I starred,
more through you than at you.
My eyes,
vacant as a desert.

You took,
my hand and whispered in.
My ears,
its alright it'll be fine.

I tried,
to come back to the present.
To you,
me and everything real.

But still,
I linger in between.
A place,
None can fathom or see.

14:39    

Time passes slower in this version of life, so I can understand why it seems like forever since we spoke, but really it's just yesterday for you. Seems like what feels like months have passed for me, years maybe.

Maybe.

Catchy phrases
Sketchy places
People passing through
The same tunnel
I sit in my bubble

Coursing through my veins
Not blood but sadness
An unknown substance
So bleak and strong
It cannot be tamed

I become less
Smoke in an empty shell
Down lower than sorrow
Embracing the pain
Weeping for tomorrow

Persistent's the silent throbbing.
A silence so loud it screams...

Strong and ominous it screams,
As realization dawns that I ate something...

Fear and anger hurls at my mind,
A strangled call for help...
Choking me, forced down my guts,
Bearing down the weight of truth.

First contact with it in days,
It drones on merrily.
Humming a painfully happy song,
Sending waves of shock through me...

My insides burning,
Nothing I can do...
Lying in a fetus position,
I wince...

Million thorns piercing through my skin,
Pain and hatred that's never been seen.
Every tear a thin sharp blade,
Ripping apart hopes and dreams.
Sounds of laughter turning into ashes,
Faith's unchained, lost in the wilderness.
Fears the prey hiding in our own shadows,
Waiting for my soul to crack and fracture.

Searching, rummaging through slides of memories,
Hoping to find her place of sanctuary.

The need for love, for ultimate acceptance,
The warmth of family of own bloods presence.

Alone, burrowed in her hopes and dreams,
A heart empty, broken at its seams.

Despite the failed promises and torn wishes,
She carves and stitches the shattered pieces.

The beat the momentum
of my heart
their urgently ringing conversations.

My mind empty as vacuum
yet brimming
with fears and unsolvable problems.

This machine is not who me
as humans
we all have our own certain limits.

People never remember history
choose not to
they keep pushing though i'm broken.

They never seem to realise even
when i'm long gone.

Waking up into the world
Foul words burn holes in my ears
Truths so raw they rot my young flesh
The instant they leave your lips
Kisses of death and decay
A power play that never ends
My personal hells undying fire
Pulverizing my mortal soul
Crazed thoughts meander in my head
I make my own meals
Milk and crunchy glass shards
Topped with freshly ground chillies
What a tantalizing trinity
The perfect homemade breakfast
To accompany our charming little pad
Savour our eclectic interior
Forget the artfully bloodied rooms
Someone's stiffened liver in our dining
Torn muscles stashed in a corner
A punctured heart in the kitchen sink
Some ground up bones in pepper shakers
Fractured ribs on my study desk
The brain sitting on the couch
Our latest wallpaper from centuries ago
News of our deaths on the headlines
Your acidic kindness
A raptured spleen in your bed
I belief that belongs to me
I'd give anything for your brutal love

I've wandered,
The streets.

In my own,
Bubble
I've walked till
I'm spent

I've scaled,
Mountians
None believed,
Nor saw

I smile and lie,
They think
It's all true,
This show

I want to go,
Back home
And stay there,
Alone

In a place,
Where isn't one.

Humans are the scariest wraths,
They rip your souls of love,
They tear at your minds,
To the brink of sanity.

As human,
Without evidence we can never trust...
The intelligent knows,
The innocent misses.

We are born in innocence...
Stark naked, fragile, vulnerable...
To the infectious world...

Some people grow out of it,
They are polished to become like all others.
We don't.

Our blood soon all tainted,
Our love melt into vengeance,
Our soul, lost, numb, broken...

I was too short, too awkward.
My belly too bloated, arms too thick.
It got so I couldn't harness my desire.
But I could make my stomach flat,
I could let those hip bones protrude.
Learning to control all my desires,
Discovering a new intimacy,
Which required no one.

I was terrified at letting in someone else,
Into my imperfect, hateful world.
It was me, just only me,
Who could control my cravings, my desire.
Denying myself food, proof that I was stronger,
Better than most people,
though still lonely for touch,
Still my own stiff regimen.
Trading my new-found power of flesh,
For something more trustworthy,
Something pure.

Naturally skinny,
But not dangerously so.
I trod the line between waif and child,
Hunger became my salvation.
Hunger, my sexless, undemanding suitor,
My only constant friend.

wore this mask infinite years

suddenly hides and disappears

filled with fear all’s mixed up emotions

forgotten’s the smile and evil notions

pain against will’s in heart

stoically holding unshed tears

the future’s bright but never near

Weeping tears of buried sorrows
You never saw me
Every touch of you a precious piece
Playing on my heart
An endless thread of love and misery
I'm walking on ice
Needles laced with cyanide and lead
Pierced in my skin
Crooked ways and silent entrapments
Cut me from within

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
What are we living for
If there is no love here
If nothing will remain
When the end approaches
If not for this moment
If not for this love
I would've given up this life

Rocking back and fourth ,
With a razor in my hand .
I sit and cry and rock ,
Like there's a baby in my lap .
That baby she is
Inconsolable .

I want to put the crying in a car ,
And watch it roll into a lake .
Slide the blade back and fourth ,
Across the thin skin of my wrist .

First a cut ,
And another next to it .
Each time thinking just one more ,
But no , I don't stop .

Line them up tightly ,
A series of bright red screams .

Covering my forearm ,
From my wrist to my inner elbow .
No ,
It's to enough .

I move the blade diagonally across ,
Carving a section of delicate cross-hatchings .

Yes , I think , do it .
Give in , let loose , go crazy .
I'm not afraid .

The ward,
Another prison,
Another hospital.

I'm hostage but there's cheer.
Smiling faces, friendly voices;
They were strict, thought I was sure.

The first days, always the best;
Meals not examined tests.
Subtlety they change the rules;
All are treated like the rest.

No standing, walking there and here;
8, 12, 6 thousand rules to adhere.
All's tough, on my best I try;
Not to know we weren't to shed a tear.

I finally understand, all alone;
Locked away in here,
Only to be left in fear.

the instant our eyes met,
i felt an unspoken understanding.
my heart ever so silently,
made a promise never to leave you.
i'm withering by the second,
every moment without you by me.
only reason my heart beats,
is to keep up to the rhythm of yours.
please don't leave or say no,
your existence in my life is my elixir.
it's you that keeps me alive,
for you are the last breath within me.

amidst the noisy mass of people ,
I sit in an empty cafe .
people surround me ,
the place pecked and filled ,
yet to me all is empty .

I am alone ,
aloof ,
silent ,
floating ,
watching .

stoically enveloped in the noise ,
the deafening noise of my unbreakable silence .
with no one but everyone surrounding ,
I am invisible .

I really dont know: will be the title of this post poem will last words epitaph farewell whatever I can't be bothered

Because: I really don't.
Well, for one how, when, why... Or why not
I'm just tired, really really tired..

You don't want to believe, or admit it is true because if you stay ignorant and in denial, there's just a tiny possibility a sliver of hope that it wouldn't be.

I did not realise it at first but the using, it increases, consumes more and more of your time, rather drastically I would dare say. Before you know it the lines turn to blur and your life as you know has become a turbulent sleep wake cycle of chasing rabbits in the sky, in a drug induced trance of sorts. All things magnified and twisted, yet null and absent; for the lack of ability to make lasting new memories. The pain & Joy's of forgetting, the forgotten, unsure if I want to recall.

I see you in bikes on the street,
I see you in my bed.
I see you when I fall asleep,
Babe, you live in my head.

I see you when I'm lonely,
I see you when I smile.
I see you when the sun's shining,
Babe, you walk me through every mile.

I see you while I read,
I see you while I'm down.
I see you while I'm losing sleep,
Babe, you light up this town.

I see you in these night lights,
I see you in the sky.
I see you when planes take flight,
Babe, you kept me alive.

Worry not my friend,
I am fine, It's not a lie;

I know I don't look great.

I might have been
A little bruised.

But it is all superficial.

Just a few scratches here
And some scars there.

Nothing that cannot heal.

The puddle of tears
My wane smile.

Oh, that's just the allergies.

It wasn't you I wanted beside me,
It wasn't anyone in particular.
It wasn't anyone at all
It was the feeling of love,
Of being loved and taken care of.
This feeling is what I wanted,
To pin down and fall asleep
With its legs slung across me.
This longing has become need,
The need to feel any form of love
In ****** comfort and this security.
The need makes me stupid.

I loved memories,
They all seem
So close yet so far.
An other worldly
Excruciating pain,
That’s still oddly sweet.
I hate those memories,
Because now
They rip open wounds.
They make the tears
Surface and flow
Hitting too close to home.

Tunneling thoughts like rain
Craning through light clouds
Unsuspecting victims.

The fear
The tears
The temper tantrums;
                                           A kind of rebuttal

That won't let our feet find land
We adjourned to rehearse,
but our efforts were null and void

Only to appease with flames
that licked our shriveled bodies

D r
       i    p
                 p  i  n
                             g  
                                              Kerosene

Tainted like ink                  Spilled on
Reams of paper
ruined like Christmas
A house warmed by          Open flames

fallen candles                     Adorning
A naked kitchen                 My limp body,

Splayed beneath the oven      
                                               As
darkness indulges,             It
consumes
The smoke,                          Fills                
                                               Each crevice
                                               In your mind

Can you ever fight it
Burn your way back
To blissful ignorance.

Innocence is not ignorance
Innocence is more than naivety
Innocence is the moment
When two souls collide
And you feel
A warmth
So deep
You know you will never be alone
Again

Rather a young life
Tragically cut short
Then to grow old
As everyone's burden

careless children
breaking glass like charm
snowing down on us
little lives led astray
little love given each day
people fly, fail and still
continue to flutter
i cry, flail and dismantle
a sordid mess
of unwanted memories

Lost in an ocean of oblivion
No punctuation
да, нет, что ебать
Sawdmkidroffglibwdble
Words are worms that crawl
Beneath my hands scrawl
Meaning found in places
Aces and empty spaces
You can't begin to envision
My illusions the manipulation
Built on intricate delusions
Could I be awake in sleep
Awake in my sweet
Hallucinations

The darkness behind our eyes
Malice within our souls
The rebellion our menace
The prison we locked ourselves in
A cage we built to trap our wild hearts
Treading the fine line between
Normalcy and psychopathy
Vengeance, violence and brutality
All that we've masked in our grace
Hiding beneath our placid demeanor
Gentle breaths tender caresses
Soft lips whispering sweet nothings
Our words carefully scripted
Depicting a picture of purity and perfection
False sincerity reaching out to others
Only to burn all that we lay our hands upon
Malingering through days
Sugar laced actions and innocent smiles
Life is but a masquerade
As we dance or days away

Don't moan his loss
For the things unseen
Far surpasses this
Celebrate his gain
For all he's done we will miss
He will never be forgotten
While he lives in our hearts
The angel he is and was

Breathe in fire
Breathe out rain
Love the hurt
Become pain

A dim candle flickers,
In moments lost, and dreams deferred,
Life's tapestry frayed, colors blurred,

In this darkness.

That, that flows in veins;
Evil hearts and cruel souls -
Ignite.

Creating the brightest fires;
The fiercest roars.

Shrill cries of agony -
Le in the ethers;
To be unanswered -

Forever.

The dark has always been part of me,
it still is
and forever will be.
I try to break free of its touch,
Only to
Realize its me.
I am the daekness which lives within me,
We are one
Its true all can see.

a child's first memory ,
light falling through crib bars ;
recollected scents ,
the rain and city streets ;
pain of unforgotten loss ,
sting of remembered humiliation ;
cruel forgetfulness of old age ,
whilst ancient memories stand out within ,
agonizingly clear precision ;
yet nearest of incidents ,
are lost beyond recall .

Our days are blank,
A piece of clear glass.
An empty page,
That'd soon turn to dust.

Eventually you'd see,
You'd feel the strain.
The pages torn,
The glass stained...

My hands trembled,
looking at
how bleak my world seemed.

I looked down to see
a red line,
running down my arm.

Closing my eyes,
swallowing the same pills
for what i hoped was the last time.

My hope of eternal sleep,
eroding as i awoke
dizzy and empty of all things.

Maybe i killed her,
or maybe
I killed me.

There's a devil in each of us,
And an angel lives there too.

I saw the angel inside me,
Begging in tears to be set free.

But the devil stepped up,
shutting her up for so long.

I almost forgot her plea,
So I carved to set her free.

No one did understand,
How much this meant to me.

They stopped me for good,
Which stopped me from good.

It's been too long since then,
When i last saw her,
I'm afraid they killed the angel in me...

Standing stock still as your eyes
bored into mine.
Ambivalent of whether i should
stay here or leave.
Ignorant about the situation
i have been in.
Screaming in my blank face
i'm just hopeless.
Tears remain unshed inside,
i broke apart.
Watching you feed the flames,
i stepped right in.
the moment i was engulfed i knew
that i was home.

Looking into your smokey eyes
Beneath your Fluffy coat;
There is a beautiful heart beating,
To the rhythm of my own
Stabilizing my lost and erratic one.

Sometimes I do wonder,
Did I give you a reason to love me;
Your gaze always fill with trust
As you looked to me for every answer,
It is not my choice to back down now.

Because when I chose you,
Picked you up amidst the litter
Looked you in the eye and saw love;
You were my hope
The savior to my sanity.

Even though you do not do much,
You might not even know my name,
But you do know my heart,
So I made you my world
My Everything.

My name is Zara, I want to finish the highest possible education. i want to become the most successful woman and earn lots of money, so I can repay my parents in the best way possible; to let them live the life of their dreams and have whatever they want.

My name is Ashley, I want this name because the actress Ashley Olsen is so pretty. I want to be like her when I grow up, so I can achieve my dreams and act in lots of movies, by doing so also earning lots of money for my parents and bringing them fame.

My name is Jamie, it is actually my best friends name, she has perfect grades. I wish having her name will encourage me to get good grades, so my parents will be happy because that is all they care about.

My name is Annabelle, which also means lovable. I hope this name will make me lovable because I apparently am not, that explains why I am adopted, even my birth parents hated me. Surely my foster parents would feel the same and how could anyone possibly ever love me.

My name is Stacey, which means to be strong and stand up again. I need this name because I cry a lot which signifies that I'm weak and hence the need to stronger, so I can stand up even when people aren't reasonable or understanding to me.

My name is Cassandra, because a friend with this name is really skinny and hence pretty. I need to be skinnier and smaller so that people won't see that i'm just an ugly useless girl, but that I am a young child who needs to be loved just the way only young children deserve to.

My name is whatever-you-choose-to-call-me, they call me so any names I can't bother to fend myself anymore. I have no ambition nor any reason to live, but I can't die because fat girls deserve to suffer, hence I cut myself till a day I've lost enough weight, hopefully things will be better. I am a bad girl that's why my parents hate me so much. I hate myself because I sabotage myself all the time, my life is well and truly ******. I don't know what to do, please sort me out.

Just looking at her with pure sincerity,
now that she knows;
I wished she'd like me for me.

But the disgust in her eyes,
told me otherwise.

It was another start of one of my fears,
mercilessly coming true;
nothing i could do to amend.

The things i never did.