Maybe 10 years from today,
Maybe only 1 year away,
Or even just 1 day,
I will be able to say...

Maybe this is why I cling on
The past is what I want
Maybe I missed my chance
After fate threw up together
And I ****** it up
...
Apparently its never too late
But it feels that way
More and more everyday
Maybe with some work and luck
Fate will once again throw you my way

I let it slip
The thing that hurt me most,
And that is you.
Drunk and unashamed
I see to let it out.

I don't think about you most days
But minor days I do
Then for a while,
When I'm in this mood
All I think about is you

I'm lost in the middle
Don't know what to do
Do I stick or do I move
Content but yet alone
Commit or do I go

Of course I do
Your eyes,
Your hair,
And everything you do

Most of all
Your smile
Which you seem to hide
From clear view

What do I do
But for now
I will just say
.. I miss you ..

I am finally starting to believe
I can be whatever I want to be
My time is now,
This city is where I will make my mark.

Finally I am ready for the next
Too long it has taken
Yet I would settle
Is that loneliness or is it love?

Within a heartbeat I would return
Am I afraid of more pain
Or is it more?
Something we will never know

Lingering on the line between doubt and despair,
Always giving people more than they deserve,
Surrounded with love but do I ignore it?
Because it feels like it's hardly never there.

I haven't been around for months now,
Not the person I was born to be,
Taking it out the those who help,
And those who are around.

A disruptive path,
Damaging everyone around,
The ones who fully don't understand,
Personal pride being the issue.

Alone is what I need to be,
To grow up and out of this shell I have formed,
Now I have to prove I'm not wrong,
Battle to be the person I want to be.

Everyday I wake up,
I feel alone,
To my friends who love me,
I fake my smiles and pretend I'm fine,
No one sees the tears I hide inside.

I hate being me
I'm not ugly
I'm not pretty either

Everyone I meet
I assume I am not enough
And become a friend

But when someone is there
I become this shell of a man
And become the guy I hate to be

The guy who will
Do anything to
Be with you

Put my rules
And personality aside
And become a mess

I am not the same
I was happy, alone but content
Waiting for something special
Then from no where
I found you and your little smile
Waiting for me to write

The fastest 3 months
I have been through
Was with you, in all my life
During that time I waited,
I found 'Someone Else'
Similar, yet better in hindsight

Still ... 3 more months I had to wait
6 months in total just to see her smile
And eventually we met
Something was right
Too much expectation
Not enough fight

This door closed abruptly
All of a sudden
My cousin was right
With this slamming door
To my damaged heart
A window opened

That 'Someone Else'
Reappeared
And showed me
What was right,
How to hold her hand
How to make it feel right

You then left me
Not your fault or mine
I missed you
The second your hand left mine
Sleep was hopeless
It couldn't escape my mind

3 months later
Which is this point in time
What a year it has been
A hurtful one which
Made me wait for 2 people
Who were never mine

When you left
I died a hundred times
Hell was a place
That was too familiar for one

Knowing you would return
Never sure if it would be
As it was
After the hurt

Well ... guess who wants you again
All that hell I went through
I hate how I fall for you
Over and over

In the city of London
Of which I dwell
Thousands of faces
All with issues like my own

Everyone trapped in their world
I wonder if they seek comfort
By a circle of love and friendship
Or a circle of emptiness all on their own

I block everyone out
My friends mean well
And want to help
But I feel like I need to do this alone

The daftest and strongest of all,
I wonder when you get there
...
Will you think of me?

That's exactly how I feel,
I didn't try enough the relationship before,
Maybe I tried too hard this time.

Perhaps I couldn't help myself,
When I looked into those eyes,
But I feel there's someone else.

Falling for someone hurts,
Maybe they play the game,
But mostly you are just a toy

A promise I made to myself,
If I ever met someone else,
That made me feel,
Nothing outside our space mattered,
I would tell her....

Why is it so hard to write?

My memory is selective
I only remember the things I will use
All I need is reminder sometimes
But not when it comes to you

Every so often we all do
When though you try your hardest
We all sometimes fall off the path
Even when we are way out ahead
There is nothing you can do
But find yourself looking back

As more and more days go by,
I realise that you won't be in my future,
But you will always be in my heart,
That piece will stay for the rest of my days.

One day if we meet,
When I have someone new,
Only then will I know,
If I am truly over you.

All I want to do
If I can't have you,
Is run as far away
As I can,
Across the sea

I can't cope
When my heart stops
At the thought of you,
Even worse when someone
Who looks like you

I have troubled thoughts
Something and somewhere
I thought I would never be
Nor consider, from what I used to be

Somewhere along the road
I got lost I have faith but I will find my way
With enough honey JD
I will be patient and wait

I will be so insanely pleased
After all this pain and loss,
My head will once again
Be held very high

Only there are we together,
And only there,
Is the place,
Where you really care.

Hearing about cheating,
Makes me upset,
I don't understand how you could,
Worst when you expect more from that person.

I don't care how bad life is,
What is one night going to do?
Don't you blame the drinks or the drugs,
It was all you.

Well its taken me all day
But I have clued it all up
You lied to me
I was never the only one

Here I am with a hole
In my heart,
But it's not empty as
Tears fill what I hide inside

Most days its the last thing I'd want
Hours now pass without you in my mind
I question if this is better of worse
But today's not like most
You don't belong to me
But I still belong to you

Today I was excited and optimistic
Not knowing what lay ahead
But that faded in the heat of the sun

I was then left with that all to familiar
Empty, soul wrenching feeling
I am alone, coming up to the lonely hour

Will everything please stop,
Can I have one thing a time,
I'm still, busy with me...

...I can't catch my breath...

I'm trying to be better,
But I just can't breathe,
The world is running away with my air.

...And I can't catch up...

3 of my friends said this month,
That they can't take anymore of life,
And they are considering having no more.
Just an end to everything,
To stop thinking as they are.

I haven't slept properly in 3 weeks,
Only an hour here and there,
And as usual,
My long lasting battle of impending heartbreak,
Always at the back of my head,
Which never seems to ease.

It has taken it's toll,
I am hurting but my friends can never know,
5 times today I stopped for a second,
My eyes were close to giving in,
But I know the moment I do,
I know I won't stop.
So I am trying to hold it in.

But I realise for my 3 friends,
I am the person that is always around,
I need to be...
I will always take the burden for them,
Any day and any time,
But today was tough.

I just know it
...
The feeling of knowing
With no proof
That I am the man on the side