I am an addict
I am a mother
I am a daughter
A sister, a friend.

I am an addict
and I live under
The spell addiction sends
right through my bones,
my mind, my heart, my soul

I am an addict
and I have never felt so small
I am an addict
I told myself
As I held my head in shame

I am an addict
and I cannot live with all this pain
I am an addict
I deserve nothing but the worst
I am an addict and
I live under this curse.

Success
I cannot have it (I told myself)
The right to a good life
I am an addict
I’ve caused too much pain and strife.

Content
I cannot have it (I told myself)
I don’t deserve to smile
I am an addict and
I am at the bottom of the pile

I am a survivor
I am a warrior
I am a Queen
But
I had a habit
That dampened all of my dreams

I am a fighter, a writer
I am clever, kind, caring and strong
I am an addict
but under labels I do not belong

I am a women, a human
Who sadly had to break
To be transformed into
The champion she is evolving
into today

I am an addict and
although yes, I do lust
for drink and drugs
I now have a Higher Power
I can trust, who showers
me with strength, guidance and love

I trudged for miles but
with hard work,
The shackles soon fell off
and although yes,
I fell face first
deep into the mud
I wiped my eyes,
squeaky clean and
I truly felt Gods love.

I began to breathe, to believe
in myself, in all my worth
and dare I say it……
I was thankful to still have
two feet firmly on this earth.

I remembered how it feels to live,
to dream, to be free
To feel alive –
and just how beautiful
This universe really is
Through my new fresh eyes.

I am an addict
And I do not wish to forget
For that could do me harm

I will always remember
my loved ones, my friends,
my family
Who lost their battles
In this crazy search for calm
and I hold them here
Firmly within my heart.

They provide me with the fuel
When my internal fire
barely starts
But the ones who keep me
Strong, who really ignite
my light
Are the ones sat amongst us,
The ones who daily fight
to stay sober and clean

We’re not perfect but
We try, the survivors,
the warriors, the ones
fighting to the end
carrying a light for their
lost loved ones and friends

You’re the champions –
In my eyes you are all stars.

And you deserve every bit
of goodness on this earth

Addiction puts blinkers on your
eyes, but recovery removes the curse.

Please understand, it isn’t
easy, it is a daily fight
but with time, care and
a lot of love, I am grateful
to have been given another
chance to try at life.

I am an addict
But I am also a survivor
And freedom tastes so
very, very nice.

It's year 2020
And it suddenly seems
That COVID-19 is
Now running the streets

He flew in from China
Off the back of a bat
He danced round in circles,
Eventually crashed...

The details are jaded
In fact nobody cares
How he transferred from bat
To the Human flesh

He's sparked a pandemic
And he's drawn to all those
Who ignore all warnings
Not to get too close!

(Little side note, he's drawn to us all but
finds it much easier to travel via the fools)

COVID-19 let's say...
Corona for ease, he's
Infecting our people
There's no need to sneeze!

He's got it all covered
He's hijacking our air
Needs minimal contact,
Just you to be there

In breathable distance
(He dares you to come close)
Unknowingly contract,
Pass on, double dose

At first you don't feel him
Though he weighs on your chest,
Heavier than you'll know
Until close to death

Some people can fight him
Off better it seems, he
'Prays' on the vulnerable
In contacting these

Who'll pass him on over;
Mum, Dad, Grandad or Nan
The man down the road who
You stopped to shake hands!

The person who's struggling
With another disease;
No room for a Virus
PLEASE don't give to these

The concept is simple
The process a bit hard
But please stay at home,
He's killing us HARD!

It may not be you yet,
Not yet someone you know
But it shouldn't take that...
I want him to go!

PLEASE STAY SAFE AND STAY HOME!

I have the Devil deep inside me
And he’s playing a cruel game
It’s my life ‘Vs’ his life and he’s
Fuelled by all my pain. A deal
I made many moons ago, I shook
His hand and let him know that

Life wasn’t all that it should be
I wanted out, I wanted
Peace. He raised his head then snarled a grin
Opened his arms then pulled me
In, loaned his eyes so I could see the
Deep Red of Eternity

White dust he sprinkled, fires and sparks. My
Life seemed meek in dull contrast
“I’ll give you life in turn for yours, with
One small price to pay of course.
I’ll take away each bowt of pain, I’ll
Teach you how to smile each day

You’ll fool them all, you’ll have good fun, you’ll
Laugh and dance under the sun
As time goes by you’ll grasp the chance to
Reacquaint with confidence
Walk hand in hand with me, you’ll see how
Easy it be, to exist

Carefree” - I knew that life could be much
Worse than all he’d painted with
His words; I was already giving
Up you see. I gave my hand
Reluctantly. He grasped it hard then
Pulled me tight. He stared so deep
Within my eyes that, soon enough I’d

Lost all sight and Line-by-Line
I’d lost my touch, with Magic dust I’d
Found my crutch. The pain subsides,
My soul was priced up Gram-by-Gram, the
Whirlpools spun me round ‘n’ round
And the Devil Cloned me as I drowned

A mind once mine was now half-
Owned. Shame so vast I could barely breath,
False Pretences filled with Greed
These days I walk by in two-halves, each
Day I fight I can hear him
Laugh. “You silly Fool did I not say?

“Addiction is the Price you’ll
Pay?! For everyday you thought you’d Won.
The endless Masks which you’d piled
On, to hide the pain to cheat the game
Avoid life’s lessons you’d made
In vain; with me you chose to spend your

Days. I have your hand. You gave
Your blood, blind-sighted tears because
You ******-up. Indulged in Drugs
You masked your pain and now I hear MY
Name in Vain as you Beg and
Pray for me to end the game. Such a

Naieve young fool you were back
Then to think that ‘I’ would be ‘your’ friend
Now day-by-day you’ll hear me
Laugh as you try to loosen up my
Grasp. With new eyes on the prize are you
Surprised, that you see me ROAR?!”

Don’t Fall down now as you run;
The Devils deal you should not have done!



© 8 hours ago, Karen L Hamilton

As I walk the tightrope
On the edge of sanity
I silently scream
Making my pleas

Shall I topple either way
Lose my footing in a daze
Which side will I land?
If I land at all

Where'll I fall?
Fooling you
Fooling me
Inside my mind I make my plea

Please help me understand
Understand what I don't know
I make my way on tippy-toes
Whilst living life on a throe

Throw away, throw my mind
I need to leave my past behind
Behind me is another door
The door I think I'm striving for

I need to I turn, I need to go
For you, for me, for who, who knows?
Follow me, keep me safe
Trying not to contemplate

I'm scared, I'm lost, I've lost my mind
I'm wondering who is behind
Behind it all or is it fate?
Because of all the mess I've made

I want to write a poem
But I don't know where to start,
My mind is slowly slowing;
Too much traffic from my heart

The roads are full and busy
People getting in my way,
Each motor holds a story
Each one has too much to say

Those traffic lights and stop signs
Are just getting on my nerves,
All I see are splattered flies
That my windscreen has reserved

A dice with death, no regrets
It's all sounding so absurd
Here I am, my fate is met
Yet still standing on this earth

I'm not alone though I groan
I am not alone, but all
Loneliness is subsequent
To an inner deeper fall

I fall and fall, fall again;
Do you start to get the gist?
Made the same mistakes again
Swerving quick, I nearly missed

The road I'm meant to pass through
It's the road I'm meant to choose,
The road that holds the 'good views'
It's the road I need to use

My brakes slam on, I am strong
Yes, I'm stronger than I think.
Traffic jams I don't belong;
Jump to ship or else I'll sink!

I sit alone
I sit here still
I sit and think
Of my good will

I give and give
Sometimes I get
But often not
Most times forget

I know my worth
I know its weight
So why is it
For you I wait?

I wait and wait
And wait some more
Until I forget
What I am waiting for

No expectations
No hesitations
No diving in too deep,
No taking for granted
What could be passing
No build up to become incomplete

Just take your time
And you'll be fine
No regrets
No misery,
Enjoy each day but don't betray
Your feelings within each week

Enjoy the ride
Live your life
Consume the unknown and what's to be,
No second guessing
No pigeon stepping
No fighting with your own two feet

They'll take you there
Where ever they dare
Trust their judgement
Trust their needs,
Become less concerned with what's to come
When it can't be controlled by 'me'

It's out of your hands
So enjoy this land
And all it offers you,
Just be grateful
For every day full
Of pleasures which you seek

Because nothing's forever
So today we must treasure
The current ******,
Of pure emotions
Stark devotion
Whatever will be, will be

I'm afraid to be here
At home all alone
When the man in the dark
Could be roaming so close

I'm afraid to be here
After last night
When the man in the dark
Gave me a fright

I'm afraid to be here
With eyes open wide
If the man in the woods
Is lurking outside

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why did he come
Look up at my window
Hiding for fun

I'm afraid to be here
Without my best friend
Who witnessed him too
Sent our minds in a bend

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me how does he know
The best way to creep
To see my window

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why was he here?
A chancer, a pervert
A stalker I fear

If I look to the star
Will you look to it too?
You know,
The one which shines so brightly
Over both me and you

If I look to the star and
Hold out my hand,
Will you look to it too and
Hold out your hand?

And if we look to the star
And both hold out our hands,
Will they meet
For the first time
Within this distant land?

If we look to the star,
Both hold out our hands and
Meet for the first time
Within this distant land,
Will you feel me
Like I feel you?

I feel you beside me  
When I look to the star  
And hold out my hand

I feel you beside me
Within this distant land

Cotton candy in the sun
Gentle breeze;
Lots of fun
Peaceful thoughts
Beautiful minds
A day to cherish
It's so sublime




© Karen L Hamilton 2012

At 31 long years old
I find myself trying to redescover myself.
I say redescover as if I ever
really knew who I was before, 
who I am, what purpose I serve.

It's  a harsh reality as I stand here,
the dark of night enveloping itself
around me,
******* the toxins from my cancer stick, 
as if life or death was worth the gamble..
Good health vs bad health
Puff, puff, puff away.
Smoke my troubles away.

A couple of glasses too many,
red wine absorbed into my blood system,
Warming my inner core,  
Heating me from the inside out.
Takes the edge off.
Apparently.
Reality slowly distorting, the fresh air hitting me

I can't help feeling unsure. 
Unsure of the unknown,
whats to know? 

All I do know is that I'm lost
and I have been for a long time.
My whole life maybe.

What is,
what has been,
what's still to come
are just chapters of this harsh reality
this life that I'm living...

I'm mearly existing,
just being.

Someone,
anyone,
Dragging myself onwards
day by day,
minute by minute,
second by second.

Not every day is a struggle
But the ones that are
Have mastered the art of
Stealing the limelight
Taking center stage,
Forget the good and
Let the bad consume me.
Inhale me like I do the nicotine.

Am I afraid?
I don't know.
There's not much I am certain of anymore.

I used to write with meaning,
with purpose,
for a reason.
Emotion poured out of my every pore,
now?
I find myself writing
for the sake of writing.

I've lost myself,
lost my words.

I do know one thing,
all I've ever wanted to be is loved.
That raw deep love that
knows no boundaries
The type where you can talk for hours
and it seems like seconds
Never bored, never judged, no effort needed because when it comes
it's served effortlessly,  with ease

Effortless natural love

I don't love myself as much as I should,
I know that.  

I've always known that but
I've always hoped that someone else
might just love me as much as
I love everybody else.  

Maybe at this point in life
I have too much to say,
too much to deal with,
too many emotions which I'm
too scared to show you.

You;
Whoever you may be.
I'm scared you'll judge me because
if truth be told..
if I wasn't me,
I'd judge me too.

In May my heart was breaking-
Oh, wide the wound, and deep!
And bitter it beat at waking,
And sore it split in sleep.

And when it came November,
I sought my heart, and sighed,
"Poor thing, do you remember?"
"What heart was that?" it cried.

Amongst the flowers I
am alone with my *** of wine
drinking by myself; then lifting
my cup I asked the moon
to drink with me, its reflection
and mine in the wine cup, just
the three of us; then I sigh
for the moon cannot drink,

and my shadow goes emptily along
with me never saying a word;
with no other friends here, I can
but use these two for company;
in the time of happiness, I
too must be happy with all
around me; I sit and sing
and it is as if the moon

accompanies me; then if I
dance, it is my shadow that
dances along with me; while
still not drunk, I am glad
to make the moon and my shadow
into friends, but then when
I have drunk too much, we
all part; yet these are

friends I can always count on
these who have no emotion
whatsoever; I hope that one day
we three will meet again,
deep in the Milky Way.

Only on me, the lonely one,
The unending stars of the night shine,
The stone fountain whispers its magic song,
To me alone, to me the lonely one
The colorful shadows of the wandering clouds
Move like dreams over the open countryside.
Neither house nor farmland,
Neither forest nor hunting privilege is given to me,
What is mine belongs to no one,
The plunging brook behind the veil of the woods,
The frightening sea,
The bird whir of children at play,
The weeping and singing, lonely in the evening, of a man secretly in love.
The temples of the gods are mine also, and mine
the aristocratic groves of the past.
And no less, the luminous
Vault of heaven in the future is my home:
Often in full flight of longing my soul storms upward,
To gaze on the future of blessed men,
Love, overcoming the law, love from people to people.
I find them all again, nobly transformed:
Farmer, king, tradesman, busy sailors,
Shepherd and gardener, all of them
Gratefully celebrate the festival of the future world.
Only the poet is missing,
The lonely one who looks on,
The bearer of human longing, the pale image
Of whom the future, the fulfillment of the world
Has no further need. Many garlands
Wilt on his grave,
But no one remembers him.

Donald Trump what a Chump
The name makes my blood Boil
His views remind me of
Those poor Jews when ******
Caused such Immortal coil

Trump claims to be against
Extremism yet it
Leaks through his core all the
Way to his Brittle bones
Brainwashing vulnerable;
Led to his Blood stained Throne

No blood shed yet; He speaks
Hell don't be so naive
Trump contemplated by
So many minds in this
Day and age shouldn't be

Building walls make them tall
Then what Is this the way?
Segregation, Racism
Shuts his eyes, Cover's ears
He'll not hear what we say

It's Devastating such
Man claims chance to taint our
Minds with his Bitter taste
A Catastrophe,
Shows no Diplomacy
With 'Morals' formed into
Very Strange Scary shapes

Yes, I agree Something
Needs to change but Believe
Me 'Trump' is not that Thing
Sheds empty promises
Causing controversy
With 'Peace' as the end goal
Trumps No way to begin

His Immaturity
Is so apparent that
He will ruin the world
As we know it today
I think Trump needs some help
Some Mental help to drive
All those Devils living
Within him Far away!


© Karen L Hamilton, January 2016

I hear them float through my window,
Such a mellifluous sound
Of innocence and tenderness,
A parental bond they've found

Too soon their voices have gone,
As silence creeps through the air
Birds gently sing me a song,
Remind me they're always there

You see, if you ever feel lonely
There's one simple thing you must do
Open each one of your senses
To the beauty surrounding you



© Karen L Hamilton 2012

New home, new road
New life, new leaf
New page for me
To place my feet

New dreams, new hopes
New thoughts, new goals
Or are they old
Just like 'new' gold?

Gleaming, polished
And sparkling,
They're fitting like
The perfect ring

They've swept me up
And pulled me in,
Right here, right now
My life begins




© Karen L Hamilton,  January 2016

I'm sending all my prayers to you
I'm hoping they'll one day come true
Through waking life and in my dreams
A strange concept, I know it seems
For I don't practice what I preach
In daily life prayers I don't speak
Today it seems all I can do
Is send all of my prayers to you.


© Karen L Hamilton, 2014

I do love my little egg cup,
His brother much the same,
He holds my egg so perfectly;
Boiled eggs are not a game.

They bounce about for 4 minutes
Before they take their test,
They need a place to hold them straight;
My egg cups are the best.

When the soldiers are awaiting,
Those buttered friends of mine,
I need my little egg cups
To keep them all in line.

They come with little cosy hats
To hide their eggy heads,
I take it off and just like that;
Prepare for eggy bread!




© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

Confusion taints
My every thought,
Round and round in my head;
I can't stop it coming.
The words are
Running like rabbits;
I'm close to giving up.
There it goes again.

I feel the sand
Between my toes,
Waves lapping at the shore.
It sounds so peaceful.
We live out here
In Paradise.
Our lives are different,
But dreams are much the same,
He has his, I have mine;
I am at peace once more.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

Stretched, torn, hauled
Churned inside out,
Bound in knots
With no way out

"Push on, move on
Get on with it!
Pick yourself up,
Just deal with it"

I wake, surface
Slump out of bed
Dazed in shower,
Wish I was dead

"Shut up, think straight
Sort out your head!
You're crazy, nutcase;
Hear what I said?!"

Yes Sir, though Sir
My bags are full,
I Truly believe
It's best for all

I can't go on,
Bereft, forlorn
Can't heave myself
My bones are worn

"Why act so bruised?!"
How can't you know,
Life struck me with
The penultimate blow

If it were simple,
I'd escape this place
But my son, you see
Is my saving grace.



© Karen L Hamilton, January 2016

Once again we welcome here
With arms held open wide,
A very special time of year;
Choose presents, wrap and hide

A Christmas gift is waiting,
We're hoping it's 'the one'
There'll be no more hesitating,
Unwrapping's so much fun

Truth be told it's more than that
Yes, presents pass the time;
At dinner we each wear a hat
Eat turkey, drink the wine

But Christmas is a chance to show
Our loved ones that we care,
A time to reaffirm, although
We hope they know we're there;

If ever they should need you
Your arms are open wide,
At any time, the whole year through
You'll be right by their side...

This Christmas, when you sit there
With gifts and cards aside,
Remember there are those who care;
You're treasured in my life


© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

Your body, your mind, heart and soul,
All combined, set a goal
To start today; no better time
If you really want this
You need to strive. Work for your goals,
Work as hard as you can
Staying focused, you need a plan

You're pushed to your limits;
That's what you think. You can reach it,
You just need to believe.
Believe in yourself, have some faith,
I know it's not easy
Make no mistake, comes from within
This new strength you shall find,
Conquer your goals, body and mind.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

Who has the right
To stand and stare
Snarl at others
With piercing glares,
Who has the right
To cast a stone
Place themselves on
Pedestal's or
High on a throne?

For you and I
We cannot judge,
Neither of us
Are clear of mud
We make mistakes
We all grow old,
Fight to survive
The bitter cold;

Now. I'll ask again
But this time be true

One day those stones
May cast at you



© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

If I could no longer find the right words
Because words no longer made sense,
And sense was no longer sensible
Is it ok to sit on the fence?

No care for 'yes/no's' - just 'maybes'
With no desire to argue my point,
For surely the point is pointless now
If left to the toss of a coin

No need to have heartfelt discussions
No use for mind blowing debates,
Why try to have an opinion when
It can all be left down to fate?

You see the reason for these questions
I'm not sure I'm one to agree,
For if we lived our lives without passion
Ask how boring our lives would be?

Life isn't just left down to chances
Luck is not dished out on a plate,
Although I agree how nice would it be
If we could gobble up luck like cakes?

...If you're sure life is one big gamble,
Which if I'm honest it seems it could be
Instead of a game of poker,
Should it be played more like monopoly?

We start at the line together
Moves made with the roll of a dice,
Now and then we'll lose sight of each other
With some of us paying the price

But not far from our reach are our chances;
Some will cross these more often it seems
However, it's all about decisions
Investing and trying to succeed

At times we will run round in circles
Hoping to find a 'get out of jail free'
And just like the game life lasts longer for some
But whilst here try to be all you can be,

Let me finish with one last question;
Why would we not be true to ourselves?
Tell me what's life to be if we don't follow our dreams
And make the most of what's laid out on our shelves?




© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

Communication is the key
The answer to all thoughts which flee,
Some try to run and hide away
It's much simpler to think and say
  
If you're sorry then say you care
Explain your thoughts and why they're there,
If you love them then voice your mind
Communication to be kind
  
So many words run round our heads
Spoken wisely they're put to bed,
So many thoughts bounce mind to heart
Voice them carefully, let them part
  
Blessed we were with words to say
Blessed to make things feel ok
Blessed to have such precious time
Blessed to voice our wonderous minds
  
Time is short in this fast paced life
Waste no time we've no time for strife,
Careful wording could help a lot
To voice those thoughts your mind can't stop
  

© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

It's funny how it all pans out,
Life with it's ups and downs
Happiness can seem miles away
As smiles turn into frowns
  
It amazes me faced with strife
Whilst struggling not to drown,
How something so magical comes
Armed with a tainted crown
  
Yes, everyday is a blessing
A blessing on this earth,
We live it and we fight for it
We fight for all it's worth;
  
Worthiness is a point of view
Which carries its own curse,
Such curses just like old wives tales
Hold substance on this earth
  
So what is it that's driving us,
Guiding us on our way?
In the hope that we grow wiser
Wiser about our ways
  
Of seeing things, perceiving things
Taking things for granted
Not knowing just how good it seems
Until shelves look slanted
  
Lesson's learned every day my friends,
Every waking hour
What use are all these lessons if
Forgotten when turned sour?
  
'Happiness' the one common theme
We'd all like in our lives,
Happiness doesn't come for free
We pay a ghastly price
  
A price is paid, no choice given
As we live treasured lives...
Would we really know happiness
If hurt had not passed by?

  
  
© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

To have all you've known tumble down
You're sole existence starts to drown,
You're watching as you hold your breath
Count to ten and try to forget

Forget your worries and your woes,
Life's unpleasantries, all you know
You know nothing, not any more
You watch the slowly closing door

It's closing right before your eyes
You've lost the keys, there's no sunrise
Closing in, surrounded by dark
Darkness consumes your breaking heart

It beats one less than once before,
You hold it tight and hope for more
Pain you feel is out of this world
Hope that someone undoes the spell

The spiders web that's spun for you,
You're fighting, trying to get to
The place once loved, you thought you knew
Too scared to trust, too scared to move

You're slowly crawling through the dusk
In hope that soon you're good enough,
Enough to walk back to your home
To open arms - the ones once known



© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

I feel it creeping,
Crawling across my chest.
Pick up speed as it spreads up my neck.
Temperatures rising,
My skin starts burning.
I don't need to look
I know exactly what is happening.  
My rashes are back again.

I can't hide from the truths of Chronic Urticaria,
Raw emotions it carefully paints,
Sketching along my skin.
Five minutes in to a Thirty minute consultation.
My emotions churning around in my head,
My heart pumping.

Uneasiness shooting fire through my veins,
Pain trying to escape,
It needs to find a way out;
My skin bright red,
Eyes glazed over filled with tears.  
Unhappiness the forefront of my fears.
I told him, give me a pen and paper
And I could tell you my whole life's story,
But apparently what i need
Is some Talking Therapy.
Thirty minutes, me, a phone and a complete stranger.
My worst nightmare.

Trying to make sense of my mound of messy thoughts,
He tells me he finds the notes he's read from my last consultation;
My first consultation,
Hard to understand.
To make head and tails of it.
Ha!
Try being me.

My past, my difficulties, my insecurities,
My many many losses,
He can see my life's not been a breeze.
He needs to help me organise my memories.
Say's he understands that I'm struggling,
How the current position I'm in is
Causing so much internal suffering.
He wants to help; To fix me.
I guess it's time to admit i am broken.
Finish the conversation,
I'm left as a quivering, emotional mess.
Tears streaming down my face and
My body covered in deep red.
Pain etched across my skin for all to see.

I accept, it's time we tried to fix me.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

With lights in the sky
And cheer in my heart,
A drink in my hand,
A toast to the past

Treasure my memories;
Some triumphs were lost,
Now facing forward
But never forgot

I look to the future,
This one is for me
Year TWENTY-THIRTEEN
For wisdom and glee

Laid out before me
Adventures to come,
With laughter and smiles
I'll drink from the sun

Shining so brightly
Three weeks passed - still pleased,
Work arrange training,
One seat kept for me

First Aid Course progressed;
I wished to forget
The news I received
Before last years test...

(...As irony leaped
'Twas taught to save lives,
My mobile had beeped
With news my friend died

The shock had set in
I had to pull through,
Third day of the course
The test was now due

I pulled it together
My shakiness passed
I saved Annie's 'life'
I gave 'CPR'

I bandaged a 'cut'
I tended her knee,
I showed them I could
Help competently

I passed with "Well done"
But my heart broke in two,
Inside I was numb)
Old memories! Not new....

So, I focus today
With smile on my face,
DEFIBRILLATOR-
It's time to embrace!

I wait in the queue
Examined to be...
Bells chime, the phone rings,
My mum looks at me

(We work together)
She speaks to our Boss
"Can Karen go next?"
Her voice almost lost

I ask her "What's up?"
She said "It's bad news,
Was Grandad who called,
About your Nan Sue..."

She's hours to live
We must get there fast
But first you must go
And start Annie's heart!


© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

Here lies a bud that could not bloom
Gift upon earth, taken too soon
A seed which was planted who grew
In my heart, lives in my memories

Was forced to depart. Such pain left
Me breathless, swallowed me whole as
I sought my way out seeking truths
Left untold. We all serve purpose

As hard as it Seems to accept
These as reasons to see pureness
Decease. This Seed which was planted
who grew in My heart has blossomed

Inside me ever changing my
Path. Lives on within me, swallowed
Me whole now joining my journey
As the missing piece to my soul.




© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

An adventure is what we hoped for,
A good story, a tale for life
But it pains me to say the ending
Wasn't the one we had in mind

We found you in the Blue Mountains,
Sleeping in a place named 'Sweet Dreams'.
So, sweet dreams are what I send to you;
Sweetest dreams for eternity

I won't lie my heart is aching
But Gary you have done us proud,
Proud of everything you've achieved;
Gary, you stood out from the crowd

I'll never forget your charisma,
Your kind heart, your love of life
I'll never forget your dancing,
Showing the pros how to style it right!!

I'll never forget the way you
Told your really terrible jokes,
A massive ball of energy;
I've not met a friendlier bloke

Gary we're going to miss you...
'Miss you' doesn't even come close
To the way we feel without you
It's the good ones you miss the most

So Gary you keep on dancing,
You keep on dancing way up high
And if we're ever feeling lonely
We'll know to look up to the sky

The star that shines the brightest,
Almost mistaken for the moon...
We'll know it's you up there young Gaz
Shining bright on all those you knew.





© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

An adventure is what we'll call this,
A good story, a tale for life
At Christmas time we'll be laughing
Because you gave us such a fright

At the moment you're just waiting,
You're waiting to be found;
We'll find you very soon my friend,
I know you'll be found safe and sound

Broken leg, or fractured finger
Is the worst that has come of you,
And from speaking to your sister
When you're back, you're gonna have two!!

So Gary we'll keep on searching,
We'll keep on searching day by day;
But I'll share a little secret
We wish you'd give a little wave

A small wave, a noise, a whisper
Come on Gary, give us a clue
But don't you worry, stay focused
Because I promise, we'll find you

We'll find you in the Blue Mountains,
I bet you're hiding in a cave
Making fruit smoothies for dinner
And of course being very brave

Day four of the search has started
And we are hoping it's today;
So come on Gary, times up now
Lets find another game to play

Your family and friends all miss you
And we all love you very much,
Hope, from here to Australia
And we are NEVER giving up.




© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

Bonds were formed within each heart
Made silent vows to never part,
Where ever on this earth we go
Within ourselves we'll always know
That friendship is a timeless thing,
It travels far and deep within

When distance grows of course we're sad
We can't reach out and hold your hand,
For what we share is far more deep
We'll meet again within our sleep.
You see, when bonds like ours were formed
The strongest friendship was then born,

The focal point we know we share
That's way up high and always there,
To guide us and to comfort through
The tougher times - our precious moon.
Just look at it and you might see
Your witches flying high and free...

No distance, time or age will stop
Our love for you, not on our watch.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2014

The sweetest smile can fill a room
It shines for miles and dazzles you,
Some try to hide but still consume
It's splendor as it spreads on through

Their inner core, seeps through their bones
Where she bore her strength, no one knows
Works its magic dished out on loan,
Lifting spirits of all of those

Who cross her path and catch a glimpse
Of beauty earthed on sweet pure lips,
A sight so scarce it leaves a print
Within all hearts it firmly grips

But eyes don't lie and few might see
Through the disguise such sweet smiles leave,
With silent cries she makes her plea
In search for light, silently grieves

Those times you find you're swept away
By selfless smiles, another's grace
Spellbound by joy her face portrays,
Seek truths behind her hiding place

The chance is high she needs a friend
To sit beside and hold her hand,
Reminding her that she'll soon mend
And find her dreams within this land.


© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

Lost and lonely starry eyed
Staring at the sky,
Hoping that the answers will
Soon be stopping by

She wishes it was simple
Trudging day by day,
Taken all that she can hold
Tired from the weight

Her hands are full, knees are weak
Onwards she shall go,
Final destination is
Showing up unknown

Desperation in her eyes
Speaks a thousand words,
Though she's tried there's no disguise
To hide all the hurt

Look at her and she shall smile
Though it sounds absurd,
Don't be fooled, deeper she falls
Hoping someone's heard

Lost and lonely starry eyed
Staring at the sky,
Hoping that the answers will
Soon be stopping by




© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

I want to see rainbows and butterflies
Every time I close my eyes
And reserve the right to be mesmerised,
By the pure delight that awaits me every night;
Waking up in the morning
Ready to put the world to rights.
No more fights or frights.
I want to feel alive.

I want to be happy again.

I want to laugh uncontrollably,
So much that my belly hurts, my face aches
And my body bursts;
Into a thousand little funny bones,
Watch, as the fragile and delicate things,
Carefully piece themselves together and
Turn into big beautiful wings,
Making it easier to see where my sadness ends and happiness begins.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the one that my friends can depend upon,
Not the one who upon a friend needs to depend,
Incase I break;
Break down into a million little pieces,
Glass rainbow dreams shattered and crumble
As I fall to my knees,
Desperate to breath.
Please; I need to believe.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the surprise
That hits you right between the eyes
As I walk into a room, because you confuse
My smile with the sunrise,
Spreading its rays like the scent of perfume
And all of a sudden there's no more
Doom or gloom left to consume.
Eyes only on you, I'm reminded right now I have nothing to prove.

I want to be happy again.

I want my heart to beat so fast,
That it beats out my chest
And dances around like only it knows best.
The best way to compensate
For the heart ache that won't go away.
I want my heart to dance my troubles away,
As I watch it with a smile on my face,
Knowing eventually everything will turn out ok.

I want to be happy again.

I want to dance in the pouring rain,
No longer feeling the pain
That each little splash brings to my face;
Clouds the shape of tear ducts,
Pin ****** falling, piercing my skin
As the poisoning begins,
Tainting my thoughts with memories and eventualities.
Too many realities are taking toll on my sanity.

I want to be happy again...

I want you to build me a staircase
Out of rubber bands, hold out your hands,
And carefully lead the way to the forgotten lands;
Where you'll remind me no matter how often rainbows fall from the sky,
You will always be there - my sunrise,
Wiping away rain drops as they escape from the clouds in my eyes,
Helping me to replace each and every rainbow that falls from my sight.

I want to be happy again.

I need to be happy again.



I will be happy again.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

As once I searched to find minds eye
In the mysterious shadow of the nights sky,
I took a minute to look beyond
Realities of this silent song

Winter months come and go
The snow soon turns to spring,
Life's lessons learnt our voices sing,
My heart is opened as your soul seeps in

To every crevice of my open pores
Deep red rushing through my veins,
I close my eyes and open yours
Our summer now begins

The thoughts once mine will run their course
Birds calling out your name,
The sun we share shall keep us warm
Forever and again

The golden days will now be walked
As Autumn shows his face,
The Beauty which surrounds us talks;
This is how we'll spend our days



© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

There she was on stage
The Theatre was packed full
Her face painted
Like a porcelain doll.

Lights shone down on her,
Red velvet curtains draped
It's like we were in
The Eighteen Hundreds

She was in full view
Her long black hair was
Camouflaged with her leotard

The spotlights must have
Blinded her eyes

She danced as
Delicately
As a feather,
Mystically and
Artistically,

It was entrancing to see
My friend who was
Starring the show.

The audience were captivated,
Gentlemen smoking their pipes
Nodding heads of approval,

Swift,
Soft,
Subtle movements
Mesmerised the greater crowd...

And then she speaks.

She speaks poetry
In so many words,
Words I can't relay,

I wish I could remember,
But I remember
How it made me feel;

How it made every one feel.

The strange eeriness
Mixed with elegance,
Her words harshly whispered
But true...

The crowd errupted
With applause
"Bravo" "Bravo"

And then I wake....



© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

My chicken without sweetcorn pie
How did it come to this?
Many years we've turned a blind eye
Lived in ignorant bliss

Sometimes I thought "we think too much"
Other times not enough
Now I know we do think too much,
'Cause thinking's not enough

Some things are sent here to try us
That's all they're sent to do,
Some things are sent here to test us
Keep testing we'll push through

We've been through life without a care...
Maybe one too many,
Cold bitter nights with a chilly air
Life can't always be sunny

But don't you worry that sun will shine
Shine down on me and you
Believe;  we're going to be just fine
We're fighters we'll push through

You and me, two peas in a pod
Life long friends - that much is true,
And together we'll beat all odds
Even when hard - this we'll prove

So promise me you won't give up
I'll promise the same to you
And sure enough we'll find our luck
Happy ending's WILL shine through!

You fought your way to freedom,
However it be conceived

You gave your life to your country,
When it was in dire need

Now those you've left behind you,
Will wear you in their hearts

We're thankful and we're grateful;
Because of you we have a chance


© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

I hit rock bottom and I
Didn't know where to start
To mend these feelings of
My achy breaky heart,
Life took a turn for worse
And all that I could see
Was pain and misery in
An empty shell of me

My outer shell had cracked
And out had seeped my yolk,
I was causing such a mess
I'd never felt as broke...
Then from out my scrambled mess
Popped a friend for me to see,
You came, scooped me up and
Pieced me back so carefully

You tried your very best 
Not to lose much of my yolk,
Said my shell had cracked
But I wasn't fully broke;
See, what I came to realise
It's ok to need a cup,
To rest your little egg in
When you fear it's boiled too much.

© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

Yesterday I went out walking;
I went out walking in the rain,
Apologised to my brolly
"I won't be needing you today"

I felt each and every rain drop
Fall, slowly trickling down my face
And it seemed each drop that landed
Was there to wash away my pain.

The hair on my head was curling
And all my clothes were wet right through
But my legs just kept on walking
Until my mind felt fresh and new...

I know the rain hasn't changed things,
That my life is still much the same
But my worries had a cleansing;
The purest smile broke through that day

I was reminded that life is
Full of beauty with skies so blue,
And although at times we're tested
Life's packed full of good things too!




© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

Is this what you want?
Me to crumble, fall
Shatter before you
Lose feet in the squall

If that's what you want
Come closer, sit down
Bring out the popcorn
Your personal clown

You've got what you want
You win my heart aches
Heavy inside me
No hiding it's weight

It's swollen and sore
Hurts deep in my chest
Can't take anymore
I've given my best

I try to stay strong
I'm failing inside
There's no where to run
I've no where to hide

Today my heart breaks
All over again
No more I can take
Can't handle the pain


© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

Tick-tock, tickity-tock
...The sounds of my memory box
Tick-tock, tickity-tock
This insomnia's got to stop!

Around and round and up and down
My deepest thoughts do fly,
Around and round and inside out,
I think I've lost my mind

They pull me in and spit me out
Whilst running round inside,
They pull me in and SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT
I've nowhere else to hide

I cast a plan, a plan is mine
I have to fool my mind,
To get to sleep I need to trick
My mind, let's start with 'eyes'!

...My eyes are shut - its not enough
"I'M CURSED, I'M DOOMED" I cry
My dearest thoughts now that's enough!
It's time to say 'goodnight'

Now one by one, come on - do come,
Now's not the time to shy,
You've kept me up for long enough
Now let me put this right

You see, my little darling thoughts
Don't fear, its not goodbye...
....I'll reassess your case of course....
Tomorrow, when its light!!


© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

Smoke clad skies
Begin to eerily darken
As I walk down the hill
That's seemingly never ending.

Travelling decades
In seconds as
I admire beautifully
Crafted houses.

Appreciating brickwork
Uniquely telling of times
In which period they joined
The awe inspiring collection.

I catch myself off guard
As I breathe in the
Bonfire fumigated air
And smile.

Fireworks being released
In the far off distance
Begin ricocheting
Throughout my body

Shooting ear to ear,
Head to toe
Screaming, exploding,
Then imploding in my mind

Painting stories way up high
As if they're being told
Soley for me,
My own private show...

The bright colours
Steal my breath away.
I find myself fighting off
The demons of my past as

Suddenly innocent
Childrens excited
Little voices begin
To catch my attention,

Dressed as ghosts and ghouls
Of long gone centuries
Setting off to collect their
All hallows eve treats.

No tricks are needed.
For the first time
in what seems like a lifetime,
I feel alive.


© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

You close your eyes
You look away
You shake your head
Say 'not today'

'It's not my problem.
It's not my fate.
I'm doing fine.
My life is great'

Why should you care,
Why should you stop?
It's not your life
That's tied in knots.

It's not your problem.
It's not your fate.
Your life is fine.
You're doing great.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2012

All I'm asking for is a chance,
A chance to prove my worth,
A chance to earn a place upon
This site to share my work

I'll show you my inner feelings,
Share insight to my soul
Relate, digest, connect the dots...
Through others work I'll scroll

Please accept me to your website
With arms that open wide
We'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll scream out loud;
Then smile, with you on side.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2015