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Zeeb Jul 2015
Hotrod
Verse I

Wrenches clanging, knuckles banging
A drop of blood the young man spilt
A new part here, and old part… there
A hotrod had been built!
A patchwork, mechanical, quilt

Feeling good.  Head under a raised hood, hands occupied, the job nearing completion.  Sometimes the good feelings would dissipate though, as quickly as they came, as he cursed himself for stripping a bolt, or cursed someone else for selling him the wrong part, or the engineer whose design goals obviously did not consider “remove and replace”.
He cursed the “gorilla” that never heard of a torque-wrench, the glowing particle of **** that popped on to the top of his head as he welded, the metal chip he flushed from his eye, and even himself for the burn he received by impatiently touching something too soon after grinding. 
 He, and his type, cursed a lot, but mostly to their selves as they battled-on with things oily, hot, bolted, welded, and rusty – in cramped spaces. One day it was choice words for an “easy-out” that broke off next to a broken drill bit that had broken off in a broken bolt, that was being drilled for an easy-out. 
  Despite the swearing, the good and special feelings would always return, generally of a magnitude that exceeded the physical pain and mental frustration of the day, by a large margin.  
Certifiably obsessive, the young man continued to toil dutifully, soulfully, occasionally gleefully, sometimes even expertly, in his most loved and familiar place, his sanctuary, laboratory… the family garage.

And tomorrow would be the day.
With hard learned, hard earned expertise and confidence - in this special small place, a supremely happy and excited young man commanded his creation to life.

Threw a toggle, pressed a switch
Woke up the neighbors with that *******

The heart of his machine was a stroked Chevy engine that everyone had just grown sick hearing about.  Even the local machine shop to which the boy nervously entrusted his most prized possession had had enough.  “Sir, I don’t want to seem disrespectful, but from what I’ve read in Hot Rod Magazine, you might be suggesting a clearance too tight for forged pistons…” then it would be something else the next day.  
One must always speak politely to the machinist, and even though he always had, the usual allotment of contradictions and arguments afforded to each customer had long run out – and although the shop owner took a special liking to the boy because, as he liked to say, “he reminds me of me”, well, that man was done too.  But in the end, the mill was dead-on.  Of course from the start, the shop knew it would be; that’s almost always the case; it’s how they stay in business - simply doing good work.  Bad shops fall out quickly, but this place had the look of times gone by.  Good times. 
 Old porcelain signs, here and there were to be found, all original to the shop and revered by the older workers in honored nostalgia.  The younger workers get it too; they can tell from the co-workers they respect and learn from, there is something special about this past.  One sign advertises Carter Carburetors and the artwork depicts “three deuces”, model 97’s, sitting proudly atop a flathead engine, all speeding along in a red, open roadster.  Its occupants, a blond haired boy with slight freckles (driver), and a brunette girl passenger, bright white blouse, full and buttoned low. They are in the wind-blown cool, their excited expressions proclaim… "we have escaped and are free!" (and all you need is a Carter, or three).  How uniquely American.

The seasoned old engine block the boy entrusted to the shop cost him $120-even from the boneyard.  Not a bad deal for a good high-nickel content block that had never had its first 0.030”overbore.  In the shop, it was cleaned, checked for cracks by "magnafluxing", measured and re-measured, inspected and re-inspected.  It was shaped and cut in a special way that would allow the stroker crankshaft, that was to be the special part of this build, to have all the clearance it would need.  The engine block was fitted with temporary stress plates that mimic the presence of cylinder heads,  then the cylinders were bored to “first oversize”,  providing fresh metal for new piston rings to work against.  New bearings were installed everywhere bearings are required.  Parts were smoothed here and there.  Some surfaces were roughened just so, to allow new parts to “work-into each other” when things are finally brought together.  All of this was done with a level of precision and attention far, far greater than the old “4- bolt” had ever received at the factory on its way to a life of labor in the ¾ ton work van from which it came, and for which it had served so dutifully.  They called this painstaking dedication to precision measurement and fit, to hitting all specifications on the mark, “blueprinting”, and it would continue throughout the entire build of this engine.  The boy remained worried, but the shop had done it a million times.

After machining, the block was filled with new and strong parts that cost the young man everything he had.   Parts selected with the greatest of effort, decision, and debate.   You can compromise on paint and live with some rust,  he would say, wait for good tires, but never scrimp on the engine.  Right on.  Someone taught the boy right, regardless of whether or not he fully understood the importance of the words he parroted.  His accurate proclamation  also provided ample excuse for the rough, unfinished, underfunded look of the rest of his machine.  But it was just a look, his car was, in fact, “right”.   And its power plant?  Well the machine shop had talked their customer into letting them do the final engine assembly - even cut their price to do it.  To make that go down easy, they asked to have two of their shop decals affixed to the rod on race-days.  The young man thought that was a fair deal, but the shop was really just looking out for the boy, with their herring of sorts.  
The mill in its final form was the proper balance of performance and durability; and with its camshaft so carefully selected, the engine's “personality” was perfectly matched to the work at hand.   It would produce adequate torque in the low RPM range to get whole rig moving quickly, yet deliver enough horsepower near and at red-line to pile on the MPH, fast.  No longer a polite-natured workhorse, this engine, this engine is impatient now.  High compression, a rapid, choppy idle - it seems to be biting at the bit to be released.  On command, it gulps its mixture and screams angrily, and often those standing around have a reflexive jump - the louder, the better - the more angry, the better.  If it hurts your ears, that’s a good feeling.  If its bark startles, that’s a good startle.  A cacophony?  No, the “music” of controlled explosions, capable of thrusting everything and everyone attached, forward, impolitely, on a rapid run to the freedom so well depicted in the ad.  

This is the addictive sound and feel that has appealed to a certain type of person since engines replaced horses, and why?  A surrogate voice for those who are otherwise quiet?  A visceral celebration of accomplishment?    Who cares.  Shift once, then again - speed quickly makes its appearance.  It appears as a loud, rushing wind and a visually striking, unnatural view of the surrounding scenery.  At some point, in the sane, it triggers a natural response - better slow down.    

He uncorked the headers, bought gasoline, dropped her in gear, tore off to the scene
Camaros and Mustangs, an old ‘55
Obediently lined-up, to get skinned alive!

Verse II (1st person)

I drove past the banner that said “Welcome race fans” took a new route, behind the grandstands
And through my chipped window, I thought I could see
Some of the racers were laughing at me

I guess rust and primer are not to their taste
But I put my bucks mister in the right place

I chugged/popped past cars that dealers had sold
Swung into a spot, next to something old

Emerging with interest from under his hood
My neighbor said two words, he said, “sounds good”

The Nova I parked next to was “classic rodding” in its outward appearance.  The much overused “primer paint job”.  The hood and front fenders a fiberglass clamshell, pinned affair.  Dice hanging from the mirror paid homage to days its driver never knew, but wished he had.  He removed them before he drove, always.

If you know how to peel the onion, secrets are revealed.  Wilwood brake calipers can be a dead giveaway. Someone needs serious stopping power - maybe.  Generally, owners who have sprung the bucks for this type gear let the calipers show off in bright red, to make a statement, and sometimes, these days, it’s just a fashion statement.  Expensive calipers, as eye candy, seem to be all the rage.  What is true, however, is very few guys spend big money on brakes only to render them inglorious and seemingly common with a shot of silver paint from a rattle can - and the owner of this half fiberglass racer that poses as a street car had done just that.  I'll glean two things from this observation. One, he needs those heavy brakes because he’s fast, and two, hiding them fits his style.  
Really, the message to be found in the silver paint, so cleverly applied to make your eyes simply slide across on their way to more interesting things, was “sleeper”.   And sleeper really means, he’s one of those guys with a score to settle - with everyone perhaps.   The list of “real parts” grew, if you knew where to look.  Looking was something I had unofficial permission to do since my rod was undergoing a similar scrutiny.  
“Stroked?”, I asked.  That’s something you can’t see from the outside. “ No”, my racer friend replied.  
“Hundred shot?”  (If engines have their language, so do the people who love them).   Despite the owner’s great efforts to conceal braided fuel and nitrous lines, electrical solenoids and switches, I spied his system.  The chunks of aluminum posing as ordinary spacers under his two Holly's were anything but.   “No”, was his one-word reply to my 100- shot question.  I tried again; “Your nitrous system is cleanly installed, how much are you spraying?”  “Two hundred fifty” in two stages, he said.  That’s more like it, I thought, and I then figured, he too had budgeted well for the machine shop – if not, he was gambling in a game that if lost, would soon fly parts in all directions.   Based on the overall neat work on display, I believed his build was up to the punishment planned. 
  I knew exactly what this tight-lipped guy was about, seeing someone very familiar in him as it were, and that made the “sounds good” complement I received upon my arrival all the more valuable.  I liked my neighbor.  And I liked the fact of our scratch-built rods having found each other - and I looked forward to us both dusting off the factory jobs.  It was going to be a good day.

The voice on the loudspeaker tells us we’re up.

Pre-staged, staged, then given the green
The line becomes blurred between man and machine

Bones become linkage
Muscle, spring
Fear, excitement

Time distorts ….
Color disappears …
Vision narrows…
Noise ---  becomes music
Speed, satisfaction

End
Piyush Gahlot Aug 2018
Saw her first at cousin's weddinG,
She looked astonishing I knew where it was headinG
Escorting the bride she came in smilinG
My eyes got glued on her and my heart started poundinG.

Afraid of her brother but she agreed to meeT,
I got there first, where the buses fleeT,
Time and place was on her to fiX,
Excited, I reached before the clock tickS,
There I saw her waving at platform thirty siX.

Time freezed for a while,
Walking towards her a million thoughts ran through my mind,
Was that really her or someone else!?
But that same magical smile and my heart again melts.

Simple, yet pleasant I liked her stylE,
But the best thing was definitely her smilE,
I got lost , stammered in speech for a whilE,
She was confident and I got nervous blood profilE.

The place was new ,
None of us had any clue,
I was sweaty , the day seems hottest,
Perhaps the oddest in the whole August.

Black and white top and she blingS,
Leather sandals and those shiny earingS,
The watch was pink , hairs were perfect readY,
But **** her luggage was real heavY!

Got in a cab, and some comfy place to talK,
She was in a hurry, but i had all the clocK,
She was bold at the same time cooL,
And I was smiling for no reason like a fooL.

More time I wanted to spend,
But getting her home safe and sound was important in the end.
Got her a bus had to bid a good bye,
And my hopes of meeting her soon are sky high! :)
Met the girl for the first time whom I saw at my brother's wedding.
Jeremy Duff Aug 2014
For he's a jolly good fellow,

adorned in yellow and love,
it was hard to see his face through the smoke of a three blunt rotation, but I could feel his heart beating from across the trailer.

Worn out eighties music was the unofficial theme of the night and I think we lived up to the expectations Eddie Murphy set for his.
Briana4545 Jul 2013
I’m not the same girl
I used to be.
Then again, maybe I am
the same,
and it’s everyone
and everything else
that’s different.
Maybe I’m just not adapting
to the changes in my environment.
Maybe I’m still the
idealistic twelve year old
who read romance novels
and ate ice cream while watching Titanic.
Maybe I’m still the
anorexic fourteen year old
who smiled when the number on the scale dropped
and cried when it didn’t.
Maybe I’m still the
ambitious sixteen year old,
striving to put her life back together
and get laid before prom.
(Without much success, of course.)
Maybe I’m still the
infatuated seventeen year old
who fell madly in love with a geeky college boy,
only to get her heart broken.
Maybe I’m just
an eighteen year old basket case
who drinks too much
and smokes too much
and ***** random boys (and girls)
with all the lights off
because she hates her body just as much when she’s drunk
as she does when she’s sober.
Maybe I have changed.
Maybe I never will.
Maybe in the end,
however soon or far off that may be,
I’ll look back and laugh
at my complete and utter stupidity
and inability
to stop thinking and just start
living.
Maybe I’m already dead inside
and just waiting for my body to follow.

I don't intend to leave you all behind,
but I’m beginning to think I already have.
Ottar Apr 2013
My name is bill, no capitalization, required,
the Writer will be ill, soon, once he gets me,
or my friends in the mail, my cousin e bill.

Won’t be far behind, a marvel of technology!

I am famed and legendary, but be wary,
we attack in groups and bunches and
don’t rely on hunches that you settled with us.

We don’t make a fuss or a muss, we will cut
off your cable, and internet, see?
Hydro and Natural Gas you can ill afford
to miss, we do pay dates, instead of play dates.

So if you don’t pay up we are through
with you, hope you can find your self in
the dark, call us and we will talk until your
cell phone loses power or they drop your
call from their towering collection.

So with affection,
from us named bill,
make a plan and a will,
to pay us on time, after
all it is your dime, until it
is ours, all ours.

You can take that to the bank,
but we will do it for you too!
Save you the trip...

signed the

bills

P.S.(we were going to list a few,
but we don’t name names, we
just collect Presidents and Prime Ministers,
they may be dead or royalty, but they are
acceptable to faceless nameless ones,called
bill(s), Thanks!)



©DWE042013
Autumn Apr 2016
In the Winter
we were friends,
but we weren't that close

In the Spring
we were best friends
that were torn apart
by your relationship

In the Summer
we were closer than ever
unofficial lovers
the best of friends

In the Fall
still best friends
but you're going out places
with other people
and I wonder
where we'll be
when it's Winter again
PG Dec 2018
Birds chirp outside my window before the sun even appears
Interrupting my nightly rewind of 38 years
Or did I spend time in the future instead
With decisions not yet made, and words so far unsaid?

Slowly the fog drifts from my mind; my thoughts are no longer far
Wearily I rise from sleep, and grab a drinkless bar.
With a routine borne from endless practice, I move into my wheeled cage
Simultaneously what I need to survive, and a source of rage

Not due to the physical need; limits are never a shame
But because it puts me steps behind in the middle of life’s game
Some say I should be glad it is visible at first sight
With laws and support in place, I guess they may be right.

This topic feels conflicted as verses leave my head
Like following a path that someone else led
Supportive family and friends, a job, and outside interests too
All of these are mine, and yet there feels much more to do

I know myself well enough that part of my drive
Involves shutting people up and continuing to strive
Shattering expectations has always been fun
Now it’s more like a chore that never gets done

A clock in my head that just won’t stop ticking
Decisions seem to just get made without anyone picking
Days go by faster than the roadrunner’s blur
And yet things seem to end up back where they were

Work always goes well; at least by what’s in writing
They don’t have a front row seat when my head and heart are fighting
Feeling like I must always be “on;” a perpetual switch
Wishing more people knew I can truly be a *******!

That may seem like an odd thing to say
But just stop for a minute and see things my way.
Can’t drive on my own, dress or shower without an aide
Nobody even considers that I want to get laid.

“You think about ***?” they ask in shock
As if not walking means I don’t have a ****
The confusion all across their face burns me to my core
And gets me enraged enough to go hire a *****

I have no shame for this hope; though some would say I must
The only harm is not acknowledging that everyone has lust
I’m TIRED of feeling like these impulses have to hide
I just can’t find someone crazy enough to take the ride

In my darkest moments, paying seems the only way
I watch, we *****, and they don’t get to stay
But my thinking head knows that won’t solve the issue
So I guess I’m still stuck cleaning up with a tissue

“Don’t try so hard,” well-meaning people say.  “It will happen when it’s Fate.”
Hard to believe when you can’t even get a date.
Single women say they trust me, can tell any secret, and know I'll be there
So why the hell do they disappear without a care?

“You give such great advice and always know what to do.
I wish my boyfriend was more like you.”
Well, he could be, don’t you realize?
Get your head out of the clouds, and stop believing his lies!

Another one starts with “My family doesn’t even know this; you’re the only one I’ve told.”
I thank her for trusting me; the move was truly bold.
Down the line, I ask if one day sparks could fly,
“Nope, I’ll never see you that way, Goodbye!”

It’s not just about the *** either; that isn’t quite right.
Sharing hopes, dreams, fears, and laying together at night
No matter what obstacles or fortunes lie ahead
Not snapping out of a dream on one side of an empty bed

This isn’t depression, although I understand the concern
Just endless frustration wondering when will I learn
Actions don’t speak louder than words; they all have the same pitch
Why does the story ALWAYS end with me feeling like a *****??

Even six year old nieces get in on the act
Asking when I will make the lifelong pact
She doesn’t even care about gender; it could be the same
Unless of course, I want to hear a baby cry out his daddy’s name

Children has always been a true lifelong dream
But I’m a few steps behind and time is short it seems
At least my brother has a son to carry on our line
I know the future isn’t written, but give me SOME ******* sign!

Would I even be good at it?  Could I raise them well?
Who knows the kind of lives they’d lead, or stories they could tell?
I can’t say this for certain without a crystal ball
So instead I’ll be present for everyone here now, and help them through it all.

It may seem like these are things a true “man” shouldn’t say
And I admit to thinking the same a few times, even still today
After all, can’t do home improvements, fix cars, or plant a stupid tree
What on earth would any real woman have to do with me?

THAT’S the worst part of being in a chair
It allows you to think that no one else will truly care
Or that deepest dreams should remain hidden for no one else to see
Because, after all, you have a disability.

Sometimes these thoughts go too deep in my brain
Just gaining speed in my life like a runaway train
And I try to breathe slowly, stop and look around
Because of treasures I have already found.

The only person who will read these lines; “best friend” is WAY too weak a word
Family in all but blood; she urged my voice to be heard
Put out her hand, shared my laughter, dried some tears
Without question, my best decision these last five years.

Parents who drive me insane and often make me scream
But at the end of the day, we’re all on the same team
A brother and sister who tortured, teased and played along
Because in the end, bonds forged are lifelong

Nieces and nephews I could not love more if they were my own
Relatives whose love is not only stated but truly shown
An education with two degrees no one thought I could achieve
Even though they do not mean hard times and troubles will leave

Music and DVDs stacked from wall to wall
Even though I’ll never have time to play them all
A sense of humor that passes most people right on by
Maybe they’ll see me one day, stop in, and wonder why

As night falls once more outside and the page gets ready to turn
I can’t help but wonder what next lesson I will learn
Will it cause happiness?  Sadness?  Surprise?  Fortune?  Alarm?
Will I be able to keep the peace or have a desire to cause harm?

Do I have the skills necessary to keep on fanning the fire?
Without feeling like I’m walking a tightrope wire?
It’s like telling one last joke no one’s ever heard before
Will they boo me offstage, or stand up for more?

As I look back through my life, regrets seemingly zoom by at great speed
Ten years wasted on the wrong girl, not taking charge when I need
More independence than I’ve ever had before
But not enough courage to leave my parent’s front door

How will I explain these questions to people in my life?
What will potential girlfriends think?  Or (God forbid) a wife?
There are times when these thoughts fill me with physical pain
And endless tears slide off my face like nonstop torrential rain

All these endless riddles without answers in sight
Life’s milestones like road signs passing in the night
A sense of unease and worry permeates my head
Still, only one option open, full speed ahead

There’s nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide
Just gotta have the right people standing at my side
And no matter what today’s outcome, draw, lose or win
They’ll help me get up tomorrow and do it all again
Reposting this  w/ minor changes from original version.  The "only person who will ever read these lines" convinced me to share this, so here it is.
jesse packard Aug 2014
i have to admit that my job was fun
running around and traveling with the carnival
but i met this girl who made my life purposeful
i like her for being practical and made it meaningful
for the first unofficial date was on the giant slide
so we moved on to the octopus and man i just about died
because i hate heights and spiny rides
but she smiled and i had fun for the time we spent on that ride
the fun lasted till we parted ways to see each other the very next day
she had a sun dress on and all i could say was wow this is my lucky day
to see the girl who had shown interest in me the day before
i had no reason to be mad at myself for stupid **** i said before
i just wish that i had kissed her when i had the chance
because now i am to far away and Skype does not last
Astrea Apr 2021
can you see through the haze of
future parading shadows of commuters in the
                            crevice of time
past the kaleidoscopic glass castle and
                            sepia windows
reflected in your eyes
students baying within bubbles of blue
blaring muted, ancient, utopian cries
let's
       chase
                 clouds
                             from now
Today I had the last day of lecture, feels like an unofficial graduation.
How time flies
The Red Woman Apr 2019
and you were my
unofficial prince
in my
unoficcial fairytale
a time where everything was perfect
Anjelica Jul 2013
Flies killed: 56

Origin: Unknown

Report:
Base sealed all day, no possible point of entry. Flies, where you come from?!

Hypothesis:
Flies used means of Spontaneous Generation to enter my room.

Aristotle:1
Pasteur:0

1 fly remains, doom is coming to you my four legged foe!
Walked into room to find a colony of flies had just moved in. No first months rent, no deposit, not even a hello. Honestly, how rude.
Killed all mercilessly, with note pinned to wall:
Dear Fly Family, If you dare to come into my room again, I will wipe you all of the ******* map.
*****.
G Nov 2015
I don't think I can stand to bare
Loving something that was never there
Having these feelings, just to compare
Was this whole last year just out of despair?
Karisa Brown Mar 2018
Skin torched
Tongue porcelain
Unable to convey
What I have to say
  
One day
One day
Dr Strange Nov 2014
I don't know what I'm doing anymore
I just wanna go splat all over the wall
I wanna cut my chest wide open
Then say goodbye to it all
I been through so much recently
When I haven't even got over my past
So why don't I just die already
Just close my eyes and rot away
Cause I don't know what I'm doing anymore
I just wanna go splat all over the wall
Write my death note with my own blood
Then disappear in a puddle in the hall
softcomponent Jun 2014
Up as early as the dawn, clouds sifting leftward westward shimmer and drip-- half like empty crystal void, half like deep-ocean Mariana's Trench with happy-little-pockmarks all up-in-between.

What in the Heroes am I doing up so early on a Thursday morning? Not sleeping. Downloading new video games via Pirate Bay. Watching old-analog-rendition documentaries from History Channel circa early 2000's-- one doc in particular about U.S. government tests on unwilling (and largely unknowing) civilian populations. I as the orifice and experiencier of the world at large, all at ONCE THRU THE EYEZ and at TWICE THRU THE BRAINIAL CRANIAL and out thru the thoughts and words and cramped headspace full of starships, *******, eloquent and twisting sunrise dimensionals...

The Internet? It'll make you the universe as-if you weren't the universe already!
Straight through the blood and sweat and 'it's-too-earlies-for-this.' You wanted a bit of laughter, and that's exactly what you got.

Though it time-lapses across my faulty-flick'ring eyelids, I can tell past the Buddha-Bottle-Buddha-Themed-Beer sitting empty on the windowsill amidst a wild collection of coffee cups and power converters that the Sun sees the Capital Letters that were written out line-for-line in Times New Roman across my RNA-DNA slow-Saganite Cosmic Poetry by God the Author.

Eyelids are heavy and yet inverted and living-- real and concerned with loving the affair of life rather than the marriage! Life as an unofficial longevity-but-not-forever kinda thing.. like young love, old love, marriage, too, when you really get down to it.. just confused little souls feeling pulled to one another in the proverbial Dark Under the Sunlight and Illuminated by Aurora Borealis Forever-Daytime-Forever-Nighttime-Forever.. Syrian rebels waking up on a Monday morning to the sound of gunfire and ALLAHU AKBAR's in distance.. creeps, yea, a television Evangelist preaching God is Love and God Treats His Children Like Children (discipline the soul, yes? discipline the soul!) (**** the widow and ask her why you did it)

All the preaching homelessers who think they've found God in the same dark alleyway they found their snot-drenched headaches every casted winter night-- neglected by the Government, always remembered by the God-- Lucifer (Government, Passivity, Watchful Indifference), and God (A Few Dollars Here and There, A Shamanic Vision at Franciscan Ascetic Extremity) aaaahhhh all bungled-up and waiting for a Savior when the Savior is themselves or the debt they owe to Royal Life Ltd. and we wait like the rest of them, they angry over my no-dollars-to-spare ("look, I make rent, I grab groceries, I pay debt. In all likelihood, you have more money than I do right now. I'd love to help you out if our poverty's weren't so close to kissing") all such rudeness in one respect and yet delinquently honest.. how I can admire the travelling Hippie Bands reckless abandon and yet never forget to fear Abandon..

and all the preaching Home-Leasers.. the strangeness' clad in glass and patchwork straight-black perm-pressed leadership stench and pastel markers smeared across the sidewalk.. ".. if you take away your consideration of the company's weak future bond equity, there are three different ways we could tackle this project.." busy-ness-man.. snarky and corrected with a Job To Do. But Who Am I?

A Job To Do. A Job To Do Do Do Do.

NOT so much A Job Well Done (Never Quite A Job Well Done) (serendipity has a crease-and-fold collective opinion of our concrete jungles and military juntas.. "'I can't even watch the game tonight.. Brasilia is the capital of Brazil?' 'Sao Paulo, you drunk buffoon.''No, Brasilia!' 'Sao Paulo!'")
stupors, collect-calls, drag-queens, militant armies and school shooters in bullet-proof vests all the best, all the best.. what I wanted was a reason to crease my forehead all adult-like and say to the kid, "I really think you'd do a lot better in computer networking.. check the job statistics! international openings are through the ROOF.." and she sighs at the weight of every crush-ed dream coalescing into filmy-slime-froth at top of inadequately-heated Cream of Mushroom Soup.. what silty salty ****.. all the parochial worldviews of the 20th century being swallowed in the Liberal Boom and Bust, Boom and Bust, Boom and Big ***** ***** ***** Bloated ***** (click the link and see your fantasies pass Disney's red-light and hit **** ******* with a vintage glass bottle of ol' Coca Cola Noir)..

After a sleepless neverend night, I stayed up and bored on the black leather couch with my roommates cat waltzing in-an-out-an-in-an-out still confused at his relatively recent move to our war-zone clone of a home.. poor ******* of a cat, names Tonic.. has a bred sister named Gin.. drink a cup of joseph trying to finish illegal-pirate of newest Splinter Cell (sadly o'sad it demands too much on the vide-ah card and lags all creative and bleepy) all the steam from my ****-preground coffee in'ah French press doves upward to the window and the clouds sifting leftward westward shimmer and drip.. I contemplate concerta to stay perked-out and take a shower, pop just that, XL release concerta.. not sleeping makes it strangest experience, uncomfortable at first.. pressures in lower jaw, electric tightness at tips of front teeth as I talk myself down on the 6 to Royal Oak Exchange via Downtown all freaky-vibed anxieties about my blurring vision and perhaps eternal cross-eyes I avoid looking at reflections *** they father me out of my bedroom, warm sanity.. warm seance dance-arounds-a'naked-and-praise.. I feel okay now, though. Better than okay, I feel elated and awake as if I slept a solid 9-some hours and Alex to left writing stories of horse-drawn labor with Petter on Skype telling tales of his not-so-gladness to be home in Norway for another 3-weeks.

A group of hearty-look hardly-look investors in stock business pajamas march past in strange rabble on way, perhaps, to next coffee joint down road. The unfamiliar block next to window I sit near seems as mysterious in existence as Diagon Alley.. where in the fuckssakes is it, exactly? I once ventured to find out and came across library courtyard I tagged as future-reading locale. The hungry sun above was at snowblind potential and eating away at my lack of protected retinas. I've stopped worrying about protection as it all dis-integrates equally careful.

And it's our covert motives that give us reason to shame-- unrealistic to be ashamed, but ashamed you'll be anyway for disliking the guy or avoiding the girl and slithering into a fetal position to deflect the ***-flack from Moral Mike. You escape yourself successfully, and douse the city in gasoline machines for another 15 years 'til our fossil fuels shivvy dribble flop fade into literal thin air.. bubye.. the sun is getting brighter with every passing minute, it's all summery out and I'm inside typelocking myself to a circumferenced earth at the tip of my bleeding fingers. I'm just waiting for apostrophe, and realize that, some day, I will be a fuel source too (you're welcome, Succeeding Race).

and all races are inevitably lost. This is not the cynics drawl.

it is optimism.
Austin Heath Jul 2014
They swear they can teach you everything
you're going to need to know about
life and how to take on the world.
The same ******* who
can't even tell you an
honest version of history.

If you sigh hard enough, you learn.

Some of us pull everything we know
from the margins and get called part
of an agenda for it.
Most people learn only by what
they perceive on the surface
and miss everything underneath.

Some nights you go hungry, and you learn.

The ******* go to college or university,
get some ******* degree,
and decide it makes them an unofficial expert
on situations they've never been concerned with.
Racists with law degrees.
Some of them go into the military
and come back with scars in their mind,
tell us we're just civilians,
because gun-toting is the education they received.

If you ever slept in a car because you had no choice,
you learn.

I've met a lot of people who read religious texts
and only believe what people "knew" 4000
years ago, at most.
I've met people who tell you they believe in the bible,
then when pressed for information,
obviously can't tell you **** about their own beliefs.

If you have a hard time not biting back out of habit,
you learn something.

The funny thing is, you don't need to learn how to
hate to learn how to love,
but
Once you learn what love is,
it makes it a hell of a lot clearer what hate is.
Nat Lipstadt Aug 2013
I posted this poem  a few days after I joined HP.  As  is oft the case, poems you are especially proud of, fall to the wayside, under the onslaught of the constant waterfall of new submissions.  With the usual exception of Ms. Lori C., one of the two unofficial High Priestesses of HP, in my estimation, this one, was pretty much overlooked.  Despite some comical jaunts of late re bras and beds, real inspiration has escaped me ever nice I penned "Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay (Razor Blades, Pills, & Shotguns" last week.  So, with your hoped for solicitude, I resubmit it, hoping it finds a wider audience and dedicate it to those of you who I number as friends (you know who you are!), despite the fact that our only shared embraces have been techno~electronic, and yet the quality of your kindness is beyond measure.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Numerical Quality of Friendship

The quality of friendship is non-quantitative.
Yet, I ask you to number it, and me, this way.

With tape measure, determine that:
The length of my arm's embrace will always be
longer than long enough, and when distance magnifies sorrow's gains,
my shoulders measure wide enough to pillow your wearied head.

The depth of my pocket is finite for by definition,
a pocket is but an open doored, three walled shelter.
My pocket of shelter is forever open, forever deep,
and forever is infinite.

Trust that when bowed and bent,
upon my shoulders climb and together we will be tall enough
to touch the season's new fruit upon the tree of life,
and with one tongue, taste the unimaginable!

Do u think that mercury can measure
the warmth of my tears when love sears my heart,
or the heat of thy skin when it heals and cauterizes
wounds salted by the mistreatment, by the bitters of the weak ones,
who rejoice when they scald others?

Size me up.
What is my volume?
What are the boundaries that
length X depth X height
state must limit my capacity to cherish, to heal,
and even to forgive those who deserve no forgiveness?

If you measure me well and proper,
if I meet the standards that qualify me to be called friend,
then friend me here, friend me now,
friend me for the qualities I posses,
and number us a unity among the few
who are truly blessed
by a quality of friendship that cannot be measured,
for there is no scientific instrument that can quantify
limitless.



March 2012
Man ,
Be not a slave to the opinions ,of the chained ,
Recreate the world ,where once love and beauty reigned.

We are knocking on the doors of an era where our generation will come to associate love, romance ,affection and similar terms exclusively with ****** attraction and the desire to be in a relationship.
If only Lord Byron knew that in the very same world which he gifted with the moving verses that no Romantic can ever hope to match, in that same world, albeit in a different and allegedly a more ‘progressive’ era, romanticism would be distorted to an end even his Bohemian ideals would not deem acceptable, then Lord Byron might have hesitated before crafting those magical lines into what they became.
Every time an all knowing , self proclaimed , relationship expert featuring on Page 3 declares that love cannot happen outside a relationship , several graves , deep down in the Lake District of England struggle to be liberated . And truth be told, we could use some liberators. For its time to break the monopoly that ****** attraction has so far exercised on words like love.

And make no mistake folks. This is not merely a question of semantics and ingenuous word play. This is about much more . This is about emotions, rhapsody and their expression. It’s time we asked ourselves several honest questions – Why should we hesitate before saying that we are in love with our friends? Why are we still slaves to unofficial yet unambiguous collective social censors who mandate the boundaries of our expression? Why should we be ashamed to admit reality for what it is and what it should be?

These are difficult questions, difficult but necessary, because the answers lie in those reaches of our heart which we are yet to explore. Go deep enough and search a man’s heart and you will find love, even in the midst of hate .Such is man’s nature. Such is our bond with truth and beauty. But of then of course, there are those, who would rather wear their perpetual masks and seek to distort their own dreams, swallow their own words and mould our world to self imposed barriers.

There are some telling traits that these people share. These people wish to present us with a two dimensional model of the universe of sorts, so as to explain our thoughts and deed. They wish to establish patterns. They wish to connect the dots. They wish to label. They wish to judge . And their wishes are woven with a common fabric of insecurity. A fabric so fragile, that they are afraid of its very existence and hence find it fit to engage in acts of self-gratification that comes at the terrible price of false felicity and illusions. I say it is time we together shattered these illusions like once ideas shattered empires.
This isn't really a poem as much as this is a response to those who have often questioned my love for certain friends and unsuccessfully tried to reduce it to mere ****** desires . This is a response to those who have never really understood what it means to be Romantic , to be in love .
Jade Aug 2019
volume i
A Portrait of My Sixth-Grade Self
___________________­

Eleven-year-old fingers
swollen with baby fat
dig into the gaudy shimmer
of turquoise eyeshadow
encased in its shattered compact.

I apply the pigment,
erratic smudges extending
from my lash line
to just below my untamed brows.

The blue powder accentuates the swirls
of my fingerprints in dizzy figure eights.

But you can't quit your own skin
like you can quit ice skating lessons.

I am in the sixth grade
when the Popular Girls
in my class tell me that,
if I want to get a boy to like me,
I have to change the way I look.

I abide by the rules of the
Unofficial Mean Girl Doctrine:

{no. 1}

I mustn't wear sweat pants,
these sloppy Old Navy rags
that I have owned for three years.

See,
denim is superior to cotton
even though it leaves
cavernous indentations
on my stomach.

Sweat pants forgive
the extra swell of your waist line.

Denim punishes you
for what you don't have,
more specifically
for what you have too much of.

I ask my mom for skinny jeans
because perhaps if I can
shrink all that I am
into this blue, unyielding fabric
I will feel thinner than I actually am.

We buy the skinny jeans from Old Navy.

{no. 2}

My signature high pony tail is
unacceptable.

I should wear my hair down,
they profess.

I am not sure if this is
because of the tufts of frizz
that loom over my scalp
like wasted dandelion seeds

(I wish... I wish... I wish...)

or if this is just a necessary ritual
in the abandonment of my girlhood.  

After I unsheathe my curls
from their rubber-band Bastille,
their trial commences.

My ringlets slither
in hostile circulations,
executing frequent detours away
from anyone who might scoff
at their animalistic bedlam.

If only I could will
my spectators to stone.

Cuz no one ever dared
**** with Medusa
and her curls.

Instead,
I settle for a flat iron.

{no. 3}

Do everything in your power to be
Beautiful
including, but not limited to,
the laws indicated above.

Yet,
despite my grandest efforts,
it is never enough.

I am never enough.

I am the Walmart Edition
of what the Popular Girls
want me to be.

With my gaudy eyeshadow and the
cheap Dollar Store bracelets
that I wear around my wrists,
plastic flowers blooming
upon threaded stems
that nip at the hair on my arms.

One day on the bus ride home,
a boy from my class tells me
I am too hairy.

"Huh?" I ask,
pretending I haven't heard him.

"Nothing," he mumbles back to me.

See,
little girls are supposed to play with
jump ropes and Barbie Dolls.

They are not supposed to
play with razors as they strip away
every misplaced hair on their body
or consult Teen Vogue
for the latest beauty hacks
like they are Gospel.

This year of 2011/2012
has been engraved  into
the historical road map
of my every insecurity.
The legend of this map,
depicted in smeared globules
of sugar cookie lipgloss,
deliver me to my destination:

self hatred.

Mascara stains the
topography of my flesh
in inky, dotted lines

I follow.

I plummet
like the eternal run
in my stockings.

One way plane ride
non-stop
never to return
from this perception of ugliness
and then--

flight


down.
Don't be a stranger--check out my blog!

Desktop Site: notapreciousgem.wixsite.com/tickledpurple

Mobile Site: notapreciousgem.wixsite.com/purplemobile
Becky Littmann Nov 2014
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Or at least that's what is said
But what if your vision is unclear
& your own image is not beauty in your eye
& your self-esteem declines as you get older
You're still ugly in your head
No matter what compliments you hear
& you don't know how to explain your reasons why

Society is to blame
Overly  advertising "skinny" pills or another new diet fad
magazine covers displaying frail & gauntly figures sharing their dieting habit
& there's an unofficial showdown on social media trying to one up your peers
It's become so stupid & lame
People going completely mad
Nothing is being achieved is what I don't get
Unfortunately this will continue on for years

Enhancing your appearance is become quite extreme
Botox filled needles, toxic injections say good-bye wrinkles as well as ****** expression
Button nose or a pointed one, maybe a bump rhinoplasty will quickly fix
Broken, distorted & barely holding on, slowly losing self-esteem
Whatever it takes, anything they can do to receive some positive attention
Showered with empty compliments, their beauty is deceiving & they're covered in lies
**** pumped full of silicone, hard to the touch
Some implanted *** cheeks, now it's massive & anacondas all want to bite
Reality is becoming surreal, dream like hard to decipher the real & fake
A crazed addiction that's just too much
A corrupting epidemic destroying what's right
We need to figure out how to protect the years to come with prevention
Killing this trending fascination of a stupid mistake

We continue to change it, hide it, deny it, maintain it, lie to it, cry at it & accuse it
Everyone has got one, no one is exempt
Year after year it's a bigger obsession
Criticizing & judging what they view is their daily routine
With no plans to quit
Changing their thoughts & mind is something dangerously risky to attempt
Unable to change what they view on their screen
Drifting farther out of any reality
Claiming they're unaware how negativity can quickly poison
In denial that it does any harming
Oblivious to the unraveling image
No longer obtaining any slight speck of your originality
& got caught up in the deadly alluring fascination
For results that were nonexistent
Ridiculously absurd & quite alarming
Side effects include blurred vision, forever tainted thoughts & more unfixable damage

Lost souls, a pointless quest to change what was never wrong
Leaving all those confused & badly broken & a mind almost rotten
A spirit was just no longer there
Emotions shut off & an expressionless face remains
Failing to reach society's idea of "perfection"
Another one gone, that didn't take very long
The light in people's eyes faded & their smiles joined the forgotten
Beyond the looking glass we lost our stare
& our spirit it claims
Nothing is left now but an invisible reflection
raðljóst Oct 2013
Green apples at lunchtime,
You were the only friend of mine.
We played in sand and built castles from our growing imaginations while we hoped our bodies would grow just like our minds so our hands could reach the monkey bars and… maybe one day the stars.
Back then I’d wish on those and hope you’d pinky-swear right back to always have an ear out in case I called for help.
Those were the days I’d spend making cards to send to you just because you might need to know that you were worth every glued-on sequin.
We stayed outside catching fireflies until the sun escaped and those jars were the only lights to guide our way.
Those summer breaks spent chasing salamanders, our fingers, our toes, warm river mud pressed between every one of them like an unofficial glue promising to keep us together.
All our thoughts concentrated on an everlasting summer,
No more school because we felt educated enough if we could be together all day.
I guess the river washed it all away, like the current wiping the mud out from between our toes, off our fingertips, off our minds your words turned cold,
Conversations dwindled and the best thing I could hope to come out of your mouth was hello.

And now you walk the way you used to walk when you made fun of girls on pageant shows.
Your lips are stained a perfect color of rose,
But you grow thorns when you speak.
Some say you flourished.
A blossom under fluorescence but I always liked things to be under incandescence. A phenomenon of light produced from our warm bodies under a shared blanket watching the stars, sharing our hopes our fears and our scars.
But now when the temperature rises it’s because you’re not looking at me anymore.
I’m a just another flower budding on your wall,
But, please watch me blossom before I fall.
I don't especially like the beginning, but I am pretty happy with this one. I wrote it all in one go, only took out one line and that's the most editing I've done. I think I am going to keep it that way for when I present it in class. I'd rather hear constructive criticism before I criticise myself.
Also, I don't know how to title it.
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
I remember the jaw dropping moment of you walking into creative writing for the first time.

I remember passing notes daily

I remember the first time we went downtown with our drunkard friend.

I remember sitting in the cold in front of the pond and listening to you ramble.

I remember how happy I was.

I remember how hard I tried to impress you.

I remember it all like it was yesterday.

I remember you going missing from class.

I still remember the stomach churning worry that came with it.

I remember you coming back just to leave again

I remember the years we didn't talk. They were lonely.

I remember seeing you go the first time in forever.

I remember sitting in that swing and holding back tears as I confided in you about how sad I was.

I remember the absence of you again.

I remember sitting at the bus stop talking to you before I had to work.

I remember the night you had a small get together and invited me.

I remember how hard I smiled for the first time in years.

I remember coming over and spending the night with you.

I remember the ****** tension.

I remember laying in bed and inching closer.

I remember how cold your lips were when I kissed you for the first time.

I remember rolling around in bed naked and taking candid pictures of one another.

I remember being officially unofficial.

I remember walking to and fro my house to yours.

I remember you playing guitar.

I remember vaping until we were dizzy.

I remember you getting the text from your ex

I remember losing you to your ex

I remember the devastation.

I remember still seeing you daily.

I remember how awkward it was.

I remember you telling me you wanted to be with me.

I remember then running to meet you half way.

I remember hugging you as if to pull you into my body.

I remember him losing his spot by your side.

I remember fighting.

I remember hating it.

I remember still seeing you and talking things out.

I remember kissing late into the night.

God I remember so much.

I remember going downtown with Dessi.

I remember realizing how deeply I love you.

I remember the pain of missing a night by your side, it's like a bruise on the bottom of my foot.

I remember all the days I spent keeping you company  at work.

I remember getting pulled over with you in the car.

I remember the look of dread.

I remember with no regrets.

I remember your smell from 4500 miles away.

I will remember and cherish every second we spend at one another's side.

And with all these memories behind us in such short time

I know that when I turn my head back to watch my steps I'll see all we have to look foreword to.
Ashwin Kumar Aug 4
Dear Shruti, wish you a very Happy Friendship Day!
Forever, do you keep negativity at bay
I love you as a friend
We share a deeply emotional bond
You, can I trust with anything and everything
To me, does your friendship mean everything!

Dear Shruti, wish you a very Happy Friendship Day
May you always be happy, come what may
You are **** intelligent and hardworking
A person who stops at absolutely nothing
To get the job done
Never, will you be alone!!

Dear Shruti, wish you a very Happy Friendship Day
Many a time, are you away
However, never does that stop you from caring
Whether it be family or friends
You are a person, to whom can I go on listening
May your long talks never end!!

Dear Shruti, wish you a very Happy Friendship Day
I hope you had a wonderfully relaxing day
After all the hard work you have put in
Moreover, do you also do your very best
To keep yourself fit, time and again
May you clear with flying colours, every single test
Which life throws at you
Forever, will I be there, to help you!!

Dear Shruti, wish you a very Happy Friendship Day
Always will I root for you and Pradeep, come what may
The two of you are among my favourite couples
Your parents are also a beautiful couple
By the way, you are not simply my friend
My unofficial sister, you are
And for you and your family, will I always care
May Jesus bless you, you amazing human being
With anything and everything
Which you deeply desire
Do take care
And hope to meet you soon
Dear Shruti, wish you the Happiest Friendship Day again!!
Poem dedicated to Shruti, my no.1 friend in the world!!!
i’m the man who’s gonna wake up next to you

slipping away, a non-starter, her leg crosses over mine,
a right sided shakedown shackle, adhesion flesh as
tough as old yellowed scotch tape sticking stuck

no escaping, a known 6:00am risk when you sleep with
a pre-advertised holy roller, twist and turner woman,
making you into an unofficial woe-man (too)

left hand grabs the lamenting instrument, the beat up iPad,
to record your enslavement, a distraction from the bladder’s
faint morn winking at you with a Cheshire grin, muffling a
chuckle, at a predicament wonderful familiar, but unresolvable

this situation, a category of life’s small measure of annoyances,
invokes the wordy title, and a write-down list of pluses and minuses,
which I’ll spare which o’witch be the longer list

poems are where you find them, under your nose,
looking out a city bus window, but sometimes like flypaper,
they just come unasked and stick to you, the separating of the skin,
like a too tight bandaid, ain’t worth the pain and freedom gained

later, share this missive and her suggestion, she will prepare an
NDA (a non-disclosure agreement)  or adopt other strategies like
pushing me out of the bed without warning when i am typing ,
to witch and to wit, reply,
ah!
another poem commissioned, and

perhaps, name change too, needed,
making love in the morning


12/14/19
anonymous Jun 2014
I practise what I'm going to say to you months and weeks and days before and I imagine that maybe if I practise hard and long enough it will come out perfectly and you will take me back in an instant. I assume there is a specific way to say I love you and I miss you and I have tried many many times to master it but I haven't quite got it down. I look at my reflection in the mirror and hold back the tears as they begin pouring in because I do not want you to think you have hurt me.
but the day finally comes. my words and my voice fade away at the sight of your eyes and your smile and everything that I once called mine. so that's what happens. all my practise has gone to waste because the sight of you leaves me breathless and once again I have ****** up real bad. but that's okay. because now I never have to practise again.

it was nice seeing you for the last time... in a long time.

***
Kj Apr 2017
my life is becoming a series of unfinished poems
there's one about the time
we walked home drunk
and kissed in the snow
I remember it so vividly
and there's one about the time you slept over
and how you held my hand
when you thought i was sleeping
but these poems are unfinished
likely because you and i
are unfinished business-
or rather, unofficial, unlabeled, I'm unsure-
I don't even know what we are
And I want to ask,
but then i remember that i am supposed to be the cool girl
the girl who does not care about what we are doing
and doesn't like labels
the girl who says "yes come over and drink"
but doesn't worry about what she'll confess when drunk
the girl who is okay with making out
but just calling this friends
the girl who doesn't ask questions
because she doesn't care about answers
but i am young and i am not the cool girl
i have never been the cool girl
questions to me are spaces to write answers
answers that i want to know
that i want to learn
that i want to hear
so please
just tell what this is. what we are.
i don't know why this seems to be so hard
Julian Delia Aug 2018
M’hemm ebda mod ieħor
Li stajt niddivina, biex forsi tisimgħuni –
Bil-Malti issa qlibt, jekk forsi qegħdin tinnutawni.
L-ewwel ħaġa:
Fehmuni għalfejn għadha tezisti d-duttrina.
Akkost li xi ħadd jibgħatni nieħdu jien u nirfes il-bankina,
Ser ngħidha!

Għax ma ngħallmux lit-tfal tagħna
Jifhmu l-imħabba lejn il-proxxmu
Minflok il-liġi inuffiċjali
‘Min mhux magħna kontra tagħna?’  
Għax ma nitgħallmux niddiskutu u niddibattu,
Forsi nċedu ftit, flok dejjem nċaħħdu u nirribattu?
Forsi immexxu bl-eżempju; flok immorru sa’ tempju
Nitpaxxew b’deheb misruq u b’moħħ magħluq,
Nitgħallmu nieqfu niskappaw u nistaħbew,
Wara wiċċ imżejjen falz, jew xi metafora.

It-tieni ħaga, u għalissa nieqaf haw’:
Fehmuni għalfejn lesti li l-futur taghna ninġazzaw?
Nikkompromettu, nidħlu fid-dejn,
Il-valuri tagħna nirremettu, basta fl-aħħar tax-xahar
Jidħlulna imqar dawk l-elfejn.

Qabli hawn oħrajn li dan il-kliem diġà qaluh –
Malta m’hijiex ward u żahar u kollox ifugħ.
Anzi, l-intiena tal-korruzzjoni tqanqallek id-dmugħ.
Jien ma ġejtx hawn biex immaqdar u nitlaq,
Nixtieq li nkunu konxji u nieħdu dak li jixraq.
Jekk inti tixtieq hekk ukoll,
Mela ejja ningħaqdu, għax għandna ħafna xoghol.

__________________

­[in English]

There is no other way I could divine
To make you hopefully listen to me –
You may have noticed I switched to Maltese.
The first thing on the list;
Can someone explain why (religious) doctrine still exists?
Although this may elicit someone’s anger as I step out on the sidewalk,
I shall say it!

Why don’t we teach our children
To understand loving one’s fellow man
Instead of the unofficial law
‘Whoever is not with us, is against us?’
Why don’t we learn to discuss and debate,
Maybe concede a bit, rather than deny and rebate?
Maybe lead by example; instead of going to a temple,
Awed by stolen gold and closed minds,
Learn to stop escaping and hiding
Behind a fake, decorated face, or a metaphor.

The second thing on the list, and I’ll stop ‘ere:
Can someone explain why we’re ready to ruin our future?
Compromising, racking up debt,
Our values we are regurgitating as long as, at the end of the month,
We get a couple thousand (as in, money).

Others before me have already said these words –
Malta isn’t all flowers and roses, and not everything is fragrant.
Actually, the stench of corruption will make you cry.
I am not here to complain and leave,
I just wish we’d be aware so we can get what we deserve.
If you want this as well,
Then let us join together, for we have a lot of work to do.
A poem in my native tongue, Maltese.
Syd Mar 2018
It's been three months since I moved here and you've been here for two of them and it's got me thinking about how in a world without you minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days, and don't even get me started on the days, our time together feels like quicksand running through my hands. It's a mess all over our spotless kitchen floor. The mop finds its way into the grasp of my fingers every day that you are gone, which is often, because honestly I just need something to hold. Something to occupy the time that we should be spending laid up on the couch hours deep into a new Netflix series tossing off the blankets we wrapped oursevles up in because our bodies have generated so much heat from being so close to each other for so long. Most nights I find myself wrapping up the idea of you into a neat little box that I carry around with me in my chest. Occasionally someone knocks to see how you are doing, how we are doing, and I tell them the same things I tell you. I miss you. And they're confused, because we live together, and don't I know that I should have stopped having to miss you months ago? Only I haven't stopped and I never will. Closing the distance between our states will never compare to closing the distance between me crawling into bed hours after you've fallen asleep, and you crawling out before the dawn breaks, kissing my head goodbye as I sleep. These are our interactions and they do not understand. Our bed is warm but my hands are cold. You kiss my knuckles in your sleep and I take a deep breath, hoping to remember the way you smell; the warmth of your skin; the sounds from your throat as I kiss your cheek; this moment. Every night I spend next to you I thank whoever is listening for giving us this simple pleasure- knowing you are safe, you are here, you are mine. I ask for more time but somehow we always come up empty handed. I knew we would have forever since the moment I met you, and in the vows I've been piecing together since the day we fell in love, I say to you this: falling asleep next to you is one thing I will never take for granted, the days I spend without you are nothing compared to those we spend together, and together... together, we have everything we will ever need.
alexis Mar 2019
My mother asked me if I am seeing anyone today
I thought of you
And the happiness I feel for you
I thought of how your laugh sounds
And the music you make inside of me
I thought of how your eyes sparkle
And how you speak
I thought of how hearing from you
Makes my bones crumble
And my eyes crinkle at the corners
I thought of the conversations
And the secrets that we keep
I thought of the burning in my guts
And the desire to be caressed by your gentleness

I told her that I am not seeing anyone
Because although I am captivated
I know we will never be whole
You are one half beauty
And I am one half tragedy
And neither of us can explain it
So I smiled, “maybe someday,” I said

I thought of how it would feel to love you
And how it would feel to be loved
I thought of living with you
And staying when you are gone
I thought of home
And suddenly it was you

But we cannot be complete
Because your heart lies in another's hands
And I could never compare
With the markings she left on you
So I grit my teeth
And bite my lip
And try to find a place
Where happiness could someday be with you.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2016
the man drops the package off at 6 a.m.,
he is a man, in that Harold Norse sense
of the word - he's a grafter -
he's been riding from Poland for god knows
how many hours, he was supposed to
be here for 3 a.m., but i'm not complaining,
i pay him £20 for delivering the package,
ask him whether he had a good journey,
then i wish him a good day, no reply -
i put the package in a room, unzip it and
take one of the copies out... strange...
just like Augustus commenting on the death
of Marcus Aurelius: the soup is hot, the soup
is cold... a piece of writing is printed, published,
a piece of writing isn't printed, nor published...
it's in my hand now, slim, literature's anorexia:
poetry... i can stash it in the library and
think about it for a while: no goosebumps,
no thrill... just this strange: apathy -
the sinking feeling of being at the bottom of a dung-heap
of civilisation - i'm sure it was different before
the internet: writers huddling in tiny rooms,
writing with a big dream to escape -
rejection after rejection, until the magpie was spotted
to actually be a peacock - the 21st century is
a lot different, it would appear,
after 9 years at it, there's no sense of relief -
it's all about the pixel glitz, the pixel paparazzi,
the pixel red carpet - the Beelzebub looking back
at you - an abhorring feeling in all honesty,
the quick-fix medical procedure - all done in an
instant: and the snobs out there who still
preserve the insistence: paper is authority -
paper is respect... on paper means authenticity -
paper solves everything... sure, most assuredly
a trip to the toilet.
i just don't recognise the person on these pages,
so many things have changed since then,
so much was given to the dwarfs to mine that
any man or elf in me, is... well... not even there
on the pages, or here, ploughing along.
back in the 20th century, someone must have thought:
books, a great commodity, keep them secret,
keep them safe... let's wait for the next buds of
capitalism's May - how the dynamic has changed,
and this is even with a critical introduction
by someone who obtained a PhD in literature -
a picture of me on the back cover:
yeah, because that will really sifter through the
demographic with more observable definitions
of who's to read what -
but it's just odd... i think of all that effort
put into printing a piece of work...
and i think of Salman Rushdie and the satanic
verses being burned...
                   i think of the wartburg säuberung:
and i find myself sitting alone like king
solomon - none the wiser,
                             all is vanity - and i know nothing -
because i was never taught to experience
something like this the second time:
                    the only thing to understand
   is the self that cannot comprehend experiences
given unto it... all that jack-in-the-noumenon stuff;
but i look at this little thing, these 115 pages
and wonder: so much? for so little?
   how fortunate, or unfortunate to be given this
spider-web... it always feels so glitzy,
   so: at the right place at the right time...
then the physical artefact appears...
                    and you go back to the syringe of
open access, and say: pressurised by the ever
changing circumstances...
                back in the 20th century a writer
was told to shut herself away in a tiny rented room
and become a clarice lispector: become
a hurricane simply by writing about good
first lines: the writer's aesthetic, typewriter or
ink blotches - or the blank page... and later
become sensational, hurricane-like -
i feel no nostalgia toward the 20th century in this
regard... i'm immersed in what has only
begun in 2006 - circa or no circa, whatever -
we can't rent rooms like that - or do things like
that, given the 24/7 society structure -
and i mean that in the least ****** sense
when i say, as Harold Norse did, without
a backdrop of homosexuality (even though
he was working out with arnold "the governor"
schwarzenegger at some point in his
autobiography: memoirs of a ******* angel) -
a cartoon fix: the book of life -
                        the man, and the man -
ah what fanciful trivialities that bind one man
to goofy ideals, and another to duties -
and only when an artist becomes successful does
he really become a *****... cocktail and *******
parties and Sid Vicious cameos -
all the Renaissance artists had it easy,
with the Pope their patron, they could be as
****** with their contempt for earthly privileges
and could get away with it -
              the days of a homosexual saying:
i am not a man...
                               the 20th century liberation
paved a way for the obsolete purpose of
the heterosexual man... apparently we have
grown a potential to grow ***** in
the laboratory - we are, quiet literally disposable
in that epitome of the Wrath of Eden:
just repeat after me: deluded by the mere
notion of reincarnation, deluded by the mere
notion of reincarnation - as constantly striving
to be the unique peacock among a *****-count
of peacocks without distinction on the
plateau of the living self-bound: you uniqueness
expired with the process of insemination:
you were once the one and only wriggly
                world record holder at the 100 metre sprint...
a natural dictator it would seem,
but apparently, the ones that didn't make it
now respond: me too! me too! me too!
or something like that.
                                           either through the eye
of the microscope or the telescope - cul de sacs either
end... because of the glue...
                       call it god, call it love, call it nothing...
it's still some sort of glue... sniff it, play with it,
             avoid it... it's still glue...
gravity is a glue, but it's not the glue that keeps
muscles bound to bone - yes, tendons are
the happy ******* children of that ******* union
of all things apparent...
   but in the sense that i keep repeating:
it's easily done - falling for the fake pixel glitz -
however official or unofficial it all is -
with or without advertisement on the pages -
it's the only junk that's out there these days...
if i were more of a man, i'd be chasing
the dream of a steady income, family and obligations...
can we call being a man a fool's errand?
i like to think of it as that... being man is synonymous
with a fool's errand -
                             no love transcend the grave,
no love can be engraved into epitaphs -
                  epitaphs and their respective soloists -
     it's not even out of bitterness -
not in this pixel desert where 10 years later
those of us who used this medium will become
exponentially out-dated: archaeological -
                              and it will be thus -
              Ouroboros Capitalism -
or back when communism and capitalism were
in competition, and somehow healed the 1st
half of the 20th century, and were indeed
the Caduceus - like the story of the cannibalistic
rats... what did the last rat eat in the pit-hole?
       back when capitalism had to compete,
and competed it did, and healed by competing,
after it supposedly overpowered its opponent...
it started to eat itself... as i see it:
   the transformation of the caduceus into
    ouroboros has taken shape... and we're still
only 16 years into the 21st: oh my god! it's the 21st
century! this is preposterous! not really... no...
                   the same was said in the 20th century...
and the 19th century...
                         the steady improvement in living standards
always fed these gimps to say the exact same words
while being gagged by being paid to say those words
    and doing the slosh-wash part of a *** ****:
Apache Vinnetou hail satan blah blah, V shaped ave,
   skull-and-bones secret handshake etc.
bobby burns Feb 2013
-
we used to play a game, you and i:
we'd take the passing faces of pedestrians,
and bicyclists, businessmen and bikers,
hell, even that one elderly lady with fewer teeth
than stripes earned in strife, who stopped
only to inquire after where to buy a pack of smokes,
up the street, you told her, up past city hall, at bonanza,
and then a boy struck me silent
with the light off the studs on his jacket

we'd take their faces and give them
the most fantastic back-stories, ones we wished
someday we could tell our grandchildren,
or children, or even settle for a stranger on the street
to bear as some sort of unofficial witness to our lives

we've finally found definition, the illusion anyways,
we have evolved; we still like pokemon,
but we dress nicely now

needless to say,
we don't play that game anymore.
-
Laura Gee Jul 2016
Remember the days
When beers and warm nights were enough
Where I carried my shoes on the walk home
And I lied to a good man
By letting him think
No one else had been in my bed
The night before him

Three years later it’s easy to see
The memory play out like it’s on TV
I told myself then that it’s not a lie
We just weren’t talking about it
I told myself I have no loyalties

I guess I was right

It was August and the air in the attic where I lived
Just felt like summer – moist, suffocating
Hard to sleep in – painful to wake up
Strange smells clung to my sheets
Deep purple – My mother bought them

I ate breakfast with him
He paid – a gentleman
Even on nights when I was
too drunk
too tired
too uninterested

To let him touch me

In the back of my mind … somewhere …
I worried about when he’d ask me
To be his girlfriend
I worried about when I would have
To make it unofficial

But in the thick humidity of that summer
Our apathy was enough to keep the parties going all night

And every morning when the sun blared through
My tiny, attic window, waking me
And drying on the sweat that reeked of Budweiser
Reminding me subtly – that it might time
To grow the **** up
To have the tough talk
To learn the art of saying no


I made plans for later that night
Terrin Leigh May 2015
meaningful investment, definite impact
genuine compassion, to you I attract
unofficial adoption; like static, cling
nonverbal given, jubilant I now sing
protective walls liquidate, you're in; shell cracked

if anything at all, tender soul distract
short but ever so sweet, fill the gaps exact
gently you hold me; heal and bind broken wing
...if ever I've tasted of love's glor'ous life

trustworthy provider, fix all I've lacked
maybe walk down the aisle, heart intact
constant and watchful, giving hope for a ring
as I on an optimist pendulum swing
tangible, real, felt, believed. love not abstract
...if ever I've tasted of love's glor'ous life
rondeau
Chris T Nov 2013
My room is a mausoleum
Housing this living corpse.

The windows are always shut
And the lightbulb stays off.

A fan on the ceiling blows,
Though not hard enough, 24/7.

There're empty water bottles
Discarded on the floor

By the dozens serving as
Unofficial decor.

Filthy clothes everywhere
Mingle happily as

If ****** with the ramen cups
And chocolate wrappers.

A skyscraper built from books
Raises it's ink stained arms

Up towards the concrete sky
Pleading, crying, to be read.

Crumpled papers, like scriptures
Belonging to God, yell

Unfinished lines of poetry
During the Dead's strolling.

The aroma of burnt cigs
Stains the air and green walls.

Another wine bottle hides
In the closet, elixir

For the trapped. A skull, candles,
And a pack of tarot

Sit expression less and
Calm inside the nightstand.

Posters and poems line the walls,
Their eyes observe the goings.

A bed, the coffin, stands deep
In the peering darkness,

Stiff and terrible, alone,
A headstone slab pillow,

Accommodate the carcass.
I worked on this for a while but i'm not done :'(
and yes, i need to edit
Suzy Hazelwood Feb 2015
This is great website, and I've met some lovely writers, and I hope to I meet even more - but *** are all these preaching comments???

I've never met a writing place with so many unofficial spammy preachers!!!

I don't need ******* preaching at!!!

How do you know I need salvation - maybe I'm already saved - have you thought about that?  Or maybe I'm just a blind idiot in your opinion.  But either way your pointless unfriendly and ungodly manner has zero effect. You've never met me - you know nothing about me.  From now on anyone who spam comments and preaches on my work gets instantly blocked - use your energy elsewhere.

And here's another thought: what if what I write is called creative writing - heard of that before have you?  Not everything I write is about me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that.

Apologies to all the kindly beautiful writers on here - it takes a lot make me have a swearing rant, I guess I've just ruined my kind reputation.  Just had enough of the spam ****, and in my real life I NEVER tolerate idiots, and I won't here either.

I don't mind the mention of God as a personal view, I'm not God phobic, no problem with that, but just don't leave messages as though I know nothing and I need saving - I **** well don't.

Your sincerely
One very ******* writer

— The End —