LOVE IS BLINDNESS**

I don't wanna see

                                     Can't you wrap the night

              Around
                           me?



                                     The thread is slipping
                                     The clock is ticking


                          *Love is blindness...

Oh how lovely they are
Art work in my eyes
I have created
A M(onster)asterpiece

Hey so I really wanna follow like all of yall that liked my lasst poem "How To Disappear Completely" but my phones super slow and cant load all of my notifications unfortunately so if yall could just send me a quick message being like  "hey whatsup followed you" thatd be awesome !
~ natasha

it ***** missing you
it ***** going home alone
it ***** knowing you may read this
or even more, that you won't.

I miss the nights I'd fall asleep
in front of the tv on your chest
it ***** I'll never see you smile
or stroke your hair in rest.

it ***** that my heart is breaking.
when I don't feel it, merely postponed
at night it comes creeping
or if I'm ever alone.

I miss you.
I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be.

I'm sorry that I failed you,
and that in turn, I failed me.

I'm just not cut out for this
I knew I'd push you away
I knew I'd always run
even if I wanted to stay.

I'm just afraid.
Afraid, of falling too deep
of failure itself,
yet fallen and failed, I weep.

Over happiness and sadness
of things left unsaid,
of everything we shared,
and whose taking my spot in your bed.

And all those memories circling inside
my little ****** up head
I'm sorry that I broke us,
and that inside I'm dead.

blank space, open sky
or dotted with tiny flames, far lights  
millions of miles away.

the grass a soft, sturdy cradle
beneath your tender joints.
the sea sighs, breathing gentle
drawn warmth, dancing
across your skin.
the lullaby she sings so sweet,
a mild hum and crash,
never missing a beat.
rhythm bringing sand
to your heavy eyes,

so, rest my dear

in paradise

Howling; chilling the frigid air even more so than the skeletal figurines (they used to be trees) that rim the desolate street. And the moon- she waxes & wanes, refusing to stay in the same stage (stay sane?). For she never sees her lover, Mr. Sun- he always runs away from the darkness, though it is at night when she rules her fun. So she tip-toes, slowly emerges, to peek carefully across the night sky and hopes that perhaps at one moment in time, she'll gaze into his blinding white light.*

....but this bed still doesn't feel my own

                     desolate
                                    & cold


      I still lie  


                                                



                                                             ­           alone







For your heart
    Is the only place
        I could ever truly call home.

I could listen to your soulful melodies sung to me, lovely
all night long
Play with the curls that fall in mishappened beauty past the long lashed brown irises,
That I simply not resist
I could paint worlds, and write oceans to each and every song
Nothing can describe how your lips feel touching mine, even now sitting lone & my heads still spinning
When I left that night he told me I was winning,
Oh. The teasing game, we open our souls and pull heartstrings with no shame
And it's you my dear for these arrythmatic heart patterns, I blame
Head against your broad chest,
I know you feel the same

(oh) I stumble wired and thin
You've pinned me under your thumb
To watch me come undone again

(don't) you know you're sewn into my head
Work of a thick, jagged needle
And a rusty, barbed wire thread

Chorus:
I feel her coming
I can hear her screaming
Yeah, I know she's just teasing
And I'm powerless to fight back

(Yeah) I sense her haunting
Engulfed in self-loathing
You know, she's only wanting
Her weary mind to falter back

I wake
To the iridescent cascade
Of pale light
Streaked across your face

I dance, sweet temptress in hand
As I stray out of my mind
And fix myself another line

Chorus (again)

Oh baby don't you see these scars?
Break my neck and spare my heart
Daddy can you spot my tracks?
Daddy when will you face the facts?

Your child has grown
Your baby's moved on
And now your little girl
Is dead and gone

kaleidoscoping thoughts rotate
patterns change, colours migrate
hard as I try, I
cannot escape-
the penitentiary that is my own
headspace.


I could walk tens of miles,
run thousands of feet
fly forever with angel wings
and dive to the deepest
depths of the sea.


from time to time
when I can't even stand
to be around me,
I put my pink matter
on my bedside shelf
and leave,


for I have better things,
to do with myself
then worry about

I,
myself
& me.

Speckling drops, of bathwater- lovely evening rain.
Patter melodically against
my open window frame.
The  water touches me not,
for my roof with gutters and onings.
But the dewy breeze saturates my room
like my face to an ocean breeze.
Mother Waters, send her daughters
to my window this spring night singing.
Distant puddle patterning ploops,
diameters mass expanses on the suburban streets.
The trees, the smile as they absorb the
moisture their brittle bones need.
Oh how I pitied the trees,
when the cold stripped and broke their branches
my heart grew sorrowful & weak.
The deserve to be enveloped, by this
unplanned storm.
All in the world, would agree when I say
that we are blessed
with this warm April rain

the
      outside of
my hard
         heart he chisels,

                               and melts the inside with                   his heated stare.

Sir
      always
                seems
                         to make up for all of the

            



       missed-kisses

                                      he places them

     stratigically,


                                irrestibly
    

  across my skin- bare,
  goosebump covered,
  shaking like a wee leaf
  
  gentle with strength beneath,
  passionate, heart filled
  sweet release

enjoying our missed kisses

150 down a main road
Ditched the 5'O
*******, angry
Him running his mouth's
the only music playing

Different dealers on hold
Oh baby, please don't lose control

I've gambled makin money (in not so good ways) lots in my time,
& each time I did it, made myself a pretty dime
But this round fella's
This games gettin old
Drop my cards to the table
I'm out
I fold.

I settle beneath, quilt & blanketed sheets
for another tear-jerking,
heart stopping
conversation.

Between the lines of shared irony, affection disguised
we behave in such tyranny, over what we
could've & would've had in our
lives.

But, it'll all get better, it'll all be okay
I'm here for you whenever you need me, which ever way
tonight, this is what I'll
say:

My eyes well up over the passing thoughts of yesterday
My heart pounds in my chest, my ears scream &
vision starts to sway. How could I have ever let you


                                                      slip away?

As most of my older followers may know, throughout the last 4 years I hadn't gone a year without doing some sort of chemical drug- until this year. From the time I was 14 to 18 I mixed and sampled the following: (in order) tylonel 3, oxycodiene, MDMA- molly, "m" this drug is a mind killer, it ***** with your serotonin and dopamine levels the most, not super addictive in terms of ****** reactions but mentally it definitely sticks with you, for you will never feel as happy as the first time you try this- my #2 of the never ever try this. I will be a year clean of it on October 30th 2015, GHB- aka *******, *******- oh lordy where do I start. Perhaps with the fact that almost all the coke you buy is cut with laxatives or tylonel. I've suffered the greatest reprecussions physically and psychologically both immediately and long term from this drug. On this drug I experienced stimulant psychosis, cravings, shakes, twitches, believing that bugs were on me, dermotellemania, dramatic weight loss and my skin and hair were terrible. After I had become clean I noticed I still had no appetite, bowel and bladder problems, and craving similiar to those of nicotine. This is my #1- STAY THE **** AWAY FROM THIS, its a silent, slow killer and it's not worth the money you pay for it, $80 (per gram) on laxatives? No thanks. I will be a year clean of this on June 25th 2015, LSD, oxycodin, ****, heroine & dmt.

Personally, things like marijuana, psychobasilic mushrooms, LSD & DMT are still fine with me- I limit my LSD & DMT intake to once every 6 months (if that) and I've found no reprecussions from doing these drugs (yet!).
I was mostly majorly addicted to stimulants and I would advise anyone who wants to not **** up their life to stay away from any stimulant. They really don't benefit you in anyway- the high gets old, the aftermath isn't worth it. I have major mood and mental illness issues that I'm still dealing with to this day- I refuse to take any form of medication such as prozac because I'm afraid I'll get addicted and be on it for the rest of my life. I'm writing this in hopes that anyone who is using, or thinking of using please gets the notion out of their head that they need this ****- it's not cool anymore, its risky and it ruins your body by the end of it.
The reason I chose to stop was because I realized the fact I mentioned above, that it does absolutely no good in the long haul. There are so many better things (better, safer drugs even) then stimulants. I also met a man who supports me and helps me with the craving days I still get at least 1 or twice every month. And I've started to be happy with myself and my body. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. I want to be happy and carefree- all these drugs do is chain you.

If you read this all the way through, you're lovely.

I hope this helps someone, somewhere out there.

I come not
From a broken home
From a broken life
Or broken dreams
I come from a broken mind, not so easy to see
From the first draw of blood I made, I knew I wasn't the same
It was love at first sight, my secret beautiful blade
It was perfect.
We spent time together
She was there for me
Like no one was before
She gave me enough pain, utmost pleasure
Always wanting more
Until one day, someone saw
My lovely secret out
They took her away, my wonderful blade
They didn't understand this love affair that had come about
They told me she was precarious
Full of diseases and grime
This scared me enough, so that I haven't returned
To flirt with my old obsession
But from time to time
When I consider deeply
I never learned my lesson

If I were to paint my words
Long strokes of

                           Purple

Harsh indent where pen meets paper
And

        Dark Blue

Jagged lines, interrupt the pretty pattern
Beautiful flowering blooms of

                                     Magenta

Signify that through times of

               Indigo

Passings, hope shines through.

-What would it be like
        to feel the warmth
      of your bare chest
   next to my
     crooked spine
just before
          the early sunrise
            
             And against the mid-morning sky
                  Whether'd be light or cloudy
                            You'd sing to me

                    Harmonize sweet lullabies
                      We'd create masterpieces;
                                                          Sympho­nies-

                                      But for now I have something
                                                                ­  I cannot deny
yes
                                                          ­I have let heavens
                                                                ­Treat me fables
                                                 Instead of serving wine

Today I walk the dim streets,
On this bitter November night
For the home I gave hope in
For all these years
                                                  Was never truly mine
So I close my eyes and set my aching body down
On the corner of Bay & Queens
I dreamt of, now I envision
The comfort of your thin sheets,
-and it is so characteristically silly of you to think
that I care about their prestige.

                                      For they remind me of what I
                                                 Treasure in the deepest
                                                     Recesses of my being
                                                                ­         Open sea
                                                             ­        Bluest skies
                                    & white sand beneath my feet.
For all you are,
All you offer
And all you invite me to see  
Is my untouchable childhood paradise
             But wrapped such a frigid night as tonight,
Treasure so precious
Is hard to conceive.
  
        You probably wonder from time to time
       Where this obsession with the water came
                      But for years I hummed,
             I screamed at the top of my lungs;
                                  And I sang

                                Follow me
      to the sea, where I first called your name
But, alas
again the next line of my own hymn, is a lie
            
             For I called and you haven't came


   But I know you know where to find Neptune's
                                                       ­              daughter
She rests her head within the  w a v e s
And lets the various tides
Take the strands of her fragile mind
  away
   away
    *away

What is it about you

                       That

Sets my heart on an

                      Edge

Which I am unable to

                     Control.

Time



               Is



                          But

A


                                                                 Number


A slight movement of the earth around the sun



Such




                           A


       Waste



Of a life.









                 Better spent living,


      


                                                          Then to keep




           Track




    


                               Of something




            As



                                     Pointless



                      As time


                                                            Don't you think?

I live in a world all my own
inside my head
through fantasy, I roam.

One of magic, heroes, and might.
One of darkness, clouds, and endless flight.

I could lay in bed and dream my life away
no wish or want for the reality of the day.

Realism pushes through my blinds at sunrise,
reminding me I need to wake,
and live my dull, mortal life.

I depart from my dreams with trembling breath, goodbye.

Until I return to dance with my thoughts at night.

I'm afraid
I'll admit it
I'm scared.

To open up to you
to love again
to be naked, vulnerable, bare.

For everyone I've ever
cared about
in that way

Has hurt me
beyond repair
so I fight this urge to run away.

dim lights and starry nights
house surrounded by the waves
over the bridge then under again
as the night turns into day.

your finger tips against my skin
a stirring buzz of passion within
a gentle kiss and soft gaze
lips tremble and eyes a haze.

sincerely yours,
my body and soul.
our actions speak volumes
brave and bold.

our words speak of centuries
and lost stories untold.
how is your body so young
but your soul so old?

and I relish in every part of it
every time your lips move
how they caress each syllable
each careful vowel you choose.

how those lips caress my skin
gentle then needing
hard and fast, and between breaths
sensual and teasing.

afterwards you'll get me water,
food, comfort and stability.
I don't even need to ask
you read my mind almost instantly.

so,

I'm falling for you.

And though I'm afraid.

I shan't back down, I will not run away.

If it means I see your smiling face

I'll face my fears everyday.

I can't express how I feel.

I wanted to write a sad poem about the black hole swallowing me up from within.

I wanted to express the seeping darkness that threatens me to exist.

But I just can't find the words.

I can't express this emptiness I feel inside.

It feels as if I'm drowning in each of my comfortable lies.

I crave comfort, warmth.

Someone to look me in the eyes and to feel that soul connection.

But every time I feel that pull my mind wanders in a different direction.

Like I refuse to make myself happy, I don't believe I deserve it with this icy core.

I've felt numb for so long I'm starting to doubt that I even have a soul anymore.

I could be surrounded by all of the people who love, care, and wish the best for me but I'd still feel so utterly alone.

Like the space I've built to comfort myself is suddenly foreign, no longer home.

A bystander of my own life.

Watching things on a movie screen pass me by.

Going through the motions just to feel like I am doing something.

Anything, instead of nothing at all.

I can't describe my dislike
I loath you
I despise you
I wish all but unhappiness upon you
I hope you realize all you've done and wallow in self pity
Or have someone prove you wrong
I know how much you hate that
I hope someone beats the absolute **** out of you
To show that your not the strongest in the world
Or you OD on all those drugs you take so you realize your not invincible
I'm repelled
Disgusted
Appalled
So much by your presence
That I nothing you.

Counting each petal as it falls
For each is entirely
their own delicate fragment of beauty
If only I could admire them all

Their candy sweet, summer born perfume
someones turned the lights on again
my life simply, smoothly resumed

Looking back, I dont know how I could ever live a life so consumed- in anything but the blushing pearly hues that form so subtly as each magnolia bud begins to bloom.

I could sit here forever with you.
and enjoy every single one of your treasures
if you'd allow me to.

I want to get lost in you.
For lovely, there's a little piece of magic
in everything you do.
You've got me under a spell with the way your lips move, or the way your throat purrs when you sing me your lullabies and blues.

Small paradise, outside the old family house, beneath the sacchrine flowered tree
It's so beautiful to be in love with you

So beautiful, that you're in love with me.

So typically
I find myself
The cause
Of my own misfortune
Misguidance
And misery

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul
The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see

I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me

My bare feet tread upon soft, dampened sand
toe-trails follow me along the shoreline & stones rest within my hand.
I gaze out upon the angry, pale sea
yet even in her times of melancholy, she beckons me
I wade in to my ankles, strip my clothing to the skin
her waves, a sirens song gently pulls my soul in.
Chest deep, the icy sting of her watery tendrils
send me shaking from within
I still push farther on,
I am among the waves but stone cold porcelain
I shut my eyes, & give body to her mercy
for my soul will never feel this whole again.

I miss parts of being a child
the endless days with not a care in the world
the simple clothes and bike rides
on back roads where grass grew so long it curled

in the gentle breezes of June afternoons,
or seeing the neighbourhood cats stalk,
& lay on warm side walks for their
mid day snooze.

or summers by the lake,
being in the sand and sun until late
there was no tomorrow, no yesterday
just then, there, today.

parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles
still full of laughter, life, love and light.
as they aged, their lights fade
each day, they become more grey.
smiles strained, and eyes foggy
memories of their newborn babes.

it's all so strange.

it happens to all of us

the circle of life

we're born, we live, we die.

I just never knew to treasure all those long summer nights,
all of those days wasted away
not thinking of the future,
just what we were going to do today.

If
   I
     Was
            Simple

Do you think
                        People
                                    Would
                                                More
Or
    Less

Interested ?