I. Drawing spell

I fill my jar with
sugar and honey
sweet and sticky
not to trap, rather
a lure to draw

I grind my herbs
add my crystals
my charms, pink glitter
and all my hopes

I write those wishes
on a bay leaf
draw my sigil
and charge with intent
I place them in my jar
of all things sweet

sealed with red wax
so our love can come
and last

II. Love prayer

On my altar
Aphrodite sits
surrounded by offerings
along with
a bowl of water
clear and clean
that lays in wait

I add salt and rosemary
hold my bay leaf
and set it alight
asking Pythian Apollo
and Zeus Melikhios
to cleanse and bless
I drop the burning leaf
into the water
and wash my hands and face

Now purified and cleansed
I kneel
burn my incense
and sit
palms up to Olympus
I close my eyes
and send my prayers
to Aphrodite

III. Love, the waiting

Intentions sent
to the goddess

In her hands,

I lie in wait
love dangles

She gives
and she takes

So we may love,

or we may lose
but in all love

We will learn.

They call me ugly and shun me, hide me from their sight
But they don't know what true beauty is
True beauty is the sunset of my forge
The artistry of my blades
All the passion and dedication in my armor
True beauty is seen in my presence
But it's a sight for only those who are worthy
For someone who wants to appreciate real beauty
Must be someone willing to look where others won't

What separates me from my wife is beauty
It's what separates putrid and clean, fragrant and rotten
But that is just the base of the reality
True, unfiltered beauty is unconventional
It's the sound of metal on metal
The feeling of heat embracing you like a blanket
It's not an appearance, but a feeling
True beauty is irrational, it can't be reasoned
You can list a million reasons why Aphrodite is beautiful
But when it comes to describing love your words stumble
Because beauty is something so unimaginable that there are no words
There is no rationality or reason
Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder
It is in the eyes of those who are willing to look beyond tangibility

Everyone loses their way
Lost in their chasmic minds
Lost in their bismol worlds
Lost in their abysmal emotions
Some find a light to guide their way
A melody; a sign; a feeling
Others search for a distraction
Someway to forget the failure and lose the guilt
But for me, Hermes guides my path
Like a soul into Hades,
He always brings me home
Back from my friendly worm named Loneliness
Back from my terrible sense of direction
Back from my endless attempts at self sabotage
He makes me see the truth; the reality; the destination

Everyone is all so full of deceit and corruption
Pleasing themselves by pleasing others
Becoming someone else to be above all others
Blinded by envy and seething with a jealous rage
They hold out their open hands to me
But he whispers in my ear
"It's all a lie"
And I keep my hand down by my side
And watch as they go to the next person
Holding their hands out just the same
And chaining the gullible fools with honeyed words and empty promises
Binding to them now like a contract over their souls
Enslaved to the whims of the corrupt

He has me dream of lands across the sea
Speaking a tongue that is not mother to me
I fall in love with these foreign things
The sights he sends me, the sounds, the smells
All the excitement of leaving to somewhere new
With no fear of the unknown, trusting only
In the path on which he guides me
I see it now, so far away
I reach my hand out and I feel it on my fingertips
I close my eyes and the words slip into my mind
With every phrase I learn, the freer I become
And I walk his path with knowledge I am safe

In meditation he guides me
On a starlit beach I find myself sinking my feet into the sand
Swiftly he approaches with a grin
He holds his hand out to me and I feel at ease
No strings or "you-owe-me's" await
And with winged feet he sends me back
Gently placing me in my body
And I awaken safe and sound

She has the kind of smile that lights up battlefields and stops time

Through her fingertips she casts a pretty little spell
It fills with words she feels about a petty little devil
Replaced by her blind rage, a hex slips past her lips

Never ******* a pagan witch

They say if you love something
To let it go
And if it was meant to be
It will come back
But if I didn't let go
Am I meant to come running back?
If I let go now to spare
That golden heart I already broke
Do I deserve it if you come back?

I'm trying so hard not to love him
But listening to all the songs he likes
Is making me fall in love harder and faster

Kindness is a pain that nourishes the heart

I see them, the others like me

I see their eyes in search of others searching
The lonely, the longing, the temptation
I see it all because when I look in the mirror
I see it in my reflected eyes as they stare back

I'm so lonely i'm invisible as the other eyes around glaze over me
I am pellucid to the open world around me, cloaked by fear
I long to reach out to those who also shy away from the crowd
Who have those eyes empty and heavy with the desperation

Yet I tremble as I take those steps towards them
I smile and ready my hands, but pull away before I reach them
Before I get the chance to tell them that I see them
Because this feeling inside tears my hands away from those I long to grasp

It was never a necklace that I wore—
but a bruise in cursive, spelled out by teeth,
a coerced surrender, etched in violet.

Often, flowers bend toward the sun—
not from longing,
but because they have no choice.

And like a flower’s petal,
each refusal fell—
until none were left to fall.

Not all blooming is voluntary you see,
some unfurl only to escape the dark.

I tried to close my eyes and walk through life blindly. I often stumbled, fell, cried and got lost. I heard many honest people lie through their teeth. I've felt the rough hands of a hardworking mother and father. I've learned the meaning of patience, hope, charity and sincerity.

When I opened my eyes I asked myself; "Now what have I missed?". I expected to see hardship and disaster. A world run by liars and held entirely on the backs of the innocent, broken and bruised. Yet I forgot my most important lesson. Hope.

It came in the form of the birds singing their mellifluous songs in the trees. A trail of sunshine falling through the fluffy white clouds. The bright and ignorant smiles of the passersby. Yes, the world is ugly. But I have learned to see the beauty in between; I have learned to look.

The thing about being a hopeless romantic is that you always have these words you want to say
But no one to say them to
Yet when you do, you freeze
Because suddenly your words aren't enough

You often have this idea of love
Whether its the cheesy kind or some elaborate version of your own design,
You get so in love with the picture in your mind
That you become blind to the perfect love thats already there

Hold on to love because it happens so fast
Hold on to love because some moments refuse to last

I feel as if all this bottled anxiety is eating me alive from within
There is nothing left of me but it
To all the people who've walked away without me

Thank you for teaching me that I'm not worth the time to get to know
Thank you for teaching me that when I'm open it's better to be closed
And thank you for leading me on to believe I had hope
Then crushing it in front of me like butterfly wings or the petal of a rose

You used to feel like sand in an hourglass
Forever on repeat of loving you and losing you
Now the sand is slipping through my fingers
And I don't dread the grains I cannot catch
The glass that shattered is cutting into my hands
But the sand still trickles down as our time runs out

When I finally meet you the pain of the past will dissipate
It will not be displayed as it is no longer visible
Cloaked by the warmth of your embrace

Patience is a slippery *****
As if it is the very sand inside an hourglass
It becomes thin and runs out

Don't worry though,
Just as an hourglass my patience too resets
However with every reset I become a little more hopeless

So please, shatter my hourglass and stay with me as we count into infinite
While the idea of time running out becomes a faded memory
Let us stay forever within our own time here in eternity

How do I save you from your fate so bittersweet
It is filled with love, but not by me
How do I free you from your destiny
That is completely lacking me?

How do I put myself next to you
To walk along with you in this life
How do I take your hand in mind
And make you feel alright?

How can I buy you flowers
If you are not mine
How can I tell you that I love you
If you are not by my side?

I loved you like a melody loves to be sung
Like a poem loves to be read
Or how a performer loves the spotlight

I treasured you like a person treasures their first love
Like a dragon treasures it's jewels
Or how Yin treasures Yang

I felt safe with you like a child in their mothers arms
Like a Princess feels safe with her Knight
Or how a caterpillar feels safe inside it's chrysalis

I've missed you the way the sea misses the shore
The way a flower misses spring
Or how a caged lion misses the Savannah

I long for you like a droughted land longs for rain
Like an idea longs for creation
Or how pain longs for release

I fell for you like a raindrop from the sky
Like a tear from the eye
Or how a snowflake melts into a warm palm

And I'd still silence your storms
Make the world wait for you
Hold your hand till you feel fine
Change the darkness into a blinding dawn
Bloom a rose in the snow

But I walk away from you like a Knight swears an oath
Like a King protects his country
Or how a poor mother gives her child away

I crumble for you like a Kingdom turned to ash
Like a child under pressure
Or how sand falls through an hourglass

I sacrifice for you, like a lover for their beloved

The bravest boy I know
Sits in the eye of the hurricane
All alone

Surrounded by so much fear
Hatred, loathing, and pain
He doesn't run away

He faces the storm
Even if he has to do it
All alone

If I count to three will you fall into a trance?
Can I hypnotize you
So you follow my every command?
If I tell you to love me forever
When you finally wake back up
Will you forgive me?

No matter how many times you give your heart to someone or tell them that it's theirs, if they say their heart is someone else's you can never get your heart back quite the way it was.

you want to be in my life
you want to make me smile
you want to cherish me
then go ahead
nothing is stopping you
my door is wide open
the windows are all unlocked
i am fully exposed and vulnerable

you want to hold my hand
you want to call me pretty, buy me flowers
you want to say i'm yours, talk for hours
don't hesitate
i long to feel whole just as much as you
my doors are wide open
my barricades are down

please, join me in my hearts humble home

I may not feel like I'm the prettiest girl in the world
But at least I know my heart needs the surgeries
Before the Doctors ever touch my face
And open me up like a game of operation
One more round of what's wrong with this chick
Fuel the world's desire for gossip, keep them in the loop
I roll my eyes at the social media craze
Before I cough out all my insecurity
Let me take control, heal myself from inside out
I'll pull myself back from deep inside
The chasms of all my heartaches and
Find my soul still swimming in
All my painful remedies that never let me down
As I let go of my thoughts of yesterday,
I find the beauty in my doubt

I don't know you
But you make me curious
I want under your skin
I want to get trapped inside your eyes

I don't know you
But I wish I could list off
All of your favorites
All of your dreams
All of your fears

One single glimpse
And a story of us unfolds
Inside my mind a playback of a possible life
But, I don't know you
I'm only curious

If he were a poem
   he would be both starlight on a crystal
   and untouchable sunlight through the clouds
   in a miraculous acrylic portrait
   he's something reminiscent of an ancient time
   where love flowed freely
   against it's turmoil and twists
   because he is endless where he began
   a being with no end or compass to land
   he is someone I've loved

If she were a poem
   she would be a window view of autumn leaves
   curled with a good book and fresh brewed tea
   she is a porcelain doll with many cracks
   cracks I tried to fill with laughs
   that foolishly I thought would last
   because she was a drop of honey
   in a poisoned glass
   she is someone I've loathed

If my best friend were a poem
   she would be stained glass windows
   during the golden hour
   wine stained colors dancing on sunlight
   tracing along my skin
   because she feels like a fractured memory
   of true religion and a cacophony
   of all that good faith could be
   she is someone I need

If I were a poem
   I wonder what I'd be?
   would I be like a lark crying out to be heard
   singing into darkness
   just till the moment passes?
   or would I be more like an ivory statue
   a moment frozen in something ephemeral?
   I can guess and theorize
   but I will never know

Because I am the poet-
                                             and not the muse.

When I was given life
I was born into this world all alone
There was no mother or father to greet my arrival
There were no smiles or cheers of joy
No warm welcomes into life

From my first breath of life I learned
That in this world my beauty is my worth
If I am not desirable, I am nothing
I am beautiful because I must be.

Before there was me the world was glimmerless
It hadn’t yet learned to shine
I knew someone had to teach it
To cherish,  adore and desire
To caress, feel and yearn
To love the beauty in between the little things

I always chased that feeling to hold as my own
And everybody has chastised me
I’m the harlot of your stories–
But all I’ve ever been is a lover of love
And I chose love and love again,
But love never chooses me back.

I used to wage wars over my body
They bathed themselves in blood to win me
But no one ever asked “Aphrodite, what is it you want?”
Instead they gave me away,
Like I was theirs to give.

I know love is violent
Perhaps I made that way
Because doesn’t blood look so pretty
When it is spilled for passion?
After all it was my blood
That painted all the roses red.

I am a woman– forced to say it like a curse
Because the moment we are discovered
Evil eyes of all sorts gaze upon us,
Questioning and curious.
        “Is her skin like porcelain?”
They refer to us as pithos, jars
Containers of the worst combinations
Of what Pandora released
Transporters of life and miasma
The toxic pollutant that comes
With giving and taking life.
        “Her virtue above all else– is she pure?”
We are *parthenos, with our coveted virginity
But once we are women we are spoiled
Once a jar has been opened and shattered
It can never become pristine and new again
Only lay in wait to crumble and expire.
        “Her hair, is it soft like satin?”
They who clamber out from our wombs,
Refer to us as stains of shame and burden
They call us impure and unclean when we bleed
A pollutant when we birth new life
Yet they are praised when they forsake ours.
        “Do her eyes shine like gems?”
We are like treasure, like silk and gold
When we are not yet broken, we are something desired
They say we are like pearls and gems; silk and gold
But these comparisons are not compliments– they are currencies
The closest they can get to shelving us, marketed to be sold
        “Is she beautiful?”
Be lovely like Aphrodite with unparalleled beauty
Be chaste as Athena and Artemis, a monarch like Hestia and Hera
Be obedient or become like Pandora and bring us to ruin
We are told to be and not be pieces of so many others,
That we can’t remember how to simply be ourselves.
        “Become unbreakable.”

.

I have a bad habit of getting close to people quickly
So few people bother to notice or talk to me
Perhaps I crave the feeling of being real through their validation
It's unhealthy, but you try going through life made of cellophane like a ghost- even the psychics don't see me
I have a bad habit of allowing others to become important and irreplaceable too quickly
So when they leave it feels like nothing will ever be the same
It's unhealthy, but when your only friends are the ones you create in daydreams- you learn to latch on to the real ones
Real...
I suppose nothing is real
If walking away is so easy
Then there never was a realness to it
Maybe if you were just another creation of my imagination
I wouldn't feel so bad
I wouldn't go to sleep hungry and wake up feeling full
Maybe I wouldn't have to wipe my tears and pretend they never fell
Or maybe then you'd never walk away, because in my mind is the only place anyone ever truly stays

I feel somehow I am fooling you
That I'm not as captivating as you imagine in your mind
I'm not as mature or put together
I'm deceiving you surely,
I'm confused and all over the place
I'm hesitant and scared all the time
I always forget things, I'm not pretty or smart like other girls
I wear a mask of confidence
I'm not really so sure of myself
I'm truly terrified of all my uncertainties
So many qualities I wish to lose and wish to gain for you
But when you say my name I forget that these insecurities ever even mattered
How is it you see me so clearly that I only truly love myself with you?

The vicious cycle of losing my job
Then when I finally get one
Blistering my feet from standing
Just to pay rent

Of fighting with my cousin
To make him fight for himself
Of worrying about my sister
Knowing I'll never stop

And when things finally get better
I find myself jailed
In my minds self made dungeons
As if being content is just too much

I hope that there is a lifetime
   an alternate reality
   a dream
   where you choose me
   the way I will always
   choose you

And I understand
   that it cannot be
   this time
   this place
   this life

But even so
   don't you think
   that it's a little cruel
   that you will always
   have me

In a way that I
   will never have
   you?

You don't fall for an angel and wonder why they fly away
You can't fall for a demon and question why they put you through hell

Your voice scares me
It's as deep and sudden as thunder
Yet when you speak
It's like a mellifluous melody that I can't quite place

I don't know why our eyes always seem to meet
Am I looking for you, or are you looking for me?
Just why do you appear in all my nightmares?
With a smile you always change the scene into a dream

When I think I've finally managed to tear you away
Your eyes stand guard in my mind
As if daring me to ignore you
Daring me to ignore the pounding in my heart

It's always been your eyes
They haven't left me since the moment they met mine

The first time you said my name sent shivers down my spine
I was surprised you knew it since we barely spoke
We were always like that
Just a sentence or two ever so often

That didn't stop me from wondering what you were really like
Behind your cold brooding exterior that made everyone afraid
Everyone but me, I knew you were just misunderstood
I'm sure deep down you are just as scared

You put up the front to keep away the vulnerability
But behind your tall walls you shelter all your insecurity
Allow me to be the first to peer past
I'll let you into my mind if you let me into yours

Love, why do you make my heart bleed?
It leaks thick red plasma that stains on my fingers
As I try to conceal the pain and hide it deep within
My own two hands reach up and take my breath away

The lies you speak catching in my lungs
Forget keeping appearances, I'm suffocating
The answers seem so clear
As I gasp for air

In shock I stare down at my hands in horror
As I find they are replaced with your own
This sudden display leaves me in disbelief
I don't want to see all the truth coming up to smother me

I wasn't smart enough to stay away
From those treacherous arms that promised safety
As they had planned from the beginning
To clench around my throat and liquidate all my strength and glory

Before we even said our first hello's
You planned the end before we began
Love, I will make your heart weep
What you give out comes back to you

I will get you on your knees
Begging for forgiveness
Till they become bruised and give out
I will break you down before you dare to believe you've won

If you are iniquity think of me as your karma,
You will never win

I can't count the days that you've been gone
But I can count the many tears that you have filled
I can't count the many lies that you've told
But I can count all the truths I have found and burned
Against my better judgement, I did it for you
I ignored the itching feeling that something was wrong

Against my will you've invaded my mind
As soon as I think I have finally won,
That you are finally gone
You return once more
Once again a shadow in my thoughts

I take all my pillows and try to suffocate
Every memory that tries to come to life again
And like some ethereal force you rip them out of my hands
So that all I think about is you
The shadow in my thoughts

Behind her eyes I can see
Inside her heart and in her soul
Her veins and all her bones
All are painted gold

You've gotten worse, dear

I thought perhaps if I ignored you
If I denied you
Then you simply wouldn't be

Alas it's not so easy to tear you away, dear

I've stayed up till 5am only to wake again at 10am then repeat
This cycle has lasted all month
You used to torment me from 2 to 11am

I see business is tough these days, dear

For 5 years I've pushed you away
I have denied you
I have punished myself in doing so

I apologize so please forgive me, dear

I've been irritable
I've been slow and depressed
My thoughts and focus have dispersed

What are you doing to me, dear?

Hallucinations
Paranoia
When did this begin?

Dizziness
Nausea
When will this end?

I can't eat
I can't sleep
When will I say "I can" again?

Looking at the clock has become a challenge
Trying to catch it before another hour passes
12
1
2
3
4
5
Just how much longer can I survive
6
7
8
9
10
11
Right back to where I began and so it repeats
This cycle I'm stuck in like Groundhog Day I can't escape

5 years is too long
It's a habit and I took too long to grab it
I let it slip through my fingers into the deepness of my sleep
The parasite ****** it dry and stole the sandman, father time
I can no longer tell reality from this sideways world in front of me

I could cure this horrid habit
Instead I stay silent and pretend I don't have it
I am weaker these days, far more than before
I used to be able to feel the freedom in the sun
Now I'm blinded by the light of a raging dawn

Sleep holds me in his warm embrace
His hands creep around my neck
The pressure keeping me awake

The feeling of being soaked by the rain while listening to a sad song is enticing,
But have you ever run around in the rain listening to something uplifting and simply feel it?

I love the rain
When I'm mad and sad
When I'm happy and excited
The cool drops animate me and make me feel alive
I'm doing my best

I'm falling in love with the little things

You
Why do
You
Invade my mind
I did not give
You
Permission
In fact I gave
You
The eviction notice
So why do
You
Still taunt me?

Every single time
You
Look at me it is as if
You
Crawl under my skin and force me to show
All my weakness
All my flaws
All my insecurity

Even though I know that
You
Have no power over me
I still let
You
Creep inside the cracks
You
Left in me when
You
Last said I love
You

I'm not good with hello's or goodbyes
because when you are someone as invisible
as a whisper on the wind
as the atoms in our skin
or a melody trapped within
there's no one waiting to greet you
and no one there to leave you

I'm just a cellophane wrapped scream
waiting to be heard,
waiting to be seen

Mental and emotional wounds are invisible, but a wound is still felt by those they inflict
Just like a tiny cut, you still feel the pain even if you can't see it
Just like the cancer beneath your flesh and in your brain, it still eats away at you

These are wounds that don't heal or go away if you apply pressure or put a bandaid over
There is no stitch that can put your broken heart and wounded mind back together
You walk with this pain
Feel it in every step and passing look

The goosebumps on your arms
The trembling of your hands
The darkness behind your eyes
The apathy in your voice
You can't see the wound, but sometimes you can see the symtoms

You can't feel the pain another feels
You can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there
You can't see a cough or a virus as it courses its way through your body
But that doesn't mean they aren't real

We carry these invisible scars with us
And they never truly go away or fade

Palms opened up
Rose incense burning
I asked for a sign
And she gave me yearning
Now I crumble
Like the ashes burning

Curiosity became synonymous with me,
I held a secret of the Gods in my mortal hands,
But I am only human, how could I resist?
Just a peek, a small quick glance–
An irreparable mistake.

I was given a box that weighed less than a feather,
Said to contain inconceivable things
From the hands of Olympians to me on my first day on earth
I knew no better than any other mortal woman–
But they say I should have been wiser.

I was made with curiosity in my nature,
And humanity forever scorned me for it.
I gave us terrible things, it's a truth,
One I can never change nor repent enough for–
But I gave us one gift we could not live without,
I gave us hope.

In every moment where the tables turn
Where the gods do not smile down upon us
But smite us with their might–
We still have hope.

You may blame me for many things,
But never forget I was forged by the gods
And it was they who placed that box
Into my eager hands.

I thought I would always write
Lovely words for you our whole life
That I would always be the moth
Drawn to your steady flame
But all fires burn out
No matter how eternal their light seems
And all moths return to dust
No matter how immortal their dreams

I'd rather be blind
Than lose your smile
My iris for your grin
I'd feel it in my soul
Somehow, I'd know

I see a rainbow sea of people
I see your culture; your history
I see your pain; your fear

I don't want to erase the battles you've won
I don't want to belittle your fight
I don't want to erase your uniqueness

I want to see a painting with the colors of life
I want to recognize your diversity; your struggles
I want to see your healing; your relief

I don't want blissful ignorance
I want to see the truth