the days just before spring
just after fall
where the damp and cold grips the air
but summer still sings her
uplifting call.

comfortable outside in
track pants & a sweater
chilling fingers if they are
not woven tightly together.

but oh,
how lovely is the cool breeze
off the ocean?

to just take a minute of the day
between all the daily commotion

to sit and bask
in the salty sweet air.

He fills my eyes to the brim
My stomach knotted with dread
Night after night
Alone in my bed

I want to grab your hand, and run to a place that always feels like spring
we could say what we feel, and do as we please without ever worrying ourselves about a thing.
I want to climb the highest mountains
just to brush my fingers against the sky
I want to sail over seas
that are deeper than those eyes.
Too often we find ourselves surrounded helplessly by trial and pain
All we have is fading memories and talks about how the world has changed
But I cannot stand to stay the same!
I cannot live life rolling the dice eternally, with the same results in the same game
for it is simple beauty that keeps me sane
The silent snowfall
A kiss from the rain
& all the little things we have that are the so the same
Weird little coincidences, worries and doubts they tame.
I can't tell you what happens next
But I know,
I am not longer afraid
*the world is a beautiful place

"We're gonna go through some **** eh? Tough ****, if you stick with me.."


                                                         ­          Baby, I promise. I'm not all that easy.

"Marry me"

                                                            ­                               What? Are you crazy?

your lips turn
in loving lines
on your face


"Well baby, I'm crazy bout you but that's not what I'm saying.
Listen, look at me.
I know life's a ***** right now and you're not even 18, but I can tell you in all the deepest sincerity that you're the girl for me.
One day, in a different place
A better time, our own space
We'll live a simple, joyous life
and start a small family.
I love you so much.
Just please don't leave me."*

And for once
in my entire
life,
I've fallen head over heels
& believed.

Don't think you are
the last standing of
your kind

In the dewy hot springs,
between mountains and valleys
I reside

Today, peering down from
the very top of Everest;
absolutely terrified

No time for hesitation,
I've gotta jump
I've gotta fly

He sweeps my tears up with his hands
My breath caught
Stomach knots
Heavy sighs
and all of your acoustic lullabies
But I wake up alone

There is a world inside of me

life & pain it lives and breathes

endless fog, scorching heat

how am I to rule a world

that I can't even see.

I am but a single
dry dead leaf
laying beneath an endless willow tree
around the waters bend
close to the toadstool pow-wows
only inhabited by the faeries.

& the moon- she still shine,
captured but by a sphere, yet so free
her light may breathe
a chilling, frigid touch
between the memories you
have buried so deep.

So please do not fret your wondrous mind
over all of your insecurities,
though she may shine with a chilling reminder
I promise that in your eyes
a beautiful soul
is all she sees.

As my mind races I feel
I am unable to describe
the exact emotion you
have gently
injected into my mind.
My eyelids grow heavy
my minds afloat to space
all that is left in my world as I know it,
is the perfection on your face

      You see darling,
      I am a hija de la luna;
      the stars will align with
      Castor & Pollux
      Cancer, Aphrodite, & Fortuna.
      They greet me as old friends,
      join me in my nights of fantasy.
      tell me darling what do these strange constellations mean?

Oh how I pity thy cataracts
eyes white & glassy
but I promise the warmth will melt your frozen gaze
& in time, you will see.

       The horizon shifts as I do to you,
      how long do you wish to be at sea?

Alas, you know my poison  
doubt seeps into my skin
like an 80 patch.
Through thick & thin,
even on the sorest of feet
I will skip merrily along your path.

      Round my head I gaze,
      The sky has been stained
      with fuchsia & clementine
      among the blues.
      tell me again, how may I find your presence within the hues?

Wrap yourself within my blanket
of ease & security.
Trust me with your life or not,
for I want to be
there, when you most
need me

      You cannot help
      you are a broken bird
       I cannot deny my psyche as it worries
      does a dove not care about her nest back home
       when she soars above
       the sea?

Next to the beating arrhythmia
you try hold dear ‘twixt your ribs
my favourite poem of yours has changed
where I will weave a small nest
dream of your lips
& the sound of rain.

Baby breathe, I begging you baby just breathe
I'm trying I'm already dying without you please
I can't stand this life without you I can't live with all the pain
I can't walk around and pretend like your passing hasn't left me insane
I see my life ahead of me and without you it isn't good
Your the one who kept me on track when no one else ever could
That's why I'm begging you, fallen helplessly on my knees
Baby if you could please just breathe.

You know how much I love it when you talk to me
Do you think you could give me some inspiration when you know
I'm all alone..
And it's just me?

Tell me what you do that makes your lady
Feel like a *****
In the best way, I promise
She's always wanting more

Let me try
And recreate
What you always seem to do to me
Talent can be built with enough practice

But first I'll watch your lead

I'm not here
I'm not here
I'm not here


It's just happening
I'm just hurting
Aching, to not feel
the pain.

But,
I'm not here

This isn't real

This isn't happening

Who am I

a weightless soul

drifting by in the sky.

I thought by now I'd already be dead
Picked at my thoughts until sores and scabs opened up my head
Chewed at my brain until my thoughts were but shreds
Removed my skull
And filled my open cranium brimming with lead
Though a blank stare, and emptiness inside
Tears will make their weary way,
and so I cry
Though I want to so desperately,
I know I cant hide
That I can still remember that look in your eyes.

Where do bad folks go when they die?

They don't go to heaven where the angels fly

Go to a lake of fire and fry.

So much passion rests in his palms
solo's & chord's an ease
through every last song.
Sometimes I wish to
explain to him the "he"
behind every line of poetry.
Every line, typed out on
script, to give his lusterless
love-life a trip.
Imagine what we could be
if the world had been gracious
enough to unite you & me.
Through timeless days,
space above my head I pray
that soon, we will see that day.

*It breaks  my heart, all I see is we will never be. I bleed. I cry. I don't know why but something that rests so deep in your heavy eyes has just-

made me feel, again.

You are
           my sip of
espresso,
           through all the hazy days
Light parts around your face
                                         Curious eyes ablaze
                & I couldn't honestly
                        tell you another way
                          that I'd want to spend
        
                                                              a lazy Monday

I don't want to talk about what school I go to, or what program I'm in. I don't want to talk about how I work in retail part-time or how busy I am. I don't want to discuss where I'd go on vacation, or what I hope for in the future. These conversations are just spoken in order to have a response, I say my piece and ask "what about you?". You'll take a deep breath and start on where you started in school and how you're stuck right now in this dead-end job but you swear- you swear that you'll know when the time in right to make a move in the right direction. You'll say you want to go to Thailand, and Dubai because of the cultural experience, but you'll never actually make it there. I don't want to talk about my family, what my mother or father does for a living. I don't need your compliments on how highly I was brought up, how perfect my life must've been. I don’t want to sit there and agree with you, and smile and giggle and say “I know, that’s why I’m different.” The funny part is you’ll think I am. When I get to know you, you’ll show me vulnerability- you’ll launch into some story of how even though you had friends and everything was completely fine you never fit in. On how your grandparent’s death affected you, or your parents divorce or moving cities. And you’ll look into my eyes, wanting sympathy, compassion and understanding. Because, you know its there, I give it freely to anyone who needs it. But after its over and through, once you’ve told me… that’s it. That’s who you are, that’s all there is to you and when I ask you what you’re thinking all you’ll say is nothing. Nothing. Even when you’re thinking something. I don’t want that anymore. I want someone to converse with me about what’s beyond our limited human level of understanding, I want someone to be honest about who they are and what they feel and I want someone to look at themselves as a work in progress instead of a completed artwork with chips in the paint, for once. I want someone who will look out onto the ocean and sky and see what I see. Someone who will explore what could happen if we simply, suddenly just lost gravity. If we all fell into the sky, if we all just suddenly choked in space and died. I want to explore if we’d see one another on the other side. I want to lay in a field and listen to the wind in the grass. I want to feel the earth beneath my back and smell the warm fragrance from nearby lilacs. I want to be purely myself and not harbour any judgement, I want to love freely and openly without any punishment. I just want some sapience and a soul connection. Maybe I’m just asking for too much, or the universe just wants to teach me a lesson.

I remember your face, like it was yesterday
when the sea spirits & wood nymph's played
early sunsets, long resting days
the grass blown in a newly sewn bouquet

You were such a lovely soul to me
I knew in you, I could be free
Through your saccharine-blossoming songs to me
in a simply speaking voice, or poetry

Let a rainbow trail your wings,
when you take off and fly
Through mountains, and waterfalls
the center of the earth, or the moon so high

the Mourning Dove's, sweet
morning lullabies

maybe if we try,
we can travel this earth forever,

you and i

Oh,
      how your words drown my tormented soul in
                    nothing but their warm currents,
                            they caress down my neck and rest themselves on my chest
                                              to find my uneven heartbeat nonetheless.

                                                               ­                                        And,
                                                            ­             I regret to inform you
                                      my wants stay hidden with time & space above
                          for I had never imagined,
      that it would be me you to want love

A dream,
     the only comparison I would find suitable to describe you
                                                    one million miles away,
                                                           next time you wander the streets at night
                                                                ­         find my reflection in the puddles
                                                                ­              seeping through your woven fibre shoes

                                                          ­           I find myself hoping,
                                                      not­ to lose you
for that would be a calamity I could not bear
                I would never hear my name on your lips
                                   Or feel your steady hands make their way through my hair

                                                               ­  At the top of your lungs,
                                                      sing­ to me
                    for I long to hear your voice
       & this time,
the waves will carry it close to me

Daisy petals & orchid blooms
          rest tentatively in the concave of my neck
                  a pattern of small petals reveal themselves past my clavicles
                         down my sternum
                               covering the rosy buds atop my soft breast

                                              Sir,
      ­                                  will you brush them away
                
                 with a kiss?
                                                           ­         give me
                                  someone
                                                         to hold
                              give me
                                                    starlit hours,
     seconds,
                   to miss.

Burnt brown sugar, sweet grass carefully caramelized.
Be blessed with few seconds of solace, the fragrance of better times.

Mother moon, always mentioned within the many stanzas to each other
is at this moment in time
a sliver of an eggshell, hanging perilously against the night sky.

A few months prior, we expressed with equal desire
to share the feelings in between words we

wrote so
faithfully, to one another in areas we grieve & aspire.



A time where,
I wasn't so in love with another.



Please pardon my newly birthed, lusterless attempts
to stay close to you.

You are still so special, so needed to me
Each sentence of your literature, brings my heart up to speed.

And darling, you are aware of my love for the ocean,
do you see how much you mean to me?

I beg of you to understand, comprehend & perhaps accept
that without your presence, acceptance & guidance

I am lost at sea
*is this my penance?

But no matter how many books, or paragraphs
Sentences, words & letters I write to you
It never seems it is enough I do
Let me walk you through my life & show you one thing
The main reason I tend to excuse myself,
And leave your head wandering.

The first incidences happened when I was merely 8
But you see it didn't stop there,
It's only been 2 years since I've escaped.
Tear-stained cheeks & strange men
Now I'm sure you understand

But you can be my tomcat
If I can be your little kitty
Let's paint the world
Touch the sky
Find our souls
& run the city

We'll wake up every morning
Just before father sun finds his way about
Through sleep, I'll whisper gently across the pillow
*"it's too early
  to wake up
  to start figuring this out."

just say it,
you don't want me like I want you
you slip between my fingers
like sand,
I start to grip
and you slip right though
until all I'm left with
is little grains of you.

you'd walk away,
and never turn back
you'd forget about me almost instantly
cut me off, delete me from your life

in fact,

I wouldn't be surprised if you've already started
had your fun before you departed
and now, like weaning an infant off
a mothers breast
slowly and surely,
you'll put this to rest.

you say you love a writer but
these words could never be true
for you don't want me,
like I want you.

We wander,
beneath the dotted sky,
  the moon illuminates the forest
   of grandfather trees
    beneath our bare feet;
     soft, dewy grass
      and various dampened, scattered leaves.
      
        The still holds, warming spring moisture
          with a faint reminder of this brutal past winter
            with hungry eyes, streets with old, ashy faces pry
              the fog floods all gutters and highways tonight
                it's like navigating through a black hole
                  you have given forth no light
                     &
                       tell
                          me
                          how
                           ­       am I
                                        supposed
                                                  to see
                                                      without­
                                                                ­ any
                                                             ­          insight?

willow tree, on a lean
branches surround me gracefully
I go to touch your silky leaves,
but the wind takes them away from me.

where do the dogs go when
they chase the silver moon?
they hunt the night, stars in sight
that come and go too soon.

I wish to lie in a bed of grass,
surrounded by the night sky and city.
though not the jungle I prefer
the skyscraper lights look so pretty.

take my breath away, natural humming high
but not quite, as magnificent
next to the multitude of constellations
reflected in your eyes.

silence, compensation for the screaming reality of what lies behind flesh & bones.
rip me open and expose the flowers growing between my ribs, their roots winding through arteries, to the pits of my half empty chest cavities. and thorns spike, strike deep between membrane and tissue.
tear me apart and watch me bloom.

tides change, a perceivable measure from my skewed vision anyways. soft shudders, wings from birds of flight- there is something in the air tonight. the earth trembles beneath me, the sky rises above- something in the moon my dear entrances me in love.
             there is no wind upon my legs, or my arms, across my face. there is no breeze to catch my hair, no cold sparks or humid drench in the air. So, I start on my summer-side way, the paths we used to take- while we were too young to understand the beauty of just being able to walk for a day. in the fields we'd run, the trees we'd climb, in the grass where we spun, and we spun;
                            until mum called us home for supper-time.
            my love? when did we decide to grow up?
for now, we are left enjoying the moments in the past, we were too busy looking into the future, to enjoy what we had.


                                                                   *but I suppose, we always are..

Lithe body structures form
Beautiful shapes while
  They dance to save
    Their lives

My hidden passion
Forbidden love
Oh how I so desperately wish to show you
But only if you promise...
                                            To keep it between
                                                                        *our lips

There's far too much
to say about our
invisible electricity, our complicated
simplicity that fills me
with just enough joy
to last me through
my day of toxicity.

To make me hunger
for your sweet, stubbly
kiss that fills the
little hole that was so
viciously knawing
at my soul.

In love, I can't pretend
in life, my bestfriend
I can't stop the emotions
that slowly creep up
expand and distend
foreign feelings, I am
able to happily follow
yet not comprehend.