i have so many things i want to say but cant find the words to say them


nor the courage to

I lost my mother

No, not to death
I lost my mother to technology
To social media
To that ******* Facebook
I lost her to the bright rectangular shard of glass that was her phone

There she could reconnect with her friends
See what they were doing
Reunite with long lost childhood buddies
And see cute videos of dogs and babies

I used to love going on dates with my mom
Just the two of us
Most would say we were like sisters
We shared clothes and stories
And life lessons in between
Sips of coffee and slices of cakes
And walks in malls just because we wanted aircon

But now when I'm sitting across her at the table
Her eyes fail to meet mine
If they do all she'd say was wait, I'm replying
Then her eyes would fall back to the screen of her phone
Never-ending conversations became conversations that never even started
Loud chatter above food became silence so loud I could hear myself chew
Laughter and smiles were all the same except they were done looking down, facing a phone

And now I would rather dine alone
Than dine infront of someone glued to their phone
And that says a lot coming from someone with social anxiety and fear of being alone
Because if instead of talking to me your talking to your phone
I really would rather just be alone
I promise you it's not that different

Social media was designed to make us all connected
Countries apart, continents in between
We could talk and call like we were together at that very moment
But now the people were beside
The people we can touch and feel
The people with us physically
We forget to talk to, we ignore
We become disconnected with
Yes, you are retying old ties with your old friends who are miles away
I get that
And I am more than happy for you
That you and your highscool friends talk again
But what's the use of making new ties if you don't keep the ones you have now

I lost my mother to technology
I don't know if it's too late
I know technology won't stop advancing any time soon or any time in the future for that matter
But I have faith
I know beneath my mothers eyes glued to the screen
are the same eyes as the ones that first laid their eyes on me
Who looked at me ever so lovingly,
Like the most precious gift in the world

I lost my mother to technology
And I hope it's not too late to find her again

The feeling of being replaceable is easily one of the ******* feelings in the world
You feel like your presence doesn't make an impact enough on a person that you can be so easily thrown out and replaced by a better person
You feel like if you leave you won't even leave a void and space where you once were
Maybe just a mark, a minimal trace but before they can feel that you're gone, someone new slips in
It's like trying to prove your worth and make someone realize how important you are so you keep a distance
But instead of longing for you, they replace you

I'm not some object you got at the store that you can replace when you're tired of me
I don't have a warranty, I have feelings
I don't want to be the girl who can easily slip through your fingers
Scratch that, I DO want to be the girl who can easily slip through your fingers but you choose to keep your fingers tightly packed because you know if you lose me you can't find another me among the 7 billion people in the world
I want you to know my worth
I know I have troubles seeing that myself
But I hope you see the light that shines through the cracks on my skin when I'm too sick of myself to look in the mirror
I hope you see the little hidden things and quirks of mine that I'm too blind to see
I hope you realize that no matter how many girls you talk to, time after time,
None of them can ever
Or will ever
Replace me

My hands are rough
From doing bars
Doing pull ups
Putting chalk
Wearing grips
Constant contact with rough wood
My hands have to be rough for my sport

My hands are rough
A sign of what I've been through
Of how hard I work
Of how much I push myself
A sign of bravery and courage

My hands are rough
Blistered from holding on to people that have already cut me off
Scarred from trying to piece my broken heart together
Callouses from building on one sided relationships

My hands are rough
Something to be insecure about
Something I keep to myself
And I didn't really care
Until you

My hands are rough
And I've been worried
That no one would want to hold on to them
That they'd be hurt by my hands
That they aren't the hands they want to hold on to
And so I warm my own hands

My hands are rough
But you choose to hold on to them
Despite the blisters, cuts, and callouses
I know it might not be the pair of best hands in the world
And I'm sorry I can never give you those
But I have never felt safer and more secure
Than when your hands are interlocked with mine

You need to know something --
I cant wait forever
I can serve food
But I'm not a waiter
I am a human
I get bored too
Waiting for someone
Uncertain, like you

You say you're scared
But am I not too?
If you really want it,
You'd take a risk or two
Take a risk in me
Take a risk with me
Let's see what we got
If it's worth a shot

I've been waiting for you
For what seems like forever
I can't keep running back
When you call me whenever
I know I've said bye
A million of times
But this one would be
The very last time

n.*  hy•po•thal•a•mus -ˈthal-ə-məs\
: the part of the brain that controls fight or flight responses

September 23rd
The first time our eyes met
Travelling across the room
Not knowing that those were the same eyes
That could **** me with a smile

December 28th
I found out that you wrote
And ****, that was hot
Your words that got me hooked
Were the same ones that cut my strings

February 14th
We were nothing close to lovers
Not even bestfriends
But I somehow felt less lonely
Talking to you everyday

April 8th
The beginning of heat
And I think I barely noticed
Because the thought of you
Makes blood rush to my cheek

June 19th
The start of school
And the start of the drift
Or maybe it was just stress?
I hung on to our conversations

July 31st
You talked about this new girl
And how she was pretty
And funny
And everything I wasn’t

August 17th
We haven’t talked in 2 weeks
Not like you noticed much
All you cared about was her
I'm starting to miss you
Alot

September 27th
I was in Biology
I studied the hypothalamus
And how it controlled
The fight or flight response of our body

September 27th
I was studying the hypothalamus
And learned that the body has a natural instinct
To detect danger or warning
Thus activating the hypothalamus

September 27th
I was studying the hypothalamus
And **** who gave you the right to walk in my mind
I was studying the hypothalamus for God’s sake how does this even relate to you?
I saw you in everything
A notebook – Cos you write
Coffee – because you loved it
The Fault In Our Stars – because you hated it
Pictures of New York – because it was your dream
My playlist – because you made it
My jacket – because it smells like you
My little sister – because she looks for you
My mother – because she still makes your favorite dinner whenever you visit
The flowers on our porch – because you planted them
Hot Pockets – because you despised them
But **** never did I expect to see you in a hypothalamus

September 27th
People don’t come with warning signs attached to their necks
And even if our body has a natural instinct to detect danger
People like you, know just the right things to say or do to trick my body into thinking you're good for me
You know my passcode, how to get through my walls
So all this time I’ve been wondering
Where was my hypothalamus, if I even had one
Why didn’t it warn me
To flee your arms before I got entangled in your words,
Before I sunk in the quicksand of your charm
Why wasn’t I warned, to fight or flight, before I got hurt this bad?
Why wasn’t I warned of the danger that was you.

One day
When human technology
Has surpassed the wildest of our imaginations today
And we are able to read each other's minds
I wouldn't be the slightest bit scared
If you are able to read mine
Because all you'd find
Are things like
How amazing you are
How your eyes seem to contain the universe
How your smile shines brighter than a burned out star
How every touch feels like a surge of electric emotions
How every time our eyes meet you make me feel like I'm okay and I actually believe it
How every time your arm brushes against mine I feel the rest of the world melt away
How you just know exactly what to say and when to say it
How your songs have become my songs and you've taken over even the littlest things like my music playlist
How you made me believe that magic is real because it's the only thing that can explain this thing I feel
How your hugs feel like a blanket of hope – that good things still exist in this world
And lastly
How I loved you and was too afraid to say so and now it's too late
But if there's one thing you must take from this, just know
You were the ******* best thing I never had

Drift
Noun
A slow and gradual movement or change from one place, condition, etc. to another
Drifting
Verb
The ******* feeling in the world
It’s like, were still friends but we’re transitioning into acquaintances,
maybe even strangers in the near future
Daily conversations start to get rusty
And every word said feels like so much effort
Real talk, becomes small talk, and soon, maybe even no talk
Maybe we’ve just exhausted the list of things to talk about
And you know everything you wanted to know about me and I know everything I wanted to know about you
Or maybe you’ve reached your word limit or something, I don’t really know

But what most people don’t know about drifting is that
Drifting can be a one sided process
Like I’m here freaking out about our friendship and how we haven’t talked in days
And you're just there, probably not even noticing that we haven’t had a single conversation
If our friendship was a group work
I’d be that person doing everything, trying to fix things, putting so much effort
And you’re the one who seenzones the facebook group chat
It’s like we were on boats and suddenly a current rips us apart and if you just pull me in your boat everything will be okay
But no, the current is pulling me away from you and I am using all my strength to paddle back to you
And you don’t even notice and you even find the time to take a swim
Our friendship was a rubberband
You were holding one end, I was holding the other,
The rubberband stretched as the friendship grew, it got tighter and tighter
and suddenly, you decided that rubber bands weren't cool so you let go and i got slapped in the face by our friendship
It’s like wanting to chase you, but not wanting to chase you
Because it can come off as clingy
It’s like wanting to talk to you but I don’t
because I don’t want to disturb you
and that ***** cos you're the only one I want to talk to
but I'm probably not the one you want to talk to
so I just scratch the idea out of my head
and think of another way to talk to the person I once had endless conversations with

the hardest part in drifting is deciding what to do
should I let go?
Because they say that drifting is just a sign from God that you’ve learned everything you can from that person, right
And if I do let you go and we’re meant to stay friends aren’t we eventually going to find our way back to each other?
Or should I hold on, on this one-sided stretched rubberband of ours
and try to fix something that might not even be broken in your eyes

I am not a morning person
Sun glaring through the curtains, birds chirping on the tree
Such a pretty sight i know, but you know whats prettier? Sleep.
Wake me up when the sun's shining and i. Will. ****. You.
Coffee doesnt do the trick, neither does breakfast
so just let me sleep in — it'll do everyone a favor
"good morning!" Says the starbucks barista who trys to make conversation with me and all the while i am wishing for my drink to come faster as to prevent any further contact with any human being
Good night

I am not a hugger
Being that close to someone makes me cringe
Maybe im just not all about that intimacy thing and showing affection
Also have you ever hugged a girl?
You feel their ***** against you especially when they hug suuuper tight
Or maybe im just really afraid to let my guard down
Which is hard because when people know you dont like hugs
and you actually need a hug
No one will give you a hug and you just learn to **** it up and accept that the only hugging youll ever get is from your teddy bear at night

I am not a good conversationalist
As i have concluded and confirmed with my friends
It is hard to keep a conversation with me
I think its because most of the actual conversation is happening in my mind and my mouth cant follow through
I get scared to speak most of my thoughs because im scared of what other people think
And that leads me to not saying anything at all and that leads them to think i am shy and awkward
So no matter if i say anything or i dont, i will be judged

And theeeen i met him
And he was everything i wasnt

He was a morning person, a hugger, and the best person you can spend hours talking to

Suddenly
I began getting up earlier than usual
I started to eat breakfast and have an actual conversation with laughter at 8 in the morning
I say good morning back to the starbucks barista and find that morning interactions with human beings arent so bad after all

He gave the best hugs — the ones that make you feel warm, safe, and protected you just wanted to hibernate in his arms
When i feel his muscles squeeze me, i feel my sadness squeeze out of me little by little
And the best part? He doesnt have *****

He is the number one person who can hold a conversation with anyone
He always finds something to talk about
And makes the worst jokes
I feel comfortable with him
Like i can say anything and he'd understand

So thank you, because of him, i am a morning person, a hugger, and a good conversationalist

Putang inang pakshet gago putangina mo tarantado x2
Kinakanta ko 'to tuwing nagagawa ng isip kong paglaruan ang mga alaala kong ang nilalaman ay ikaw
Ikaw lang naman talaga eh, dati, ngayon, at bukas, ikaw pa rin
Ikaw pa rin ang sinisigaw ng pipi kong puso
Ikaw ang tanging Nakikita ng aking mga matang bulag
Ikaw ang tinig na naririnig ng bingi kong tainga
Ikaw ang nakapapasok sa maliliit na eskinitang daan papunta sa aking puso
Ikaw lamang ang may kakayahang baguhin ang daloy ng ilog ng aking dugo upang masundan ka

Ikaw
Ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin
Kahit ilang beses mo akong saktan
Kahit ilang beses mo akong saksakin gamit ang bubog ng aking nabasag na puso
Kahit na mawalan ng boses kasisigaw ng iyong pangalan
Kahit ilang babae pa ang pinagkukwento mo sakin at ang pakiramdam ng bawat kuwento ay tila baril na tumatagos sa aking puso
Dahil pagkatapos mo akong saktan nagpapakatatag lang naman ako upang masaktan mo muli

Ikaw
Na minsan kong tinawag na mahal, babe, pangga, bebe luvs,
Ay matatawag ko na ngayon na
Tanga, ulol, manhid, pangit, hampas lupa, haliparot, lintek, demonyo, leche, gago, tarantado,kulelat, hayop, sira ulo, walang hiya, bakulaw
Iilan lang to sa mga katagang binigay ko sayo
Sa pag-asang malilimutan ng puso ko kung gaano kita minahal
Pero wala
Nag-aalumpihit na ang sikmura kong pinipilit ilabas ang lahat ng mga parte **** linunok ko hanggang sa wala nang maiwang bakas na minahal nga kita
Nag-aalinlangan ang isip ko, kung itatapon ko na ba ang ating mga alaala o itatago lamang upang mabalik-balikan kapag nalulumbay

Siguro ikaw si Kuya Kim, diba ang buhay ay weather weather lang?
Kasi nagdala ka ng bagyo sa aking mga mata na naging landslide pababa ng aking pisngi
Nagdala ka ng lindol na ang epicenter ay sa puso ko at nabulabog ang buong mundo ko, at ang puso’y nawasak
Nagdala ka ng buhawi ng hangin na paikot-ikot lang at kahit sinisira mo ang lahat, nahihigop mo pa rin ako
Nagdala ka ng tsunami sa aking isipan at binura mo ang lahat kaya’t ikaw nalang ang laging isip

Ikaw
Sa kabila ng lahat ng kasawiang dinala mo sakin
Oo
Ako na yung tangang nagmahal pa rin sayo
Ako na ang nagpakamartir na harapin ang matitindi **** hangin
Ako na ang sumalo sa lahat ng bubog ng iyong puso, sa lahat ng luhang iyong iniyak
Ako na ang trainer wheels sa iyong bike, sabi mo di mo na ko kailangan pero gusto kong naroon pa rin ako upang masigurong hindi ka masasaktan
Ako na ang bandaid sa bawat sugat na iniiwan ng mga babaeng minahal mo, mga halik sa sugat pinapatigil ang dugo
Ako na ang unan **** sa gabi mo lang nakikita, sinasandalan tuwing pagod, may problema, mahihigpit na yakap tuwing luha’y di tumitigil
Ako na yung stik-o sa pakete mo ng sigarilyo, inosente’t di ka sasaktan, pero iba pa rin ang pinili mo
Ako na ang babaeng umaasa sayo na parang naghihintay ng ulan sa tagtuyot
Bakit ba hindi nalang ako

Ito ang tanong ko sayo, ako nga ba ang talagang tanga rito? Di ba ikaw rin?
Bago ka maghabol nanaman ng isa pang babae, kuya tingin tingin naman diyan sa paligid
Baka nasa harap mo lang, ang babaeng matagal nang hinahanap

Just friends
2 words, 11 letters, 2 syllables and a dagger to my heart
Just friends
Was what you would say when people would ask "hey who's that girl you're always with" or "you look cute together"
Just friends

We talk everyday
I've opened up to you more than I ever have to anyone
I've seen the parts of you that you refuse to show others
I know you and you know me like we finished a PHd course on each other
Just friends

When I am with you I seem to forget everything else
You consume me in the best way possible
Every breath you make clouds my mind until you are everything I feel
I catch you stealing glances at me from the corner of my eye
Just friends

I tell you about this guy I found attractive at Starbucks this morning
You gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day
You told me about this gorgeous girl
And well let's just say I thought I was prettier
Yknow well just friends can't be jealous when the other one talks about someone else right?
Just friggin friends

Tell me we're just friends
When we look into each other's eyes like a window to our soul
Tell me we're just friends
When I call you at 3 am, crying and you come to my door and take me into your arms
Tell me we're just friends
When you have the ability to make me feel like everything is right int he world
Tell me we're just friends
With every smile, tear and laughter shared
Tell me we're just friends
When i crave your scent and every minute we're not together I just need to be with you
Tell me we're just friends **** it

At this point I don't even know
If you're just lying to yourself about being just friends with me
Maybe you're in denial about what you're actually feeling
And you don't want to admit it to yourself nor say it out loud because if you do then the feelings become real
Or maybe that's really all you ever think we could be
Just ******* friends

There was something so intimate about sharing our favorite colors with each other
About sharing something that people deem as unimportant, basic information
"Does it matter?" He asked
And I said "Yes, because it's funny how we can know so much about each other yet still not know the basics"
I want to know the things that most people don't know
I want to see the parts of you that you hide in your shadows
I want those parts of yours that have gathered dust and cobwebs in the crevices of your mind
I want the parts of you that you may have thrown away
Black
Black was his favorite color
And then he followed up with orange
So he likes Halloween colors
Totally cool with that
And he asked me what was mine and I said I'm a bit colorblind but sky blue appeals to me
And he said he liked that
He liked this thing about me that people deem as unimportant
He liked this small piece of knowledge about me and even if my favorite color may just be as small as a sprinkle on a monster banana split, he liked it

I said I wanted to paint my room sky blue
So that when I'm in bed I feel like I'm lying on one of the clouds in the sky
He said he wanted to paint his red
And I said well that's a dark color
But he said that when he was little the sun shined through his red curtains and covered his room in this red light
And he loved it
I liked that about him
I could imagine his little self sitting on his bed staring at the red light that shone through his curtains
And all this red was all he could think about

If he would ask me again today, "what's your favorite color"
I think I would say, "You
Because ever since you came into my life you were the only color I could see. You were the only color I could feel like how you felt the red from your curtain, I felt your love. You made me realize that color is one of the best things the world has to offer. If I was a blind person and I had met you, I've no doubt I would have the best set of imaginary colors in my head because you have the ability to make me feel so much things at the same time and these feelings come out of me like paint, splattering all around creating the masterpiece of our existence. It was the best masterpiece. It was the kind that you didn't have to understand it to love it. You just loved it as it is. You love the color, the unusual mixture of color over color and the mystery of not knowing the reason behind this festival of colors. you came into my life not with smooth gentle strokes using a paintbrush, instead you painted with your fingers. You told me you wanted to feel the colors at the tips of your fingers and imagined that our blood would change color according to our mood. You wanted to feel that moment when paint meets paper, when color meets blankness because that's how it felt when I met you. You made it seem like knowing the favorite color of a person is like knowing what gives life to a person. I can't say my life has been black and white before you because I could see a few colors here and there in very low tones. As if I was looking at life through filtered lens. But because of you, I am no longer colorblind."

Happy National Month of Poetry
As tradition, I join this thingy
It's something called 30/30
For the whole month, one poem daily
I invite everyone to join with me
Challenge your creativity
Push your boundaries
And explore your vocabulary

I still reread our messages
As if the spaces in between our sentences
Would suddenly produce new words
It was like waiting for flowers to bloom in an eternal winter
I checked every period making sure that you were done saying what you wanted to say
And maybe you'd want to turn your periods into semicolons – your sentences may have ended but your thoughts haven't
I was trying to find something, anything
In the string of words we told each other
Staring at each "I love you"
Trying to figure out if maybe I did something wrong
I had no one to blame for your decision but myself
I couldn't even blame you, I loved you too much
In the sea of I love yous and sweet nothings
I was hoping to find when it exactly stopped
When you stopped feeling the same
When our love became one-sided and you left me hanging
When you let go and I was still holding on
Why didn't I notice that you were gone

If we wrote to each other in Chinese characters I wouldn't be surprised that I misunderstood you somewhere in the stroke of a letter
But we spoke the same language and loved the same things
We went to the same places and made plans about similar things
You made me believe that the language of love isn't French but it was whatever we spoke, whatever we felt,
yet it felt like your words passed through google translate so much so that it turned into a language only you could comprehend

If humans only use 10% of their brain
Well believe me I'm racking my brain so hard trying to understand why I just wasn't good enough for you that I may be using 10.1% of my brain already
Maybe I just missed something
Maybe we lost something along the way and I was too naive to notice
Maybe it's the fact that I loved you after all your mistakes and I tried to understand you like you were my favorite song in a foreign language and I just had to sing along
Maybe I was too blinded
By my own love

My name is Gabrielle Rose Pimentel
But everyone calls me Gwen
My mom wanted to name me Gaby
But my dad insisted that my nickname should come from their names
So I got the G from grace and the WEN from Wendell and formed Gwen

I have 4 moles on my face and a ton more on my body
One eye is smaller than the other
I have dimples on my fingers
I like to connect my moles
My hands have caught so much pain, they are blistered
My shoulders swelling from the weight of the world
My feet red from running around in circles trying to figure out what I did wrong
And yes, I have a double chin

I can get pretty random
From the pyramids of giza to why does soap bubble?
I’ve loved and it is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced
It takes you on this rocket ship into the void
And it makes you feel like all the shooting stars are falling for you
But with love comes hurt
I’ve been hurt and I’ve learned
That the more i try to stop the bleeding, the more it goes
So I let it bleed, and I allow myself to feel the pain
I feel things very deeply and
every feeling is either a bandage to a wound or a punch in the stomach
I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse
I’ve been careless, I am learning
I walk on the glass shards of life barefoot, hoping that the wounds teach me a lesson
As if the blood on my feet carry the answers to my biggest questions

I am just 15 years old
My eyes wide as the universe, ever expanding, ready to see all there is to see
My brain, eager like a little child at the ice cream store, wanting to taste every flavor there is
I am at the peak of my own age of exploration
Waiting for my marco polo moment, when suddenly everything will be clear
Do questions have legs? Because a ton of them run through my mind
Do aliens exist? Is God real? Are there really mermaids? Can dogs feel? Do plants talk? How big is the universe? Is everything real or merely a dream? Why is there poverty? Is there a cure for cancer? Why do bad things happen to good people? Is there any hope left in this world? Will my questions ever be answered?

If life was a new movie everyday,
I would be at the front row
I wanted to see everything that was about to happen
I would stare at it all day in fear that if I looked  away I would’ve missed my prince charming
I will obsess over every detail, trying to figure out what it means
And this is probably why its good that life doesn’t have a movie
It’s the uncertainity of it all that makes life so special
It gives you the choice whether you want to embrace it
Or let it hold you captive and paranoid of whats about to happen
In my case, I learned that I should just let life go and take its natural course of action
Never mess with the universe because the universe is beyond our imagination
We think we’re so important
Like the world revolves around us
but really we aren’t even as small as a speck compared to everything

I'm Gwen and I'm just 15
But this is me, this is who I am
And I'm so done changing myself just for others

Believe me
When I say I want to write
And you're the only one
Holding me back
and at the same time
Inspiring me

A dream is a wish your heart makes
Or so they say
If I dream of a nightmare, am I wishing for one?

I dreamt of you last night
After years of having no thoughts about you
In your white polo under your blue cotton sweater and
Your glasses that sit perfectly across your nose bridge
You are exactly how I remembered you
You were taking photos, that was your hobby
And I had a camera in my hand
We didn't immediately talk but
Stolen glances were evidently exchanged
Until you went behind me and grabbed my camera and said
"Can I take a few pictures?"
God, you were so cute
How could I say no?
"Sure," I said, following you to the tree you were about to shoot
You took a few photos and I watched you
I watched your familiar grip on the camera
And how you squint one eye as you look into the lens
How you smile as you look at every shot you take, satisfied with your work
I could not believe how familiar you seemed
As if we just stopped talking yesterday
The next thing I knew
You were leaning in to me with the lens pointing at us
"Selfie!", you said
Ugh that smile!
And so we took a selfie
And another one and another one and another one
You ran across the field with my camera
Which I obviously needed,
So I ran after you
And there we were like two lost sheep who found each other again,
Chasing after each other with these huge smiles on our faces
And when I finally caught up to you,
I hugged you in an attempt to grab my camera back
And I felt the familiar shape of your shoulders
And how they harden as you tighten your grip around my camera
You were laughing
And, ugh, that laugh was like...
Hearing your favorite song which you've gotten over and being reminded of why you loved it in the first place
I laughed along with you
And we were lying on the field laughing with cameras in our hands

Then I woke up

"Look, a star", I said
He replied, "I know, it's beautiful"

I was looking at the sky and he was looking at me

Be careful when you fall in love with a poet
Poets
We kinda don't really think in the same way as everybody else
If everybody's thinking outside the box, were probably the ones thinking on the box
Or with the box, or in another box
Yeah see that was kinda weird
We think in metaphors
We write with our own blood
We write about anything and everything that makes us feel
Which means we will probably write about you
And will continue to write about you even after we've broken up and you moved on and youve forgotten about us
We will still write about you
Because you engraved feelings in us which we have immortalized into words
Think of it like this
You come into our lives
You spill wet cement on the walls of our hearts
We write all the feelings we get on the wet cement and when you're gone it dries up

Be careful when you fall in love
With the girl who can compare you to the sun
One minute she can tell you that the sun is the source of life in this world and brightens up her day
And the next, she can tell you that the sun's UV rays are actually harmful and the sun sets too
While you are talking
She is thinking about how your eyes crease at the corners when you laugh
And how your smile is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen
And how your hair is the perfect mix of messy and hot
She will try to put all these feelings into words
And despite her vast vocabulary and experience in writing
She will never find the right words to describe you
Searching for words will be like using internet explorer as your browser
Or riding a snail
Or looking through a dictionary when all the words are crossed out

Be careful when you fall in love
With a girl who writes
Because you just might be the reason for her writer's block
And she will probably hate you for it
But at the same time love you for it
Yet you can also be the reason she can never stop writing
Because you are more than enough inspiration she needs
You will be the driving force of the pen in her hand against the paper
And that's pretty **** amazing if you ask me
She can turn your world into words
Turn your thoughts into lines
Turn your feelings into poetry
She will say the things you never knew how to say

Be careful when you fall in love with a poet
Because you just might be turned into intangible literature

These past few weeks
Whenever I put pen to paper
I end up with nothing
No words flowing from my veins
No thoughts running in my mind
No stanzas waiting to be written
My leaves have dried up
My lake is frozen
My lemon fully squeezed
All thanks to you

You have been the only thing running in my mind for the past week
Tell me how long your legs can run cos I'm not sure I can take it any longer
You have been the only one dominating my mind like a computer virus
Making me forget everything but you
You are on my mind twenty four seven
In the 86400 seconds in a day
I can assure you you're the first and last thing on my mind
I'm starting to lose track of time

And yet I find no words to write about you
You bring out the bad poet inside of me
You bring to life this other side of me which ssstutters, always unsure of what to say because it might not be good enough
I am an overheating motor
I am an overmixed batter
I am a pen whose cap is left off

You know,
The funny thing is you have absolutely no idea how you affect me
You go on in your everyday life
You go about your day
You make endless maps and cross roads in my mind
And I don't even know if I cross yours
When others talk to you
I don't think they're aware that they're talking to my world
I don't think you're aware that you are my world
No, actually you are my universe
I am the stars, the galaxies, the comets, the meteors
The endless possibilities in our constantly expanding universe
Ready to be filled with our love

You leave me breathless, searching for words
So please,
tell me when you're going to leave my mind, cos I **** sure wanna start writing again

If Latin is the root of modern words
And Latin is a dead language
Then does that mean that
The words we use now that have flowered from Latin
Are dead too since the roots are so-called 'dead'?

When words do not give justice
And hugs do not suffice
There is absolutely nothing left to do but
Cry

There's this look people give you

You're trying to see it for yourself
Fighting in between people
Squeezing in, trying to get a peek
Only to end up with the same thing I've been seeing for 2 years:
Disappointment

It's the look on the faces of people who believed in you
Who told you you could do it
It's that look of pity, sadness
As if you've lost everything
again
It just adds to the agony of it all
Confirming the nightmare before my eyes

It's the worst ******* look people can give you
It's the same words over and over again
"It's okay" "you're better than that" "there's always next time"
It's not okay **** it
This is the next time

It was like
Trying to build a sandcastle
You put everything you've got
Your blood, sweat, tears, money and time
You try to keep the sandcastle up
And even if the tide begins to rise to the foot of your castle
You still continue to build it
And in the end
It would just be destroyed by a single wave

Tell me that it's okay
That i put the best parts of myself out there
And i spent every waking moment trying to get everything right
And I worked so **** hard for it
Only to end up in a puddle of my own tears, self pity and despair

According to statistics
You spend at least a third of your whole life waiting
Waiting for a pail to fill
Waiting for your turn in line
Waiting for the right time

Well allow me to tell you something
Time was but a concept made by humans
in an attempt to have a sense of order in their barbaric lives
Time is made up which means
Time doesn't actually exist
And if time was made by humans
Then time can be defied by humans

Waiting for the right time?
More like wasting your time
Stop beating around the bush
Stop sugar coating everything
Take the moment and make it the right time
Take the now and make it your now

Tell that stranger that he looks good today
Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers
Eat that chocolate lava cake you've been craving for
Run that extra mile
Tell her you love her
Tell her how much she means to you
Fight for her

Because even if
Time is made up
And time doesn't actually exist
Your time runs out
And sometimes the time we are given on this earth isn't enough
We do not control how much time we have on our hands
We do not know when the hourglass will run out
We do not know when the game is finally over

And some day when you least expect it
Time will run out
You will run out of seconds, of minutes, of hours and of days
To do all the things you want to do
To say all the things you want to say
To love everything you want to love

And before you know it
You'll spend your last few breaths --
Your last few moments of time
Full of regret
"Why did I wait?"

We talk about love
Like we're some sort of experts
Like we've mastered the subject
Like we know every nook and cranny
But in reality, we're just at the tip of the iceberg

And if I could ever write a poem that would embody
Your love
i swear
I would

but

Whenever I'd try to write You down
And immortalize You through words
I end up with a blank page staring at me
Because my words do not give justice
To the beauty of You and Your creation

And I am
so sorry
For loving you
as much as I did
It's just that
You were the only constant
In my ever-changing life
And no matter how hard
I pushed you away,
For some reason,
You were still there

There will be these
magical little moments
In your life
And no matter what you're doing
No matter where you are and
No matter who you're with,
When the memory of those moments
Come to your mind
You will always
always
Smile

And I tell you,
These are the moments worth living for

We were in each other's company for quite a while
Neither of us speaking to each other
And somehow
It didn't feel lonely at all

I write about what disheartens me
And this one does, way too deeply
The harm cannot be undone
Most were lost, not just some

To go into a field, gambling with the universe
Our brave soldiers, with actions they can't reverse
Lost their life fighting for he country
Til the very end, only one thing on their mind: family

We sit here ignorant in our comfortable seats
While they defend our people, only to end in defeat
Every bullet shot into their hearts
Their blood splatters, turns into art

Thank you dear soldiers, for your service
We will forever be grateful for this
No words can heal and no money can repay
You'll remain in our hearts every single day

When our hair turns gray
And our memories fade
When our bones get weak
And we lose our teeth
When our meds increase
And our hearings decrease
When everything else turns gray and old
I promise you, our love will stay safe and gold
Immortalized in this poem, my love
For the generations to unfold

I like re-reading my poems
Memories immortalized in between the lines
Feelings relived
Each word taking me back to that moment

It's as if I time-travel
Back to you

You know you're in deep ****
When he's the one
You want to talk to
At the end of a ****** day

isn't it amazing
how words
can pierce through your soul
and feel like a gun shot,
a sword,
and death
all at once.

If talking to you
Were as easy as writing a poem,
We would never stop talking

I want to talk to you
I want to tell you about my day
And how my classmate said this extremely funny thing
And I knew that you'd laugh at it too
I want to tell you that I had steak for lunch –
Your favorite
I want to tell you how my thoughts drifted to you in class
And that whenever I'd try to focus, you were the only thing clear in my mind
I want to tell you that the song you made me listen to was stuck in my head the whole day
I want to tell you that despite my very tiring day I still looked forward to talking to you at night
I want to tell you that every second, every minute and every hour we aren't together,
I miss you more and more and more and more
I want to know how your day went
I want to know if you've done that project you've been whining about
I want to know everything about you
Tell me every single detail about your "normal" day
And even if you go on for hours, I won't get bored
I probably won't even remember anything you said
Because the sound of your voice and your beautiful words carefully slipping past your lips
Are all that I hear

You were like mozzarella sticks to me
I always wanted more than I could get
(You were so good, how could I resist?)
But when the main course came
I realized that I just had enough

i don't want to say good night
because i'll have to sleep
and wait for tomorrow
so that i can talk to you again
or maybe i'll just hope
that i'll meet you in my dreams
so i won't miss you too much

i have to remind myself
it's just good night and not goodbye

Just say it
Say that you don't feel the same way anymore
And I will let you go

It will be hard
And I will get hurt
But just say the word
And I will let you go

I will never cease loving you
But I will let you go

I loved you
Like you were the last
Breath of oxygen
I would ever have

And she loved you
Like you were just
A piece of gum —
Ready to be thrown away
When she decided she was done with you

Why
Do we take
The best parts of us
And give them to others
Only so they can destroy us

Why
Do we put
Our happiness
In someone else's hands
Only so they can crush it to pieces

Why
Do we give
Everything we have
To people who don't even
Give a **** about our existence

Why
Do we allow
Our feelings to be played with
And complain
When we get hurt

Why
After all this
Do we still choose to love?