the moon sleeps alone
controlling the tide as
you control my thoughts

I have always been a morning person
With the way the sun peeked over storage units
and abandoned cars
"Hello!" It says
"I am here! Do not fear the dark!"
So we make our coffee and the artists think
Certain things
We build words and universes within ourselves
And we never get to a book in time to write it down
To scrawl down the formula
For what might have been
morning always reminds me
Of lazy cats stretching in the sun
And watching the dew solidify
On the grass
Outside the window.

Hello, Mrs. Honeybee,
how are you today?
My soul is heavy,
my body is *****,
and my mind is wandering away from me.

These summer days,
always slip away
filled with scraped knees,
and honeybees,
jeans stained dark with blood.

Goodbye, Mrs. Honeybee,
your summer days are gone,
and I never ever got to say
goodbye.

Oh, what a day
Oh, what a sad, sad day
Oh, what a day, she said
and I couldn't tell if it was me or her, can I get a witness? I need help, please
I need some help, for once
I can't be myself always
because hiding is so much easier
can I just hide?

If I mattered
If my body wasn't going to rot
And turn to dust
Then maybe
Maybe I could believe
Maybe I could hope
But I am attached
To my body
for it is what make me who I am
And I don't want to lose myself.

with one, a tree - short, with leaves of a redder *** than what belong to me,
with another, a road is carried - long, seeming to never end as one step leads to another, tumbling over itself,
with the fortunate, a lantern - hanging from a pole in suspension from the window of my car,
with my unfortunate gnome, a sign - bearing the words I am in a way to force others to Obey the word of my god.

don't
don't make me
don't make me pull the trigger
don't I don't want to please
I'm just
I'm scared
please
my hands are shaking
can't you see my han-
DON'T MAKE ME PULL THE TRIGGER, I SAID
don't please don't move
don't make this hard
just stay still please
you're all insects tonight.

in little shattered
bits of future
with cards and ash and radium
all spread around my brain
I wrap my fingers around your bone
to tug it away
from my heart
which you have been clinging to
for far too long
and I cast off
the phosphorous light
that have ignited my lungs
and filled my fists
with a rage
rivaled only
by the dragons
in stories my mother would read to me
until I fell asleep
clinging to a razorblade.

There is a fine line between obsession and love
and suffocating myself
with a pillow will not solidify that.

**** ME
god
I cannot stand
these
hea/rtbreaks
and people who
^% ****
these bits
of me
littered with
fallen &^&*
puncuation

I am curtained behind a small stage
humming slowly in bright red colors
into a microphone
that is held not by my own hand
but by that of her
and the crowd stands slowly
their hands coming together
in a crescendo
of applause
to say that I should go on
let me sing more
and they never have to see me
I can be your favorite idol
but don't look at me
no, please don't, don't look at me
just listen to my voice
luring you into the dark
so I can touch you once more
and you never have to know my name
just listen to my voice
low against your ear
with sultry vibrations
to alert you
to those behind you
so you will fight for me
until you return
and I will wait.

Give me a reason
to stay here
as if I could be persuaded
I want you to want this, you hear?
I want to hear you scream and cry my name, in utter agony,
because you simply cannot live without my hand to bite down upon
in times of strife.

And I wandered
on
and on
and on
until I came
to a place
that seemed to fill me
a city that you loved
in your life
a city that meant something
to you
and it made me think of you
and I whispered
that I loved you
into the skyline.

I don't
Know what I should say
I'm speechless
My words are gone and my mouth is ash and dust
And my lips crack when I try to tell you
I'm sorry.

when did this get so complicated?
When i was a kid, I could walk outside
and I could comment on how beautiful the stars were
and no would hurt me for it
because all I am is stardust
all I am is stardust
aligned to make me me
and no one will take me seriously
because all i am
is a lonely poet
made of stardust and dreams that I wake up
longing for
because the girl in my dream needed me
in the autumn
because stardust has broken
and now I can't see any light.

Hey, Sara
do you remember me? I'm
the neighbor kid
from 2006
we were kids
and reading from ***** books
you found in your moms dresser
and you let
me try your
cream soda
at 2 PM
and your parents were at work
and I was so happy
I kissed you.

teeth
a trail of teeth
leading into a bedroom
where a ghost awaits
your arrival
upon this horrible
rock
just
nothing but
an infant
nothing but a filthy infant
that can't hurt anyone
if we say we hate feeling useless
why do we still live

I have only ever heard snatches of conversation
Ranging from arguments to confessions of love
Once, a proposal
The light blinds me but not the light from fixtures
The light from you, my love, my only caretaker
From the store I was borne from, I was surrendered, helpless, upon you
And began my cycle
Bells and songs
The sad sobbing, one year
"They're gone. They're all gone. Who gets these?"
And then stillness. Silence.

Darkness.

Small purple thunderstorms live in my forest, shattering their own worlds with musical rain and shocking thunder.

whenever you lose me
I swear to be there
in the dark
behind the shower curtain, someone invisible
screaming "hello"
to be greeted
to be acknowledged
to be physical
to be noticed,
oh god, someone tell me I'm here
Someone tell me I made it
I'm here
I fought for this and now I'm here
and I will be seen
I swear to be there
today
I swear to be noticed
because I am sick of
standing in the dark.

can i fall in love
with someones words?

I can't feel my words, only yours
filling my head with the dread
a confusion of princes, blonde, i imagine
and i can choke down the bile,
but only for a while, til i think of him,
with you, again
i know he has not touched your lips,
and i have, and i miss
the way they felt on my arms, my shoulders, and nothing is
quite the same, when i try
i can run my hands down my sides, down my thighs,
but they are nothing like yours,
touching his, touching his

Don't make me go home
don't
please
I'm scared
I'm so scared
what if she's mad
what if she hates me
don't make me go home
I
I tried
I'm sorry
I tried so hard
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
Don't ******* home
I want
to ride
the train

It's 3:01 and
I don't know what I'm doing
What am I doing
You seem to have
disappeared
off the face of the planet
and there's indents
on my mattress
from your body
and my sheets still smell of your sweat
and it makes me burn
with matches
everything
that could have connected me to you
because you're gone now
you keep GOING
and I keep staying here
I should move with you
save us the heartache, dear
and I smash the radio
because it makes me cry
playing songs that remind me
of mattresses
my sheets are blue
and faded
and you smell of goodness and light
and dear god
you're just an image
on a screen
tearing
my
heart
out.

As we have proven time and time again,
we cannot even save ourselves
allowing us to die and rot
and with time
even love will die
fading into a darkened sky
leaving behind all of us
wondering where our passion has gone

think for a moment, dear
about all the birthdays
of all the good people on the earth.

now think for a moment,
about all the birthdays of all the bad people on the earth

and notice
the former
is much higher
than the latter

and realize
the earth
is not a good place yet.

How odd, though,
that upon the occasion of the sky crying,
we feel kinship,
and warmth
among the water.

i crumble, wet sugar, slipping down the side of my glass,
my eyes cant focus, except for on you, the only clear thing in my sight

The dust has only just begun to settle,
on dead fields, barren once more, since then, since then.

Nebulae have only just begun to settle, fabrics of your mind,
folding, turning, since then, since then.

Oily words have only just begun to settle, on my skin,
black streaks along my skin, since then, since then.

there is a certain beauty in death
in suicide
in the full throttle
pushed to the limit
until I
crashed into the tree
and with a snap
a match is gone.

hey! we
we all gonna die
we ALL gonna die
and i think there's a level of trust involved with accepting that
like bringing a psychopath out to a field
but put a knife in my hand and suddenly
that little knife becomes a fish
without a stream
but baby
i'm
the
ocean

Don't make me miss you
it's not fair
if you
won't miss me
because I am just something to throw away.

I fear the dark
because it has been my escape
and not my salvation
and your brown hair could mop a ballroom
but right now
all I want
is to feel
your skin
is that so bad
is it so bad to hope
that someone understands?

**** this all to hell.
Ignore the screeching
from my machines
and the clack of his cold
steel boots
on a marble floor
because we don't need them anymore
we can survive on our own
on this barren planet
with our own rose bushes
and thorns
to end it.

pierce my soul
with the heavens help
and no one will cry for me
any longer
they're all gone now, she said
as if it mattered
as if they could save me
when all I wanted
all I need
is someone to cry for me
for its such a lovely day
and I can't help but grieve the loss of you
because you were all I knew
you were all I wanted
and now I know nothing
I am blind in a world of grey
and I prefer it this way.

i can breathe you like air but baby
i don't mind holding my breath

When all is gone,
When all has faded,
When my universe has left,
When my stars have evacuated,
And the world is dying,
Wake me up,
And I will write a new one,
I will paint a world.

if you sliced my throat and turned
me uʍop ǝpısdn
would
my fear
pour out
in liquid?

Have you been
sleeping in my bed
Have you been
sleeping in my bed
because I found
the traces
of your skin
the traces of your skin
Have you been sleeping in my head
because I found
the traces of your thoughts
trailing through my skull
with a warrant for my sanity
crushing my soul
with a warrant for my sanity
on a one man police force
trying to stop me
from breaking through your skin
and injecting myself
an IV of pain and amphetamine
muscle relaxers and a single tiny
white pill
to break through your thoughts
and find my place
to settle down
and sleep.

My heart, the very center of my being, has been locked away,
thrown carelessly into the expanse of space I hold so very dear,
locked inside a glass jar, a glass jar full of embalming fluid and Earl Grey,
to hold me inside, to contain me, to comfort me,
as I float away, as I watch the stars from inside my glass prison, my chosen media for viewing the galaxies that held me alive,
as I die among my hearts,
among the stars, each one another poet,
freefalling.

I have fought with my wings with a disrespectful son
I have fought for my wings on a garden of fire and rage
and I will be painted across the stars
eternal, all-knowing
So give me my wings
let me fly away
Stop holding me down
Pull out the pushpins, I need to fly
I need to be
Pull out the pushpins and let me go
Stop fighting so hard to keep be grounded
let me fly across the sky and find my way home

I am in that mood
where all I want
is to hold someone
and stroke their hair
and tell them
they will be all right
everything will be
all right
with time.

the only thing necessary for me
is the stars
something to stare up at
and wonder
but now
you've become my stars
and I stare at you
and wonder
what will come