No one writes poetry about happy days and sunshine days,
they write about when their minds were trapped in caves, those days that are now broken memories and hearts

Humans are as consistent as gravity,
They will always fall.

Proudly he handles the bottle, bellowing about her as if she were a person

She's not fine wine, she's aged wine.
kept in the dark; alone with her thoughts
low in the earth; like a corpse
and given all the time in the world to ferment; she's rotting

Her glass is smooth you see, and cool to the touch; like the pavement on which she fell
The curves are unique to every bottle; her carcass so pretty
And the deepest green you'll ever see on a bottle; like her eyes

I have preserved her so! To keep her how she should be!
that's how he wanted to see me

She has aged well, for almost 20 years you see.
still as young as ever

But this is a special occasion; they found me
Go fetch some glasses; I can hear them digging
And we'll celebrate her.

Crackling cancer, the glimmer of light
mixed with the fog
I see him beckoning, calling out in that morning smoke
He's waiting for me.

Am I in love or am I convincing myself?
I would be a fool to be either.

More fickle than the seasons
fragile like thawing ice

attached with a firm grip
clutching like a baby’s hand.

Desperate but never dangerous
susceptible yet not defenceless
acquiescent, though a fool.

They are the simpleton’s
that embrace counterfeit fables,
illusions of promise

And at the end
that makes them break

I pray for the day you crave my touch more than anything

And I will watch you wither in sorrow

As I have.

The sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard,
no one would hear a peep

The sweetest sleep,
no one hears the breath

Ones heart thaws

When one can’t have the sweetest touch
alone

I’m finding peace
In your silence

I’m finding peace
In your rage

I’m finding peace
In your absence

I’m finding peace
In being silent

I’m finding peace
In my anger

I’m finding peace
In my solitude

Cigarettes and coffee,
like wine and cheese.

Perfect for the occasion,
and the times it will bring

I will conquer
Like tears on a sow

I am beautiful
But I will wither

I rule my world,
The real life fantasy land where everyone believes they’re in control,

like your life is together,
all your friends are real,
you have romance,
working hard at your job

but you forgot.

I could ruin you in a sentence.

My throat is numb,
I don’t feel the barbwire in my esophagus

My feet are purple,
I’m dangling them with an anchor

My wrists swollen,
fingers about to fall from restriction

My face bloated,
from every love bite.

Lips, still red
always smiling

The first thing I reach for in the morning

is you.

Yet you’ve changed,
you’re a box
full of bad habits.

Back in the day when all the trees would sway, and the children would play

In the sun, in the shade
through the rain
never kept at bay

puddles needed splashing,
skin needing a tanning.

We laughed once, we cried when we fell
learnt from the scrapes and bruises

It’s a lot different now.
Oh take me back to the 90s.

You know this is wrong,

You’re overwhelmed, let me help you

You’ve put your mind on hold,

We can make it disappear,

You know I’m the one

I’m about to throw you off a bridge if you don’t stop and think about what you’re doing.

I wish I could leave you in the ash tray like all all my stress,
I’m struggling to quit this, to quit us

This wrong side of heaven
This pairing

But I let the pollution fester

I want to leave you in the ash tray,
but what if it still burnt
and started a wildfire.

I remember my place,
the one you promised me

You were going to shower me with jewels and royalty. While I danced for you in that throne room.

My kingdom has gone dark, somehow you left me,

yet we are still the king and queen of a miraculous tragedy.

i hate the weeds but i love the bees that
keep me company

ignited like a lighter,
fluid burning quick

rot on my skin, scars up you face

i watch you perish in debauch
while you hold my hand

leave kisses on my neck,
i want to feel loved

leave bruises on my wrists,
i want to feel, loved

keep me still, in a perfect place,
i want to feel loved

i’d do anything to keep that smile on your
face

cut open my stomach,
and gut me

dissect the tumour,
that you left in me

do i still look like the girl you used to know?

with my intestines on display,
and a smile on my face

remember what you did to me

a man you could miss for two days straight,
wouldn’t miss you for a year

i miss those days where i’d **** on lollipops and cigarettes,
i miss those days when it seemed like you missed me, and you hugged me so tight.

those days when we didn’t worry about debt and the slanted kisses on ones wrist.

i miss those days.
i miss that one yesterday.

the jacket you left here still smells like cigarettes,
yet i'm wearing it because it makes me feel like i'm not alone

i swallowed a pill today.
a happy pill, the others said.

i felt no joy, only my pain.
so i took two the next day.

still no change,  they said
it could take a few days.

so i took another pill today.
and i feel like it's stuck in my throat

i'm waiting for us to fade to dust.
the both of us.
because this love cannot last forever.

I wear compliments like make-up,
it washes off.

I melt in hugs like chocolate in summer.

I eat kisses like candy,
till it makes me sick.

I wear validation like a jacket in winter,
I have to keep putting it back on.

I know how you like your coffee,
I know who you see,
I know what you order from me,

I hand out the paperwork and email the documents,
this isn't my first job,
I am confident in myself,

I know the names of your clients,
friends,
and your missus.

But I'm the mistress, the secret
secretariat

touch of amber in his morning cup,
espy to the mug neighbouring

caffeine in the burning steam,
bourbon in bubbles

glazed views,
fake passion

a kiss of liquor

shared between lips,
ciphers

puzzled eyes,
clouded attention,

blissful apprehension,
untold
heaven

watch me deteriorate,
my bones on display

no tears on my face, they’ve all gone astray
unable to escape the glass as I took my last breath

now I’m held up by nails, my eyes sunken in

soulless, lifeless and,

this is where you will be as well

surrounded by dribbling vapours,
crumbling suns

the music rumbles bones,
living it up

inhaling smog,
fragile lungs

swivelling wheels,
screams on tar

we're on our way, we’re the bizarre

let me drip venom in your mouth,
poison your lungs, corrupt your thoughts,
break your limbs,

let me drown you under the waves of desire,
love me with your wrists bound,
pretend this is a dream

and learn your lesson now

finger tips decaying like a cigarette between lips
crumbling lower, and lower
surrounded by bones, locked in paper walls

touched by a kiss, heart set ablaze
love leads us to death
so i love death

I sit in the AC chilled waiting room,
Holding minor achievements and qualifications in my portfolio,

nerves tightening, throat shutting, heart racing, panicking as i sit
still.

You call out my name so softly, I feel bloodless as I approach with a warmed smile; though you are lofty you smile back with a similar manner.

I hand you my book of tombs, and you inquire as you skim over the pages of listed names,  we exchange smiles again as I depart.
Surely I got the part, the role in the play.

I show my eagerness and return soon there after, ask the question.
"Did I get the job?"
You stop smiling, why, why, why did you stop?

I see her approach behind from your doors, my back straightens, stiffened in your wake.  My skin more chilled then the AC.
And all I can think,
****
****
****

I don't want you to touch me, cause I know you've touched her too

I don't want you to look at me with those eyes,
cause you give her the same look too

Don't call me baby with that same tone that you use,

Don't coddle me and tell me that you love me because you know I love you, too

I don't want to argue against you,
I know you're hurting, but I am too.

We're both just waiting to be rescued.

I tell myself that I'm leaving,
to go alone and scream into the night air.

I arrive and try, the air in my throat is tight.
Sounds of anguish and frustration unable to holler out,

I tell myself that nothings changing,
so I grab a lighter that I've been hiding, and hold the tumour between my lips.

Slobbering tears as I lite my stress, this is as close to death as I can feel.

The venom dripping from my mouth,
my foot pressing harder against the pedal down this country strip.
A referendum in my mind embellished with motivation,
so I tilt the wheel and leave it to momentum.

.

I feel so warm and coddled like melted chocolate,
dribbling against the mug, split over a counter.
Finger tips freezing as it touches the air.

No reason to cry over spilt milk.
I boil the kettle again, clean the mess I've made and start again.
Throw in the grounded droplets, a dash of powered chocolate,
                                                      ­                                                         'click'
The kettle coughs bubbles. I pour, enveloped by the steam against my skin, a dash of milk.

The perfect coffee.

Looking up at me, so cute they seem,
Innocent, kind, pure and full of love.

Oh what fun I'm going to have with you little one,

yes roll on your back just like that, let me rub your belly and enjoy your softness underneath my palm,
Your eyes so sweet, and absolutely joy-struck when I give you treats,

let me pat you more.. More, more, more!
Just keep looking at me little puppy,
I can see the love you have for me.

Deep down I knew, that you would never fail, and never or stray off your trail.
From telling me what I think was the truth yet also a lie, you’re so good at hiding, you.

Deep down I knew, that I was just for you to *****.

It’s out of the sheets now.

Shrouded by black, in every corner and every crack,
the pitch of the room keeps me secluded.

I don't have to focus anything, everything’s moving, shifting in the shadows.

I am in the dark, and I like it here.
It hides my shame, my tears, and my pain
i like it in the dark.

The fluttering of wings,
                                          trapped,
                                                         circling, lost,
panicky,
Trapped in not my stomach but my head.
Going round and round,
round and round,
round and round.

Even though sometimes I like to believe I can help,
No one wants me around.

So they squash and trample me,
that’s why I hide in the corners now.

I say jump, you say how high.
As high as the sky,
                   to that cloud number 9

Floating in the gas above the ground, feeling like gravity can’t effect you.

You breathe in the earth, the bits you rolled up,
                                                             ­                     and light it up to turn it to smoke.

Watching her burn with such delight, you take a puff and let the air in your lungs turn to soot.

Why does a screen feel less than me when it’s supposed to be state of the art, high tech, and without fault.

People will say that it’s just getting old, and worn out, so why won’t my heart do the same..

Hey, I like you, do you like me? No, that’s fine, that’s cool I’ll go cry myself to sleep at night because unlike internet explorer I don’t just keep asking for you to accept me.

I simply wish that I could be less weak, less pathetic, less useless than everything and everyone else, I just wish to not feel this sensitivity of my nerves letting my eyes drain and my heart to turn into a glass pane that someone can smash open, and for those lumps in my throat to just go down and not reappear as I struggle to tell you how I feel.

I wish to be helpful, I wish to be useful, and I want to make you happy every way possible.

But my weakening heart does not know how to tell you the truth that I’m holding within my lungs as the air rots away.

I no longer wish to feel pain.