So much is wrong with me,
I see no end in sight.
Though I walk in the path of freedom,
I stumble and lose my light.
The fire I seemingly showed to put out,
Now is nothing more than ashened snow.
I feel only the empty cold,
Long before the fire grows old.

There it is,
The silence of my suffering revealed.
I gave and this is what's left to deal,
What now do I do?
My heart buried beneath the tower I built up,
There's holes everywhere in myself.
I gave and then sometimes stayed away,
But I was always near.
I guess I now know what I truly mean to you,
No more a person.
But a shadow on the wall,
Did I waste your time the days I spent with you?
Was I no more than an annoyance?
What I am now is what it feels like,
Pointless, apathetic, and dumbfounded.
I know you warned me,
And I proceeded onward past then.
Now it just hurts,
You've silenced yourself to me.
Ignore me like I was nothing to you,
Every day of your silence just hurts more.
If this is payback or a lesson,
You've won.
I'd rather be told I'm worth nothing,
And it all meant nothing.
Than hear nothing from you,
That silence kills me.
Especially of how much my heart I gave to you,
So will you continue your silence and keep ignoring me?
Or will you say something,
Anything.
Even if it's just to say goodbye,
Because no amount of tears can erase you.
And in the end of all things,
I just sit here and cry.

In my flight and flurry fancy,
Did someone call out and call me Nancy?
Blinded by the many voices inside,
By them do I truly abide?
Knowing what known to be true,
I can I longer see in this darkened hue.
I have questioned the rational and the irrational,
With too many questions still left on the mind.
But my thoughts are unclear,
In this darkened state of mine.

Beautiful face on a canvas screen,
What does it mean when everyone adores you?
To me a mystery to an unknown,
Something to learn and know.
But I am simply a small spot amongst your pinned wall,
In this the mystery pushes on after all.
So what say you storyteller with words to say?
What folds of life wrap around your page?
I guess time will tell of the mystery at hand,
Of an author on a journey in a far away land.

You see from shadows,
But never speak clear.
Your voice a silence,
Gotten used to it over the years.
What is the continuation of your comfort bonds?
You seek a solace,
In what you distance on.
I take no more pain,
Or pleasure.
Why together stuck like glue?
When in your heart,
I'm no longer part of you.
I question,
I turn.
I question,
I turn.
You whom sits in shadows,
Of once whom had the spotlight.
Now more or less,
A whisper.
Silent in my night.

High in the sky,
Though not down low.
Is a face on the moon,
We all love and know.
No changes in expression,
But phases of the night.
No terror to speak of,
Just a beautiful sight.
Guiding those lost in darkness reign,
A daily duty done again and again.
Cratered moon with a friendly face,
A reflected light for us the human race.

Give me a moment and I will make a lifetime,
Give me a lifetime and I will make something beyond recognition.
Beyond recognition is a desire aflame,
Aflame, born of dreams forward.
Yet dreams do not push beyond their scope,
A recognition held back by reality.
But reality is a dream in wait to come true,
To come true and be reality.
So what do you wish?
What is your desired reality?
In truth, maybe not much,
In truth, maybe it is.
Only you can weave the dreams of wanted reality to form,
And then, only then, will you create it.

I am but a few words,
Mindful of manners and mayhem.
My dreams come in waves of plenty,
Yet I spare only a few.
I mumble and tumble over them,
They beg no quarter.
Yet wish to be heard,
I silence what wishes to speak.
Yet lives on only in single memory,
I dance around in cryptic self-wonder.
But must answer in plainish ways,
Is it the punishment of living onward?
Am I to be the self translator of self?
Cursing but not ending,
Living but not yet dead.
What possible way of misery is this?
What cantankerous absolute point of view is worth seeing first?
Am I the wild one?
Set forth to wander a desert made by others.
Perish the thought I survive someone else’s dream,
That I live the uncontrolled controlled.
What manner of mindset does the fool endure?
What crept, slithered, painstaking idea became my own?
My dream, is it?
My life, is it?
My sadness, my madness, the ups and downs, is it?
Who lives of me?
Who lives for me?
Who desires to see me and not demand compensation?
Does the wind blow in my favor?
This tossing and turning of mayhem and manner is outwardly atrocious,
It begs, it pleads, it demands as like a child.
Am I still?
By others do I mature or am I already?
Questions and personal answers,
But who’s right?
What desire of manner is of self or of others?
I ask and yet self reply,
I see yet seen only others self.
This is the madness of this world,
Am I of you or am I of me?

A master and his words,
Never sleep never rest.
They flow as the day is long,
Beating out the best.
The words are the master,
And the master is his word.
For both must flow together as one,
Or be gone.....gone.......gone.

So far, you sit on the other side,
Reading words so absurd that you dare not reply.
But what kind of reply would you dare to give,
To one filled with words and prerogatives.
This back and forth waving motion,
A wide deep filled silence of an ocean.
Yet there lies the sweet incentive,
Words that you couldn't come up with being so selective.
My muse it has become quite clear,
The words thought gone again arrive here.
And now with doors again open but constricted still,
The words make their appearance and have their fill.

I know it,
It burns like hot coals in my throat.
Directions that seem clear,
Only to disappear when it's time to go.
It's never goodbye,
But it feels like so.
What broken record am I that it stays and stings?
A heart is a useful gift,
But sometimes it's use.
Is restricted by what it brings.

The insufferable sadness,
The ire of pasts come true.
The looks the talks the sayings,
All coming back to you.
Fiercely defeated by the known unseen,
Quite heart reckoning.
Inconclusive,
Far from the normal scene.
I can try and reach from here with the words I use,
But those can be ignored.
One wins but I lose.

I've come to the point,
To where I must push myself.
In for the words to rise,
I burn and I quiver.
Cool down and shiver,
But my block keeps hidden my uprise.
Am I a poet or a parrot?
Mocking every worded rhyme,
I'm bummed and bamboozled.
At the cantankerous creations of my noodle,
Keeping up with time.
The infernal cry and racket,
Seems to muddle my internal bracket.
Where words flow like water,
Day and night.
But in this standing,
With no easy way of handling.
A safety net gone,
No more easy lines.

Neither declaration nor proclamation,
Can save ones skin.
This paradox of life,
That I'm stuck in,
Consumes and blooms.
To ravage me whole,
This predicted doom.
I cannot control,
The imploding surprise.
Of squandered time with closed eyes,
This back and forth conversation does show.
In time does it die or grow?
The answer a question,
I don't really know.

I've seen your face,
I've seen your heart.
You had me from,
The very start.
I wanted to melt into you.
Your sweet candied love,
Keeps me on your line.
Always thinking of,
I don't think I'll last
Cause girl you're so fine.
I want to melt into you,
I want you to be mine.

A new wind,
A change in direction.
The past choices made that lead up to the now,
What will this new path bring?
A view?
A hope renewed?
Or something inbetween?
If I were to try and predict,
I would be wrong.
But I could be right as well,
Regardless, you have seen something different.
And the change upon your mind,
Has found its way in.
Be proud,
Be happy.
And eventually you'll win.

Everything ends and then begins,
The facts of life ensue.
Out of one or the other,
The thought becomes.
So horribly misconstrued,
As words begin to form.
Thought and speech bend to.
The moment shining on the blinded mindless,
As one is entangled within their view.
Where can one of words go?
To follow simply those lines prescribed?
Or by their lead, show?
This answer, a reaction,
A perception of knowledge to know.

A split girl of two sides,
A dilemma risen out of it achieved.
One of daring, brave, fearless adventuring,
The other quiet, hidden, with polite welcome gesturing.
The void of the person whole,
Of yet who she is.
Is yet to be consoled,
The irony of this venture.
Is a split of another,
Will either win?
Or be together whole?

"It's all temporary", he said,
With all thoughts in his head.
No masking no forsaking no decline,
"I've given my all and now I bear this fall".
As he said over and over in time,
"So where do I sit now"?
"And get up to the sky somehow",
"Without ever falling back and being afraid".
"This journeyed life it seems,"
"Has broken my dreams".
"And brought nothing to life but gloomy rain".

In the end the only thing that remains are my words,
With or without my inclusion they remain.
Like unmanned scenery in a déjà vu setting,
Born out of whatever emotion begetting.
They are the forefront to my shadowed eyes,
The sword that pierces the veil on my hidden thoughts.
Words only words,
Remain.

No matter how much you push me out of your scene,
Either tyrannical, delinquent, or frightful mean.
It will not change the heart beaten word of you,
Laced amongst the words of many.
Flowing freely in their grasp,
Oh how at last in meeting.
The feeling remains like last,
I've ridden the self-titled roller coaster.
Seeing in which almost every move you make,
Dancing on your battleground.
Only makes in yourself forsake,
I'll never fully understand your position.
Only the outside going round and round,
In all of you I'll love.
Till the end of me is found.

"You have to deal with it," he says,
"That's part of living on".
"Where things go,"
"This you know".
"We must be getting on,"
"You can erase and try to hide".
"But no matter what she lives on in your mind,"
"Once a door is opened it can be difficult to close".
"Especially those of us who are alike in kind,"
As I squinted and squared away.
The other self was right in this to say,
The heart once revealed cannot be returned on command.
It is given at high risk with just reward,
"So erasing and disappearing solves nothing now", he replied.
"With only your words left,"
"Would you rather feel more empty inside"?
"The emotional stability provided can soothe the soul,"
"But even love can sometimes be a fools game with loss of control".
"So now while you wait and see where the line goes,"
"Live and write for tomorrow".
"The future untold".

And so in earnest truth,
This is where it stays.
Honest hope long forgotten,
A road now phased.
Is it best to be forgotten?
When no real word of you left rings true,
When distance sets its accordance.
And I no longer have a voice in seeing you,
Then again it was expected,
This is where life always goes.
While one flies in one direction,
The other stays and flows.
So I am glad you have what you wanted,
Maybe that's where you're meant to be.
Better than the alternative,
Wasting time on an old fool like me.

Exasperated, exonerated, running all in between,
Despaired and impaired something not quite seen.
The sigh grows long and wide,
Worried at the worlds inquisitions.
Burning with a fire that is still hidden,
Bide the time or bite the bitten.
What face of fear conquers the weak?
Is it the worlds or the one who looks back from the mirror?
The question is answered by oneself,
I ask in order to know.
What makes you stop and what lets you go?

There are things to remember,
In the months of September.
Of what was then,
Now gone away.
Of childish things,
With what childhood brings.
Along our merrily stay,
But when I had grown.
And you had come home,
Something longing had shown in me.
It was you that I had missed,
So wanting to kiss,
Knowing you were home with me.

You're a soul of a soul,
A complication.
You do your own dance,
One mistakes in.
I don't think I can last,
When you obviously blow past, again.
Fools are fools until they know,
Kinda wanna makes you go see their show.
Whatcha know?
I feel as though I lost a race,
But hey at least I know my place.
I'm tired of running so fast,
This stupid world is going to crash, again.
What would you call it now?
In the end.
Like shadowed figures on the wall,
You've had your ball.
Games end and tears run dry,
Faded things that end in goodbyes.
No more hello's,
Breathless sigh.
No room to stand and say,
That things were better yesterday.
For all we know,
That's said and sung.
I lost the challenge,
I am done.

Compressed chest,
Fully stressed.
Is it ending now?
I crumble in the corner,
Of my few days left.
Fire swirling in the dusk,
Hard to push on.
I fear I have no second chance,
No room left to breath.
My only light,
Dim in the foreboding night.
Feeling stretched till eternity,
Wanting to run.
Can’t leave,
Needing breathe for the last stretch.
Passing out into my abysmal lost wretch
Gone are the moments I can’t remember.
In this, my awful mess.

You barely scratch the surface,
You're just two tones too far.
What did you think?
That you could reach my star?
That would only work if you knew where I was,
But your stories made.
And I just a leaf on the breeze,
How quaint that this is where life leads.
Bringing others close,
While dispelling others so far beyond.
I now lost to myself alone,
And you where you belong.

Out of all things,
Those simple complex things.
Those lost, confusing, fearful, dangerous things,
Will light still shine?
Breaking the darkness held upon one's heart,
Stopping it from breaking apart.
Oh how fortunate are they the hard-hearted,
For their hearts resist the breaking.
Only in turn for their heart,
To end up aching.

I throw myself into my head,
When the world around me spins quite slowly with dread.
The thoughts and aches of what comes by,
Why in the world does it make me cry?
My heart and feelings connected as one,
Burn me like I'm on the sun.
And there in the quiet spaces where I hide,
Myself to me I've lied.
What doubtful errors I've concocted that close me in myself?
The hidden doors and twisted paths that make more than what I need.
I am lost and afraid,
Alone and sad within my soul.
A fear of change,
A needed change.
Where else am I left to go?

So in this moment I've caused my own wounds,
Didn't think or hold truth still.
My abhorrence is in my demise,
Time to let go of the disguise.
And begin to prove myself true,
Cause out of all the while and out everything my idiocy will lose you.
So time to step up myself and prove my mettle,
In hope for future stakes too.
Or otherwise face a darkened road,
Continuing on with this unbearable questionable load.
And face myself alone,
Like I always do.

Nostalgia,
The great reminiscer.
The big money blisser,
All according to those remembering so.  
But a warning to be fair,
Of things past done not bare.
People pay in the droves for so,
The memories of joy.
And happy abides,
Long gone.
But remembered in days gone aside,
A taste of blissful high.
What will the payment be?
For remembering once more,
The memories thought to bring peace.
And the world you adored,
I can't comprehend the nostalgia galore.
When people would give their world,
For days of yore.

I am but one point in time,
Of release or capture.
Far down the line,
Breathe in, then release after.
Of worry, hard to let go,
Make better with time.
This failing truth I know,
Swimming in the dark murky swamp.
Depths of empty abyss proceed me,
Cries for freedom tis that life be over.
All forsaken in this tiring race to be free.
Destitution in sorrow slows the pace,
Empty is the ride that’s over.
Lowly disgraced.

As death takes to sweep him off his feet,
In this will things be fully complete.
As Chaos soon begins to reign,
And darkness overpowering all.
The boy of light still remains tall,
A sacrifice given with no end to proclaim.
All to end the suffering against the chaotic stain,
Tears of fire from the girl of red.
The Phoenix arises to defend her loving dead,
The holy flames to protect a gracious life.
And for the boy of light,
Against chaotic strife.

Perish the thought of the secluded mind,
Dances of the soul quite completely out of time.
I've seen and felt the waves of emotions,
From shore to shore.
If one could feel beyond and more,
Yet there I am in those thoughts.
Like candlelight against the dark,
Shining like a star in its depths.
What one could tell the shining was for,
In the end it just doesn't seem clear anymore.

I again in me am lost,
Restrained by the sound of my voice in the wind.
There is no tamed charm or lucid movement,
That brings forth a natural act within the play.
The game is always on and the challenge is difficult at best,
What do we succeed for when we become everyone else?
When individual specialness becomes a back boated myth to nowhere,
Is it irony or sarcasm to ones idioms that makes the difference?
A play everyone plays,
A test at one point everyone fails.
We are all not complex,
But neither are we all simple either.
So the question remains,
What are we?
Frivolous travelers looking for a place to lay our head,
Or someone special to enjoy the rest of our lives with.
The question feels unanswered,
And lost feels so much clearer than being found.

A look that gets me everytime,
Every picture I see.
Breaks me down,
Such a wondrous face.
Melting me again down to bone,
It's like sunshine when I see it.
I can't look away,
Even when I begin again to cry.

What mysteries do you appear to hold?
Or challenges you wish to throw at me.
Threats with wild turns,
Don't always seem to be happening.
But I digress in your wanderlust ways,
Of wishing for some past days.
The ones living up to your status quo,
But what do I know.
When I in myself,
Trapped in the life I'm creating.
Can only see what you show,
This I know.
We the sinners fallen from grace,
Out of place.
Yet time is not always kind,
This I've learned everytime.
Beaten into me,
Reminded again and again of yore.
And there the past can always painfully replay,
That I am not allowed there.
I have no place to stay.

There are always those whom cross our path,
That leave us asking why.
And those whom come our way,
And leave us with a big and empty sigh.
I have seen and felt the good and the bad,
Whether by my hand or someone else's.
Some I can get over and live,
And others whom have my heart and it goes awry.
I bleed so easily to those heartbreakers,
When I just want to give.
Is love simply captured and toyed to the point of disposition?
Or is it a lie told to gain more?
I have been childish in some areas of my life,
Running and hiding for my convenience.
And being so foolish in the process,
That I still am.
Have I been so foolish not to see?
Things that should be apparent to me,
Lost in the question whom the answer flees from.
I in that am in an end of sorts,
But then again maybe not so.
All in all that is where my mind is time to time,
And that in its certainty is unlikely to change.

I'm offering a brittle peace,
Waving my white flag.
So many days pass between us,
Seem to think nothing was had.
Why the roaring silence?
For such a small mistake.
Is there any grudges left on your end,
A time left to forsake.
I know your time is precious,
Always has been always will.
Is there anyway to meet in the middle?
To be called friend still.
Is there no hope left on this middle ground?
For good times that seemed to be once had,
In this as latent waters have receded.
Am I the good guy or bad?

Tall are the Towers that stretch up like tree's,
Covering their world in whatever they please.
Made of ivory,marble,brick, and clay,
In their own world they do as they say.
One day they will fall and cave from below,
It is there in their self-righteousness; they become their own foe.

And though the day is gone and done,
Don't forget me,
Don't forget me.
Here lies a space left for one,
Don't forget me,
Don't forget me.
What is,
What isn't.
That's how it goes,
People come then leave me.
This is what I know,
Life brings them here and there.
What part do they play in my role?
Are they lessons for another stroll?
Talking to myself has grown old,
But what am I to do?
When they leave me cold.

People, people, cherish oh people.
The rising sun and joyous cloud-filled skies,
The moment is upon us where darkness will fall.
And man will fail to rise,
His accountence will be bare.
His dues wagered against his life,
The folly of the world and its occupants.
Will one day come to a closing sight,
The curtains will shutter and be no more.
Why then do we not see this setting sun on the horizon?
Are we to be considered ignorant fools?
Cattle raised and branded not knowing for what or why.
This amongst many others,
Is a reason you should no longer lie.
The day is coming Oh man, woman and child.
Will you be ready against its terrifying arrival?
Or like a child hide and wait for the storm to end?
The time is coming.

We make fools of us all,
The treaded road we carry on with.
Detailed moments caught but not seen,
Important lines drawn but ignored.  
Will I ever see beyond my own horizon?
Detailed but not seen fully,
I wish to know the answer.
What road could be meant for me?

Can you hear me?
The echo bouncing and traveling through your mind,
Have I lost stance within your graces?
Or like me,
Is there still more to find?
I know your soul,
Just not to its full extent this time.
Will I remain within your kind love?
Or be pushed out without a second rhyme?

I've taken a chance,
Was shaken down by the risks.
A bliss for bliss,
Self tormenting found in me.
But this is the way it goes,
Passerby's you come to know.
What's scary is the truth you see,
Touching upon feeling.
Knowing it will not last,
Self satisfied answers that may never pass.
Broken words given in order to shape a stance,
But it can't.
No longer shaped to be molded,
Scolded beyond ones self reasoning.
By this one keeps believing,
That the sun may shine at last.

Pieces of the heart,
Pieces of the mind.
Pieces of what you need,
Pieces that you'll find.
It's easy to know what you have,
Yet hard to place them together.
Of things you've felt,
And all you've seen.
Would it not make it better?
To make your own,
Means more work than you want.
But the pieces are there,
Whether you see them........or not.

It such a funny feelin,
When the heart keeps on reelin.
A person of desire to see,
And all this common motion.
Laid out and fully open,
Discussions of pasts used to be.
When I see you,
My heart skiddlyoos.
And I don't know what to do,
When you know you mean so much to me.
So here's my forward motion,
A tiny boat upon this big ocean.
A sent heartfelt plea,
One you'll hear from me.
I love you like the sunrise,
Beautiful light escaping my eyes.
With all of me to you,
I wish, one day, you'll hear this too.

You are no more causistic,
Than you are toxic.
The memories of you smeared on my wall,
Breaching more than wanted.
But here again we arrive at the fall,
Tumbling in this dark motioned state.
Oblivious to obliviate,
This mind sacked wrench.
Tossed back and forth,
Coming back to again question.
Why?
Why?
Why?
I ignore one voice for another,
In order to reach an assumed bright side.
But this the tumbling over,
Has left me on my side.
I no longer want this thought process,
It reaches nor teaches on a better plain.
The choice again to start over,
Has come again to drive me insane.