Even when I
write about you,
the ink that smudges
upon my hand takes
the shape of you.

The sunflowers
smile through you.
They know they can live through you
from the aura that you radiate.
They have trusted in you
their power and beauty
because you are it.

You have made a galaxy
within me the way you paint
stars upon this soul.
I explore this galaxy of us,
forever in awe of the
wonders and mysteries
you left within my heart.

Your words
fill me with oxytocin
the way love laces
each and every word you speak.
Your touch
fills me with endorphins
the way your warmth
melts away the blues.
Your beauty
fills me with dopamine
every time I realize how lucky I am
to have you in my life.
Your smile
fills me with serotonin
the way its joy spreads across the Earth.

She led me
to her distant world,
a strange yet ethereal land.
I had never gazed upon
such beauty
all around me.
Was it heaven?
No, it was all her.

What if a dream
of someone is bought on
by that person thinking
about you?

My heart is
a haunted house
made up of many rooms.
Some are filled with books
and antiques from another time
while others are filled
with shadows and demons.
I locked those doors long ago
and threw away the key.

We try so hard to
be perfect even though it
crushes us inside

4:02 PM
23/9/20

You don't look at me
like the way I look at you-
no, not anymore

8:38 PM
28/11/19

I want to be in many places
and many times
all at once.
But I am here,
inside me,
inside this reality,
inside this fragment of history
that we cannot escape.

To write by your hand
is to write with your heartbeat
in your fingertips

5:52 PM
21/12/22

Angry?
No,
just disappointed.
Are we good?
No,
but I wish we could have
figured things out.
I thought we were better than this.

You are the warmth from
the sun for all these blooming
flowers in my heart

10:47 PM
14/5/23

There ain't nothing like them,
is there?
A gentle reminder that
I have survived
the cold and gloom
for one more
year.

The soul is a funny thing-
in one moment, joy,
and in the next one, sorrow.
The landscape of the soul
is as changing as the sea
caught up in a storm of emotions.

A new pen,
a new poem
a blank page.
There is something
charming about the emptiness-
a new start if you will.
All I ask is that
you help me
fill it in.

We can
runaway
into the night,
hand in hand,
with nothing but
our dreams
to guide us home,
wherever home
may be...

Depression is a black cat
stalking you throughout the day,
quietly lurking in the shadows,
never knowing when it will strike.

The love we share could
melt away the ice that has
frozen this old heart

3:57 PM
4/2/21

The nebulae
paint the universe
from lightyears away.
Strokes of colour and light
so majestic that I cannot help but
see a part of my soul in
those waves of gas that stretch
across our galaxy.

I haven't heard
from you in a while,
and even though you
broke my heart last night
I'm still glad you
took the time
to talk to me
again.

Sometimes missing you
hits me like a storm.
Black clouds come without warning,
dampening everything below.
I am left in eternal darkness
that only your light
can restore.

So what is there left
for me to get excited
about anymore?

3:55 PM
26/11/20

One of the best things
you can do for yourself is
to become comfortable
with the loneliness.
Learn to accept it-
you might even learn
to embrace the solitude
and all the shadows
as your company.
To learn to be okay with being alone
in a world so loud, so full of
crowds and temptations is
not just self care,
it is a form of art.

All we have to do
is admit when we are wrong.
It's as simple
and difficult
as that.

Sometimes I stop
and remember you.
I remember what it was like
to hold you, to see you smile,
and I smile just thinking about it.
I don’t want to stop thinking about you,
writing about you, sighing for you.
I long for the day I can
call your name once more and
you come running back into my arms.
I want to always be there for you.

Self obsession
leads to a low opinion
and all that time and energy
could have been spent on
something else.
Get out of your head,
get out of your own way
and get out there.

I can’t believe I
trusted you enough
to give you my heart.
I can't believe you
didn't break it.

Yes,
it hurt,
but not so much
for what you did,
but because of your dishonesty.
You ran away with the moon
and blamed it on the sun.
You left me in
the dark.

Amber and blue
intertwine and recombine,
resulting in a grisly clash
of colours and chaos.
Every year it's the same old battle:
the bitter blues of winter,
the alluring ambers of spring,
each a spectrum
not to be reckoned with.
But as the final days of winter conclude,
amber waits upon the other side.
I'm running the final stretch now-
yes, I do believe such beauty
is now within my grasp.
Amber and blue,
the battle draws to a close
and I do believe
that amber
will prevail.

Happy?
No, not quite.
These days,
I'd say I'm more content.
Yeah,
content,
I like the sound of that.

The poison
between us was
the poison
in our veins.

I must admit I
give too much attention to
that which has drained me

6:20 PM
18/10/22

It's never the right time
for us,
and since there is more us-
not now, not ever,
I will cherish 'us'
from our past
and from my dreams.
I will cherish 'us'
with my poetry,
and with the photographs
I still have scattered
in the shadows.

How is it that red
flags can appear green to us?
Are we colorblind?

12:03 AM
22/11/22

I was full of fear, hurt and sorrow.
I thought I would remain alone forever
as I bore your absence rather than face my flaws.
It took some time, but now I am free-
free from your shadow and spite.
Even more, I am okay with solitude,
for solitude is a better companion
than you ever were.
I can now finally close the door and
embrace the lessons I learnt the hard way.
So much heartbreak was not in vain.

It always hurts that extra bit
when you don't see it coming.
You begin to punish yourself
and say how you should have
seen this coming.
How many red flags
did you overlook this time?

We are at our
most vulnerable
when we are in love.
The power to ruin lies
in their hands because
our heart is open.

Nevertheless,
I keep on writing to the dream
of what I imagined
we would share.

The distance
and the darkness,
the absence
and the silence,
is too much for me to bear.
I miss you.

The reality
is that I made myself feel
alone, no one else

5:50 PM
21/3/22

Even before
the beginning,
I knew that I would love you
long after
the end.

There are countless ways
to show your love,
each way unique like
every little snowflake,
each one glistening to be seen
in all its intricate beauty.  
Let my love fill your skies
with endless snow like that
of a Christmas morning.

You want me to stay silent,
but how can I?
I cannot do it anymore.
There are emotions,
there is blood,
there is love
that cannot be silenced
and one day she will understand.

Most things in life
do not matter and do not
bring happiness nor peace-
and so we continue the search
for something that does.

Maybe I will never understand
how you took control this heart.
Was it sorcery or something sinister?
No, I suspect it had something to do with
the sweetness of your soul or
your beauty that leave
even the nymphs
in awe.

heartbreak
after heartbreak-
can you make me
believe that love isn't
this vicious?

If you want to keep
yourself safe and content then
never let them in

11:08 PM
15/7/20

If I look for you
again, what difference would I
find this time around?

9:03 PM
25/10/22

The JOY of seeing you again,
of seeing you smile again,
of hearing you laugh again,
of seeing you wake up again,
it floods this soul with JOY
and I am left swimming
in a sea of you.