it just doesn't make sense anymore if you're not gonna read them

i love her
i love her with all my heart
the feeling i get when im next to her is impeccable
she feeds my soul
she enriches me
she fuels me
shes my muse
my energy
my vibe
my health

i love her
she treats me well
she knows how to take care of me
she knows how to take care of how i act
she feels for me
she feels for how i feel
she understands my emotions
she reciprocates my emotions with empathy
she calms me
soothes me
leisures me
tranquilizes me

i love her with all my heart
seeing her makes my heart jump
talking with her makes my heart beat faster
thinking of her makes my heart skip a beat
hugging her makes my heart want jump out of my chest and into her arms
shes my joy
my happiness
my calmness
my fire
my soul
my passion
my desire
my freedom
my liberty
my safe haven
my elysian field
she completes me

i love her being
flabbergasted by her angelic face
her beautiful smooth face
her big round eyes
her small beautiful nose
her smooth chiseled cheeks
her round edgy luscious hypnotizing lips
her soft aromatic polished hair
her radiating alluring charming smile
her pleasureful infectious blissful laugh
her curvy dainty mezmerising body

i love herself
enticed by her intricate brain
seduced by her sagacious thinking
engulfed by her cogent notions

sometimes flowers just bloom to cheer up the ground
&' sometimes stars just shine to keep the moon company
sometimes cigarettes burn so hearts can extinguish
sometimes demons scream so souls can rest in silence

i fell in love deeply and utterly with the idea of being loved
the thought impulsively rushed along with my blood, feeding my heart
and i was waiting for it
like a little child waits in line for a rollercoaster drive

the idea of being invincible
lingers in all of us
in some more than in others
in others less than in some
but as humans we tend to believe
that faith in one self can bring us peace
or war
it depends on which you desire
but it can also be used against us
sometimes even by ourselves
so be careful in which direction you lead yourself
what do you choose
what is better
the invincible for the use of evil
or paying a losing game for the good
what do you believe?

the tapestry that formed around my soul
was made of the eager to please you
now it has sunken in the ground and feeds from pain
narcissistic breeze in the air
and sunflowers slowly dying
it's cold again
here i am
alone again

drinking my sorrows
crying my pain
smoking my anger
can't stand the blame
inescapable ice
freezing off my lungs
so i stop feeling
and start being numb

i feel you under my skin
running through my veins
competing with my blood
to see which's going
to reach my heart
faster

in the nights
i wake up
not being able to sleep
because i've been craving your body
for too long now
but desperately knowing
your soul is long gone now

i woke up
alone again
and the last sips of champagne still rest in the glass we shared drinking from last night
the bed sheets still carry your fragrance
which otherwise wouldn't have been remembered
and the ashtray, laying within two burned out cigarettes, smoked after the sensational miracle of love

but anyways,
no goodbye note
no message
i woke up,
again

can you hear me screaming
cause my heart's still bleeding
two weeks ago
i was laying
in your bed
now, you're shooting bullets
in my head
three weeks ago
i saw a shooting star
and wished for a universe
in which we are
now, we're parted
and barely know how far
four weeks ago
i never thought i'd say
but i hope you find your way
even if far away
in the arms of someone
you want to stay
but maybe you'll think of me
every now and every then
when you see my face
instead hers
again

i wish i was special
but all i really am
is a disaster
bruising along the coast
of your incomplete love

you pulled the trigger
almost left me bleeding to death
but halfway through
you turned
and took out the bullets from my heart
i looked you in the eyes
and saw you tearing up
but it wasn't you
just the absence of your buried soul

usually, i see you in my hallucinations
when i'm too high to think about reality
but now, i see you all the time

during sunday afternoons sitting next to me on the floor reading the old love letters you wrote me

standing next to the fridge watching me how i make myself a cup of coffee to taste something else besides the taste of your lips

at night, you're even laying next to me and you're smiling at me like you used to

&' even tho my bed sheets were washed endless times after you've laid with me on them, they still carry your fragrance

and every time you appear anywhere by me
i start talking to you
i tell you how much i've missed you
i try to admire you as long as i can
'cause i'm afraid that at some point
i stop imagining you
forget about your face
that some day you become a blurry memory
inside my head
and that even the drugs cannot bring you back

stay

i really wanted to stop your bleeding
but i realized my fingers were knifes
and my love for you a ******* gunshot
right next to your heart
so that the shot didn't **** you
but your dripping blood did

the only emotion i distinctively was able to identify when i saw you blissfully walking across the hallway with your new inamorata hand in hand was tearful rage
the fire inside of me was so dreadful but anyhow i did not die of it, but of the smoke the fire created
even the cigarette i smoked minutes later felt my temper when i crushed the filter furiously every time i inhaled the smoke

your touch reminds of warm silk stroking my body
in the middle of december whilst freezing our toes off
we kissed in an old building and warmed each others souls softly
i remember the ticklish feeling rushing in my veins to touch your naked skin carefully & pull you close to me, so that my longing body just barely touches yours
& i remember how drawn i was to you
when the taste of yours adheres on my lips
so that every time i bite mine i remember yours
i also remember the forced gaps in between the endless kisses we had, just so we don't suffocate of too less oxygen
it was like we totally forgot about breathing
at this right moment i even forgot my name
but i didn't care anymore
in this right spectrum of time it was just you and me and our little infinity

the enchantment of your fingers reaches my heart digging in between my clothes slowly touching my warm skin irresistibly makes me wanna escape from my body and become one with yours

Just like a cobra you shedded your skin just like you shedded me

tell me i'm the one remaining
tell me you don't give up on me
cause i was not claiming
when i told you, it's yours im gonna be
tell me you're still there
tell me you still care
about the way i do my hair
and that i'm going nowhere
tell me you're addicted
of the touch of mine
tell me you predicted
the eager i align
to kiss your smoke-tinted lips
before through my fingers, your soul slips
and i've had these trips
where i feel your fingertips
caress my lonely body
tell me i'm the magic
in your reality
tell me it's not tragic
that we will never be

tell me you won't leave
tell me you won't grieve
when i die tonight
remember the delight
we've received
from the divine
when we flew
and no one knew
tonight

i will never forgive myself
for ripping apart
your tender heart
i will never forgive myself
for the natural disaster  
which made your love break faster
i will never forgive myself
for the hatred i inflicted on you
while all you wanted to do
was love me back
but how should i have known
you have not shown -
the love you kept
inside your mind trapped
please take me back
to the place we call home
i don't want to be alone
without you by my side

but do not worry, never mind

the room is filled with nothing but my darkness
i cannot distinguish if it's blood or ink that is dripping off my fingertips
but i know that the papers i am supposed to paint my love sick poems about you on, are now smeared with heartfelt agony
in the quietness of the dark i am used to live in, i can hear myself breathing softly and sometimes it sounds like i'm panicking in complete calmness like the heat of madness is just from the inside while my body is getting colder
but as soon as i close my eyes i am hovering in another dimension which rests in total delight
and you are there, too
reminding me of the days i was too thrilled to recognize i am breathing at all
or the barely forgotten moments on top of the world, way too much over the moon to feel anything but pleasure
and sometimes you even hold my hand and endearingly look at it while everything around us slowly disappears
and step by step we are learning to fly just like that
jumping from cloud one to cloud two until we arrive on cloud nine

but than,
just before we finally fly,
i open my eyes
i put down the pen
and leave the room

Just like a supernova we had to explode
our massive admiration had come to an end
of its beautiful life span
& our nova was brighter than any other cosmic event
enhanced with lilac and bluish hydrogen colors
so enormous, making it look like a whole new galaxy
but like all massive stars we turned into a black hole
swallowing every star coming in our way
and as much of a mystery we will remain
as much of a apocalypse we will stay
and maybe if the milky way would've been closer to our collision
we could've been a celestial ellipse
in a universe filled with endless stars

and as typical for a black hole, space and time collapse when we touch the event horizon
and we become one magical unexplainable element with each other
so powerful that when time slows down
there won't be any other thought than your silhouette dancing from one star to another
catching the last remaining particles of love rotating around our supermassive black hole

you were disguised by my lies
that you forgot about the truth laying behind
didn't you see it through my eyes?
that I was blinded by the thought of your outrageous mind?
how did I fall in love with a spark of hope?
I mean, how can so someone hold on to something so tight
when it actually is something
never going to be real?
I may be stupid for reaching out for a spark
as untouchable as ours
but I may never regret the glow of light the moon sacred me with
when I told him about our destined spark
it was magical, wasn't it?
oh, my little spark in the dust
sparkle in the doom
don't let our spark light out

oh dear moon, tell me with whom
I may be
if not with him?

while you're sitting next to me
driving somewhere we both don't know
humbling the first song we've ever heard together
i recognize something
something I've always known but never truly said out loud
you, my dearest love, are my everlasting arcane
always kept close but never really understood
you are the most magical mystery in my sombre life
and i yearn to know you more, but never fully
because it's your hidden secrets
that are saved inside your heart
that make me go insane
and maybe you were my secret
i dreamed of in the middle of the day
and in the darkest of nights
but every one noticed anyways

my tender arcane, you'll remain
no matter if sun
no matter if rain
you'll remain
with no need to explain
oh arcane, you will remain

and after crying for hours about the decisions you made all by yourself
i cannot do anything than keep my mouth shut and silently hope for a butterfly to fly by

sometimes the whole world stops for lightseconds
and the air becomes stifling and it gets hard to breathe
i start suffocating
for a very long time i believed that all people perceive the world like that
that every one sometimes feels like drowning in the ocean
even when they are just standing in rain
that all sometimes feel too weak to swim against the current
but i guess i was wrong
just me is that kind of weak
& i don't really suffocate
i am just being delusional in a world i cannot escape from

days are passing by
and it get's harder day by day
telling myself it's a lie
to be even slightly okay
i can't think straight anymore
of the hurt inside
hidden in my deepest core
i think we will collide
still hoping for a deja-vu
or even an hallucination
can't stop imagining you
in my bitter frustration

not enough
still need your touch

what if the angel seeks the demon
what if it's craving the endless freedom
the fearless magic of insanity
without being in clarity
of what's happening next
nervous to fly even tho the wings are spread
the demons power greater than the angel could ever expect
so the angel fell for the demon
something the divine may never regret