Things unsaid done
What I did didn't
Same changes
I've been molten
Glossy marble
Framing vision
Dusty guesses
Fixed unbroken
The way I see
Seems fitting
Don't have long
I'm okay

Perhaps there's no perfect
Time cut short
Who's isn't
Nothing's truly okay

When you feel the heat
a cramped up feeling
trapped in your chest
you just want to fly
you just want to love someone
but that torn up feeling
the residue of a failed game
pours into you like a river
no fail no pain no love

Firstly,
This is not a Letter.

But
Unspoken words from my silence,
Today,
My sudden coldness,
Mixed in forced conversations.

Hope it hasn't been awkward for you,
or if it was,
I'm really sorry...
Because i can't change anything.
Speech is not a general gift.

I for one,
am a Lier.
A cell holding thousands of secrets,
One blurring the line between:
Truth and Pretense.

I'm sorry i cannot speak to you,
not you.
not truthfully.

Light as a feather,
Stiff as a board.
I lie still enough to disappear.
Watch the skies and say, oh Lord.
I'd rather be anywhere but here.
I choose the company of demons,
Over my drag of a mother.
She confuses meanness,
With having a ball.
She reads me,
But gets nothing at all.

My tears never fell
But I still felt it all
My smile didn't fade
But inside I drowned
My compose stood
But the chaos too
My love never left
But I just lost control

Careless thoughts flowing
Like wind scrambled leaves
Our touch of authenticity
All that's needed to change gifts
Snowbeds neatly flattened
Our stiffly programmed minds
Albeit all the talent
Nothing good would reside
Why accept all this chaos
There's always a chance to perfect life

Moving in sync with the others
An unspoken dance of grace
Gasps of breath fogging
Tongues seeking out new territories

Beyond written promises
We spoke a thousand words
In the silence we wrote
Documenting our mutual stories

Weaving a web of secrets
Melting into each other arms
Burned in our memories
This eternal unbreakable flame

i was born into a world of grey words
and empty sentences
where everbody keeps looking for someone
who turns out to be Themselves... ...

reaping apart souls, tearing open minds;
the indomitable virus, mental theives.
those slugs crawl into your systems,
dominate your nights with sleepless dreams.
dragging you by the feet,
making you acquire their language;
sharing so much of your memories,
you mistake for your own.

My very own words
I prayed & entreated
"Don't leave me, my love"

Yet again & again

I pointed blunt knives
At our chests
Leaving a trail of pain
In my wake

Like soldiers unrecovered
Rushing back in
Pushing both to our limits
Breaking our necks

Our battlefields forever alive
Restless as children
Drowning in compunction
An unending dirge

What's your poison?
Love or hate
*** or drugs
Facts or dreams
Starvation or hunger
Madness or control
Innocence or sin

I dare you to ask yourself.

it could be anything
Or

E. V. E. R. Y. T. H. I. N. G.

It takes time,
I tell myself.
Believe and wait,
And someday you'll gain
                                                                 Popularity.
The first day,
At a new school.
She comes and invites you,
What you've wanted is what she
                                                                 Has.
Sorority sounds cool,
But not what I'd expected.
Flash waves and strip poker,
The word boys tell you all about
                                                                 It.
Sometimes,
Things are different.
Never to be what we see,
There is nothing that is without a
                                                                 Price.

Wasn't so much afterthoughts
but rather the act itself;
that myoclonic movement
An involuntary reflex of sorts.

Prisoner to human conditions
conserving oneself with
The illusion of individualism

A Perceived idea of what is natural
An erroneous concept of right and wrong.
Blaming the sky for rain and storm
Instead of hiding under shelter.

Punishing clueless planet earth
Our thoughtless pollution of her the seas
Man and man at war
Setting off bombs just for kicks.

The errs was much more than just
you could taste its bitter like venom;
Blisters from a flame or the sting of a slap.
Tangibly intangible were the sins we did.

Sometimes we knew what
We couldn't be held accountable for
Being not the kind frowned upon,
We did it in such abundance.

But it wasn't their fault,



.
.
.
or was it...

You can try to fix me,

I Dare you!

But there is nothing from the past
That you can undo,
There is nothing I can re-live
Or redo.

There is Nothing we can forget.

There are only the Flashbacks
Residual memories,
Fighting to get out despite
The torment.

Pain  ...   ...
                            
                            [fea­r]

  ||  A  ||  X  ||  I  ||  E  ||  T  ||  Y  ||



           ­                                     Loneliness...





¶¶¶ Depression

Replaying like a broken track
A warped Melody.

I silently paryed
You would see me,
The fear and torment
Reciding in me.
As my arms
Wrapped you in an embrace,
Wishing you could
Eternally keep me safe.

When I see your brooding face
A faint tint of sweat under your shirt
The hint of sleep lingering
Faking that I didn't remember you

Swearing I don't know you
Fingers crossed wishing it was true
Memories packed into forgotten boxes
Too dusty to unfold their rotting edges

Constant thoughts and dreams
Hidden truths of the past
Leaving a massacre in it's wake
A hurricane of forgotten things

For all that we have thrown away
A untended wound weeping pus
A river of red rubies
Coating the shiny linoleum floor

The need of a feeling
The craving of peace

Silence.

A secret little world
Of your own creation,
Two silent doors
Clicking together
Locking you behind

A painful drop of red
Residue on your knife,
Ocean blue lines
Behind a too tight rope
Around your neck

In your head
The shrill cry of demons

Fooling around
Tearing down structures
That made up your world
Leaving you lost

Broken like the river
When you sunk beneath
In search of a little love
In search of a little peace

Why am I missing,
When  I am here.

finding I often ask myself,
(or whoever this is...)
who am I..??
where have I gone..??
what have I become..??

Can someone answer me,
my only constant question...
how could this happen to me..??

when will this end..??

Whoever up there,
(if there is anyone...)

for what sins I've done,
all that is wrong of me;
will you forgive me
answer my plea and...

Please let me go.

Hey, control...
Remember Don't do what you'd Regret.

Hey, kid...
It's okay, Leave it, it's just a Feeling.

Don't please..??
Don't let it bother you,
You are better than that.

I Believe you can do it.
Love it, Learn to love it.

Hide it away from Others,
Say You Don't feel it...

A Secret stashed away in your Memories,
Write it down, a Name in your mind,
Protect it, a Vessel in your heart.

Caress it like a precious Gem,
A glass crisp Diamond...

Watch it grow as you shrink...
The pain will Leave...
As comfort Reigns.

Love and Safety will slowly overtake,
People will stare and gawk in awe,
They will Care and Love you more...

You will gain Ultimate Control...
Superiority...
Become Pure and Clean...

And simply,
Utterly...
Happy.

Day one again
Another begins,
Back to one
Another chance.

To choose.
to change.

So what's your choice?
What could be mine.

To choose to live or to stay;

This or that way, slipping...
Popping pills one
Knocking two down
Pretty sure just three

Where'd the rest gone !?
**** have you done, what !
The tyrants arise and smirk
Taking out their white coats

Pulling you further away
Towards the sirens
Taking you to the ultimatum
Another no more

You become their puppet
No life to live; air to breathe
You become no man
No person not an object

If you want to run, RUN
Away from the labels
Leave those tiny fractures
If you want to fly

Leave it all behind...

On nights that sleep won't come
Even when we call it's name
Singing it's praise in our prayers
Begging like basking street performers
Desperate as a drenched sparrow

Caught in a rain of my own
Trickling dark red drops of mildew
Down my weary shoulders
Cradling my sallow face
Clouding my blurred vision

These nights hang low like dampened skies
Hollow storms filled with empty thunders
Draughts wearing a wet cloak
Pretending to be an upcoming rain
Steered by gales of Arctic wind

Piercing through my decrepit bones
Dropping pins and needles under my skin
The pain coursing through my veins
As bright as the paint staining my fingertips
Dripping destitute and distraught

Devastating images drowned my mind
In visions of broken vessels
Sunken ships and battered corpses
Wearing broken sails like a second skin
Boiling blood that has turned cold
As waters of the Antarctic ocean

You set are me up for failure
You made me cry in bed.
You pushed my buttons further
Deep into my head

The cause of all this binges
Purging till I bled.
You've hurt me way deeper
Than I've ever slept.

Now I'd become a *****
Flawed broken and bad.
Like those broken hinges
We couldn't quite put back.

I'll crawl under the covers
When alone and scared.
Now I've seen the monster
Living inside my head.

I miss those days
Eating;
without a Battle.

Without a Battle my parents.
Without a Number in mind.
Without a Battle with my body.
Without one with Myself.

It was fun,
and even easy,
maybe too easy.
I guess that's where it went wrong...

The skies cloud over,
the smell of thunder taints the air,
and the rain begins to fall
from my eyes.

There's a book of poetry
in the lines of my hands,
that no one wants to read.

I've lived my life,
rooted in her darkness,
arms catatonic as a tree.

Unable to run or cry,
when her other prunes my flowers.

They said that truth will set you free
It did indeed set free my fears
Set free my sorrows and my tears
The truth became my barricade
Set up a fort inside my head
Walls of Iron and Titanium
Pillars of secrets and ghastly creatures
Protecting my monsters from escape
A safehouse from the outside world

I dreamed a dream; I walked on water,
Winds sing through skies in fluorescent colors.
Fingers entwined; our souls melting together,
Caressed by the sun's smile of warm approval.
Upon our wake; fallen dandelions, shed tears,
The earth roaring as remains begin to crumble.
Soft drumming sounds; our feet on sand on water;
Flying through the waves and brushing ocean's edges.
Held me tightly; warmth reverberating through our bodies;
The clouds unfolding to reveal the horizon.
Towards the sun; we flew into heaven through eternity;
Our safe heaven.

Tis the season to be falling
Tis the season to be gay
Tis the season to be flying
Higher, farther, away ~

Chains loosened she calls to her mother
An earthy musk, grains of sand, mud on her face. A scruffy mutt laying listlessly on the tarmac, ribs rattling with the effort of each breath. She is home.

Muted flames thrashing in its cage, raging in the midst of civilization, a crucifixion of sorts. Tearing at its hair wildly, the masses trickling by, mouth agape in a silent scream. Ashes mixed into pieces of scalp, begging to be found.

Oblivious to a sound like thunder, clapping in one's ears. Strangled scream lost in translation, a language so old none could decipher. Fear wielding urgency, a disguise of desperation, depression.

Refusing to be still.

Your eve, my
Solstice, the
crescent imprinted on
our cornea's
seared into our
Hearts aching with
Fear and hunger

A blinding silence.

17 hoodies all in a line
a teenage girl wears one at a time
when it gets hot she rolls up a side
not the other because there's something she hides

she wakes up on a monday with a tear-stained face
and runs to the bathroom with quickened pace
so as to not let her parents see her mind
she hides from others because her emotions blind

she goes to school
walks though the gates but no one notices her not her mates
all else ignores her but she stays calm
as her emotions will pour from her palms

she need to be rescued from her own hands
but no one no where understands
crimson tears fall from my arms my life seems worthless so i self harm

Large orbs spinning around us
Doing triple and quadruple pirouettes
Withholding a power of such magnitude
We couldn't begin to envision
The dark clouds obscuring our vision
Preventing us from seeing through this mist
Past the rainy clouds and dark ages
Pieces of the past that were misplaced
Like a deck of shuffled tarot cards in my mind
Blocking us from looking towards the future
A place we didn't know existed
We sat uneasy and silent like lost ghosts
Beneath prison walls built by our very own hands
Curious lights hiding behind glass eyes
Glowing a painful sort of unseen ray
Spewing words unknown to man kind
Whispering secrets lost to our ears and humanity
Burning holes through my eyelids
Casting shadows on my battered heart
Cursing wailing begging for exile
From this physical form of fear and terror
Such are the things we look at
But not see for we dare not acknowledge
Despite their ever prominent presence

It is a simple decision,
You chose this path.
All on your own now,
Not an obstacle.
You fall down tumble,
Into the roots of hell.
Your body mangled,
In fire you burn.
Thoroughly all that's left,
Ashes.
We never touch again.

I wanted you to know
Not from anger or spite
Just a sort of insight
A slight glimpse into
My shadowed side
But I'm afraid you can't hold
They are really harsh, crude and snide

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear
The past that's so near
Memories so clear
They felt like yesterday
It seems never ending no matter how I pray
I struggle, I fall, I stand again.
There's just no end to how much I've got to pay

You say, you're sorry
Misunderstood me;
But no, seriously
It's not your fault truly.

I wanted to change
For the better, if only
It's just too late
I'm doomed
That's my fate

I sense you feral presence
Hidden in my very essence
The foreboding calm before
The storm in my every pore

Bitter winds tearing through her skin ,
Searching in solitude on empty streets .
Hiding in booths when lightning strikes ,
Waiting for men who want her for a night .

A couple of joints a few dollars treat ,
Have a place to sleep or a meal to feed ,
That night she'd spend with that men to please .

Never felt the warmth of home ,
A bed with no other bodies in it .
Shivering at slightest summer breeze ,
Plenty of junk no proper food to eat .
Her plight she keeps ,
Her pain she bleeds .

It's ever only been about survival ,
Who knew someday there'd came a daughter .
The lonely girl awaiting daddy's visit ,
Praying to god hoping mummy could quit .

A broken family a mother on loan ,
Two shattered souls bleeding ,
Heart's turned to stone .

No. Not now...
I can't be now.
Ivejuststtdtryin
Now this
Forreal...I'm not ready to quit
But I'm just too tired...

Why did it comeback,
How do we make it end.
Depression creeps in
Like a shadow approaching,
Closing the distance of our steps
As the sun rises and falls.

When do we learn to know,
How to walk away from pain.
The sadness lurking
Silently behind our eyes,
No real reason or explanation
Just a tiny escaped tear.

An elegant orchid in full bloom,
A nation of harmony, peace and justice...
Singapore ??? They ask.
What race are those people ?
As they guess and ponder...
Different ethnic foods hold the answers.

The clarity rings,
Straight out from your heart.
You know it just,
This is your only calling.
Digging in deep,
Scavenging for the answer.
You lost all hints,
Seeking a treasure unrecoverable.
The roads get erased,
Sand storms final decision.
Random messages,
Sending you into frenzy and confusion.

How hard could it be
To turnover a new leaf
Get a new lease
Watch and just feel it
As another leaves
Stealing off with my sanity
Well I blame idiocy
From the ruins we flea
Like falling leaves
Trailing the wind
Into the swells of the sea
Like little me
Huddled beneath
Frayed velvet cushions
Making out with hard liqueur
Smooth as your words
Burning me like your lips
Tongues slipping easily
Through sour teeth
Sharp as blades
You cut me open
With nothing but a kiss

Unable to take away
The differences between
Separating semi from whole
Lest two become one
As a whole creating a hole
Ripped apart like limbs
Off a rag dolls frayed ends
Raging fire racing thoughts
Sped through unmarked territories
Parched land scorching with
A touch by the sun

Se soltanto per un attimo
potessi averti accanto.

Forse non ti direi niente.
ma guardo solo ,
da vedere ...

The thought of food alone
Sends a shiver through me
My inability to fathom
How such compost could be fuel
The sight of people eating
Makes my stomach grow weak
Filling me with nausea
A hollow sort of ache in my chest
My heart pounding in my ears
Cold sweat trickling down my back
Feeble bones aching for rest

Our lives are spiderwebs.
Delicate, pure, but Empty.

Sprinkle a little water,
It glows under lights.
Reflecting its own beauty.

Spill a pail of water,
It collapses instantly,
Reaping apart, for eternity.

Crest fallen stars they glow no-matter,
An alley to the moon.
The strength they possess encompasses the night,
Yielding to be sun at noon.

Battle scars left from the fights,
Those people's heart don't break.
Ripping back beliefs of their own rights,
Their courage haven't fade.

People never realize,
Or recognize,
The touch of a broken soul.

The despondence,
Fear and need,
Skilfully masked beneath.

Pain never shows,
On their poker faces.
How battered they still fight,
Still live.