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nick armbrister May 2018
NICK – ODD ONE OUT
I’ve never fitted in, no matter how hard I tried,
so I stopped.
Became more alternative back in 1991.
Found my gothic way. Still looked at today, strange.
I don’t care, it’s me you are laughing at. Leave me alone,
go to a scally and stare at them. I’ll never be one of you,
never want to be.
Often you inflict pain on me.
What if I did it to you?
Another oddball Goth goes off on one.
Nearly 35, stick to what I know, try new stuff,
ready for new adventure.
Me an oddball on his own planet.
nick armbrister Feb 2018
Nick’s Inner Beauty
There’s more to me than my tattoos.
I’m the person inside;
I have views feelings, emotions, dreams and desires.
I’m not a piece of wood.
My inner beauty shines forth.
BUT
I wear my soul upon my skin.
See what bits you can spot.
Turn me inside out.
I’m a bare white light of energy.
My inner being is free.
My love of a certain band =
a certain tattoo of them.
Brian worked on 2 very different education accounts
One was UK based with 6 main call drivers
3 of these had sub topics of varied concerns
He took calls off teachers needing help
He was trained on all 6 main concerns
But only took calls on 3 of them
47% of the reps resigned    
The other account was very different
Like comparing a bicycle to a truck
It was a very hard US account
He listened to the customer
Then clicked an onscreen prompt
And a computer voice spoke aloud!
People asked about courses
It was all fine education improved lives
Plus Brian persevered in hard accounts
Maybe one day he’ll go back
To do the other 3 concerns
Or a different school account
No1 BPO
Each call centre says they’re the best
They never say they’re number 2
Always number 1 in their own way
Is this in most collected revenue?
Or number of employees?
Or with the most offices?
Each call centre says No1
The same saying by them all
Can’t they say something new?
nick armbrister Jan 2018
NORWAY MUSIC
Sat here in my flat I think of Norway,
of all the places I’ve seen there and the bands –
Gaate, Blood Red Throne, Satyricon, Amulet and more.
To my Norse gothic bands I’ve seen here in England –
Mortiis, Madder Mortem, Leaves Eyes, Octavia and Tristania.
How I love it and can’t get enough of them.
When will Sirenia come gig here?
Norway and your music, I love you very much.
Dark Delectable Delicious Destructive -
Poems For Goths, Gangsters and Other Mysterious Souls
20 Years of Nick Armbrister's Dark Poems
nick armbrister Feb 2018
no talk
i was with my mate going to work
when i saw the couple on the bus
they were young and in their 20s
he had mousey hair and she was blond
they were taking time out

and travelling in the philippines
she was finishing her teacher training
and he was a soldier between deployments
while i was commuting to work

in the city to my bpo job
we talked in my head
not in the real world

they were innocent and untouched
she wasn't abused by her students
he hadn't seen his mates blown up

all that was to come
should i of warned them?
be vigilant and strong
but no no no

they had to learn for themselves
the london couple on the makati bus
they reminded me of my old mates
when i lived in essex and london
years ago...

...3 were soldiers
where are they now?
nick armbrister Aug 2023
Not Hopping
Some trainers in the BPO industry
Have worked in 20 or 30 different places
Brian met 2 or more such trainers
Both had worked in dozens of centres
Between a month’s training and years
Finally settling down to train others
Being Hoppers no more job to job
Instilling their skills info knowledge
With wisdom guidance mind set
It takes skill to be a trainer
And something else to excel
Getting the next generation ready
Reps support trainers OMs
Not Hopping
Some trainers in the BPO industry
Have worked in 20 or 30 different places
Brian met 2 or more such trainers
Both had worked in dozens of centres
Between a month’s training and years
Finally settling down to train others
Being hoppers no more job to job
Instilling their skills info knowledge
With wisdom guidance mind set
It takes skill to be a trainer
And something else to excel
Getting the next generation ready
Reps support trainers OMs
nick armbrister Feb 2020
Breathe deeply kiddies and get some virus
Cyrus the Virus is here to **** you
Novichok flavour just for you
VX nerve gas special come get some
You'll feel fine better than the Black Death
Roll up and and get some bugs
Only the best for you lazy Millennials
Made in Russia mothertruckers
Neo Soviet influence touching you
Reaching out for you wherever you are
Even on the Moon or Planet ******* Mars
Not even Santa and Old Nick are safe
Novichok gonna get you virus kaput time
Now Different

He once wondered if there was a rep

Who actually wore different coloured footwear?

He wondered this for years a stupid thought

And then there he was a rep in different shoes!

The rep appeared to be a narcissist by image

With one arm fully tattooed and tied back hair

An air of importance surrounded him

He wasn't a manager or boss just a rep

Not necessarily bad or arrogant he was just

Full of self-importance and something else

None of that mattered right now to Brian

What did were the different coloured pumps

One was bright yellow the other was red

Both were the same type of trainers

Not the same pair but the same make

He'd obviously swapped them around

It was the second time he saw him

And each time the rep had worn opposites

He had a quirky thing for opposite shoes

He decided he would write this poem

To remember just another rep now different
NTE Yourself!
NTEs were given out each month
To the reps with low or no sales
In time there were no reps on the account
The Fake God was left alone
Just him and his support to call
They each wanted two fifty k a month
To do the work of ten reps
It was physically impossible
But they went for it and failed
Would they give NTEs to themselves?
nick armbrister May 2019
Things are wrong when there are more tigers kept as pets
Than living in the wild in their natural habitats
Human greed kills them off till they're extinct
Chinese herbal medicine using the tiger for alleged medicine
Hunters paying a million dollars to shoot one dead on a fake hunt
One of the most majestic animals ever to exist almost extinct
Fact and photos captured in history books and photographs
When they're gone they can never ever be recreated
That is only for script writers and authors in their stories...
nick armbrister Apr 2020
Incident Report 74399 2020
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX



Obsessed with speed
I was that
Round the dial
Engine ******* screaming

Me racing them
Or just myself
Not ever stopping
After we collided

Something about movement
Positive insane velocity
I could drive
Surely the best

Crap limited cars
Only slowed me
Past all limits
How I grin

My workmate screams
Watch the lorry!!!
I swerve by
We speedily escape

Till the crash
Which patiently waits
To painfully end
All my fun

Floor the pedal
Skid swerve race
I refuse slowness
Pushing one litre

Risking old banger
Put me there
Behind the wheel
I'll ******* drive

A man possessed
By my shadow
So much speed
Don't dare worry

For little me
Or my casualties
Eat my dust
Hear tires squeal

Smell rubber burn
There goes Jimmy
Crazy ******* ******!
Passionate to race

Open road track
Safety not included
An opponent needed
Or just myself

Again cheating death
For how long?
nick armbrister Feb 2018
Off To Mars
All creative people are to live on Mars.
Imagine how cool it would be.
The aero/space program would be ******* awesome.

Designing spaceships to get there,
rockets like the nuclear powered engine,
space planes for going to the surface,
habitats to live in,
terraforming to make a breathable atmosphere and more.

When it's all sorted, then we write, sing, paint, sculpt.
Totally ******* awesome.
I'd also fly on Mars.
Gliders in the low grav sky...
nick armbrister Jun 2020
All creative people are to live on Mars.
Imagine how cool it would be.
The aero/space program would be ******* awesome.

Designing spaceships to get there,
rockets like the nuclear powered engine,
space planes for going to the surface,
habitats to live in,
terraforming to make a breathable atmosphere and more.

When it's all sorted, then we write, sing, paint, sculpt.
Totally ******* awesome.
I'd also fly on Mars.
Gliders in the low grav sky...
Dominions of Corrosion
Jimmy Boom Semtex
nick armbrister Apr 2020
Of Ivory and Glass
What do I care about politics and politicians for?
They live in their Ivory Towers and Glass Houses.
Making up their **** laws to rule over me.
And should I care about the rest of you?

The other common man and woman on the street.
Who are also ruled over by them.
I don’t tend to care for my fellow town’s folk.
They’re so rude and nasty to me.

But I don’t hate them like I do our leaders.
It’s different, being rude is better than a corrupt leader.
Those unscrupulous dictators have no morals.
They sell their souls to the dollar and for war.

Satisfying their own big egos with fake gains.
Putting spin on it to win us over by lies.
For the meek it works but not for me.
I’m neither a fighter nor activist.

I’m just me and I know the difference a mile off.
Someone who steals bread for their family is innocent.
A bent politician who steals for graft is guilty.
Which would you execute?
New Dawn 2971
Nick Armbrister and other authors/poets/writers
nick armbrister Jul 2018
O for Orange
They were just kids flying their Vickers Wellington bomber
Out from England to bomb The ***
That dastardly enemy who started this war
O for Orange coded machine crewed by our boys
Flying at first in daylight on recon and carrying leaflets
Then bombing **** warships as their civilians are innocent
Just like ours are and the Poles and others
Our Wellingtons being caught out over the water
They fought back well but lost at Heliogoland Bight
Licked into submission by lethal little Messerschmitt 109s
And their destroyer brother Messerschmitt 110s
Their cannons smashing our bombers into the water
And damaging many more which had no armour or protection
Other than rifle calibre machine guns which were close range killers
Just ask the few **** fighters that fell that day
The battle of Heligoland Bight ended the myth once and for all
The bomber will not always get thru by day
Ask the brave crew of O for Orange
Their Wellington bomber lies on the seabed
Along with their remains and legacy
Their loss was the first of many
Which brought along the total unconditional surrender
Of **** Germany ending the Thousand Year *****
nick armbrister Jun 2020
ADULT/FUNNY THEME BE WARNED

Oh My Back!
My next door neighbour told me a funny story the other day
It’s about Phyllis who lives down the road
She was out with her fancy piece called Tommy getting laid
Having a bonk in his car down a country lane
She was there with her legs open not thinking of her husband
Going at like a prize stallion chasing a filly winning his race
Then Tommy cried out in pain and started crying
Phyllis thought he was joking about
‘Oh **** it! My back has gone Phyllis! Call the Fire Brigade!’
‘You gotta be joking Kev. But hey! I love a man in uniform.’
Kev managed to reach his hands free kit and call 999
Within five minutes the fire engine arrived
Four beefy firemen in uniform assessed the situation
Hiding their smirks they planned what to do
One fireman got the Jaws of Life from the fire engine
It took several minutes to cut the roof off Kev’s Jaguar
His expensive cool motor was now a convertible!
Then over the next hour they slowly lifted Kev upwards
And placed him in a rigid stretcher to minimise further injury
An ambulance arrived and Kev was taken to hospital
Phyllis got busy mucking and bucking each of the firemen
In Kev’s convertible Jag which was now a grinding parlour...
****** PASTE 2020
JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX
nick armbrister Dec 2019
My next door neighbour told me a funny story the other day
It’s about Phyllis who lives down the road
She was out with her fancy piece called Tommy getting laid
Having a **** in his car down a country lane
She was there with her legs open not thinking of her husband
Going at like a prize stallion chasing a filly winning his race
Then Tommy cried out in pain and started crying
Phyllis thought he was joking about
‘Oh **** it! My back has gone Phyllis! Call the Fire Brigade!’
‘You gotta be joking Kev. But hey! I love a man in uniform.’
Kev managed to reach his hands free kit and call 999
Within five minutes the fire engine arrived
Four beefy firemen in uniform assessed the situation
Hiding their smirks they planned what to do
One fireman got the Jaws of Life from the fire engine
It took several minutes to cut the roof off Kev’s Jaguar
His expensive cool motor was now a convertible!
Then over the next hour they slowly lifted Kev upwards
And placed him in a rigid stretcher to minimise further injury
An ambulance arrived and Kev was taken to hospital
Phyllis got busy ******* and ******* each of the firemen
In Kev’s convertible Jag which was now a ******* parlour...
OLD
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OLD
OLD



Take the lid off the old wooden box and peer inside, what is there? What do you see? An old bullet from the Korean war, a discoloured gemstone from a broken lover’s necklace.

A curling yellow photo of lost teenage friends, now no more, one lost to drugs.

Some ancient coin from a faraway land, unreadable language.

Now put back the lid and pause for thought. If you were to have a keepsake,

what would it be?
nick armbrister Jan 2018
i do not wanna grow old
nor do i wanna be an old man
put into a home with invalids
where i **** and **** myself
this may or may not happen to me
in 3 or 4 or 5 decades time
sent to the knackers yard
totally f*cked and unwanted
with faded tattoos
and blank memory
too much beer
a million memories
all broken by time
now meaning what?
now to an old man
dumped in a home
only he stopped that
by jumping off a cliff
the day before they came
they admired his spirit
he wasn't like the rest
regressing like babies
soon to die
for what?
nick armbrister Mar 2019
Old Rocks
The rocks of the mountain
Are millions of years old
And have seen so many things
Like great upheavals
And fossils laid down
Uplifted from the ocean bed
Three miles high
Along with minerals and wealth
Adding to economic growth
Natural recourses in danger
Human greed burning bright
What existed for millions
Now reduced in decades
Some are out of reach
For now till tech improves
Mountains will crumble
Quarries devouring hills
Old rocks petering out
nick armbrister Apr 2018
old soul

good you understand

not many do

some are judgemental

yes its possible

to have too much

of a good thing

living on a mountain than hikes

we are all old souls

some just dont realize
nick armbrister Apr 2018
On Camera

My life is like a movie

Seeing that replica Mustang roll in and crash at the airshow

My life is like a movie
Witnessing an ex dealer who'd just been shot in his home

My life is like a movie

Viewing Oldham riots on TV that were five minutes away

My life is like a movie

Gazing down upon Manila Bay at the enduring sunrise from Bataan

My life is like a movie

Observing different people and cultures in a dozen countries

My life is like a movie

Glancing at my thigh as the tattooist inks my goth girl tattoo

My life is like a movie

Noticing the Mancunian drunks fighting on the nightbus home

My life is like a movie

Gaping in desolation at the coffin that contains my mum

My life is like a movie

Watching the mad Irish man loop the Grumman Duck in Murphy's Law

My life is like a movie

Admiring the **** girls I've nailed in the big bakery

My life is like a movie

Scrutinizing the Asians to see if they'll try to assault me


My life is like a movie
Eyeballing my soon to be ex friend who's kissing my girlfriend
My life is like a movie
Focusing on the road ahead as I illegally race the other car
My life is like a movie
Staring at the men lying by the kerb wondering are they dead?
My life is like a movie
Studying the vertical cliff above me to find a way up
My life is like a movie
Peering into the sky to find my dad's ghost that's up there
My life is like a movie
Scanning at my wage slip to see if my pay will cover my beer and bills
My life is like a movie
Regarding my mate who just vomited up his kebab and chips
My life is like a movie
Glimpsing the chavs fighting the teenage couple over the river
My life is like a movie
Right till my last breath and final vision when my Goddess takes me home
nick armbrister Nov 2018
One Hundred Years
The war to end all wars ended exactly one hundred years ago
That war failed in its objective of making war and bloodletting obsolete
Just like the bow and arrow is now outdated war was meant to be
The renderings of battle and conflict consigned to the history books
When children ask their parents: WHAT WAS WAR?

The answer should have started thus: Well child...
But that scenario never happened because war is still with us
The old soldiers never grew old and their memory lives on
As their great grandchildren prime their guns and prepare for battle
Places like the Somme, Ypres, Verdun. Paschendale and Flanders are here

Inside the souls of the Tommie, the Poilu, the *** and more
Poppies commemorating the sacrifice and everlasting memory
Worn with pride by people like myself and my kin and my friends and family
Yet in places like Afghan and Syria and Iraq and Ukraine men fight and die
Death and destruction still rule the battlefield by blast and bullet

Weapons have advanced like smart bombs, jet fighters and missiles
Being a millennia on from biplanes, barbed wire and horses
Each soldier and each fight is mirrored thru history by another
Wars and battles complement one another in their ferocity and aim
Enemies must be defeated and military objectives achieved

Only the year and location changes while the soldier’s names fade away
To become unknown soldiers in our collective hearts and minds
Passing over before their time and entering the history books
Some are a footnote, others in heroic battles and a few forsaken
Every generation since the Great War owes it to the past to make peace

And keep hold of that peace forever more and spike the guns and grenades
So our world knows peace and harmony in an eternal Peace Dividend
The Military Industrial Complex being used for something better
Future warriors being out of work and doing new jobs
Think of the past and that awful Great War and what we can do now

Turn our world around and remember the sacrifice and cost of Total industrial war
Let no more warriors die in no more wars except in books, games and films
Remember our great fallen warriors and be humbly grateful and act their deed
Universally advancing world peace and making war obsolete forever
nick armbrister May 2020
The war against extreme Muslims
what did we have when we was growing up
the Cold War
and the probs in Northern Ireland
Nothing changes

Just the year and enemy changes
I'd rather have Neo Soviet Russia
and Red China as enemies
Tho dangerous we know their capabilities
Little is unknown unlike this new war
New Dawn 2971
Nick Armbrister and other authors/poets/writers
nick armbrister Mar 2022
Ongoing
The pretty lady screams
**** ME NOW!!!
Putin’s bombs just murdered her baby
What life will the young mum have now?
In a shattered country war death hate killing
The ******* waited decades for this

And acted not caring the cost
Of Russia’s neighbouring nation
Plus thousands of dead Russian soldiers
Let the traumatised lady be an example
Of what it’s like to be in Putin’s war

Like the husband’s family also killed
By Putin’s mortar bombs while waiting
To flee their devastated homeland
Remember them all make him pay
For every single death and injury
And ruined town and city…
nick armbrister Apr 2021
Only History
You name historical figures
And the **** they endured
It’s almost you wanna be them
Named you a wannabe
Reliving your trauma
Making it mine to suffer
As they did and you do
But remember this dear victim
They were all somebodies
While you’re a nobody
Pain is pain trauma is trauma
Status is status a loser is a loser
Enough said there
from LIZARD SNAIL 124K
Nick Armbrister and other writers

out late 21 or early 22
nick armbrister May 2019
It all takes place on the mountains where the yellow sun
Meets the sky blue sky in a joining of colour without cliche
The trees look airbrushed on a canvas stolen from water colour
That sky hints and hides so many things both visible and not
Moonshine stills secretly simmer under the generous leafy canopy
A broken-into-pieces warplane sits by the ridge right at the top
Inside a small cave little people party and count their gold
Human hikers brave the heights and risks to hike for a day or two
Wild animals like wolf and bear live without fear up here
nick armbrister Jan 2019
Open Valley
The valley is a special place for me
It opens out into a wide plain below me
Following miles of winding steep mountains
Great to hike but so very perilous
The beauty worth the hazard of death or bad feet
Those who dare go here know the price that beauty asks

And accept it easily

Only a few score a year go all the way
Down the full length of the valley
From the precipitous highlands
Right down the mountain chain
To the chilled out lowlands

An immeasurable distance

But some ask how far it stretches?
I would tell you but then again
Go find out for yourself and tell me
Was the beauty your find there?
Worth the answer you find?
This valley is only one of many

But something ethereal makes it special

I could list the prominent features
Or show you photos and videos
They are cool but single dimensional
You must go there and risk it
Small little you and the big infinite valley
Risk the awesomeness of Mother Nature
To see one of her hidden prizes

Even if you die it’s worth it...
nick armbrister Mar 2020
Our Flying Days
I’m flying over the lake near where you live.  
There’s your house, your small wood cabin by the shore.
Looks child like from up here.
The fishing is great.
Views even better.
Especially when you’re stood by the water, at sunset.
My Goddess of the edge; deity of all.
Remember when we made love there?
Do you?
Oh I do...
I mustn’t dwell too much on that.
Watch the gauges and fly.
Don’t want my precious airplane touching the trees.
Not when you’re sat next me.
No distractions baby!
You look over.
And smile.
That says it all.
I return it.
And climb us up towards the clouds.
Standing on our tail, we climb, climb, climb!
You know where I live; in the sky.
I thought flying was the best thing I’d ever do.
I was wrong.
Being with you, my twin flame, is better.
And that means we can fly together in my little tin aeroplane.
I’m no longer alone, just me and my machine.
My friend saw how alone I was.
Now I’m not.
She asks about you.
And is happy for us.
I no longer give into darkness or endure a blade.
Have learnt to trust and love again.
Thwarting Lady Suicide, for good.
I can take you flying and what joy that is, doing this together.
Only making love with you is better.
Flying takes second place.
Freedom of emotion, freedom of movement.
In your cabin, in the sky.
We have that my dear, part of us.
Our lives’ are simple.
We live by your lake in your cabin,
you showed me your Native Indian ways and we fly twice a week in my tin aeroplane.
Our needs are simple and our wants basic.
Just each other and time together.
In your cabin or flying above the clouds.
Soon my dear I’ll teach you to fly.
I trust you with my plane as I do with my heart.
Our cabin, our little tin aeroplane.
You my forest wife, me your pagan husband.
Always and forever together.
OUT
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OUT
OUT



So we went out to see a film, with cars and music:

The Fast and The Furious. It’s like old times, you know,

Nick and Danna, when we had that thing.

Now the film ends and we go to your house,

reality hits home in the usual way.

The bloke you met sends you a text “Hello beautiful…”

and then I know it’s time to leave.

The trauma starts as I realise, this is it,

it’s finally over and I have to move on.
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OUT 2



I walk down to the road in the dying day,

as my heart cries and my brain collapses.

Dave likes you and I go to a club, to meet

a girl and get over me and you.

But all I do is to get ****** and have a dance

to old music, all on my own.

In my own lonely kingdom, where I rule by myself.

How has this happened, the loss of what we had?

When we were a couple, a real happy couple?

Maybe never, my brain cries to bring me down

to earth. How can it work

when you have three screamin’ kids?
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OUT 3



So I had to be with you after watching Lost in Space,

it was the ****** robot and it having a heart.

Away to the pub I hurried to be with you

and to banish my loneliness.

Sadly it wasn’t to be as Jo stole your attention

and you ignored me.

So I went home, lonely and upset,

as other eyes sought you and took note.
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OUT 4



Dave was his name and he plays rugby,

he wants to see you and share a drink with you.

Will that be all you share, as you see him every Thursday?

I know how these things work, two months as mates

“See you next Thursday Danna…” and then

you’re suddenly lovers.

He noticed me, the week before, needing to be with you.

Patience was his game and yourself was his cause

as he hatched his little plans.

Now he will think, when will she be mine?

I know it will work. All it takes is a little time.
nick armbrister Feb 2018
OUT OVER THE FIELDS



Out over the fields a pair of crows circle and dive amongst the hedgerows and green grass.

A watery sun casts its watery face through the spring clouds as the birds disappear from view.

Eighty years ago it was a similar story as two manmade hawks of the air battle to the death; the fields aren’t green but a shell-holed hell with muddy trenches filled with wretched men.

Soon the burning Albatross smashes to earth, its pilot shot through the head – dead.

Back today the lost warplane still lies buried in a timeless image of death, as crows fly overhead, to freedom.
nick armbrister May 2018
Pagan Hymn
Hand in hand we walk across                                                           ­                                   
Mother Nature’s land for we are all                                                              ­                  
Pagan brothers and sisters,                                                         ­                                         
lovers and friends.                                                         ­                                                             
We bare each other no malice and go forward                                                          ­              
with peace in our hearts and                                                              ­                
unconditional love in our hearts.
nick armbrister Feb 2018
pagpag
the mosquito lamok flying ******
kept biting me again and again
i venemously defended myself

doing my best to annihilate it
but kept missing and failing
till i had my chance and acted
a dead cert **** **** ****!

yet when i looked it wasn't there
where was it?
inside my pc keyboard

i inverted this and out fell the lamok
stunned vulnerable and soon to be dead
mosquito was upside down

i tortured the **** and enjoyed it!
i dropped the mouse on it
again and again and again
as it's legs wiggled and slowed

finally i squished it
with a granite paper weight
lamok was flat flat flat!

no more bites for me...
...then i saw its friend!
nick armbrister Jan 2018
Paper

They were just pieces of paper, buried under a field in Germany. What harm can bits of paper do? Nothing. It's what's typed upon them. Good job the location is secret.
The mayor of a local town looks for them. He digs up the fields. And gets death threats. Such is Himmler's legacy on these docs. Also hidden is alleged Jewish silver. Not gold?

UK investigative journo did a report; his result was nothing physical. But the letter to the mayor, hidden room in the castle and rumours were there. The new ground penetrating radar scanner was meant to be great. No go, **** rain.

Go back in the summer, find the docs and silver. Change world history. And run for your life. **** guardians safeguarding this secret will hunt you down. This generation's evil soldiers.

WW2 reaching out to touch us. Detailing more than the Final Solution.
Europa 2 - The True Cost of War
Andy N and Nick Armbrister
nick armbrister Feb 2019
Peace Future Peace
I live in a world where you ****** me over
Stole my wife who was a **** mover
Worst of all you shot my dog
Burnt my car out even if it was junk
You tattooed my name on your head
And stalked me over six US states
But I am smarter than you
For I exist in your head
And live in plain site
Defeat me?
I win…
nick armbrister Aug 2022
Peace Profit
Made in a country near you
Things to do a job
What type of job?

To heal to **** to create to destroy
All in the ACME factory
Ready steady go get to work!
Fulfil your shift

Do your quota
Finish the order yesterday
There's much work to be done

You busy little bees
Make the fat boss rich
Capitalist wage slaves
Even the commies are the same

Make some more do the work
Enrich the rich you ******
There's no profit in laziness or peace
We are all environmental commodities
Peak Ale
Rivers of beer flow down the mountainside
Like spring time rain fresh wet refreshing drowning
So lovely to sooth you no worries mountain beer
Very strong just what the doctor ordered
Drink your fill have enough to drown in
You will not feel death it’ll be like birth
New beginnings brought by peak beer
Brewed atop the summit by a Goddess
See people lined up to sup this ale
It’s free of charge life giving juice
All juiced up motherf*ckers!
The joy of life only at this location
Nowhere else has natural beer like this
And a **** goddess a few lucky guys can have
If they tick her boxes the right way
Are you one of those like I was?
I had her before I drank her beer
nick armbrister May 2019
Percy owned a big sword as tall as him and sharp as Hell
It was big and black and perfectly crafted
Just like something else closer to home
Forged in the depths of Hell by the best artisans
Now Percy owned the sword and he was boss
King of the block who nobody ****** with
He chopped off heads left and right
And lopped off ***** front and back
He gave neighbourhood defence a new meaning
His sword provided safety to all his buddies
Nobody sold drugs or stole cars
After meeting Percy and his tool
There was something about it
It was the length and blackness of it
Two attributes associated with something else
For even a BBC was limited in power and ******
When compared to Satan's own sword
Now in the care of humble Percy
Or was it the other way round?
Sword and man as one...
nick armbrister Oct 2019
Pet’s Revenge
For example a Dachshund dog was thrown 5 floors to his death
The owner photographed this and posted it online
His dog looked like he was sleeping but was dead

I tracked the Dachshund Dog’s Killer down and killed him
I put him in an 80s violent video game with block graphics
I hit him with a stabbing dagger in both shoulders
Then machete chopped half of his pinto skull off
Finally finishing him off with a flick knife in the gut

Next there was the case of the animal rescue centre
9 pussycats were murdered for no real reason
Except they were living in the centre

I drove up to the animal sanctuary in a Technical
I beeped and they opened the gates and I saw him
The Pussycat Murderer who swaggered about like a real man
I aimed my remote control 50 Cal gun with my PS2 controller
And popped the ******* with a hundred 50 Cal Raufoss rounds

A woman cut the foot off her dog with a machete
Because the dog annoyed his owner
All this was filmed and posted online

I found the Limping Woman who made her dog painfully limp
I said Hi and smirked then tightly tied her up
And had my way with her 25 times in a calendar day
Her ***** was sore and needed stitching due to the table leg
As did her feet when I sliced off all her **** toes

Most bizarre of all was the small dog
Who was partly skinned alive by his owner
This dog was rescued and given treatment

Dog Skinner was a hard man to find but not hard in a fight
I threw him a knife and said, ‘Skin me or be maimed...’
His lunges were slow and unskilled and embarrassing
I blocked them with one hand and closed my eyes
I snapped his spine with one single side kick

And a man drove his car and threw out his dog
Like a bit of trash with duct taped up feet and muzzle
The cops rescued the dog and jailed the man

I impersonated a Police Officer and ‘apprehended’ the suspect
Who had just been released from jail for leaving his pet dog for dead
He let me into his house and I Tasered the ******* and duct taped him up
I dragged Dog Duct Tape Man to my fake squad car and put him in the trunk
I drove him to a secluded spot and did a very enjoyable EJK

I enjoyed each and every act of Pet’s Revenge and ******
This is my new job and I always enjoy it and get away with it
I have backing from Big Brother and the Illuminated People
nick armbrister May 2019
Plane flies miles high above us
Energy pushes it into manoeuvres
Nothing stationery about it
I see it turn, roll and zoom about
Stunning display of aerial prowess
I wish I was a pilot and flew like that
Not working in a stuffy boring job
The two percent get to fly in a jet
How they are the best of the best
Expensively trained Air Force pilots
Show boating in their F-18 fighter
Knowing they will soon be in trouble
Yes, they drew a huge airborne *****!
nick armbrister Jun 2020
ADULT OVER 18 THEME. BE WARNED.

Phone Me Now Now

A guy called up a customer order line and talked to a gal agent:

“Its for my step sister she needs a dress.”

“What type?”

“Long, short, slutty. Yes, slutty.”

“Are you wearing underwear?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Well, are you?”

“Yes, I am.”

“What type?”

“A red thong. Back to the dress. What type?”

“Bare shoulders and short skirt.”

“Yes, that one. In blue.”

“Ok then.”

“Oh babe, I’m coming. It feels so good!”

“How dare you! How f*cking dare you! This is all recorded.”

“I’m off now. Send the recording to your boss baby. I love you.”

There was the sound of a gunshot, the agent screamed and call ended.
from SUCTION PUMP 2020

Jimmy Boom Semtex

out soon
nick armbrister Mar 2020
What to do with our enemy?
There's nine hundred and ninety terrs there.
With sore limbs and no toys.
In time, word will get out.
Compromising us in future.

Over the edge!

You four, take three men each.
You know the drill.
The SF guys nodded and trotted off.
It wasn't said but done.
Were they being recorded?

Hopefully.

Would save the SAS a job.
Showing the world what happened to terrs.
Off the cliff one at a time.
Like jumping out of a plane.
Or into a swimming pool.

But with a four mile terminal velocity drop.

Two ex-terrorists are kept.
Prisoners.
Our mission continues.
We'll get back safe.
No one is lost yet.
Nothing will stop us.

For we keep your world safe.
GIRLS, GUITARS, GATLING GUNS
Jimmy Boom Semtex
nick armbrister Mar 2020
Photos
The larger than life SAS patrol saw the explosions.
They danced and flickered and sang like a drum.
Then silence.

They know we're here.

Later, the SF men came across their enemy.
A thousand angry ragged heads.
All lined up and armed for suicide.
The SAS get captured!

World's best captured by muzzahs.

Lined up themselves, a speech is given.
Muzzah leader goes on about Allah and all.
Trooper Captain has a plan: a mad one.

A roll call will be made.

When Rollbottom's name is called, it's time.
He'll drop his trousers and moon his ****!
It'll be cold as they're so high up.

It begins.

Rollbottom?
Here Sir.
He got his chance to shine.
No longer a tour guide for no one but me.
Make us proud, friend.

Moons his **** and dances...

Later. The captured muzzahs, one thousand of them, are stressed.
In an American Gitmo stress position.
There's no escape!
Some do try in a French built Russian 'tank'.

It slides on the ice.

Tumbles off the edge of the mountain.
It's a four mile almost vertical drop to the bottom.
All eyes see the APC fall, becoming smaller.
It bounces a couple of times off cliffs.

Only stopping at the very bottom.

No fire but distant clangs.
No more escapes!
Over the edge with most of their arms.
Later. The SAS mission continues.
from GIRLS, GUITARS, GATLING GUNS
Jimmy Boom Semtex
nick armbrister Apr 2019
Pipe Dreams
All we are saying is give life a chance
The joy of natural life born without medical drugs
The chance of real life on the earth without meddling
The chance of extending your lineage without redemption
The chance of existence and prosperity without threat of war
The chance of animal life thriving without becoming extinct
The chance of human progress into space for peaceful purposes
The chance of healing the world without exhausting her natural resources
The chance of first alien contact without either side genocide
The chance of anything positive happening without negative events
Is the same as the chance of Elvis being alive or winning the lottery
Only believed by fools wearing tin foil hats and the incompetent sheep
There is no happy ending to the mess this we created...
nick armbrister May 2022
Place To Be
The best place to be right now
Is not in Europe over Russia's issues
A ******* nation with 7,500 nukes
Of different types and classes
As set ready to use on Putin's order
Ukraine started it after NATO grew
Right up to Russia's borders
Now they want to turn back the clock
1997 when Russia wasn't threatened
This isn't possible so they all
Sleepwalk to Armageddon
This year or the next
It's coming soon...
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