I don't need sympathy, I don't need pitty
I need some answer that are witty
This darkness is about the here and now
Problems seem to stalk and prowl
I don't know what to do
But to continue on till the day is through
But every day new problems arise
I lift my eyes up to the sky
I want to stand infront of God's throne
Whisper I know I'm nothing but a dog, but could you throw me a bone
Instead of releasing the hounds of hell
That come and munch on my fragile shell
I march through the day like a war weary soldier
Constantly looking over my shoulder
As new problems hunt me down
Throw me into the water watch me drown
To tired to fight the current
But here I am all burnt
Thrown into the fire once again
My soul will never mend
God please today look kindly on me
I've tried to look into the light to see
But it's to dim
I feel myself slipping and giving in

Will everything go as I demand
Will things come out as I have planned
As I travel through tomorrow's foreign land
In my reaching outstretched hand
Will the blue bird of happiness finally land

What will happen as the future I transverse
Will my darkness and agony get worse
Can I out maneuver this curse
At times I feel like I'm about to burst
In scorching pain I am immersed

This life is a living nightmare, a hell
Out of this raging storm I want to sail
I want freedom from this, I scream and wail
To escape into death, my soul to the Devil I would sell
I'd let him pound in the last coffin nail

But I hang onto hope
Hope that I can cope

It's ok to have the pain written on your face
It really is no disgrace
It's ok to see the sorrow in your eyes
Please my friend drop your disguise

For I know the past torturers you
And the future is hard to pursue

I know the past is the living dead
It gets up in there, and ***** with your head

It walks around in there and gobbles down
All the happiness that can be found
It feeds and it scatters
All that gray matter

A different point of view is hard to be found
When you've made the mistake of looking down
Turn your eyes to the skys
Where all the winged things fly

Trust is a must, let go of the rope
You'll learn to fly, never give up hope
A leap of faith is all it takes
To finish in this mad rat race

I'm not a princess, I don't need saving
It's only your love on my heart that needs engraving
I'm not a damsel in distress
Only your love can impress
There's no golden locks for you to climb
Only my heart that you must find
There's no dragon that needs slaying
Just your love is all I'm craving
There's no castle walls to scale
Only true love will prevail
I don't need your money or gold
I can't be bought or sold
I can stand on my own two feet
I'm not like most women that you meet
I'm one of a kind, I am unique
It's only your sweet love that I seek

Just leave me to live in this garbage
Because I've already been discarded
Like Oscar in his can
I'll be a grouch, a *****, for look at where I stand
Society has counted me unworthy
Has proclaimed I'm gritty, and I'm *****
So I'll climb to the top of this pile of trash
I'll scream out the truth, let them all thrash
For only those in the dark can see the true light
Only the broken know the true wrong from the right
In the midest of the fight is where we grow strong
So we can pull others like us along
For those not ruled by this worlds cash
Will ever be harmed by the stock markets crash
I know the worth of my fellow human
And when the world, by greed lies in ruin
We will climb out of the darkness where you've chased us
And in societies face, truth we will ******
For the darkness of man we know all to well
"For the meek will inherit the world" and love and light will prevail

Dakness set's in
It found me again
Sheets of crystal white
Where I wage my fight
I can't even write
The papers to wet
And it's not sweat
My mind is not fit
**** this ****

So tired of this ****** war
So tired of the lossing score
I'm afraid there is no way to win
I've tried so hard again and again
So the battle rages on
Until I am all the way gone

All of this torment
I did not consent
In all this suffering
There is no comforting
In all this despair
No one cares
In this grief
I get no relief
I am so spent
More than bent
In all this pain
I am not sane
In all this anguish
I just languish
It's pure desolation
If I failed to mention
With no more hope
I only cope

Muddy and muddled
My brain is befuddled
Twisted and bent
Life wasn't heaven sent
Battered and bruised
Only ever been used
Torn and tattered
Now nothing matters
Diced and sliced
By life's ****** knife
Crushed and ground
Nothing to be found
Drowning in pain
Not quite sane

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

For my original sin
I'm paying again

For a choice I made long ago
When I was young and did not know

I did not know, loving someone
Could keep you under that gun

Let me set the scene
Of how he was so mean

I endured all his beatings
The only sound, my pleadings

Years spent in his prison
Under constant supervision

Found the key
Set myself free

It was years and years ago
But he still finds where I go

Moved towns and home
Trying to end his syndrome

His mother manipulated my kids
Now he knows where I live

Doors and Windows bolted down
A waiting game till he comes to town

Last time it ended with me in the woods
***** and bruised, because he could

This time it will end in blood and gore
Only question is, which end of the knife I will explore

Just go the **** away
I don't want to hear what you have to say
Your words cut like a jagged knife
All you your sweet tinged words **** out my life
Go ahead and take a bite
Devour my soul till I'm out of sight
Break my spirit
I use to fear it
But now I don't
Leave me in the dark to *****
I was just a clown
You kicked me to the ground
A heart turned around
Desperation the only sound
Just ******* go away
Because I hate you even more today

I am the terminator
The exterminator
I walk around with my spray
Aiming at things that get in my way
So you better stand back
Before I start my attack
Because I might see
You as a tiny flea
******* out my life force
You might be the source
Of that itch I can't scratch
You will have meet your match
I love to destroy what bugs me
It fills me with a sense of glee
I wonder if God feels the same
Maybe that's why none of us are sane

A tiredness has seeped into my bones
My arms and legs are so heavy, they feel like stones
Can hardly keep my eye's open, they keep drifting closed
Not a good thing driving ninety down the road

Should I pull over, or just press on
Maybe I'll end up on the families lawn
Or drift off and hit a tree
Make a gory mess of me

Either one sounds just fine
Wonder what the morning light will find
What will be my final devastation
I speed up to find out which will be my final destination

Oh I wish I had my way
I'd stay here, forever and a day
Locked up tight in your embrace
Curled up by the fireplace
With the flames dancing off your face
Our heart's beat as one, they interlace
Such contentment I've never known
You won't admit it, but your love has grown

I can see it in your eyes
The way you linger at goodbyes
I can feel it in your lips
As you hold onto my hips
Your finger's slightly grips
There is love and passion in your kiss
This love you will not say, but I can't dismiss

I know you'll never say it
At times I want to quite
But you intoxicate me
My heart refuses to see
The catastrophe
That's gonna be

For I hide my darkness behind a smile
Hoping you look past it for awail
But I know it's inevitable
You'll find my sorrow and agony unbearable

All our good times you'll dismiss
When I sink into my black abyss
When my pain touches you with it's caress
You will run from me like all the rest

So for just this one day
Universe, let me have my way
I want this time with you to savor
So with my trusted razor
I will carve from me, normal behavior
One last time, in your eye's I wont be a failure

One last time, to lock away in my memories
How you use to look at me
Before I let you truly see
Before you take flight
Leaving me like I was before, all alone to fight

I hear the scratching in my walls all night
It sounds to sinister it gives me a fright
It could be mice or maybe legions
Of some really ******* ****** demons
I hope it's just my ****** up imagination
Not again, my own damnation
Guess I'll just lay here and wait for the screaming
I've past insane, there's no redeeming

Like a scared little doe
You coaxed me into the field to go
You feed me every single day
All your sweet loving words it was such an array
You had me believing
You would never be leaving
Then one day with loving words still on your lips
You pulled the arrow off your hip
Pulled back your bow
Let your arrow flow
Right into my heart
But that was just the start
I didn't die
You only wanted me to cry
With every heart beat
The more I bleed
I slowly go insane
Whilst all the blood drains
And my heart again will turn to stone
I will now forever live my life alone
For you again have showen me
True love is just a fantasy
But for now I'm still bleeding out
Now all I can do is shout
To the heavens, God your so cruel
I'll just lay here and watch my blood, my love pool
I no longer belive in God, see babe you even took that too
No more hope, no more faith, no more love, you took it all, I'M THROUGH!!

I use to say
Way back in the day
No one was gonna see
All that is inside of me
But my mask grew heavy
The darkness swelled, broke the levy

Bleak outlook
In life I'm but a rook
Feathers black as night
Only sent to cause strife
No one dares to come to close
My past is leaving me in the throes

Darkened days
Futures in a blaze
Other's eyes only seeing
The very darkness of my being
My dreams combust and smolder
Deaths hot breath is on my shoulder

I am an outlaw like Jesse James
I'm not much for playing games
Loyalty is all I demanded
Lies I simply can not stand
Tell to me only truths
Or I'll knock out your ******* tooth
The place we're in is a high stakes game
But in the end you'll be glad you came
We'll float a boat, we'll get real high
While we're cooking, you just might cry
If you have thoughts of rolling over
You'll end up under the sweet, red clover
We're not much on floppy tongue snitches
You'll find they end up in deep dug ditches
But in our canoe you can ride all night
Smoke rolls up it's such a sight
On our boat you can ride for days
Sleep rans fast and far away
So come and play in our devilish way
We'll talk for hours, till there is nothing left to say

You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel

Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture

If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye


So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught

There is something about the nature of the beast
The endless need to consume and feast
It does matter what the breed
There is still that all consuming need
It swells up from deep within
Till on the full moon it splits the skin
Once a month the beast burst forth
The moon light gives him his rebirth
Like a demon locked up in a cage
He burst out with white hot rage
His claws are as sharp as razor blades
He'll carve up your flesh like a jack-o'-lantern
His gleaming fangs should also give you concern
For to him you are but a snack
So you better run, and don't look back

The pain was there to stay
So she took the drugs to make it go away
The shadows danced and played
As on her bed she laid
There will always be a price to be paid
When numbness was what she carved

There she sets with her head down in her hands
Life sure didn't turn out like she planned
The autumn leaves have got her thinking
This life of hers doesn't have much meaning

She never thought she would be alone this far down the line
This life of hers feels more like a crime
All her friends have come and gone
It all just felt so wrong
I know the thought that is running through her mind
She's afraid it's all been wasted time

You can not see because of the light
It is way to bright
Let the darkness soothe your sight
Relaxe, stop your fight
Let the darkness end your blight
Welcome in the coming night
Make you forget the worlds snakebite
That left you feeling so contrite
In the darkness your fears you can smite
Let the darkness left you upright
Find your wings and take flight
Then you will be able to indite
And sing through the skys like a meteorite

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

The Christmas angel sat sadly on the shelf
She sat there all by herself
She had been sitting there for years
You could tell she had cried many tears
For she was covered in dust, except for the streaks
On her beautifully round cheeks

For there was no tree for her to grace the top
One year it wasn't put up, it just came to a stop
All the children had grown up and left
In them the Christmas spirit had been kept
They had always been the reason
The mother had decorated for the season
The reason the smell of cookies baking would fill the house
Now there is not even a cookie crumb, not even for a mouse

So the angel sat all alone
Watching how the darkness had grown
The mother no longer caring
Her sadness, over bearing
Every year it seemed to get worse
The mother feeling Christmas time was a curse
The angel trying to figure out how her cold heart to traverse
How to chase away the darkness and the pain disperse

Then like magic, one Christmas eve a knock on the door
What the mother saw knocked her to the floor
Her eye's filled with tears of joy
There in the doorway stood a little girl and a little boy
The grandbabies had came
Christmas would never be the same
Those tiny little arms held out to be picked up
Had more than over filled the Christmas spirits cup

With laughter and song
The put up the tree, it didn't take long
And the angel was dusted off
Given a kiss and placed on the top
Although old and slightly tattered
It didn't in the lest bit matter
They plugged in the tree, fingers crossed they hoped it would light
All those gathered round the tree gasped at the sight
That little angel had never shined such a bright brilliant light

A single tear rolled down the mother's cheek, the same time one rolled down the face of the angel
A tear of joy and of hope for the future, then the Grandmother scooped up the grandbabies Kimberly and Abel
Held them up so they could see
Just how beautiful that angel could be

Vibrant orange clouds against a baby blue western sky
Signals that the night is drawing nigh
The steely cold fingers of the darkness will soon be around my neck
That leaves me with the unnerving feeling of being a miniscule speck
Like the pinprick of light in the heavenly sky we call stars
It leaves me in pieces like I've been hit by runaway boxcars

Night time is when the world falls eerily silent, and my mind sets to roaming
Down the hallways of my memories I start floating
Soon like fireworks they begin exploding
My mental state quickly is eroding
My nights are always a coal black foreboding

Maybe one day things will fall into place
Maybe one day I'll fall into grace
Maybe one day there will be a smile on my face
Maybe one day I'll draw the ace
Maybe one day my sadness will be replaced
Maybe one day I won't walk in disgrace
Maybe one day I won't feel displaced
Maybe one day I won't feel I'm being chased
Maybe one day I'll win this ******* race
Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll feel love's embrace

Though I doubt it,.......................but MAYBE

Emotionally
Hemorrhaging feelings within
A trillion tears cried

Walking in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my situation
Mired in this place by the muddy suction
Shackled in chains to my destruction

The rain comes splattering in through my window, like a thousand cool tiny kisses

My skin glisten

It begins as the sun goes down in the coal black inky darkness of night

Layer of fright

Thunder so loud it rattles the windows, shakes the room

Sonic boom

Bright white hot lighting splits the night into

Darkness resumes

The rain pours down trying to drown everything, that's for certain

Glistening  curtain

The wind is bending the trees to it's will, making house shingles fly

Look to the sky

Destruction is on the horizon, The finger of God is on the ground

No safe haven found

The funnel cloud again ascends into the heavens, leaving behind a shattered earth

What cost, what worth

The morning light brings silence, only the sounds of the mothers crying

Fathers sighing

Broken boards, tattered dreams, toppled trees

What's become of me

You'll find my body in the field, I sailed the winds, soul ripped from my mortal shell

**** up to heaven, thrown down to hell

You call
Leave a message
"I'm in a fall"
Terrifying presage
"I ****** up"
Pulse quickens
"Drunk from deaths cup"
Blood thickens
"I've took to many"
Stomachs turning
"My prognosis is deadly"
Heart burning
"I love you friend"
Hands shaking
"This I did not intend"
Dialing faster
Message over
No answer

This night just seems not to end
It stretches on much to my chagrin
I lay in this bed trapped in this skin

Why must life be this way
Why must lonely nights lead into sorrowful day
Why must in my head all these thoughts play

As I lay here and wait for the light
Trying to decide if I should give up the fight
But I don't live for myself so I haven't the right

So I just toss and I turn
Stressed and stomach churns
And my scars just burn

Maybe with a new day
I'll look at things a different way
Maybe I'll have better things to say

For now even my bones feel heavy
I'm hoping my tears don't break down the levee
Praying tomorrow I can hold everything steady

Will we meet upon the green grass hill
Will you come and sit with me still
Underneath the old oak tree
We can sit and gaze at the sea
We can watch the white top waves
As it beats toward the caves
The sea foams frothy white at the wide open mouth
And when the wind blows from the south

You can almost hear the pirates song
When they use to visit the cave, but those years are long gone
That's where they use to hide their treasures
But now only the waves laps in at it's leisure

You once asked me,"why don't you explore the cave by the sea"
"To find diamonds and the gold that there might be"
I only shot you a smile
Because I knew all the while
I had all ready found my diamond
And around you my arms I tightened

But that was many years ago
And the winds of time did blow
It aged our bodies, and took you away
So I made that climb up hill today

To sit up under that old oak tree
To reminisce of what use to be
To hold tight the ghost of your memory
For that's one thing time can't take from me

Every human life is ment to change us
Rearrange us
Come into our hearts and remake us

They called you unviable
Not saveable
To come into our arms you where unable

But you where already in our heart
Right from the start
You in our lifes will always remain apart

Not even six weeks in the womb
Gone way to soon
In our arms you maybe absent, but in our hearts and memories there will always be room

My precious little peanut

The framed sign where I work says "smile it's time to be happy"
I see it every single day, it's so freaking sappy
I look at it in disgust
A simple sign that means so much

It reminds me of all I want, but can't obtain
Everyday it leaves me feeling a bit more drained
A bit more inhumane, a bit more broken
It's sad how it makes me feel, this simple token

Somedays I want to rip it off the wall
I'll just tell them it got broke in the fall
Other days I pray it will come true
Then I would be happy just like you

But still there it hangs
And every day it says the same
Made to endure it's mocking words
I know to others my rant seems so absurd

But in the belly of the beast it's impossible to smile
When drowning in all this bile

foreign lands I want to roam
Where Kings and Queens sit upon their throne
And big cats prowl, and wild dogs howl
And there's every kind of fowl
Where mighty elephants trumpet
And with tea they serve crumpets
I want to see the very old creations of man
I know I'd be their biggest fan
To walk the ground that Jesus tread
And feed the masses with seven loaves of bread
I would love to see the foreign sands
To get homesick, then return again to my home land

I don't want to kick the hornets nest
But I am felling quit depressed
And begaining to get awful distressed
There is things I need to express
Because my chest is really compressed
I know it's from all the stress
It will be hard for you to digest
But I have to get this off my chest
This problem must be addressed
I think it is for the best
That all of it is confessed
I know after I tell you, me you'll detest
But maybe that's for the best

Oooh never mind
I'll just keep these hornets in their hive
And stay in the shadows and hide

Maybe one day things will fall into place
Maybe one day I'll fall into grace
Maybe one day there will be a smile on my face
Maybe one day I'll draw the ace
Maybe one day my sadness will be replaced
Maybe one day I won't walk in disgrace
Maybe one day I won't feel displaced
Maybe one day I won't feel I'm being chased
Maybe one day I'll win this ******* race
Maybe, just maybe, one day I'll feel love's embrace

Though I doubt it,.......................but MAYBE

I've broken through my outer wall
Only to find a cliff from which to fall
I think I'll run and jump
Maybe then my heart will pump
With an adrenaline rush of being free
Finally a smile on my face, a glimpse of glee
I know I'll hit the bottom, I always do
But this time there will be no need for glue
I'll savour the air passing by
I won't even close my eyes
I'll watch the ground rush up
This life was just to corrupt
Now I know whats on the other side of my wall
I'll leap instead of fall

Did you know
That in the snow
Despite the glow

Our fears
Are still there
Still holding us near

Did you know
In the snow
The fear still grows

Even when it's covered
Under beautiful snow smothered
Just beneath the surface can be discovered

Did you know
In the snow
The winds of change still blow

You can try to foget
It will still make you sweat
It will still make you pay that debt

Did you know
In the snow
The fear will still make your blood run cold

There is mayhem in the sky today
The trees are so excited, they dance and sway
They like me, love the power that's unleashed
Hopefully it's all day before an ****** is reached
The lighting the thunder, is the sky crying out in pleasure
The intensity is hard to measure
Thunder rolls on at it's leisure
As the clouds rain down it's treasure
The earth greedily ***** up the flood
The ground turns liquid, turns to mud
Dark clouds building up, you can feel the emergency
Till it's dark as midnight, feel the urgency
Darkness and mayhem brings on the strife
As mother nature's ******* brings fourth life

You became the light on this darkness that is me
Like the power the lighthouse has over the sea
You burst into my life so unexpectedly

Your smile chases away my angriest clouds
My anguish can no longer scream out loud
At the sight of you my demons just cowed

I get lost in your sea of blue
Sparkling my way in the brightest of hues
Your eye's fall on me like the sweetest dew

Your kisses are smoldering and cool on my lips
Our passion becomes an eclipse
As your gentle touch lingers there on my hips

What a beautifully experience you have become
To your magical way I've succumbed
I marvel at all you are helping me to overcome

You are the light to my darkness
The smile to my sadness
The strength to my weakness
With you my nights will never be starless

She was just sitting there cigarette between her fingers
The smoke curling up above her head, it lingered
She was just contemplating the universe, and her place in it
She felt like a round peg trying to be pushed into a square hole, she just didn't fit
She was far more beautiful than she knew and her spirit was a wonderful kind of wild
Her loving generosity was always reflected in her gorgeous smile
It was heart breaking that it was not flashed more often
But what else would you expect when all of her dreams had died and had all but been forgotten

Her Grandma had taught her as a small child of a loving, caring God
She inhaled deeply from her cigarette and thought if He was so loving why had He only punished her with the rod
She exhaled and let the smoke rise above her, maybe her Grandma had been wrong
Her faith was waning because of all she had lived through all she had seen, her faith was almost gone

She snuffed out her cigarette, stood up and took a long look around
She was completely alone, her broken heart beat was the only sound
Her eye's was filled with the tears of a lifetime of pain, anger and sorrow
She was terrified of the uncertain future and what was to follow

If only she had relized how many other's lifes she had touched and changed
She had so many times sacrificed of herself, let her life be rearranged
She had that rare type of heart that could always see past the surface, to see their lost beautiful soul
What an agonizing tragedy she was blinded to her own amazing, loving, unselfish beautiful soul; she just didn't know

There is mayhem in the sky today
The trees are so excited, they dance and sway
They like me, love the power that's unleashed
Hopefully it's all day before an ****** is reached
The lighting the thunder, is the sky crying out in pleasure
The intensity is hard to measure
Thunder rolls on at it's leisure
As the clouds rain down it's treasure
The earth greedily ***** up the flood
The ground turns liquid, turns to mud
Dark clouds building up, you can feel the emergency
Till it's dark as midnight, feel the urgency
Darkness and mayhem brings on the strife
As mother nature's ******* brings fourth life

It hasn't stopped raining for years
I'm slowly becoming one with the mud
Left all alone to drown in my tears
Or maybe it's blood
Either why I'm being consumed, my body just disappears
In this angry raging flood
Of anguished emotion, and fear
I will surely never be found under all of this crud

Please someone rescue me
I fear I will never be put back togeather again
Flailing in this turbulent sea
Will mayhem always reign
Will my demons ever let me be
Shattered under the strain
Please I begging someone hear my plea
Come and rescue me!!

The new wounds I made last night
Reminds me today things are not right
Not right in my life, not right in my mind
Hell, to my own self I can't be kind

The sting of my new scars remind me all day
That I am still living in the gray
I'm still alive, but not really living
The blade is so unforgiving

So I trudge through my time at work
Dealing with the many jerks
Begging the time to fly faster
Trying to elude disaster
For over my emotions I am no master

I just want to run back to my hole
It's the safest place I know
But that is also where my pain hides
A million tears I've cried
Where the razor slides
Where I almost died

But there is no one there to see the mess I make
How the ground beneath me quakes
Or to hear the screams that from my lips brakes
When from the nightmares that I wake

No one throws me a bone
I'm so very much alone
But thats ok
No one can deal with me anyway

Good intentions lay around us like unopened books
We thought we might, but we never even took a look
We thought we might, but our actions where null
We just stayed in our lull

Our intentions where grand
But we never took that stand
We know we failed
We are on that paved road sraight to hell

A stones throw from heaven
To bad they close at eleven
Guess I'll be eating with the devil again
He doesn't care about all my sin
We'll talk and laugh and drink some gin
We'll play pinochle and I'll let him win
I'll never have to worry about being cold
I won't be blinded by the street's of gold
I'll play fetch with his hound
Won't have to worry about that heavenly crown
We'll smoke a bowl and get real high
Won't have to worry about how angels fly
We'll crank the metal up till the earth shakes
No worrying about being tested till I break
I'll be there with the rest of the primates
No more worrying about those locked pearly gates

Here at the gates of hell again looking down
I don't want to ever be found
I'm so lost and alone
My friend their true feelings they've shown
They got to much of their own to bear
And they just want me out of their hair
I totally understand their view
So I silently take their cue
But I'm so sad I don't know what to do
There's a weight on my chest and I can't breath
And every pour in my body just grieves
The agony in my heart seems so unbearable
I'd just go to sleep if I was able
But insteed I'll just lay here staring at the ceiling
Wish I wasn't alone with every fibre of my being

In this game there is no winner
There is only sorrow in the razor blades glimmer
But the sting of the flesh is a manageable pain
Unlike the one in my brain
That makes me quake
My hands to shake

But with the blade, my hands become steady
I brace for the slice, I get myself ready
Then I create my art, the flesh is my canvas
Most think this is total madness

But with the pain now in my flesh
For awhile my brain can rest
With the flow
My anguish goes
The thin red lines, allow me to survive another day
It just the price I pay

How can I **** myself when I am already dead
Struggling through endless time and this is where its lead
I feel like a zombie, a walking bag of rotting flesh
No heart strongly beating within my empty chest
It's been shattered like fragile blown glass
Falling for an eternity in a bottomless icy crevasse
The hopeless confusion of this life seem endless
What use is existing when there is no fiery love, it all seems worthless
Made to see love's glowing light in other people's eyes
When all mine do is turn red as I cry
As darkness is all that cruises through my vains
Because monsters where my only company, their the only things that came
At the end of the Chase, this is where it lead
How I wish I could **** my demons, but I'm already dead