your first taste
makes the aftertaste
worth it

My traitorous heart beats for you and even though you aren't looking I feel embarrassed to still be shedding tears over a distant memory. Too far from me to grasp but close enough to imagine in details.
Two dimples digging into the sides of your mouth, an emerging mustache barely noticeable.
Brown eyes liquid with anxiety, your voice going soft when you tell me a pretty lie.
"I love you."

You told me to jump,  
take the risk,
take the leap of faith.
I jumped out of trust,
expecting to fall right into your arms.
Instead I met hard ground,
a thin layer of rocks.
Cuts, bruises, and wounds
Crushing, suffocating pain
Yet I only cried the moment I realized you betrayed me.

you can't make the stone flatter
just to walk on it better

I see some kids heading home from school,
bent over from the weight on their backpack.
In Palestine, children bear the politician’s schemes on their backs.
And bend further down,
grieving their parents’ lifeless forms.
Children, who used to be whole,
have their limbs torn off,
skin hanging from their faces and hands.

On my visit to the shop,
I see a kid throwing a tantrum over not getting sweets.
In Palestine, children hear cries of the wounded,
screaming for help.
While the world stands silent, aid delayed.
Red capes, a stone in their hands and a imaginary knife in their
teeth, they die as martyrs.

Politicians, no way you’d wield ruthless might,
If they were white children in your sight.

I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff
Adrenaline and fear humming a harmony,
teasing me or just mocking me
One push is all it takes
Pathetic, fragile, vulnerable

your own demons
give you strength
when there’s no one
to hold onto
that’s why they’re
so hard to let go.
your demons reek fire,
and your energy flares to life,
angry hatred is stronger than ever.

you open the wounds I’ve sewn together
I barely realize until I find myself bleeding
drip drip drip
you clean it up and we’re back to like it never happened.

The depth of his heart,
like a book shrouded in
mysticism,
wonder,
anticipation.
I flip through the pages,
until my eyes grow tired,
and my hand aches.  
The end nowhere in sight.
Whenever I almost put the book down,
I get a tiny insight into his heart.
Playing me like a fool into
short-term satisfaction,
and long-term despair.

He embraced me and squeezed
as if I was his lifeline.
The thorns dug through my skin,
spilling blood.
I twisted in pain,
trying to wrench myself free,
but succeeded only in digging the thorns in more deeply.

My attachment to you became a weapon against me.
There was no avoiding getting shot by the bullets
Bitter words ripped through what little confidence I had left,  
dragging me down to self hatred.
Merely confirming what I already knew, but hoped wasn’t true.
I was never good enough.
Replaceable, disposable, worthless.

Our of nowhere, invisible hands grab me.
Fingers sharpened to tiny needles stabbing me all over.
Internal bleeding I beg could finish me off.
My lungs burn for life,
but I burn for limited air supply.
My legs itch to run,
but I know better than to try again.
****** footsteps leave traces
for the invisible hands to find me again.

I thought your love
would save
me
but it
sank
me
further
down instead.

To erase all my love for you,
I buried my heart six feet under.
You like to visit that graveyard,
to lay flowers upon my grave.
Your tears soak the earth,  
begging for a second chance
Taking the shovel in both hands,
you began digging.
My heart still beats, so fast, unevenly
For you and only you
Holding the heart very gently,
you come after me,
with the purpose of restoration

You tore me apart
brick by brick
I came to realize that
you built a solid wall between us.

I know, with absolute certainty,
that if I drowned,
****** under
by the relentless power of the sea,
you would not hesitate
fighting nature to save me.

You smoke me like a cigarette, absorbing the nicotine to relieve yourself
Then you drop it to the ground and twist your foot onto it
I observe how you hold the new cigarette between your fingers, the cloud you exhale drifting away into the sky
I am useless to you now. Just like any other girl

Coldness resides in my veins,
and no amount of heat can keep me warm
My body is craving his embrace,
to revel in the warmth of his touch

The walls of stone staggered,
as those innocent looking eyes
sought an entry
into my inner world.
If a brick was dislodged,
the whole fence fell.
If a spring flower blossomed
out of an icy condition.
“Pluck it out, stomp on it.”
The manner in which he spoke,
its softness, its kindness a ruse.
Walls of stone crumbled.
Ice dissipated into mist.

Closed my eyes, my ears,
and shut out all my senses.
He reached out,
brought me a bouquet of spring flowers,
and a rhythm of the seasons.
A man like that was worth a chance.

The heat of the sun shining upon my face,
a reminder of my unattainable longing
for your warmth, and shining aura of life,
that let even the the brightest sun
look pale in comparison.
I fight the urge to cower in dark corners alone,
and let the tears stream down my cheeks.
I did not deserve hiding,
ridding the body of distress chemicals.
While regret chokes me,
forever trapped by my own hand,
I stare directly into the sun until
my eyes start to burn and cloud over.
What a waste of time not loving you.