another listen cause you know they're all for you
But don't you think we've both pushed eachother enough?
Cause if i never said 'i love you'
I'd still have you in the way that i want

I'm just a dreamer..
And i think i always will be
I dream of you beside me
When the black hole's 'bout to **** me
Do you feel me?..
Cause i just wanna see you so much
So you can tell me it'll be okay
Even if we're both not
I miss you friend
But friends don't wanna kiss other friends
And friends would wanna go to weddings and be happy for them

I'm just a dreamer,
And maybe someday an achiever
But not a believer
No i don't believe in unrequited love,
Or maybe any kind of love,
No i don't..

You say that i don't know you,
Or know of anything you're going through..

You say that i don't really love you
Or care about you
Because i say really sad things about myself and can't seem to be truthfully happy for you
But i've never loved anyone to the point where they became all i cared about, and though i can't be happy for you, i care enough to try to

You say that i don't know what the real world is like, or how harsh life can be
But I'm the one with the dark past and depression, forever catching up to me
I'm the one who lost a father in a war that could not possibly have been won
I know what it's like to lose people who mean everything,
Because i've been losing you and that's as harsh as anything

You say you're not pretty, you think sometimes i'm beautiful
Well let me tell you if you weren't in any way, as thought provoking and as breath taking as you are,
Would i really waste my time on all these poems for you?

You say that i don't know you..
But last year your favourite colour was turquoise, you wanted orchids at your future wedding, (which i may un-invite myself to) your favourite animal was the great panda bear,
Your secret talent was impersonating perry the platypus and you took 27 showers a day and drank posh tea, oh and you loved long hair.

Okay so now i don't know you so well
But i knew you,
I knew you more than time could tell

But now you're just a stranger.
The pretty girl with short hair

If i could be anybody,
i would be your somebody

Tell me was it perfect, your date..
Or were you nervous on that day,
It's just that you don't seem so nervous anymore these days..

And i just wrote a new poem saying
'I don't need you to grow'
But those words came out from another's mouth
How can a flower stand tall
When her roots have been ripped out?

Oh please could you give me everything or just maybe one thing
Just a piece of your heart that might
Not fit in his

Cause you and i will fall in love
With other people who think that
They're for us,
But deep down inside,
I just can't deny,
What is true..
That no one here compares to you

Cause you're my anchor of hope,
i'm your sinking boat
And you're my moral compass
Pointing me back home
So please don't deny
That our silent goodbyes
Meant any truth..
No not even my metaphors
Can truly capture you
Because you're so beautiful
That no one else could compare to you

.. Well summer flings
Happen here and there
And i've been caught up in a love affair
But all these guys they don't buy me coffee or compliment my hair

But with you,
I bet things are going greater than fine
I hope you're always on the greener side
&I; just wish my eyes would be less greener eyes

And tell me in a year or two,
You'll still think of me
Cause you know that,
I'd never stop thinking of you

And now i'm pushing away all these scary thoughts,
Though it's hard to just smile when i see you knowing i can't be yours
But i will fall in love,
Yeah at least one more time, if not two
But no one will compare to you

And i'm coming across as desperate
Though i'm tryna keep us separate
It's been 7 days and 42 minutes
Since i deleted you and its made no difference
And my best friends are cheering me on and calling my phone
And i would rush to it to see if it's you but it's not
Cause you're now someone else's drug
And when i'm out and all alone
I'll wander how i should get home
Cause no one else is a better compass
On those nights i came home from church, your voice gave me comfort
And on your first date i hope you weren't nervous,
I said that under the church roof is where you're most perfect
But everywhere you go, you make life worth it so i want you to always know
That i'll hug you back when it hurts less.. Cause i'm hurting.. Still hurting..

But i swear you are worth this.

I thought of you when i woke up
And how you stopped my heart beating last night..
All of the butterflies in my stomach are choking now,
They're falling hard like burnt fireflies..

And i'm out of town for a whole month,
I've got a new city to wander in
But every day when i wake up
I'll wonder why you're so fond of him

Cause its been years and years now
And i'm still saving for a half sleeve tattoo,
So i can wake up smiling to an art based on you
And all the good times we have yet to go through

And it's been years and years now
And every summer i've got my black pen on the go,
I'll pen your name up on the billboards so all the busy streets all know,
And i'll pen a heart on my sleeve that keeps on beating for you

I'm writing poems with mixed intentions
I'm trying hard to narrow it down..
So i'll write a song,
Throw away the acoustic sound..
Cause all i feel is electric now..

And nothing's supposed to hurt for this long, no not this long
And theres blood from my heart not inkpen, spilled on our favourite song

But its been years and years now
And you said that change was good for us all
And that pain was something you had to let go,
But your song is all i hear on the radio..

And it's been years and years now
And every summer i feel like the sun's raining down on me
Cause i'm about to drown in other people's positivity,
I just need a way to absorb that from just me..

So i'll ink your name on a band aid
And find some new band mates
And then i'll trade in your favourite records,
For some new cd's since i wrecked yours
And i'll pen out a watch, pouring out endless amounts of time
So on my wrist it'll never say
That its 'holding on' time
Cause i can't live without you
Not even for a day
But i'm gonna have to learn how to
Wash the inkstains from my veins

Fall back down for me,
Cause things have been bad lately..
I'm a dreamer with no drive
I'm a writer with no fire..

And all the past is the past
And maybe this moment too will pass
Because we were birds without any wings,
And grew apart in the Summer Wind,
Oh..

Find your way to me, please
'Cause i want you when i turn 17
But i also want you to be happy
And i know you want the same for me

I'm just an abandoned doll,
I've got no faith at all..
And i'm a kite without any strings
Yet somehow attached, to a beautiful thing,

Oh.. You,
My Autumn Leaf,
Come back for just one *Summer Breeze.

Oh Mama.. Please
Just admit that you are wrong for once and i'll tell you that i'm sorry

'Cause Mama... we
are going head to head
But not heart to heart
So can I introduce you to the real me properly?..

I'm a girl whose still in love with another's daughter
She said 'Don't give up' and 'i'll stay strong' is what i told her
See you think that shes the reason why I'm so bad
But i promise theres more to it than just that

Oh life, is not exciting until you see it through the camera lens,
And heartbreak's inspiring until yours is broken by your best friend
And families aren't perfect, but we try to be again and again
Oh but am i really so bad?
Or just struggling to leave behind a legacy from dad..

Oh Mama please,
Don't be ******* me
I know i cry a lot
But you did too when you were 16

And mama please
Let me cry and scream
Cause inspiration comes
From pain,
According to me

So i'll go out tonight and
I'll take the long way home,
'give you time to stop being angry
Cause all the shouting and the doubting won't help you understand me..

Oh life, its such a mystery
When it takes love to know what really is misery
And friends, my friends all know me
Even better than i know myself
And that means something
'Cause in this life we all need help

But can i pay for happiness with just my music..
Throw all the money and the greed and self loathing pities of the world,
Into a bonfire and lose it..

Oh mama sometimes i just like to lose myself.

Him and her..
They're like peanut butter and jelly
And he shows her off on his arm like perfume because deep down he knows he's smelly

But no.. I can't write things like that
'Cause deep down i am happy that she's happy

So hey sweetheart, can i call you at sunrise,
Wake you up for one last time?
Before i see you again in the far future,
Dressed in white

Someday soon i'll forget
How you looked in that dress
And the way he spun you around and around.. (i don't know if this bit actually happened because i tried to look away a lot but it probably did lol!)

And maybe you'll read this poem,
Hear my song.. Someday soon
And find that letter left at Prom
Instead of my cinderella shoes..
Yeah someday i might actually stop crying, locked inside my own tower
Wishing i was dying
But in reality wanting to grow
And glow like your favourite flower

... Yeah someday soon, i'll send flowers
But addressed to 'him&her;'
So they could be yours, not ours..

Oh friends and poets
I don't know how to end this
But like how i end most friendships,
I'll say the old 'Cathy classic'


i'm so in love with you
With him or without him.

I'd send you poetry
I'd give you all of me
I'd love you gratefully
I'd buy you err.. A mercedes
I'd sing you m-
Gah
This
Poem
Should've
Ended
By
Now..

(So where do we go from here?)

Sometimes I look at my sister, Alex
And can't help but worry that someday
She'll lose her true love in the same way that i lost you.
I got you back just to lose you again
And i mean, i know that they say if you love someone you have to let them go, but where do i go, where can i go without hearing your name and seeing your face everywhere? .. It's you in all the coffee shops, it's you in the subway shop, it's you on all the trains that lead nowhere and it's you i hear telling me that i'll move on, i'll get there. But the truth is, i don't think i can.. You are the most beautiful and most amazing girl I've had the privilege to love, and you're the most beautiful and amazing thing I've had to lose. I didn't know you for 300 years, actually, i knew you for just the one year but what we had felt like it could've lasted an entire life time. I'm writing this letter in hope that it reaches you in another life some way or another because i..  i need you, i miss you.. i love you
..But i can't have you can i?

....Well, there's nothing 'magical' about heartbreak is there?.. Not even for a wizard.

Hey there Christina,
What's it like to roam the city
When there's boys and girls who look at you, thinking;
'Isn't she so pretty?'
Well yes you are..
You're the prettiest soul in the world by far, but why are you so far?

Hey there Christina
What's it like being on stage?
I'm at home tonight writing this for you,
But i know you'll be just great
Give it all you've got..
Sing as if the microphones are off :')
Like i'm there to watch

But oh, what happened to us?
Cause oh how i've been missing you so much
And oh my love was never enough
But it's stronger now than it ever was

And Christina i can promise you
That by the time you read this through
I would have tried to live my life and get somewhere without you,
But i'd rather go back to square one with youu..

.. Hey there Christina,
I hope you always find a reason to smile,
Even if that smile is no longer because of me, I'm glad I meant something to you for a while,
And i'm still writing to you,
Every single day.

Dear.. Friend,
Well it's been a while since
I was the reason behind your smile
&It;'s been months since
That supposedly 'last song' i wrote you
It's been lonely nights and scary flashback rides,
Since our.. 'Supposedly' last goodbye
It's been weeks since
I found the courage to speak
Such truth from my... pen.
Yeah i froze when your eyes were there, in front of mine, so sweet.
Oh.. friend.
It's been years since
I felt any type of love and here
I found it, in your touch and in your grace
Forget me not, for all our days
They add up to an infinity +1
And my heart still lights up
When i see your face,
Even if it's being cherished by another's..

It's going to take a while,
Maybe weeks, months
Or if i'm lucky just days..
Not to forget you
But to let you
Be the happiest you can be,
Dancing in such a broken place

&In; an infinity -1 total of days,
You fell in love,
With someone who i hope;
Will always be the reason behind the smile on your face,
inspire your r'n'b driven songs
And will give you comfort so you'll never have lonely nights,

And when you close your eyes before you dream and flashback to how it used to be,
I hope you remember soft whispers;
'please don't give up, for me'

'Cause i never did, you see
You saved me.. from me.

In an infinity +1 total of days,
I fell in love with moments,
And this is 'supposedly' the last one i'll crave from you, ever
...Though that's a promise made to be broken :')
'Cause i want you forever.

I love you, forever

I love you
I love you

* Whispers * I'm so in love with you,
if only we could be
But hopefully 'forever' will pass
Just like our tiny infinity.. :(

Nature is the sun light
Heaven is the night sky
And we're standing in between..
Passion's in the music
When it should be in the bedroom
We love such beautiful things

And power's in the money
When it should be in the poetry
They're losing sight of the truth..
And religions in a big book
When there's no faith in their small hearts,
Oh what a ridiculous thing..

But love and life
Is black and white
In a world that is mostly blue
They think that i'm crazy
'Cause i've fallen for you
But i'm in love with beautiful things
Like, paintings and pretty places too..
And breaking my heart is the most beautiful sinful thing you could do.

Bike riding in Paris,
Shopping for a new dress
Oh what a vintage way of life
Pictures with your boyfriend
Pictures with your girl friends
Oh what a beautiful smile

There's courage in the war
But its still wrong to hold a gun
So what do we **** for?..
Something like material
How about i raise a flag up for all the heroes
Who fight for all the beautiful things..

Oh life's a beautiful thing,
**It is.

Your eyes are killer to me.
'Sharp as the blade that cuts
Emotions out of me
&You;; stare is cold as can be
But it was never really like this
Could've sworn your arms
Used to be more inviting

But oh, i built a fence around my heart to keep you out
But you've found a way in, to my head somehow..
(And that's a dangerous entrance)

So how, how can i move on
When you're everywhere i go?
Oh but if theres one more thing you need to know, before you exit..

It's this;

I'm in a maze but please don't find me..
I'm in a dream but don't you wake me..
I'm in a world where there is no one else quite like me..
And i'm in love, but please don't save me.

Cause i'm afraid you can't save me,
You made me love love and now it hates me,
And now i don't know if i should be heartless..
'Cause maybe things would hurt less
If i used my heart less..

And if all is fair in love and war..
Won't you tell me how this self loathing war ends?

Even sleeping hurts,
Cause my thoughts they still can't rest
And my eyes are still bright red
From all the crying,
You'd think i woke up already like this..
A mess.

And now my coffee just isn't the same  
Though i know what i'd prefer to taste..
And all these stars have lost their meaning
Cause when i lost you i stopped believing
In wishing with eyes closed just for a hopeless reason

See you just changed
Everything by changing
one small thing
But still my heart's with you
Though my hands trembling..

I need you.

I need you to stay with me
In the darkest of sky-falls,
Spend the night with me
Tell me your favourite thing 'bout life
And where you'd like to be
Please tell me there'll always be a space for me..
In your life

And then lie down but don't sleep
Tell me stars still have meaning
Make me believe in dreams
Point at shooting stars,
And close your eyes to make me see
That there's nothing more perfect than this..
Oh there'll always be a space where you fit

Cause it's coming together.. Now
Every moment with you
Is making me better, somehow
So spend another moment
With me and i'll make it
Last forever.. I'll,
Give you the world for just a kiss

And when you push me
Don't you know i'll push harder
To make this worth it?
Under the church roof
Is where you're most perfect
Though the stars might run
And coffee may spill
I promise my love won't burn out,
Cause this is real

And when i die, dare i leave..
I'd want the whole world to know
How much you mean to me..
How i still spoke your name when it hurt to breathe

You're the one that got me off those trains,
But (un)fortunately,
Love is still a beautiful pain

Written in my blogposts are witty things and love quotes of mine..
The dreams of your tomorrow and the memories of all my sorrow soon collide..
I phoned her in the evening
Just to tell her i'll be leaving
Yet again..
And i called still believing
She'd be there on the other end..

Cause i could be gone, by tonight..
If things dont work i'll run for my life
And you dont have to be there by my side, to tell me im a fool..

The story of my life
I pack a bag
&dance; in the streetlight
To a song sung bad
And life..
Becomes a movie moment of mine

The story of my life
I write a song,
I wait all night
For your response
But i cant re write..
This part of my life

Written in my journals are the feelings that i can't explain
You come with warmth and brightness but even the sunset must fade

I'm hoping that this evening i'll be smiling when im sleeping cause of you..
And what ive learnt is that i pin hope on things that can't be true..

Cause im on a rollercoaster ride
There's highs and lows
From hell to starry skies
And you dont have to be there by my side, cause i need space in school

And people say they need me but they.. don't know who i am..
So maybe loving you is easy 'cause you just understand..

The story of my life
I fall in love,
I give my heart
To almost everyone
and time..
Is the worst heartbreaker in life

The story of my life
I send you songs
And i wait all night
For your response
Ohh whyy
Cant i undo parts of my life?

Oh I'm told;
'Move on, cause you can't rewrite'

I've got a hot date in Heaven..
Don't keep me up 'cause he'll be waiting,
He was my first love,
And maybe my last love,
.. Sometimes my worst love,
But we won't talk about that ;)

And i'm lying here while he sets us a table,
I've been to Amsterdam but never to the city of angels
All i know is i'm in love,
With my only best friend..
And it's a holiday i'll tell them,
I'll be back more 'heaven sent'..

But til then i'll just talk to the stars..

Oh would it be okay if i chose not to move on?
'Cause i believe in holding on,
And i believe you're holding on too
&All; the stars that alligned us,
Will hopefully find us..
Again,
And again..
And againnn..

I've got a hot date in Heaven..
Don't keep me here 'cause Augustus is waiting..
He was my first love
And maybe my last love
But always my favourite love
... Yeah i'll talk about that.

Someday i'll write about that.

Lay your hand here..
Keep your eyes on mine..
Oh I'm scared of change,
of truth and pain,
And goodbyes..

Keep your hand on my heart,
and listen to it beating hard,
Would you trace the scars,
That no one else will find?

Cause I'm letting you in through the secrets of my life..

Oh i'm always lost,
Always tryna find new ways home
But there's no more running back
Just a distant glance,
at my 6 year old self's broken hope
I've been hurt and shaken
But i hope you'll listen..
Oh just let me say this..
i'm emotionally naked,
In more ways than they'll ever understand..

Cause you, you let me be me
And you set all of my guilt free
So tonight let this heart to heart
Let every word i whisper help you see
my hearts for the taking,
I'm emotionally naked,
saying..
'This is who i really am'

And you're so perfect
Whereas i'm a work in progress
Im vulnerable,
And I've lost it all
So help me start again..

Would you, learn to love me
And try to trust that i
Won't get bad again
I'm in repair
but no tattoos or poetry
Are as effective as you holding me

So save me from my insecurities tonight..

Yeah love's all we've got,
And i'm sure it has no cost
Cause theres no paying back
Its all just giving back
And i'm stripping off all the layers
And putting an end to all this fake behaviour, I'm emotionally naked,
And my heart is yours for the breaking if not for the love making
Just stick around for me to say this
I'm emotionally naked,
Emotionally naked..
But not scared at all.

You said it's better if i stay
But this time i mean it,
You're the reason why i'd break
& I won't take back any thoughts
I send you songs and you cut the chord
I write a verse and you chew it up
(Metaphorically that is of course)

But still i aim at target,
Your heart's in sight
I learned guitar in just seven nights
I keep buying note pads and pocket journals
And i'd keep letting it out but this sparks eternal

See its gonna take more than a storm to wreck this ship,
And more than a heartbreak to keep me from fixing it
Its gonna take every part of you to talk me out of leaving now'
Cause it took just everything to not write all this down..
And then send it round

I'm so in love,
with the idea of us
Oh send me across the world
And trust that i'll be a stronger girl
The songs i write might end nowhere
But if you cut this chord i'll cut my hair

Cause i'm a crazy ******,
I'll drive you mad
I'll be your lover
If you'll help me find my dad
I'm not mario's princess
Though i've tried my hardest
But i'm a musical poet
Yeah a struggling artist

And it's gonna take a while for me to get to know myself,
And a smile wouldn't hurt when i find myself yeah but i've got to go away and leave it all behind cause i think it'll help..

Yeah i'm a little warrior
A cocky spirit
I like to put my thoughts into quotes and lyrics
And i fell in love,
With someone close
I gave her the world
But not even a rose

Oh it's gonna take a while before i learn to love again
And maybe a smile wouldn't hurt in a year when we meet again
Yeah the world is so fragile when we keep postponing love, running miles..

But i'm not running *away

Well this is how it usually goes
We talk after 3 months,
And i tell you things that no one knows, just to crash into tree stumps

Cause we'd disagree on whats right for me and you'd lecture me on crap,
But i laugh cause you're so into it
And i'm a big kid counting on that

But what can i say to you?..
Without it being much?
I could break your heart in two..
But would that make me tough?..

Our love goes round a roundabout and i'm chasing you down the street,
With a cupcake in one hand
And in the other, a poem you said you'd read
But you just won't take me seriously
Cause you think i'm soft, naive
But i just wanna be more than what you see
Yeah i'm a traveller (not lost for sure..)
An anchor in the sea

I'm waiting by the phone and
I'm threatening to leave
And i see you're trying your best
To cover your emotions up from me

So i guess this could be it for us
But i'll bug you every other night
So its best to turn your phone off
Just until i find mr right

Though you will always be my dear
To love so hard would be, my fear..

Yeah thats the thing that hurts you see.. i wanna love you perfectly,
but you always bring the worst in me!!
so how can you be so perfect for me?..

..Just send me out a signal
When you're stressed, Text SOS
And i'll be there at your rescue
Cause to me you were my life-vest
And in another 3 months
When we catch up
I'll tell you my brand new crazy dreams
I just wanna be more than what you see..
Yeah so cut the rope and set, this anchor free :')

Amazed and
Breathless
Crazier in love,
Desperate.
Every time i open my eyes
Fading stars become you and i
Grateful for your existence
Hopefully wishing,
I've just started living thanks to you
'Just remember to breathe
Keep it cool count to three
Learn to control how my heart races
Madly for thee'
^ notes to myself, when i picture you in front of me
Only you can make me feel
Perfectly safe even in the darkest of dreams
Question my love, i dare you to
Rant about how its not
Sparks fly with every second i get you free, you're a foot away from where i stand
Time has nothing on us, for darling i am
Utterly and completely in awe with the
Very beautifully drawn detail of your face and your silhouette, i
Wake up feeling like i can do anything, every single day with your voice in my head So do an
Xray on my heart and
You will see, and A to
Z, isn't enough,  i'd need 26 new and different letters to tell you i'm in love, without having it sound cliche..

(But i guess this was still cheesey)

You just turned 14,
when you tried to get your life together,
'had a dream but no motivation..
I was your best friend,
well that was all I wanted to be,
but then I saw your name in every constellation..

Well do you remember all the things we did last summer?
You said you'd never forget, all the good times..
You taught me guitar in that 5 seconds left of summer,
you are the best thing, that should have been mine..

Let's skip to Autumn when you made a Birthday CD for me,
yeah every now and then I listen when I can't sleep
you fought the monsters in my nightmares like a real dream chaser
and said you'd always be there,
well back then i swore you were a promise breaker

But I just fell out of love,
so how could I fall back in again?..
'thought **** sure that i weren't good enough
for you or him or her.. 'not good for anything but

Do you remember all the songs I wrote that summer?
You told me you were impressed,
by my 'cute lines'
You played guitar in that 5 seconds left of summer,
and just like a fangirl,
I danced to that all night!

And I remember all the things we did last summer,
from random trips to the park,
to late night heart to hearts
i bet you regret it every night giving me your number
'cause i called you all the time,
and for you i prayed hard

But I also remember that time,
when I called you that night,
and told you everything,
'said it was 'love at first sight'
and i waited so anxiously
as you were searching for the right reply..

.. I broke down right in front of you
'cause that's what i do best..
but i remember what you said,
I still play it back again in my head..

You said;
'I remember all the songs you wrote last summer,
And from then I guess I was overwhelmed,
but I know we'll be fine..
So don't feel awkward 'cause I'm willing to move forward with you,
And don't beat yourself up,
Oh please stay strong this time!'

Hold on, and never let go,
play back the songs,
and let the good times roll!

You're now 16,
putting all the pieces back together,
but there's one piece missing,
and that piece is still mine ;] <3

Sitting on the Ferris Wheel with,
you telling me how you feel..
There's no looking down or going back,
'cause I'm safest in your eyes

And everyone's afraid of something
but by your side I'm afraid of nothing
you're the one who makes me wanna never give up the fight,
I'll watch you like how the moon keeps his stars up right

Sleep tight, 'cause it's another fight in the morn'..
but you were born for this..

When I'm with you, I'm dauntless,
And when..
When I kiss you it's flawless,
You're a tattoo in the back of my mind..
And we're like statues through everyone else's eyes

yeah when I'm with you it's dauntless,
so, don't you ever feel haunted
we've got forever yet, til we leave it all behind
and i won't leave you behind..

'cause you and I are riding the Chicago skyline tonight

I remember that first poem you wrote me,
and every last bit of your last poem broke me
maybe you are unaware,
that this is hard for me too..

because yes i have dreams and stars I'm chasing
but yours is not the heart I wanted to start breaking
and right now i just need you,
to be the best friend i'm trying to be to you too..

So don't get upset or hurt when i say this
But give up on me so we can both make it,
make it to the finish line,
your friendship is the first cup prize to me..

And don't fall apart if i fall for someone,
who will hurt me again and again
oh just be there,
to help me be strong,
to help me be strong as i can be..

And maybe you'll tell me i'm worth it though I'm flawed and can't see the truth,
but maybe i need you in a different way
maybe i love you too
but its not enough for both our worlds to collide..

But I know you'll be tough, 'cause you're still singing on the other side..

What if time just slowly slipped?
..Out of mine, and your fingertips..
What if this moment is just all it is,
how could we capture it?
And savor it?
How can I keep you longer than this?

Maybe I should break the clocks..
so there'll be more time for us
We don't need the busy streets,
or the sound from drunken towns..
Maybe I could clone the world
so this one could be our alternate..
That would be so lovely,
Oh wouldn't it?

Just a fraction of your satisfaction's enough..
So I will fight with blood and sweat and tears
But how can I keep you longer here?

What if I could guide you through this life?
I promise I will be the sun in your sky
What if I told you..
Every minute with you,
makes me feel alive..
Would you stay another minute,
one last time?

'Cause I was drifting in existence,
falling through..
Just a sleepwalker,
whose now a dreamer..
Waking up to thoughts of you <3

An hour ride on the 121,
I kinda hoped for a one to one..
'cause I had to be sure if I was right
But now that ship has gone and sailed,
your heart belongs to someone else
but I wanna know if he'll treat you right..

So maybe we should stay on this bus
No don't get off
We'll listen to all those songs you love and recommend
Oh God..
I've got this song in my head and you're the words I won't forget
The time could pass,
but a friendship like ours should always last
so let's rewind..

'Cause when the sun sets,
you're my blue moon..
in the neon sky
And you're the safety net I've fallen into,
I've fallen for your eyes
So can I hug you tighter?
And for longer if you don't mind
'Cause until that sun rises,
you're the prettiest star in the sky

&Yesterday; you got that text,
thinking 'What do I do next?'
Well give yourself a break
before he does that to your heart..

See you don't know what you deserve
'cause you don't know just what you're worth
and I don't know where this could go, oh no but woah-oh-ohh

Stay on this bus, til I get off,
I'll turn the music up so it's enough for us..
I've got my head in the clouds,
and all these roads they lead to you
and now I'm writing this song,
but don't be alarmed,
it's part of this journey that I'm always on,
the road to heartbreak again..

But now I'm thinking about you,
as the sun sets in the sky
'cause you're the safety net I fell into,
I've fallen for your eyes
And I just hugged you tighter,
you laughed and said my hugs were nice,
well that's funny seeing as you are,
the most unreachable star in the sky

Keep Holding On,
'Cause you know we'll make it through
we'll make it through..
and Don't Stop Believin'..
'Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you..
so come on Raise Your Glass,
We're stronger from every scar,
brighter than any star..
we're the outcast!
and we're gonna make it through..
we'll make it through..

Anything could happen,
when you're standing in the hall of fame
So hold on to that feeling,
take that 'midnight train going anywhere'
You have more friends than you know,
so hey now, hey now..
Don't dream it's over
Everybody hurts, and everybody talks
but tonight we are young.
So hold on to that feeling,
and keep holding on..
(please) don't stop believing.

Now that you're here, in my Wonderland
I hope you will stay for as long as you can,
please stay..

You walk like a star and you shine like one too
it amazes me how you're just so wonderful
so please stay, please stay..

You see since my heart broke,
I lost all hope in love
but you wandered into my mind
and now you're all I think of
so please stay..

Come and find me,
I'll be waiting 'til the break of dawn
and I'll be painting you a picture of love
and all it's innocence..
in the sky with my fingertips

How can I move on?
When I just want to go back to the start,
and how can I love myself with a broken heart?
I guess you were busy,
whilst I was busy
writing out the words to this song..

So can you tell me!
Tell me are you happy with your new found life?
I hear you finally found the chance to learn how to love again
I hope your someones someone heaven sent..
Oh babyy it's like I've fallen for a shooting star..
and i'd fall through wonderland again for your heart
but i doubt its worth it,
'cause we're too imperfect to sort this out..

But can you imagine no life quotes, voicenotes?
Singing God knows,
always.. ringing up your phone..
(even when I'm in the wrong)

Can you imagine no heartbreak, heartfelt lyrics?
My heart aches while you finish,
the best peppermint tea you've ever had and,
what you have with me..

Well we were okay once,
So we'll be okay separately..
But when you see them next,
I hope you'll ask about me

And when I'm missing for days
Gone with the night
I'll be missing your face
I'll be far from alright

But when you read these words
I hope you'll ask about me.

'Cause I've got all these plans,
All these 'I Will's' and 'I Can's'
But I'm not as strong as they make me out to be
No, only determined.

So when you stumble across my lyrical pain
I hope you'll find it in you to spare me a thought
Every now and again

See I don't want to love another Greek Goddess,
But rather a Blue Moon, bluer than blue
So I hope you'll ask about me
When you hear that I still ask about you

I hope it's nice where you are,
I hope your beauty stays truer than true

Hey you,
Why are you so down?
You think your life is over
But baby look around..

You think that no one gets it,
And maybe that's true
But if you're blocking people out
Looks like we'll never have a clue..

Hey you,
Why are you so scared?
You're ready for it to be over
But i'll stop you getting there
It's not the only way,
No self harm would never help
'Cause though you're letting go of pain
You're still damaging yourself

So tell me why you are hurting
And then tell me if it's worth it..

'Cause you think that no one cares,
And you think no one will listen
But what you think and what is true
Are two things totally different..
So open up don't bottle up
It's never good to feel not good enough
And what you feel and what i think
Are two things totally different..

I think you're strong
'Cause you're still living
You're still fighting
You're still trying

And you'd be wrong
If you think different
So stay strong,
Don't ever give in

I think you're strong
'Cause you're still going
You're still coping
You're still growing
You're far from weak
So don't you give in,
The water's deep..
Just keep on swimming..

'Cause you think that no one cares,
But darling i always will.

When i was 6, i wanted to be something i completely made up in my head.. A 'space ninja pirate undercover superhero with wizardry powers' of some sort, and so i became just that.

&When; i was 10, i grew out of that and grew into the idea of being just an 'ordinary girl' with ordinary clothes and ordinary hair, no extraordinary powers of any sort, and so i became just ordinary.

But when I was 12, i grew tired of being like everyone else. I wanted to create something original for myself. And so i took a pen and an old Disney notepad and wrote all my random daydreams down, and so i became a dreamer and that was that.

However, at 14. I started to care a little too much. Gave my heart away freely and brought myself cheap love. My hair was far too ordinary and my imagination was far too weird,
' if i don't start shaving now, by 16 i'll have a beard ' and so self conscious i became, and that was that for that year.

Now i'm at 16, and i'm starting NOT to care, my daydreams have got me this far and i embrace my messy hobo like hair.. It's tricky though.
'Cause if i were to be honest, i'd say this;;
At 16, i want to touch people with my words but not become a 'poet'
I want people to relate to my music but i don't want to be a musician
I want to get over my depression
But i dont want to feel perfect
I kinda want to run away
But at the same time i want to always have a reason to stay.

Falling, like Autumn
and landing swiftly
on top of a pile of freshly baked dreams,
Crunch goes my heart
crumbling like leaves

Jumping into fantasies,
like fishing for rubber ducks
What's my point you ask,
I don't know where to start

I'm spinning around like a hurricane
Watch Out
I'm a runaway

... But it's okay

You see I've been walking around like the ground
is my skateboard
and I'm so chilled and satisfied with the life that I'm riding on'
so perhaps I don't need to hold on to anything or anyone anymore,
and maybe it's time to chuck the helmet away,
'cause I've already made it this far somehow

Heck, I don't need looking after
'cause I'm my safe haven now

I thought i'd write another poem,
Another letter.
Containing some of those 'sweet, sweet words' which could potentially
Keep me in love with this girl forever.

But forever's soon gonna be over and done with..
Within a single heartbeat,
See I fear we'll fade like broken smiles slipping from  our tender lips

And between the space of now and forever,
During this infinite yet tiny infinity
My heart will beat for every time she breathes, for every time these sad eyes and hers meet,
Falling deeper in between the sheets of all our crinkled memories

Sometimes our past likes to play peek a boo with us, and that i won't deny, scares the poopsicles out of me!
Though often I find myself wondering if she misses her younger self,
Or misses the vision of who she wanted to be

.. Well for what it's always worth mandy,
Let me tell you,
She's the most beautiful soul i've had the privilege to be mates with
And you ask me what she looks like?
Hm i'm not even sure if the dictionary would be able to describe her qualities without blushing.
.. And that was a weird use of personification but i think i'll keep going

Its not just her long layered hair,
Which, Like blank pages of a book,
Both are kept in such perfect condition, and are handled with care

It's not the way she presents herself as humble yet confident
When the microphones in front of her mouth,
And the guitars wrapped around her body like a hug i'll always miss

It's the simplicity of her smile, the way she's so effortless when she aims it at every single person, coming towards her, in every single direction....

And i follow her also,
..in  her footsteps i mean,
To be that one step closer to my own hopes and dreams
And it's her voice i'd listen out for
Whenever i'm flashing back to more scarier dreams

Oh what a beautiful muse i have,
What a way to love her.

Now this is for all the people,
who didn't get a rose,
didn't receive a card
and didn't even get a simple message today

Just think of my poetry as a garden of roses,
and each single poem, every relate-able line
is a rose picked out especially for you

Think of each space between my words right now,
as the spaces between your fingers,
and imagine my hand holding yours,
telling you it's all okay, and that I'll never leave you

'Cause who really needs a card, a plastic rose
and 'Happy Valentine's Day' sent from someone's phone
Who really needs that when we could have;
Ice cream, movies and poems ;]