I'm being told by others that you may be the one
The person who's supposed to love me
Treat me right

I'm being told by you that you care
The reasons why you enjoy talking to me
Love me greatly

Why am I so easy to forget like that?

She's like a wildflower,
Beautiful and carefree
She goes with the flow
And finds beauty in everythin'
Her only motivation - the sun and the wind
The ability to love herself, a power within
She counts the bumblebees as they buzz by
While some come to stay others just say 'Bye.'
She treats them kindly and gives them her all
Sweet and vulnerable, in hopes they don't sting
After all, herself,
Another human being

My dear, you are purely saccharine
But even the sweetest of things turn into something weary
For after a while, sweets start to become too rich for our taste as we age

Today my bus was a little late
So 27, 71, and 42 arrived all at the same time;
Mine, my best friend's, and then "******'s" as we call him

My best friend wandered off and returned
Only to sit in the bay window two windows away,
And "******" greeted me for the first time ever,
He walked up to me, greeting me with a sincere smile
Something he's never done before

Another friend standing by told me something,
She told me he had his signature blank expression as he walked up to me
How she gave him a nod as in a "What's up" motion
To which he replied back, emotionless

But when I turned to him and my eyes met his
His face light up;
He smiled and seemed glad that I was there
"******" didn't worry about my best friend who he claims loves so deeply

Soon our trio was roaming the halls together
Though, not long after we set off he said that we need to talk later
In that serious tone he used with my best friend when they were off and on

What are you thinking?
What are you planning?
Why did you smile?
Does it mean anything?

We skipped 1st period together
And things were cool and calm

No issues - we didn't get caught
As I gave advice to you as usual,

We discussed what we have in common - good and bad
Then you can't see anything good about yourself
But as I told you,
Sometimes the good things and people are overlooked;
Sometimes we overlook the good things about ourselves

After that you agreed and seemed to understand a bit
Suddenly you asked what's on my mind,
To which I confessed my fear to you

How I want to live near my best friend after high school,
That I want to be around someone I know
"Because, anxiety." As I said
And added how the thought of going to a different country
Scares me to all high hell

Then again, you mentioned that you want me to go with you to Ireland
Or that we can stay here
And when your grandmother passes, I can move into your house with you

I don't understand why you're being so nice,
I don't know if I can believe your words

You shook my hand
And touched my soul
Burning my heart
And poisoning my skin

If you really knew me,
You'd know I don't like people remembering my birthday;
That I'd rather have any other song sung to me around those small candles
Than that overused and cliche Happy Birthday song
Like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

If you really knew me,
You'd know that the fewer birthday wishes the better;
That a simple smile and hug will cut it for me
Rather than money

If you really knew me,
Like the back of your hand,
You'd respect that;

Most times I imagine myself committing suicide
And actually dead,
I find myself running away from my home
Only time end my life somewhere alone in the woods

A few times I see myself going behind my best friend's house
Others the woods near my home;
Sometimes going somewhere where I know nobody would think of looking
But rarely in my home in the bathroom

I know exactly how things would go if I did it at my trailer home;
In the early morning hours, I'd cut and overdose on my pills I've saved up,
My mother would try to come in the bathroom at 6:45am when she wakes my brother up for school
The door will be locked, she'll call out my name thinking I missed the bus
Though she'll receive no response and can't get in
So my mother will wake up her boyfriend and ask him to unlock it
Only for them to find me on the ground unconscious

But if I left my home,
No one would know where to start looking
And I'd be successful -

The End

I've been up since Monday,
Not an ounce of sleep
I feel so dead inside
But that ain't stopping me -
From smiling on the outside

Because a song I listened to last night,
That provoked certain thoughts and urges,
Said that it doesn't matter what's on the inside;
That you need to shove it deep down inside and just smile
Because only what's on the surface matters

So that's what I've been doing so far -
In the 2 hours I've been in public and around my best friend
I've smiled and threw jokes out
Laughing perfected fake laughs
Pretending that I'm sleeping while the world was dreaming
That I was having a happy dream in a cozy slumber

I pretend I wasn't crying all night long, alone
As I convinced myself that my best friend didn't need me;
When I get in those episodes where the need to die is so strong,
I can never really imagine a scenario where she cares or wants me around

But there's one scenario - one moment where she vaguely does
And it's when I see myself in my casket being lowered into my grave
I can see her sad and crying sometimes depending on the night
But others she just stares, remotely sad

Though, what do I care?
I'm dead and free

Finding loopholes and skipping class;
Playing substitutes like pawns

We try to sneak away together,
My best friend and I

Making petty lies -
We smudge reality and falsity

Our second year of high school
And we're already aces of forged passes and coming up with smoothly said ******* excuses when questioned

It is in between classes when we roam the halls
That we hatch our plans and ideas, building excuses

A few failed attempts
Though we still have many tallies on our side of success

There is an in between that no one likes to talk about
And that my friend, is home to me

Only fools fall for you,
So I guess that's why I did too

With raised hands we
Joined together creating a
Revolution as we
United as one
Voice spoke by a
Galaxy of people

Revving engine there you go,
Twisting the throttle of your Harley Davidson

Sunglasses down, a small smirk upon your face
You think you're better than everyone
You stupid mosquito

I was headed home when I stumbled upon thee;
A spidder

Your hill-like crooked legs speeding down the road towards me,
I tried to run

But far too fast were thee and crawled upon me
The spidder whispered to me;

Now at last,
We're connected by stomach and arm

I'm so sick of being blamed,
Getting yelled at for adults' and teachers' mistakes
All because of the "she said, he said" bull

I've devoted so much time into my job
I've been a good student with honor and higher grade classes
I've always gone the extra mile and scored those brownie points
Yet now I'm on lockdown

Who knew acting out and skipping classes for once
All due to my mother's threats of kicking me out along with my suicidal thoughts
Would bring everyone to ******* hate me

Haha but listen here,
I won't give up that easily;
I'll bite back with venom and fangs while you try to toss me in a cage
I'll show you I'm the one who ******* rules my life
And that I make my own decisions
Even if that means ending my own life

Barely talked since she told you no;
My best friend rejecting your love
And not wanting to be yours

New crush within 2 days
After being 2 years obsessed over my best friend
And trying for 3 months to charm her, requesting my aid

So you didn't talk to me for 3-4 weeks until you messaged me,
You were miserable and wanted me to break it off to her
And we're still friends so I do

Today we were talking and you seem more comfortable with me
And you seem all worried about how I am and how things are
But then you said something odd and abrupt;

"Come to Ireland with me."

At first, my mind told me that's absurd moving to a different country
But now that I think,
I may just take you up on that offer

We both could use a fresh start;
Strange people that don't know the rumors spread about us here
No stained reputation and issues to follow us

It sounds heavenly,
A blissful paradise that seems so beautiful

We then quit thinking about each other
Yes we did

All was so empty
All was so noisy
Then all went silent

Now all is balanced now all can happen, now all can happen

Hang a rope 'round my neck
Say goodbye, write the check

We danced in winter;
Shining suspense here

You never brought us dancin' in paradise

I feel alone;
The kind they bring

You told me a story
Of how you left
A young girl who became too depressed

She spoke in monotone
When you'd call on the phone
And that affected you

But instead of trying to help her
You left

Now I sit and wonder
'Am I next?'

Maybe you're an introvert
But really bubbly and carefree among those you know best
Maybe you don't have many friends and that's okay
But sometimes you need the type of people that bring out that side of you
Maybe one day you'll get yelled at
Because you're laughing too loud in the hallway with that special best friend
As you leave class early
But all you have to tell them is,
"I'm existing loudly."

Leave a legacy,
Exist loudly

Velvety paint
Upon wings
Creating elegance
And grace;
Angelic creatures
Flutter around
Traveling miles
Landing gently
On some
Rose blooms
Staring again
Another day