Have you ever seen a sunflower
In love with the sun?
Or watched a dandelion
Like wishes on the breeze?

Have you ever sat with the river reeds
As they sing about their ocean dream?
Or listened to the trees
When they tell the stories of their rings?

Have you ever picked wildflowers
Because they remind you of her?
Or given hope to a daisy
When a rose was chosen instead?

I used to want the romance
Like the beauty of a rose.
But I saw what love was really like
And changed my heart’s desire.

I’m not the girl for roses,
Too harsh for their soft love.
And much too bitter
For their sweet scent.

My heart is covered in ice
Too cold for delicate petals.
But daffodils have learned
How to survive the winter.

I want to get over it.
I want to let go.
But those have always been
The hardest things for me to do.
I fell hard.
And I loved deeply.
I don't know how
To get rid of these feelings.
I don't understand
How I lost you.
Maybe you were playing me
The entire time.
Maybe you never loved me.
It's hard to think
With everything that's happened
That there were no emotions
On your side.
But that's the only thing that makes sense
In my messed up head.

We talked everyday,
Like clockwork,
Then something changed.
I could feel it,
But I wasn't sure
What was different.
I know that I'm not
The only person they talk to.
We have different lives,
Different friends.
I stay home all day,
I know they have plans.
But I look forward to every message,
To smiling at my phone
Because of something that was said.
I love our conversations
That aren't really about anything,
But now we barely talk
And it kinda *****.
There's a pit in my stomach
And a voice in my head
Saying maybe they don't like me
As much as I thought,
Maybe there's someone better.
But I hope they're just busy
Because they really mean a lot.
And they know about my feelings,
Claimed they were mutual,
But we should just be friends,
At least for now.
And of course
I said ok,
Though I want nothing more
Then to be theirs.
But now we don't talk
As often as we did
And sometimes I wish
That I hadn't agreed so quickly.
Because talking to them
Makes my whole day.
But without even a hello,
The days go on
And on
For what seems like forever.
All because I'm waiting
For a message
That probably won't come.

Most days,
I smell like cherry blossoms,
Rain,
And underlying sage.
In the summer,  
My usual perfume
Is masked by aloe,
Chlorine,
And sunscreen.
But you never change,
For you,
You always smell like home.

Once
I was with a boy
Who was the video games I played to waste time
He was a few years older than me
And had better understanding of love
I couldn't love him
The way he loved me
And so I hurt him

Once
I was with a boy
Who was the songs that played in my head
He loved me
But I couldn't say it back
I know he cared
But he brought out the worst in me
Encouraged me to let my demons take control
So I left him

I never thought I'd love someone
It took me a long time
To realise that I had loved before
And that I could love at all

Now
I'm with a boy
Who is the words in my heart
He inspires me to be better
Makes me laugh on quiet days
And understands when I can't smile
He holds me
Doesn't let me be sad
He's everything I want
And everything I didn't know I needed

My favorite color is blue.
It was blue before I met you.
And unsurprisingly,
Even after you're gone.
I like blue in general.
I like faded blue jeans
And the bright blue of a butterfly's wings.
I like blue as lipstick.
And even as a food.
Blue is my favorite color
No matter the shade.
But my favorite shade of blue
Isn't the deep blue of the ocean,
Nor is it the pale blue of the sky.
It isn't even the shade of your eyes,
Which is somewhere in between.
No my favorite shade of blue
Would be that
Of forget-me-nots.

From a fortune cookie,
I pulled a piece of paper
With writing on it
That made me smile and laugh.
Because just how often
Are fortune cookies accurate?
"Tonight your wish will come true."
I didn't wish for anything,
But when I fell asleep that night
My heart had a silent hope
And I dreamt of you.
So maybe fortune cookies
Are sometimes right.

At 3 am,
In a small city
Where the stars barely shine
And the darkness is silent,
You can hear hidden crickets
And feel the ghosts of forgotten memories.
They call it the witching hour,
But I call it
The hour of inspiration.
Because it's at 3 am,
That I write my best poems.
But it's also the only time,
That I let the tears fall
And I allow myself to think
Of hugs from winter,
Conversations with the breeze,
And the kisses from the stars.

I've known you as one name.
I nickname
I thought you preferred.
I've gotten so used
To using it.
But I love your name.
I think it suits you.
So I'll call you by one name,
Sing it to the sun.
Breathe it out
Like a breeze in the summer.
But your other name,
I'll whisper to the stars.
Let in fall from my tongue
Like a prayer to the moon.

She's cold to the touch,
But leaves fire in her wake.
And though he's warm,
He has eyes like ice.

They say opposites attract,
And these two seem wildly different,
But they're similar in the way
That destruction is their pasts.

She keeps to herself,
Allows her fire to burn her,
Because it hurts her so much
To know she's burned others.

And he has similar fears.
Afraid to hurt the ones he loves.
He pushes them away,
So his cold heart doesn't freeze theirs.

They could love each other endlessly,
Be exactly what the other needs,
But fears and doubt get in the way,
So for now they're just friends.

I'm a lone wolf,
Howling at the new moon.
Crying out a prayer,
To a god that will never hear.
Begging for a pack,
Or just another lone wolf.
But I'm destined to live in shadows,
Trapped in a cage
Of my own design.

You think I'm perfect.
I know that I'm not.
I hope you're starting to see it too.
Can you see them now,
All my demons and monsters?
They're a little shy,
So they hide at first.
But every so often,
I get into a fight
With my parents
Or sometimes a friend,
And those ugly little things
Make their first appearance.
They hold my heart captive,
Use it to control my mind.
They tear me to shreds,
And I let them.
Because if I don't,
They'll find a new victim.
And I'd rather they hurt me,
Than someone I love.

I used to hate poetry
Writing it especially
My teachers would make us write
Sometimes about ourselves
Sometimes about family
But I always half-assed it
Not really putting much thought into it
Then I had Ms. Mosnik
She ignited a spark
A love for something
I never fully appreciated
She didn’t tell us what to write about
Just told us to write
And the words just started flowing
She had us write one poem
I wrote four
And I kept writing
I met my muse
And fell in love
Then I broke apart
And my poems weren’t as great
But I’m writing again
And maybe it’s not my best
But there are words on the page
And I’m proud of myself
So much can change in a year
So much can change
In just a few months
What a roller coaster this life as been

What inspires me the most?
People.
People are so unique
And always changing.
Writing for people
Is one of my favorite things.
But some people
Are harder to write for.

The ones I love
Have the most words written,
Like tattoos and scars,
Across my heart.
Words for them
Flow through my veins
And escape my fingertips
Like birds flying from their cages.

Most of my poems
Are about love,
In one way or another.
I think it's because
I'm finally learning
What love is to me.

I'm still a little broken,
So bear with me.
I didn't give myself time
To heal
Or to build up my walls again,
Before falling in love
With you.

I fell once before,
But the one who caught me
Eventually cut himself
On the sharp edge
Of one of my scars.
He dropped me in his pain
And like a fine China tea cup,
I shattered when I landed.

All the fragments of me,
I held together with glue,
They fell apart on impact
And broke even more.

But you were there.
Whether you didn't know
Or just didn't care
About my jagged edges
And damaged state,
I'm not sure.

But you offered me your love
And I'll gladly accept.
I'll fix myself again,
But better than before.
Because instead of glue,
I'll mend myself with gold.

There was still a spark,
Still the smallest of flames,
Left over from the hell
That my life used to be.

For a while,
I thought it was gone.
Controlled and out of fuel.
But it never disappeared.
It lived off my smallest fears
And unexplainable doubts.

And when the one person
Who could control this hell fire
Left me when I needed them most,
The spark ignited
And the flame consumed me.

It burns my soul,
The smoke is choking me.
And with all the negative emotions
That I can't help but feel,
The fire only seems to grow.

It provides for my demons,
Makes them even stronger.
I don't want to lose myself again,
But they're the only thing
I hear in my head.

I have to battle them again,
But I'm already so tired.
Perhaps it is time,
I let my demons take over.

My best poems
Come at times
When I'm sad.
I have a hard time writing
When I'm happy.
Whether that's beautiful
Or tragic
I have yet to decide.
Is it beatuful
That I let others
See my soul?
Or tragic
That it's the only time I can?

Does life seem different,
Or is it just me?
It feels like things have shifted
And I'm not sure I like it.
Maybe it's temporary.
Maybe things will go back.
But how do I explain
The way that I'm feeling right now?

Do the days seem longer,
Or is it just me?
It feels like the days
Never seem to end.
Maybe it's the upcoming finals.
Maybe it's just stress.
But how do I explain
How hard it is to make it through the day?


Something is different.
I think it's just me.
I hope things go back
To the way they were when I was 15
Because whatever has changed,
I really don't like.
Maybe I need some alone time
To figure things out.

But I already feel lonely,
Even though I know that I'm not.
I think I'm just isolating myself.
It feels like there's ice around my heart.
It's cold but it burns.
It hurts but did I do this to myself?
Maybe I need some alone time,
But lonely is the last thing I want to feel.

Three words,
Sometimes four.
Easy to say,
But easy to manipulate.
They mean so much,
And not quite enough.

When I say it to you,
They're more than just words.
They become a universe
Of stories and poems,
Of adventures and memories,
Of a forgotten past
And old scars healed,
Of a future untold
But predicted in the stars.

Because when I say I love you
For the first time,
And every time after,
I don't just say the words.

I present my mind
Like an open book.
I give you my heart
Carefully sewn together.
And I share my soul
To help mend yours.

I don't take I love you lightly.
Because to me,
It's everything.

In the end,
It turns out we were addicting.
Like a good dream,
That you never want to wake from.
Sweet words said between us,
Sung like a lullaby
To keep us asleep.

In the end,
It became a nightmare,
Of stories untold
And burning disagreements.  
The star that shone bright between us,
Turned to ash.
And we woke up,
Afraid of the dark.

In the end,
We weren't what the other needed.
And I suppose that's ok,
Because for a time
We were perfect for each other.

When I was little,
I was afraid of the dark.
Like most kids,
I had a night light
To battle the shadows.
But now I can't sleep,
Unless there's no light to be seen.
Because in the darkness,
Is where I find solace.
In the darkness,
I've made my home.

The people who sit on the grass
And make friends with the wild flowers.
The ones who lay back and look up,
And think the clouds
Are just as beautiful as the stars.
Who close their eyes,
As the breeze dances around them.
These people,
They're my favorite kind of people.
Because they understand,
Beauty isn't always extravagant.
Sometimes
It's as simple
As a smile.

He wrapped his arms around me.
Kissed the top of my head.
He would say everything is alright,
And I believed him everytime.
I loved that feeling,  
Being in his arms.
He shielded me from the world,
And protected me from myself.
But now he's gone
And it hurts so much.
But what hurts the most
Is that I still feel him here,
Like a phantom.
In my mind,
He's still holding me close.
I want to scream,
And maybe punch him.
But I'm so tired.
I just can't hate him.
No matter how much I try,
I can't stay mad.
I hate this feeling.

I had a dream,
We were sitting side by side.
I was crying.
You wanted to hold my hand.
But I shook my head and said,
"No, you're not mine anymore."

In the dream,
You took my hand
And you whispered in my ear,
"But I could be again."

That's how I knew it was a dream.
Those simple words clued me in.
Because you're not mine.
And you don't want to be.

If I could
I'd spend forever in your arms
Because when you hold me
I feel like myself

The dull knife
Of harmless words
Things said in passing
That aren't meant to hurt
But carve scars into my heart anyway
They can't reach my ears
Or tear apart my soul
Because in your arms
I'm protected

You guard my mind
From the unwanted thoughts
The ones that threaten
To turn me into the monster
That I fear the most

But there's nothing to fear
Because nothing can hurt me
Not as long
As your arms are around me

Some days
I wish I could just
Runaway
Disappear without a trace
Start a new life
Be a new me

But I'd have to leave everything
Everything that I know
Everything that's comfortable
Could I really just leave it all?
Could I put it all behind me?

There are people
Who are keeping me in place
I couldn't leave them
I don't want to forget them
I won't runaway
For them
I'll just keep on existing
Anchored down
In this boring city

There's a war going on,
Between the person I want to be
And the person
I'm afraid of becoming.

One is a Queen of Hearts
Who fights for those she loves.
She brings a smile
To everyone's face
And love is her greatest weapon.

The other is a Joker
Who lies, cheats, and steals.
A master at manipulation
That only cares about herself.

The battle scars I wear,
Are all internal.
This war is inside my head
And it's been going on for years.
A constant struggle
That controls my life.
When one side wins a battle,
It changes who I am.

As a Joker,
I am cold and apathetic.
I couldn't care less what you think
And you become a pawn in my game.

As a Queen,
I am quiet and distant.
I fear that I'll hurt you.
So in order to protect you,
I push you away.

And the Queen isn't careless.
She thinks before she acts.
And maybe she'd win,
But unfortunately for her
The Joker is stronger.

Today
I am free
No heavy chains
Making me drag my feet
No bars
Making me a prisoner of my mind
No more tension in my shoulders
From carrying the weight of the world
Today
I am free
And the bird of my soul
Is singing again

Little sis,
Do you remember preschool,
How we were separated for the first time,
But having each other
Was still the only thing that mattered?

Little sis,
Do you remember being raised like twins,
The closest friend the other had?
Do you remember
How we would play and fight,
How we would always laugh together,
Sing together,
Dance together?

Nowadays,
We aren't as close.
We're not two peas from the same pod.

These days,
We're more like two stars.
We look close together,
But we're really
Galaxies apart.

Sometimes it's too hard
To pretend I'm happy
Sometimes I want to break down
Regardless of my company

But my mask
Always falls into place
The moment this emptiness
Starts to grow

I push you away
Avoid talking to you
And isolate myself
From the things that make me happy

I'm sorry for that
I don't know what else to do
You shouldn't have to see me
When I can't smile

I'll be strong for you
And avoid showing weakness
So the image you have of me
Isn't burned away
By the demons in my mind

I made a promise
To be yours
For as long as you want me.
Well darling,
It's clear to me you don't.
So don't mind me,
I'm moving on with my life.
It seems a little fast?
Well that's too bad.
Sound familiar?
You went from loving me
To loved me,
In just over an hour.

I was told growing up
"Home is where the heart is."
They tell me
"Home can be another person."
I learned over the years,
That both are true.
But what they never said
Is that your home
Can be found
In the hearts,
Souls, and presence
Of more than one person.