My family is peaceful
But we have bodies in our bags
They keep us intimidating
They keep us informed
The frayed edges of my denim jacket
Have been touching my hip
It keeps beckoning me to ignore it
I can't
So I look away
While it touches me
I pray for patience
One day this denim jacket
Will go to my daughter

Memory is a watery element
It has qualities of flexibility
But memory is also a storm
If you remember your plants can grow
Stay indoors when your memory floods you
Stay dry
Stay good
Please don't forget your umbrella
Or you'll start dancing in the rain
Which is alright too

You were in short pants
I was in short pants
It seemed inevitable that we would be friends
Learn about the world and women
But we were only boys
We had only our imagination
And the internet
But when you decided you wanted a life of virtue
We all threatened to leave you and build another world without you
Then you did leave
No more good men in short pants left
Only this motley crew of people who don't see us, hear us, or perceive us
Because we are the invisible men
The once who are always trying to get into the room
When finally we push button and it doesn't work for us

When my parents separated I didn't talk to anyone for a year
I was 7 years old
When I raised my hand to speak
Everybody listened
When my sister told us she was dead
We were supposed to attend a piano recital
Instead we attended her funeral
I decided
This was not the family I want to belong to
I wore a **** black dress at the wake to set myself apart
Rebellion

My eldest sister hit me with pillows to make me fall asleep
I took her book Anne of Green Gables (A super fast talking red head)
Striked her name from the dedication and replaced it with my own
Bye Big Sister
Thank you for the pillows

I slipped on orange juice in a grocery mart in Australia
A kindly lady picked me up
I was told I announced my existence in a grocery
My mother's water broke while she was shopping in the local town's
My elder sister of 7 years picked up the phone at customer service to call my dad

You woke me up
In the middle of a dream
Where there were only good things
You showed me a nightmare
I have always wanted to see
It's called the boundary
Now I walk the tightrope forever
As long as I get a word from you
It's the only thing I can remember

The end of the aisle had a song
Are you listening to it?
It has all the notes of a painted wall
It has a white wash color to it
It might be a bit on the average side
But the frame keeps it light
Even if she wants to get out she won't
But that's just the half of it

The rose bud is tired
It had a beautiful fly
Then a soil let it be

Stay broken
Into a million pieces
Don't let them piece you back together
Like a story you did not choose to be
Stay down and sink
Resurrect
When you can escape
Machine gun Kelly

Sometimes
I talk like an unattractive woman
I flower my words
Make them pretty
And forget
That a man made me feel beautiful

Resting
Maybe when I'm brave enough to
I'll lay my head on a pillow
Close my eyes
Look inside
I'll say
I'm home at last

This place is tired
I'm tired bored
I want to be done with it
I also know your mouth moving doesn't matter

She's like ink on parchment paper
Solid with faded edges
She's got a lot of weight while being light
Trying to make sense of the shape
At the same time respecting it
I respond in kind by being weightless, a feather quill
To her I am a threaded needle, continuously progressing into a seam
Starting from the beginning until the end
Making a garment without any shape or form
Responding in kind with a letter of my own
A
Ey!
Hey.
As cryptic as where we started
It has potential to end
If I continue our thread there could be a *** of gold that isn't a fool's
There could be a painting made for my frame
There is something about her skin that deserves solid lines
That stretches out toward the strobe lights
That makes its way toward the true light
If paradise was meant for the wicked
Then we are created to balance good and evil

My worth is not seen by the harrowing nature of my own eyes
I have seen too many lives pass before me
They are wilted
Jilted by an unrequited dream
Lives that are my own because I always place myself inside your heart
If I could take the next bus home it would be toward that time when
I was 10
I hugged my Papa so tight because he was at my birthday party
That would both be the sad and happy time for me
Only to experience great loss and great gain and great forgetfulness
The fear of neglect is so close to my heart
That when I feel any sort of bird born in my cages
It is also a trap to set it free
There is a song sung before it flies away:

"Premature maturity
The never ending running man
In one place is a rot on my mind
Until it dies of nothing
Because my body is where ideas come to grow and die and bear fruit
My body is where I am alive for the new roots to plant itself in my skull
To listen to the whisper of the woman in my ear
She says she is my mother
There is nothing to fear"

But why Mama did you leave us?
To grow in a place where nobody knows us
To belong in a world where you are rejected
Your children feeling nothing but loneliness

The back of my head is haunted by a man looking over my shoulder
He sees everything I have searched for
I find nothing
But he finds me without fail
He knows everything

That man inside this cage of mine
His nose is broken, his grin is crooked like a hunger inside him is restless
There is a dark pit I cannot find
If I find it I might just get lost in thought
Pondering on an idea I can't quite remember
My mind treads unto idea upon idea
Until the stores have closed
It's nothing short of a shame
I don't mind your sorries
I only mind the explanations

If you could only find me my father again

Actions over words
What are words without fire
Fire that moves and burns the world
Licking the flames of your tragedies
And taking you towards a new forest
Where the pasts have burned
Touch the fertile ground of your new mind
Promote yourself from writer to soldier
Don't you dare take your time
Your next words would be your last
Your next move could be the first of firsts
The builder
The fighter
The mightier
The worthier
Everyone knows that glory is in being alive
The only thing more alive that words
Is your body moving to fulfill the words

I have been lost in a million stars
Stars that have been lost in your eyes
They told me when I was almost out of ideas
That I ought to make you my idea
They told me then, that when I have lost my voice
That I ought to speak your words
To steal your thoughts
To make them mine
To steal your heart
And steal your time
For when it's all over
You'd steal back mine
You'd make sure that every moment I called your name
I was calling Gods
To repeat myself
Over and over
Even though I'm almost over you
It seems I haven't gotten lost
But I find myself lost inside your memory
Always clinging unto you
May I rest eternally
May I hope for that dream, paradise
For when you are there
Then I will be happy

There is so much strength in the unapologetic nature of my sisters
When they do not duck or quake when the bad word is uttered in their name
It is the foundation of dignity to become aware so words are said with  conviction. The music makes sense when you sing to the crowd and they listen

Don't take applause as a sign of correctness
Even megalomaniacs have heard cheers

Listen to the audience thinking about what you've said

Move them from underneath the ground they stand
Be an earthquake so they are forced to balance their ideas
Let them fall into the cracks, so they can climb out with both hands, make them fight for their thoughts on you
Whatever it is they think of you, let their opinion be well placed
Not thrown like a rotten tomato

To my sisters, let me remind all with a gentle memo:
Free Speech can lose value
Especially when you listen to your worst critic but lean on your number one fan: Yourself

You need to listen to yourself think.
Thinking takes time
Words are quicksand
It's not about the number of decisions made in the life given
It's about the quality of those choices in the years I am given.
The maker is giving me a choice what sand to place in my hourglass.

I like to do things with care a precision
Like thinking about the last text I sent
While studying the back of my hand
Hold on, why did I say that
As I pensively look at the wrinkles on the hinge of my thumb
I slow my thinking down
Letting my mind stroll the garden of blooming plans
One by one they bloom
As though tended and watered to by the showers of my solitude

In a place I know
They know me too
But they don't know you
It's easy if you're a stranger
But then who said that things with wings were supposed to stay on the ground
If you had flown down to me then it would be the way you look at me that would make me stay
It's easier
Then again
Who said it's supposed to be
There is a time when you haven't really seen me
Outside where the stars are barely seen
There, you start to know that maybe you haven't really done anything to get to know me
You're mostly full of spices
And I'm mostly full of vices
In the end the mixture makes for something that's acquired
The tongue can't get used to eating something so desired
It's the way you look at me that's makes me stay
It's the way you look tonight that makes me stare
Then in the end
We don't know the notes that linger
It maybe because this kind of feeling
Doesn't lift a finger

If I let go of this fruitless hunt everytime it becomes difficult
Will I ever come home with game?
When I sought out the goal at hand I didn't expect that I would look the other way
It seems I haven't won any round from the last time
Only small victories is what they feel like
Like I'm taking more steps than I ought to
Like it is too much
But never enough
My heart hurts when you tell me I can't do it
But I know in my heart of hearts
Anything is possible
Even if I'm impossible to deal with
Anything is doable
Even if I say don't
The moments when I turn away from a challenge
Has cost me to lose sight of what is within reach
These moments perish
When I feel like I'm in peril
When you feel like the world is against your battle
Take it by the throat
And let it know
You're not one to mess with
Try on an armor and pick up a sword
Be the person in the arena
Pick a fight with the biggest dog
Break the vase in the antique shop
Make sure you don't turn around when you see the bully walking toward you
Help yourself to more pie
There is so much to fear
Take the name of the Lord in Vain
Then go to the confessional
And cry because of original sin
There is nothing that is not worth trying
Nothing that is hard to ask forgiveness for

This isn't 2007
You're not as pretty as you think you were
Or as fit as you were back then
You're not in high school
You didn't even win Prom Queen
All your juvenile accomplishments may have meant something to people who cared about high school
But then nobody cares now
Suckers are falling for the cruelty of compliments
And they can't tell the difference between an insult from your mouth and kindness from a good person in the form of me delivering you to the painful truth
That when you were somebody
It wasn't preparing you for anything
You're going to be nobody forever
Just another face on TV
With 15 minutes of forgetability
Because you were never really giving. You never knew what it meant to defend the defenseless, fight for what was right, or think about making somebody else look good when they needed a win.
You only think of survival in the jungle of pettiness
And when you feel you've done some sort of triumph
It's always about you

I'm so sure you woke up next to your wrong side and said
"Nah, I'm gonna win today because you're not my partner in crime today"
It's efficient the way I can change perspectives to what I need at the moment
It's a chance I need to take in order to make believe I can make it.

No matter the consequences
It's about how much I can win today
Before the air in my lungs give out
And the skip in my feet give in

I hope you know how much I care, because you were always there
Your presence is always around
It made me believe in the right ideas
It made me believe I can do no wrong
I know I can be cruel sometimes
But I can be a good person
When the day comes that I don't try
Please remind me with a gentler nudge
Gentler than the way my mouth is quick
And my hands are heavy
Kinder that the daggers in my eyes
When I judge every boy who is in love
Meeker than a toddler going up to an elder brother
Asking him to help fix any precious moment he has left in this stage of his life
I can't help but see the light of day in the most bleak moment
It's everything I ever wanted
It's everything I ever hoped for
It's not the light at the end of the battle
It's the light every moment continued to become alive for
Hope is not a jousting contest
Where the truth fights with the facts
It's about something that you need cultivated
It's about something you need to promise
Make that pact with yourself
You cannot be wise
If you cannot admit to not knowing.
Make believe in the truth about yourself
That you can be carefree, with responsibility.
I love you
I hope you never lose the ability to be loving
Loving others with the light and strength that you know needs to be worked on
Be a light for others
Be a light that blind in strength
A light that blinds out complacency
A light that grows plants
And creates life

When I write about you for the first time I write because there are roses in my mouth that bloom when the first moment arrives it caresses my cheeks with full bodied smell of it's unblemishness. It hold me close in its envelopes. Makes me believe in one thing only. That there are moments to savour and there are moments to discard. With every moment to savour there is the wholeness inside our time. Complete sentences without any wasted death. The dryness in my voice is taken as imperfection you are willing to embrace and the sweetness in my nature becomes changeable with every room you occupy in my unfurnished thought. Where you are is where I am. Not even the lasting second you seem to create when you stare into my eyes that avoid your steady stare. Wishing this was just a conversation between two voices only rather than a visual experience with taste, touch, and sound. So much more can be said with the senses but I speak with the willfullness of a telephone call. I am communicating entirely with my body, hoping you know that I know you can't see me. With my smiling "hello" that you translate as returned affection rather than an affection in my ubringing. My manners don't show any less warmth of a home that welcomes strange men. Take me into account. I am not a woman with many choices. I have no strategy for love. I have no moments to select from. I am one at a time. I am more than one personality exploding into a mouth that only speaks meanings rather than symbols.
My words spell out more spaces and my spaces spell out more than silence. You told me more or less I am a pause in your playlist. Whichever song plays next, may you be understood. My silence never ceased listening.

Am I a winding road?
Trying to avert pain
Trying to avert fear
Lunging my mind headlong
In order to get through undetected
I am not something unseen
I am here in between you and what is beyond
You see me as a sphinx or maybe I am a gate
I am temporary to you
I am not what you hope for
You get past me
I get past you
It's even footing
I want to be a destination
There you are
I am here

No
You don’t have to wonder who you are
Why wonder when youre already strong
Why wonder when youre already sure
Why look elsewhere to know who you are
Your reflection may inform others of how you look
A picture of you wearing something neat
Although your screams inside cant be heard
The strength in your voice is what shook the world
When you have a volume **** to turn up
Make sure you turn it up to loud
Because loud makes mistakes
And let’s everyone know
Who you are
Is who you show
Matter of fact
You don’t have a choice
Lesson is youre nobody’s voice
Let it be said when you was aborned
You’re lungs filled with air and you said
“Here I am”

Taking the bus to work
Beside the most tense man
Telling myself to look out the rainy window
And focus on my future
Ordering my mind to become what it should become

Independence Day happened a day before
The rain affects nothing in my country
Always a smile or a laughing worker
In a bright tie dyed tshirt
Underneath the gray colored sky
He brightens the world around him
That is the way the day is made
By your mere existence
Selecting your emotions
Carefully dancing your smiles
My tea in my hands
Warms me
My countrymen
Warms my heart
Lowering my head into a nodding rest
I smile as I wake

This is the sacrifice we make
Having to throw ourselves into each others arms
When we know nothing of my insecurities
My fear of non-commitment from you
Your perfect calm nature
I have only doubts in my mind
Making what we have feel lonely
You don't seem to tell me everything
Although I know patience is the key
Only time will tell with these things
I have only one request
Tell me the truth

It all comes together
Like a neatly tied package
My anger and my love
Passionate living
Still I can't accept
That I feel so much emotion
I now have the choice of unbridled devotion
If I could become the one who says those words
That I know you hold dearly
Then I will become the flowers in your hair
The food you eat
The scent you hold
I could become everything you need

There is a string of things hung with ideas as clothes pins
They take off the ideas and the string can't hold the thing
Memories are strands that if you pull it will never stop unwinding
The common person sees something in the little he won in life
The rest are rather useful than pleasant
Nobody received flowers or fame
If you could see now I'm dying to drown in flames
The love I've been placed through has to be the stuff of myth
It seems to hold back until the graze
The way it holds by taking
The way you hold by cradling
There's so much in me that you already know
I have a bit of wrinkles and the acne scars too
The whole of society sees me as living the dream
But the parts of me that people think are hidden are on the internet
See what the world knows
I should be aware of all the rules I've broken to be here
Then no purposeful ignorance can be said of me
There has to be someone who can point out the crumb on my lower lip
Rather than speak without the relevance of politeness
There's something about the way you hold me
That says you're trying me on
There is no transaction taking place
Treasure is most found on the map of my slow heartbeat
The calm before the storm siphons its way into my blood cells
Making me believe in the little I know as well
You have to be well read to read someone else's biography
You have no language if you only understand yourself
Take a bit off

Broken glasses on our dinner tables
Time is different with a stranger
A meal over an hour longer
Checking in the realms of possibilities
Hopping towards the future with a hackysack
Even children savour the race
Looking at your worn out face
Reaching for a trace
Time trickles forward, taking space
Until I can no longer feel the distance from you

It's a moment before you start
The pause after you've finished
The continuation after the pause
It's reviewing yourself in the goal you have in mind
Making it toward the line that means you made it
Make it everyday
Start it
Pause
Continue the next item
Review
Disobedience to the list ensures no outcomes
Obedience is an A for Effort and a satisfying day done efficiently
Follow it to the letter
This is the founding of civilisations
Rituals, Manners, Habits
Let yourself follow
In order to follow through

I want the stars the moon and the sun
I want it all but I’m not the one who deserves it
Who deserves it but the small ones?
I want to capture the one who’s heart captured mine
Who am I? I do not know how to hold still and back
So I keep it unfiltered
I want the wandering path of the traveler
I so long for this unlived life I was dreaming of you until you wept and I stayed backwards
Who is this I became to even blame you?
For the wisdom I partake in is everything of insecurity rather than insight
When you lose your sleep
I lose my sights too
I figure out the shape of you
Then definitions can be defined
Always I find that when you steam my clothes
You steam every wrinkle away
Until nothing is left
But this poetic mess that seems to go into the woods of overthinking
Lost in the emotion of time
If time were to be heartbroken we would be stuck in this moment
So let’s hack time
And find her lover, death
Separate them forever and see nothingness
Until the end of this affair of souls selling each other everything they want for one another
I want time
So give me what time wants from me
To shun death and let death stay in the heart of time
Forbidden lovers for eternity
My arranged marriage with time
Bargained for with this borrowed life of viciousness
Wooed by a gold digging entity
i'm posing as an old rich woman
Indulgent and defiled
Time is fooled by my masquerade
I will not die and time is mine on paper

Secretiveness is part of the fascination for another person
I told you I had an open mouth
But I did not divulge my soul of mysteries
It is a beautiful pool in the summertime
A mirage of children trying to get into security of holidays
I am secured in my mind
Thoughts dare to pierce the target
But I miss on purpose
To keep you from seeing my ideas
They are missable, mundane to the society that hears only of hype
Sensationalization make my head turn to the side
It's easy to see that when you love someone you crack the coconut open for him to drink the juices of your refreshment
It's something unknowable to another
It's something quenching the routine that's gone sour
Silence spices meditation
My mind is mine
Until I give it to you

Nobody has to know about me
I am a person of insignificance
I only prioritize truth or beauty
There is no need to know about me
I am not like the Saints of past
I am no hero who does any deed so valiant
I need every inch of strength to give to my heart
For my heart is weak in times like these
Time makes we wane and wither
I usually can't fall in love
If I do find a true love
It becomes an obsession
To never see the darkness in another heart
I am imperfect in every way
I know that I shall never see that daylight coming
For I know one thing
Nobody will know about me
I will stay invisible to the naked eye
A telescope is needed to see my stars
I am so very near you
I am nobody of significance
I wish to start my journey as Anonymous
Carving no name on this road I pave
Heaven can wait
Until I am nobody's name

The way you hold my hand is like a warm blanket reminding me of home
There is a seriousness to the way you play with my fingers
And the way you look at me, that I have to look away
I know that you're afraid that I might be a trick of the light
Even lightning that might strike twice
Something that you cannot grasp
Although I tell you my blood looks for solid stuff
I myself am made of wisp and air
Here is me being in your lungs as least

The water in the glass is clear as a pool
It cools my throat in relief
I have been dying of thirst
Without even knowing
What it is like to drink water
Playing in puddles of mud and moss
I never thought to search for higher ground
Keeping like a child
Stuck on the earth's surface
Feet planted on the sticky stuck
When the discovery of the body of water
Led me to clean out my bucket of shells
In this cave from which water is falling from Wilderness'
Fresh water springs from his mouth
Nothing tastes cleaner than that

This salt is beautiful, crystallized spice
Flavor and glint
It pierces my eyes
Somewhat like a diamond
A fragment too small
Everything is added
With this grain of salt
When your skin is salty
It has the quality of the sea
Vast and wide and full
Full of sympathy
When I look at a mound of salt
It speaks to me of life
Life's sins become absolved
The dead need this solution
Keeping from decay
Celebrated salt adds to everything it sprays
Pain and flavor are hand in hand with salt
A wound, and slab of meat prefer the rougher brand
The texture of the sand and sea dissolved in me

I am not going anywhere
I have the path ahead
It still seems to be threadbare
This old way is where I'm lost
Under the stars I navigate
Hope has been my surrogate
Then when hope bore a child of fear
Reality became something clear
It has a cord I cut from home
It has a cry I have heard before
I have known this path ahead
I still imagine I can take this road
This pavement made with utopian soil
It cements itself in the soles of these red shoes
There are no places I can go
So elsewhere from the path is where I'm to

It's the ones that get away that make you tap your ink on the screen
Helping themselves to servings of you to have you mercilessly dream
Succulent messy dishes that they mean to say
Descriptive rich adjectives that blur your mind away
So they devour you and everything you want to leave behind
They don't mean to but they say clearly what you are defined
They have all the hospitals holding broken hearts
And have you heard the rumors that they have no good start?
They are always in the middle
They never start or end
Forever making amends
Forever till they stop
Pretending is enough
If pretense is present tense
It's enough that they see you for who you are
It's enough if they find a real star
Blue and gaseous
They are so away so far

You're allowed to get mad
You don't need permission to shout at someone when they ask you for unreasonable things
Like to keep your temper in check when they don't respect that you're old enough to not take their **** storm of ******* manipulation
You can get mad, go on
You have every rational logical explanation but it's stuck in your head
So why don't you just hit back? It isn't like they didn't hit you first
You have every reason to get mad
The guy just comes back without a word and doesn't know how you'll react so he then makes a statement of power by being an *******
His fear is your reason to get mad
Get mad at his fear with a sharp tongue and a voice of fire
He can't step on you

Who cares if we are lost?
The translation is a sign
The train of thought was thin
Who cares what words are said?
We packed light
Enter forests cradled in the mountain range
Keep your childish laughter
Leave your drunken meal
Drank river into waterfall
I have nowhere, no war
How to exit?
*****
How to enter?
Clean
Land has lost
Sign out the hive
Retired
Bees are so alive
Wire traps the treason
Factory line sublime
I am a social creature
Frequenting the mall
Travel is my heaven
The lights up in the sky
Driven by a dream
Something I can find
Elsewhere and else who

I'm a wreck
My life is a bad outfit worn in high school
The reunion should have a better theme
My insurance didn't cover the damages
When you left my heart in pieces
So I try my best to work as hard as I can
Niceness gets me nowhere but at least I'm rarely aggressive
I'm probably the nicest person
Nobody should notice the wreckage they drive by is actually my life
I'm for repair
Which is why I hide all these dents/scratches with that wax crayon they sell on TV
I call it shabby chic when someone points it out
I'm a wreck

I'm the prettiest girl in the room
I have the longest hair
I don't have much problems
Only my father makes me feel unsafe
My mother left when I was seven
My sister died of suicide,
I was ten
I'm the prettiest girl in the room
I have the best skin
It's unblemished, without pores
It's available for you to touch, sure
I have the biggest smile for anyone who looks
No, I don't seem problematic
The distress is on my jeans
Tell me I'm the prettiest girl you have ever seen
So pretty, having problems is obscene
I can't feel emotion
I can't feel pain
All I feel is pleasure from making you look plain