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Mar 2021 · 592
some times
Hamies Mar 2021
sometimes flowers just bloom to cheer up the ground
&' sometimes stars just shine to keep the moon company
sometimes cigarettes burn so hearts can extinguish
sometimes demons scream so souls can rest in silence
- h;
Jul 2020 · 313
Being loved
Hamies Jul 2020
i fell in love deeply and utterly with the idea of being loved
the thought impulsively rushed along with my blood, feeding my heart
and i was waiting for it
like a little child waits in line for a rollercoaster drive
- h;
Jul 2020 · 190
wrong timeline
Hamies Jul 2020
maybe we met in the wrong time zone
or in the wrong country, in the wrong city
or maybe we were meant to stay alone
we must have met on the wrong date
or maybe we met to soon or too late
we met in the wrong year on the wrong day
we met on the wrong path, the wrong way
but honestly, what where the chances
to meet under the right circumstances?

but that's fine
and until next time
i'll hold on to the believe that in another timeline we commit for a lifetime
if the universe decides for us, who decides for the universe?
Jul 2020 · 310
almost or never
Hamies Jul 2020
almost is more
but never is clever
almost is pain
never, not ever
but is not even close better?
while almost is hope, but shattered
never is clearly not mattered
but it did matter, didn't it?
even if never
but almost is a wreckage, too
of not fulfilling the message to you
& where are we now?
no, never never never, but how?
isn't almost a wrecker of heart?
but rather never been there
than almost, but always apart
- h;
Hamies Jun 2020
the idea of being invincible
lingers in all of us
in some more than in others
in others less than in some
but as humans we tend to believe
that faith in one self can bring us peace
or war
it depends on which you desire
but it can also be used against us
sometimes even by ourselves
so be careful in which direction you lead yourself
what do you choose
what is better
the invincible for the use of evil
or paying a losing game for the good
what do you believe?
May 2020 · 239
winter break
Hamies May 2020
the tapestry that formed around my soul
was made of the eager to please you
now it has sunken in the ground and feeds from pain
narcissistic breeze in the air
and sunflowers slowly dying
it's cold again
here i am
alone again
May 2020 · 187
numb body
Hamies May 2020
drinking my sorrows
crying my pain
smoking my anger
can't stand the blame
inescapable ice
freezing off my lungs
so i stop feeling
and start being numb
May 2020 · 391
icarus & the sun
Hamies May 2020
attracted to fire
burned too many times
always been a summer person
like icarus in disguise
while you were my sun
i've been burned too many times
in love with the pain
if it means aching for you
won't ever stop flying
until i melt through your fingers
and fall into love
never again
cause there is no love
after loving the sun
do not rescue me
i am willing to be burnt
if it is for her
May 2020 · 689
under my skin
Hamies May 2020
i feel you under my skin
running through my veins
competing with my blood
to see which's going
to reach my heart
May 2020 · 369
Hamies May 2020
in the nights
i wake up
not being able to sleep
because i've been craving your body
for too long now
but desperately knowing
your soul is long gone now
i missed you until i realized i am not supposed to, so i stopped missing you until i missed you
May 2020 · 395
wake up
Hamies May 2020
i woke up
alone again
and the last sips of champagne still rest in the glass we shared drinking from last night
the bed sheets still carry your fragrance
which otherwise wouldn't have been remembered
and the ashtray, laying within two burned out cigarettes, smoked after the sensational miracle of love

but anyways,
no goodbye note
no message
i woke up,
after lust without love
May 2020 · 178
bullets in my head
Hamies May 2020
can you hear me screaming
cause my heart's still bleeding
two weeks ago
i was laying
in your bed
now, you're shooting bullets
in my head
three weeks ago
i saw a shooting star
and wished for a universe
in which we are
now, we're parted
and barely know how far
four weeks ago
i never thought i'd say
but i hope you find your way
even if far away
in the arms of someone
you want to stay
but maybe you'll think of me
every now and every then
when you see my face
instead hers
no shooting stars no more, i lost you
May 2020 · 794
Hamies May 2020
i wish i was special
but all i really am
is a disaster
bruising along the coast
of your incomplete love
May 2020 · 609
pull the trigger
Hamies May 2020
you pulled the trigger
almost left me bleeding to death
but halfway through
you turned
and took out the bullets from my heart
i looked you in the eyes
and saw you tearing up
but it wasn't you
just the absence of your buried soul
i still feel your arms wrapped around my bloddy body even tho i have not seen you for years now
May 2020 · 415
i see you
Hamies May 2020
usually, i see you in my hallucinations
when i'm too high to think about reality
but now, i see you all the time

during sunday afternoons sitting next to me on the floor reading the old love letters you wrote me

standing next to the fridge watching me how i make myself a cup of coffee to taste something else besides the taste of your lips

at night, you're even laying next to me and you're smiling at me like you used to

&' even tho my bed sheets were washed endless times after you've laid with me on them, they still carry your fragrance

and every time you appear anywhere by me
i start talking to you
i tell you how much i've missed you
i try to admire you as long as i can
'cause i'm afraid that at some point
i stop imagining you
forget about your face
that some day you become a blurry memory
inside my head
and that even the drugs cannot bring you back

please do not vanish from my hallucinations
it's the only thing i've left from you
Apr 2020 · 172
bleeding out
Hamies Apr 2020
i really wanted to stop your bleeding
but i realized my fingers were knifes
and my love for you a ******* gunshot
right next to your heart
so that the shot didn't **** you
but your dripping blood did
i am so sorry for being a tremendous murderer while all i wanted to do was love you
Apr 2020 · 243
Hamies Apr 2020
the only emotion i distinctively was able to identify when i saw you blissfully walking across the hallway with your new inamorata hand in hand was tearful rage
the fire inside of me was so dreadful but anyhow i did not die of it, but of the smoke the fire created
even the cigarette i smoked minutes later felt my temper when i crushed the filter furiously every time i inhaled the smoke
seeing you found someone new intensively reminds of being buried alive
Apr 2020 · 273
kissing in an old building
Hamies Apr 2020
your touch reminds of warm silk stroking my body
in the middle of december whilst freezing our toes off
we kissed in an old building and warmed each others souls softly
i remember the ticklish feeling rushing in my veins to touch your naked skin carefully & pull you close to me, so that my longing body just barely touches yours
& i remember how drawn i was to you
when the taste of yours adheres on my lips
so that every time i bite mine i remember yours
i also remember the forced gaps in between the endless kisses we had, just so we don't suffocate of too less oxygen
it was like we totally forgot about breathing
at this right moment i even forgot my name
but i didn't care anymore
in this right spectrum of time it was just you and me and our little infinity
i desire you
you desire me
when will our love
finally be?
Apr 2020 · 477
your fingers
Hamies Apr 2020
the enchantment of your fingers reaches my heart digging in between my clothes slowly touching my warm skin irresistibly makes me wanna escape from my body and become one with yours
i want our souls to collide
Apr 2020 · 167
Hamies Apr 2020
Just like a cobra you shedded your skin just like you shedded me
Apr 2020 · 75
just dreaming
Hamies Apr 2020
i thought that i was dreaming
when you touched my lips
now i can't stop screaming
after our last ellipse
my demons messed up again
maybe i'm no more good then

i thought that i was dreaming
when you said you want me
now i can't stop seeking
for something we won't ever be

i thought that i was dreaming
when you said you love me
- h;
Apr 2020 · 204
tell me
Hamies Apr 2020
tell me i'm the one remaining
tell me you don't give up on me
cause i was not claiming
when i told you, it's yours im gonna be
tell me you're still there
tell me you still care
about the way i do my hair
and that i'm going nowhere
tell me you're addicted
of the touch of mine
tell me you predicted
the eager i align
to kiss your smoke-tinted lips
before through my fingers, your soul slips
and i've had these trips
where i feel your fingertips
caress my lonely body
tell me i'm the magic
in your reality
tell me it's not tragic
that we will never be

tell me you won't leave
tell me you won't grieve
when i die tonight
remember the delight
we've received
from the divine
when we flew
and no one knew
Apr 2020 · 226
forgive myself
Hamies Apr 2020
i will never forgive myself
for ripping apart
your tender heart
i will never forgive myself
for the natural disaster  
which made your love break faster
i will never forgive myself
for the hatred i inflicted on you
while all you wanted to do
was love me back
but how should i have known
you have not shown -
the love you kept
inside your mind trapped
please take me back
to the place we call home
i don't want to be alone
without you by my side

but do not worry, never mind
i will never forgive myself
Apr 2020 · 198
i'm soRRy
Hamies Apr 2020
and even tho i knew your heart was endangered
i kept ruining its beat anyways
if i would've known i'm more than just a blurry memory
i would've loved you more utterly
but i always forget
that the storm i have inside
will be output some day, maybe tonight
and i cannot let you near me again
i'm sorry for how i've acted then
but you must know now
that i've not known how
to tell you that i'm intoxicated
by how you captivated
my body and my soul
that you did make both
i still love you
Apr 2020 · 176
heartfelt agony
Hamies Apr 2020
the room is filled with nothing but my darkness
i cannot distinguish if it's blood or ink that is dripping off my fingertips
but i know that the papers i am supposed to paint my love sick poems about you on, are now smeared with heartfelt agony
in the quietness of the dark i am used to live in, i can hear myself breathing softly and sometimes it sounds like i'm panicking in complete calmness like the heat of madness is just from the inside while my body is getting colder
but as soon as i close my eyes i am hovering in another dimension which rests in total delight
and you are there, too
reminding me of the days i was too thrilled to recognize i am breathing at all
or the barely forgotten moments on top of the world, way too much over the moon to feel anything but pleasure
and sometimes you even hold my hand and endearingly look at it while everything around us slowly disappears
and step by step we are learning to fly just like that
jumping from cloud one to cloud two until we arrive on cloud nine

but than,
just before we finally fly,
i open my eyes
i put down the pen
and leave the room
it was never meant to be
Apr 2020 · 577
Hamies Apr 2020
Just like a supernova we had to explode
our massive admiration had come to an end
of its beautiful life span
& our nova was brighter than any other cosmic event
enhanced with lilac and bluish hydrogen colors
so enormous, making it look like a whole new galaxy
but like all massive stars we turned into a black hole
swallowing every star coming in our way
and as much of a mystery we will remain
as much of a apocalypse we will stay
and maybe if the milky way would've been closer to our collision
we could've been a celestial ellipse
in a universe filled with endless stars

and as typical for a black hole, space and time collapse when we touch the event horizon
and we become one magical unexplainable element with each other
so powerful that when time slows down
there won't be any other thought than your silhouette dancing from one star to another
catching the last remaining particles of love rotating around our supermassive black hole
in another galaxy we would've been another infinite love story between thousand of star collisions
Apr 2020 · 544
my little spark
Hamies Apr 2020
you were disguised by my lies
that you forgot about the truth laying behind
didn't you see it through my eyes?
that I was blinded by the thought of your outrageous mind?
how did I fall in love with a spark of hope?
I mean, how can so someone hold on to something so tight
when it actually is something
never going to be real?
I may be stupid for reaching out for a spark
as untouchable as ours
but I may never regret the glow of light the moon sacred me with
when I told him about our destined spark
it was magical, wasn't it?
oh, my little spark in the dust
sparkle in the doom
don't let our spark light out

oh dear moon, tell me with whom
I may be
if not with him?
Apr 2020 · 235
Hamies Apr 2020
while you're sitting next to me
driving somewhere we both don't know
humbling the first song we've ever heard together
i recognize something
something I've always known but never truly said out loud
you, my dearest love, are my everlasting arcane
always kept close but never really understood
you are the most magical mystery in my sombre life
and i yearn to know you more, but never fully
because it's your hidden secrets
that are saved inside your heart
that make me go insane
and maybe you were my secret
i dreamed of in the middle of the day
and in the darkest of nights
but every one noticed anyways

my tender arcane, you'll remain
no matter if sun
no matter if rain
you'll remain
with no need to explain
oh arcane, you will remain
Apr 2020 · 90
Hamies Apr 2020
i took the last sip of hope left in the cup of our love and now i feel like i'm drowning in it
pathetically sensing the end of our something
and every atom in my longing body implodes within
i watch your silhouette wandering in the darkness of my dreams but as soon as my fingers reach for it
it utterly disappears
so did you
Apr 2020 · 377
Hamies Apr 2020
theres is no love poem
no enormous miracle
and no wonderful fantasy
that will ever be able to describe the way
i inexorably fell for you
as tenderly as a melting candle
and as much as i want to express
these butterflies kept in my treasure chest  
i won't ever find the words
i won't ever find the magic

and i were never the one to believe in love
but after i have touched your impulsive skin
how am i supposed not to?
after i have tasted your addictive lips
how am i supposed not to?
and after i have sensed your magnetic fragrance?
how am i supposed to not believe in a love as unconditional as yours?
& i were never as certain before
i won't ever find a creature as charming as you
and i won't need to
because i want you
Mar 2020 · 99
can i?
Hamies Mar 2020
can i ask you to stay
if all you wanna do is leave?
can i ask you to hold my hand?
'cause all i want you is to believe
can i remain in your mind
even tho it was never planned?
can i somewhere at some time
become your everlasting paradigm?
can you hold me tight
as long as it's fine?
can you trust me again
even tho i lied?
can you touch my soul
when your hands are tied?
can you love me again
just like you did back then?

but can i ask you to stay
if all you wanna do is leave?
please don't leave me
Mar 2020 · 199
find me again
Hamies Mar 2020
if you would look close,
you would see the agony kept inside my chest
and dead butterflies killed by myself ages ago
you'd see the unspoken thoughts
repetitively playing like music in my ears
no one can hear
you'd recognize my shadows dancing on papers of unwritten poetry
kept inside my treasure of hope
you'd understand the scribbled words written on the walls of my heart secretly wanting to be noticed just by someone who looks close enough

but if you decide to look closer,
you'd see the pain running through my veins demanding be felt in every inch of my body
you'd see the little girl that lives inside me
still trying to be let free
you'd see the hatred trying to be restrained by the idea of destiny & that tomorrow will be better
and the whisper in the back of my head always telling me that it is not good enough yet
but after all,
you'd still think it's pathetically miserable
what a wreck i actually am
you'd never think i'm worth reading
never worth looking closer
and you'd put me next to all the unfulfilled stories remaining in the shelf of yours
and always kept in mind that some day
you may rummage in your old books
and find me again
i am sorry
Mar 2020 · 156
butterfly effect
Hamies Mar 2020
and after crying for hours about the decisions you made all by yourself
i cannot do anything than keep my mouth shut and silently hope for a butterfly to fly by
Mar 2020 · 151
Hamies Mar 2020
sometimes the whole world stops for lightseconds
and the air becomes stifling and it gets hard to breathe
i start suffocating
for a very long time i believed that all people perceive the world like that
that every one sometimes feels like drowning in the ocean
even when they are just standing in rain
that all sometimes feel too weak to swim against the current
but i guess i was wrong
just me is that kind of weak
& i don't really suffocate
i am just being delusional in a world i cannot escape from
help me
Jan 2020 · 120
you left
Hamies Jan 2020
days are passing by
and it get's harder day by day
telling myself it's a lie
to be even slightly okay
i can't think straight anymore
of the hurt inside
hidden in my deepest core
i think we will collide
still hoping for a deja-vu
or even an hallucination
can't stop imagining you
in my bitter frustration

not enough
still need your touch
Jan 2020 · 174
the storm
Hamies Jan 2020
the wind is yelling
the trees are screaming
the grass is begging
the water running

i can't stop thinking
about the storm you created
you took away what i awaited
no more love - just your hatred
dead birds and haunted hearts
no more flowers - just the dust
that you left behind
when the storm was over
Jan 2020 · 194
the devine
Hamies Jan 2020
what if the angel seeks the demon
what if it's craving the endless freedom
the fearless magic of insanity
without being in clarity
of what's happening next
nervous to fly even tho the wings are spread
the demons power greater than the angel could ever expect
so the angel fell for the demon
something the divine may never regret
Jan 2020 · 388
my addiction
Hamies Jan 2020
car rides
at midnights
smoking cigarettes
no fear or regrets
i confess
i could never express
how i feel for you
but my heart feels blue
looking at you
dancing at your roof
a little drunk from the stars you sipped
you made me yours, a confused addict

i'll give my soul

- h;

— The End —