It was in the
heart of winter where
I found, within me,
a radiant sun.

Hang onto your hope-
a sunflower in this gloomy world.
Remember the brightness
of past times.
Have a little faith,
that this too shall pass
as we plant the seeds
of more hope.

Death is tragic,
but what about surviving,
but they're never the same?
We wait around for them to get better,
never to realize that they can't get better-
this is all that remains.

I want to gather all of our love
and plant it into our Earth.
I want to watch what grows
and nurture it with my life.
Only the sweetest flowers will bloom-
they will grow so high that even
the skies will sing their praise.
Let us never stop expanding
this vast garden of love.

You are never far,
just a photograph away.
The nights are never cold,
as I envision your smile.
I'm never really alone,
as I recall the memories.

Maybe you will survive
when the storm is over but
you will never be the same.
It will leave you broken and scattered,
like the ruins of a city and
uprooted like its trees.
Only a wasteland will remain,
to which you will have to
refill with lessons learnt.

I've been painting a picture
for as long as I can remember.
I remember going out to buy the
canvas and paints, the brush and the easel.
I spent years on this painting,
making sure every stroke,
every shade was perfect.
I made mistakes,
but it was nothing I couldn't fix.
This painting is my pride and joy-
everything I have to show
for the last few years.
I invested everything into that painting:
time and money, tears and joy-
and then the painting was stolen away.
Sure, it might still be out there, maybe not,
but I don't think I will ever see it again,
no matter how hard I try.
All I can do now is remember how proud I was
of what I had accomplished and what went into it.
I think this is why it is so hard
for people to let go-
to start over and face a blank canvas
as daunting as that may be,
rather than not paint again.
This is why it is important to know
when to let it go,
to start again and forget
about my portrait
of you.

I will wait for you
where the sunflowers
meet the sun.

I am torn between
wanted to disappear and
wanting to be seen

10:20 PM
3/1/20

To live a good life,
to stay fulfilled and alive
is to keep you in this heart
at all times.

I never thought,
I'd miss the rain and
cold of London winters-
the hustle and grind,
of everyday life.
I miss the tube,
the trees and the tulips
of St James Park
but most of all,
I miss you.

You may not
know this,
but your tears water my heart.
And from your tears,
love blooms
in this garden
of our tomorrow.

The world does not
revolve around you
and never will.
The sooner you accept
your place in it,
the better off
you will be.

If only I
didn't have to
fade from your view.
I could be a continuous memory
with no end in sight.
It would be a dream that
never had to end.

Just like the switch
to this ******* room,
I wish there was a switch
to turn off this heart,
this soul and
this mind.

Everything will be
okay just as long as I
get to call you mine

3:49 PM
22/2/24

One day you'll be gone
and I have to figure out
how to deal with that

12:01 AM
20/9/22

One of my
favorite things to do
is to make you melt
again and again-
melt you into a puddle,
build you up again
and melt you yet again.

There is no such thing
as a life without pain.  
Pain follows from the cradle to the grave.
From the moment our mothers suffered
to give birth to us,
to the moment it all ends,
life is one big, precious, painful process.
So embrace the pain,
let it shape you, liberate you, learn from it!
Pain is a part of life so you may as well
learn to embrace it.

You and I
were born on
opposite ends
of the galaxy.
All my life,
I have clung to the stars
just to make my way
to your constellation.

Some nights I
think about dragging
myself back to Hell,
and then I think
maybe it's best
to let go.

I want to love and
I want to feel alive so
what's holding me back?

12:18 PM
9/4/22

Still in between
waking up on a
crisp Sunday morning and
these dreams of you.

Truly, my favorite
time of the week.

Have you ever danced
to the rhythm of the sunflowers?
The notes of the sun fall on our feet
as I sway with the petals
from dawn until dusk.

If I was summer
then you were winter
that enveloped my sun
in an endless cold.
Where we would swim in lakes
you would freeze over in ice
and everything else I had grown.
Every flower I planted for you
was destined to wither and
not even my sun could
withstand your storm.

Why are we always
looking for love in the wrong
people and places?

6:39 PM
7/11/20

It was good
while it lasted,
wasn't it?
But all things must end and
though I may miss it,
things are better left
in the past.

Sitting on a crowded bus
on my way to another show,
wondering why I bothered
leaving home in the first place.

It is too easy to decorate
yourself with plastic flowers when
the gardens of your heart
has withered.

How can you
blame others for
breaking your heart
when you don't
love yourself?

You have made a galaxy
within me the way you paint
stars upon this soul.
I explore this galaxy of us,
forever in awe of the
wonders and mysteries
you left within my heart.

The nights
are growing darker
and the waves
are getting rougher
Surrounded by
darkness and disarray,
I make my haven
in this boat built for two.
This love is an ocean
beneath a sky of uncertainty-
it consumes us night after night.
But, together,
we take this voyage-
just me and you.

Today
I will pretend
it's any other day.
Today
I will try not
to cry out your name.
Today
I will try to not
to let it hurt so bad.
Today
was never meant
to be so sad.

I think about about
all the time and energy
I've spent on people who
have walked out of my life and
I wonder what I could have done
for myself instead.

I don't believe in
intelligent design yet
somehow you're divine

1:18 PM
16/8/20

Hold my beating heart,
it's the only piece of me
I still live without

3:59 PM
12/9/20

You don't need
a 'better-half'.
what you need
is to make yourself
whole again.

I want to hold your hand
through foreign streets
and kiss you under
foreign skies.
Baby, we're just two foreigners
lost in foreign lands and
lost in each other's eyes.

How did they
break your heart?
I want to find new and
amazing ways of putting
it back together
again.

Winter goes into hibernation
and spring comes out a little early in August.
Brief but blissful moments of warmth
come and go,
bringing with it,
memories of a love lost long ago.

You make me feel like
'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac on a
fresh Sunday morning

11:19 AM
4/2/24

I have nothing
left to say to you
anymore.
I now know what you have done
and who you really are.
You have shown your
true colours and now
I'm wide awake.

There's nothing sadder
than facing the future without
the one you planned it with.

Ugly thoughts
and ugly habits
on a Wednesday night.
I’m out of *** and
have an early start tomorrow.
It's just me, my pen and
these thoughts now.  
****...

Hey, how are you?
How’s your family?
Where have you been lately?
There are so many things  
I have been meaning to ask you.
Can’t believe it’s been so long
since I last heard your voice.
It's true, I still miss you sometimes
but I now see you're probably
better off without me.
Just looking back on us
never fails to put a smile
upon my face,
but it also brings a tear
to know I can't make you
smile
anymore.

There,
you will forever stay,
my favorite place of all:
our memories.

Memories never leave us,
no matter how much time has passed.
How selfish of the human mind-
to dig up memories
one thought they had buried
long ago.

Some pains can go unseen,
rather, they are carved into the soul,
an endless chasm that bleeds forever.
These pains are silent to the world,
but they tear us apart from within.
And only from deep within
are crying out so loud that
only our demons can hear.

Do I think
you're a bad person?
No, I think
you were a vulnerable person
thrown into an arduous situation.
Only few can handle
that sort of pressure.

A new pen,
a new poem
a blank page.
There is something
charming about the emptiness-
a new start if you will.
All I ask is that
you help me
fill it in.