She was left to drown in sorrow
with the chilled pavement digging into her knees
with weeping skies and wailing winds
and all the worn down thoughts
stored in the darkest crevices of her mind.

Her lovely skin was forever twisted
beaten, battered, degraded
she was petrified and frozen in time
with the taunting children who danced around her
pitching stones in her face

She savored the darkness
of which always surrounded her
the moment the sun once again left her
suddenly she stood with her arms above her head
and she began to sway, she began to move

Her heart began to beat again
as her body began to warm
and she decided she would be free
with a renewed darkened sense of hope
she ran in desperation to her favorite place

Elated, excited, overjoyed
that girl was impossibly delighted
though she was tremulous and a bit unsure
she was done with being depressed, dejected and alone
Finally she will be too far away for them to find her

-ARI

She is the writer of words
that will make your heart sing

Sometimes in sadness
sometimes in peace

Her words will wrap around your soul
and carry you high on wilted wings

She'll take you far to worlds unknown
and show you life in ways you've never seen

-ARI

So many times I've come close to dying.
Its gotten to the point that it seems like death,
Is this horrid creature hiding in my shadows.
She is stalking me,
Pushing me,
Teasing me,
And constantly punishing me.
The few times I barely made it,
I kept waking up with the picture of my best friend dying.
Seeing him become a cold,
Stiff slab of flesh,
Laying on a hospital bed.
I hear his sisters screams ringing through my ears,
And feel her blood dripping down my arms,
From where she held her simple silver razors.
Death has become a tease.
I am tired of waking up with these images,
Destroying my once peaceful thinking.
I should be the one 8ft under,
And I am ready for death to take me.
I am tired of living,
And I am tired of these darkened thoughts poisoning me.

-ARI

The morning came
But I knew not
For still I laid
Smiling in your arms.

Hours trailed by
But we knew not
For time was just
A thing we spoke not of.

Soon midnight came
But I knew not
For still you cradled me
As we danced nakedly in love.

-ARI

Reach your arms out for me
When your tired limbs have grown too weak
Fold your trembling fingers into mine
And we will never be lost in time

With each step by step and breath by breath
We will forever strive to do our best
So we may learn and we may grow
Until the day we've said our last hello

-ARI

"What's wrong with you?"*

That **** question
Destroys me every
Time someone asks
For I have these words
Waltzing in my head
But they cant seem
To get the steps just right.
They keep tripping
Over twisted imagery
Crawling across
Wilted floor boards.
Splinters sewing
Themselves into
Anything they touch
Keeping every hope
Of an explanation
Tangled together
As nonsense.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

-ARI

My skin shivers
at the thought
of staying still

My lips quiver
in fear Im
never leaving here

My soul begs
to soar up
to the sun

My mind desires
my body to
travel all over

My ears crave
the sound of
the crashing waves

My hands reach
for the sand
beneath my feet

-ARI

I have wandered countless miles through her running mind;
Ever changing landscape I've been lost in many times.

I have felt the scars so deep sleeping on her body;
A different kind of sleeping beauty I hope never wakes.
I have had her dreams wrapped around me;
A long flowing skirt dancing with my movements.

I have touched the burning flesh of monsters in her mind;
Leaving gaping wounds in every corner they can reach.
I have walked through memories so perfect;
Blue skies, warming sun, and flowers rising at my feet.

I have been burned by her fears so great;
Screams thrashing about in my throbbing head.
I have loved her smile so bright warming my hopeful heart;
Laughter so light and kind like none I've ever heard before.

I have seen the darkest corners of her raging mind;
Silent battles wreaking havoc on her weary soul.
I have held her brightest thoughts gently in my hands;
Precious gems so raw and pure waiting to be shined.

I have been forced to watch her die a thousands times;
Her eyes a cage she cant escape; I have yet to find the key.

-ARI

You fell for the girl
with a travelers heart
who's eyes mimic
the worlds most vibrant art.

You loved the girl
with marks on her skin
like permanent kisses
from the places she's been.

You held the girl
with songs in her soul
which she learned from experiences
you'll never know.

You were angered by the girl
who left you alone
'cause the need for adventure
was etched in her bones.

-ARI

You look at me and think I am broken
For you've seen the scars kissing my skin
You think I am jaded
For you've not seen the vibrant places I've been.
You look at me and see
A little girl without a dream
A little girl with no degree.
But if you'd open your heart, open your eyes
You would see

I've been a hiker
Climbing foreign mountain peaks
A swimmer exploring a clear blue wild sea
I've been a lover to a foreign man
I once even had the ring.

I've been a traveler
Asking for directions
Asking which way I should go.
I've been a foreigner in a foreign country,
Oh you've no clue how much I've grown.

You see the slight limp
Of my tired right leg
My hand rubbing the pain away.
You see the scars wrapped around my ankle
Snaking its way up to my knee.

You see the lines
Trailing from my tired eyes
The sun spots, on my neck.
You think I'm exhausted; I'm worn out
You've no idea what those marks are about.

I've been a hiker
Climbing foreign mountain peaks
A swimmer exploring a clear blue wild sea
I've been a lover to a foreign man
I once even had the ring.

I've been a wanderer
Finding home wherever I'd go
Finding a thousands eternities
Wrapped up in flowers; wrapped up in families
I would become a part of.

You look at me
You see nothing
But inside
I am everything.

ARI

I've been asked
More times than I
Could even begin to count
Why I would carry
A notebook and pen
With me always

Why do I so often
Spend hours writing
With my neck bent
Awkwardly for so long
And why ink and paper
Instead of a computer

I suppose it's because
The texture of a worn notebook
With crumbled pages
And ink stains
Seems to make my words
Feel incredibly valuable

Technology, though useful
Makes everything feel
"Watered down"
But for me books make
the world and all words
Feel brand new

Sometimes

I just feel

A little empty

A little upside down

Like everything inside me

Is screaming to get out

You were the tune
That played in my head
For hours at a time

You were the song
Without a name;
Not knowing, drove me crazy

You were the beat
Id tap with my hand
While gently nodding my head

You were the notes
Sewn into my beating heart
With the vibrant threads of eternity

Then you kissed me
You truly loved me
Now my melody has an everlasting name

-ARI

I was awakened by
Her wailing cries dripping
From the ceiling fan.

Gnarled fingernails unearthing
Every defect shadowed by
Cheaply colored cloth.

Her desolate eyes of malice
Bitterly waltzing across
My 'ever bone-weary limbs.

Maniacal grin gleefully thriving
On the heinous mutilation
Of my once unblemished soul.

Her exuberant howls mangling
My already asphyxiated mind
As my heart yearned for extrication.

Deafening silence devoured
The withdrawn girl until her lips
Forever cradled Anorexia's kiss.

-ARI

I tried
With all my heart
To weave together
A poem worthy of
The life of which
You have happily lived.

But I failed
For I do believe
There is not one
Living poet today capable
Of immortalizing such vibrancy
Within permanent black ink.

-ARI

You take my hand,
And Ill take yours.
Give me one last kiss,
Take just one last breath.
Walk to the edge,
And smile big.
Don’t look down,
Just jump right in.
Fall into the cleansing water,
Together we will resurface.
We will bob in the water,
And smile to each other.
Our laughter will fill the ocean,
As our tired souls are renewed.

-ARI

He said: "I love you"
And I replied,
You cannot love me.
For how can you love another,
When you don't love yourself?

I am the same as you,
With hopes, fears, and dreams.
My heart beats just as yours does,
My body scarred just as yours is.
A past burnt into my mind just the same.

I breathe, I cry, I bleed,
All of which you do also.
I am not better than you,
Nor am I the exact same.
But you could never love me
If you hate yourself so much.

-ARI

When everything inside me
Feels so...
Small?

Its like that perfect sweater
That keeps you warm on icy days
Like the salty ocean water
Hugging the shore with its waves

Its like that toasty winter fire
That heats your chilly hands
Like the never ending thrill
When you see your favorite band

Its like a little childs laughter
That keeps a smile on your face
Like the sweet soulful music
That wraps you in embrace

-ARI

My perfect lullaby
in liquid form.

-ARI

I stand sadly by my window
Watching as winter once again
Claims all that surrounds me

I once loved this season
Of icy snow, wool socks,
And fires to keep me warm

But now I dread stepping outside
For I know I will never again
See your footprints next to mine

There was a boy
With the most beautiful smile
So pure and genuine
And when he would laugh
Others couldn't help but follow

People would come to him
And he would bear their burdens
As though every one were his own
His shoulders began to droop
And his body was always weary

So focused on everyone else
He never had the chance to help himself
He slowly began to wither away
They never noticed he was falling
Because he would always smile

No one realized the vibrant colors
Had drained from his once lively eyes
Nor had they ever noticed
How he began to only wear long sleeves
They figured he was too strong to hurt

He felt pathetic for the hurt he felt
Thought a boy should never feel weak
No one ever told him its ok to cry
He was expected to be the strong hero
But his cape was left in soiled shreds

One night he decided he couldn't be strong
He couldn’t handle feeling empty
He couldn’t be “alone” anymore
He was too focused on what he couldn't do
So he said goodbye the only way he knew how

With a smile on his face


-ARI

I wonder why you never came
When I needed you.
I wondered why you never cared
When I  was broken.
I wondered why I’m wasnt enough
To make you happy.
I wondered why I loved you
And why you said you loved me  too

-ARI

The words
Be happy
They make me angry
For the words be happy
Do not fix me

The words
Just eat
They irritate me
For the words just eat
Wont make me hungry

-ARI

If I took your hand
And wrapped your arm around my waist,
Would you pull me close
Or push me away?

If I smiled at you
And asked for one dance,
Would you leave me alone
Or give me a chance?

-ARI

Staring at a blank piece of paper
Sitting in a state of emptiness
My fingers itching with the need to write
To express the intense emotions
Of which are overwhelming me

I fear my heart and soul are soon to combust
Simply because I cannot put these emotions on paper
My body feeling numb from the bombarding memories
Mind feeling almost too tense to stay conscious  
Breathe I must remind myself

Without thought my hand grasped the worn down pencil
Hovering lightly above the waiting sheet for a long moment
Suddenly the cracked tip of lead seemingly begins to whisper
As it moves almost unnoticeably and gracefully slow
Words seeming almost too fragile began to appear

Such relief poured from my tightened limbs
All anxiety gone so quickly it was as if it never existed
Writing such simple words is my safe haven
The vaccine that cured my brokenness
Slowly my smile slips back to where it belongs

Now I cry from relief


-ARI

If yesterday
Was but sand upon
A long abandoned shore
I'd wash away jagged
Memories of which it
Created.

-ARI

I hated to be touched.
I could not stand the feel
Of another's hand against my skin.

I hated company.
For I was too afraid
Of what others were capable of.

I hated to be loved.
I never did believe
Those three little words too often said.

I hated myself.
For I found no worth;only anger
Trapped inside my ever open eyes.

But then,

You came along.

Now I love to be touched.
Only by your loving hand
Often stroking my rosy cheeks.

I love to be around people.
For you taught me how to find
Those you would never mean any harm.

Now I love to be loved.
For you taught me how to feel
All the good more than the bad.

Now I love myself.
For you taught me how to find my soul
Behind the darkened shards of broken glass.

I thought I wanted death.
Then you came along;
You taught me how to live




For you taught me how to breathe

Eyes
       Fluttering
                      Mind
                              Sputtering
                                               Lips
                                                     Muttering

Hands
          Shaking
                      Bones
                               Aching
                                          Heart
                                                   Breaking

Pain
      Showing
                    Tears
                            Flowing
                                        Sorrow                                                  
                                                  Growing

Nails
        Gripping
                      Skin
                            Ripping
                                        Red
                                             Dripping

Girl
      Falling
                Mother
                           Calling
                                      Life
                                           Stalling

Head
       Pounding
                      Silence
                                 Sounding
                                                Death
                                                         Grounding.



-ARI