Camus asked, his question
A cup of coffee
Or death?
Because life has no meaning
So the absurdists said
These actions are equal
They mean as much as you decide
So why choose death
I guess its saying
It's no more or less
Than life

So every day
When I wake
If I'm feeling, like i normally do
I have a cup of coffee
Because coffee burns
It is bitter
Truthfully though
It's over quicker
Than a noose
And why
Should I
Die?

When the universe
Will not
Cry
For me
Another insignificant
Human life
To fork no lightning
And to vainly
Oh so vainly
Rage, as Thomas said
Against the dying of the light

So instead
I strive
To be free of my darkness
And to live free
Live a life so meaningless
Yet filled with beauty
This I will do.

I am a chance
Standing on the back of great improbability
Formed by sheer coincidence
And the random vastness of the universe
Yet I am supposed to
Believe?
In meaning, purpose, no
How may I?
My very essence
What mystics call a soul
Is but the product
Of a million, random
Bizzare happenings
That impressed themselves
Forcefully upon my psyche
How then, if this, is 'life'
May I believe
In meaning, or purpose
How, I wonder

You are to come
As I did too
To that time
That shall frighten you
Your body will change
The world will seem strange
Your mind won't work the same from day to day

You will begin to notice things
That make no sense just yet
Feelings, you won't soon forget
Yet society tells you its wrong
You don't ask for fear of the answer
You are silent out of fear
Shaped by your fears
Fearing telling them, afraid of what you'll hear

Told, its just a phase, you'll be fine in time
Your heart, unlike your head
Isn't shaped by society but shapes itself instead
And as your heart leads
So follows your mind
And if you chase them
See what you may find

Society fills us with pointless noise
Girls are girls and boys are boys
Boys like girls, and nothing else
You are part of society there is no "self"
But they're lying, that's what they do
They use their words, to control me and you

But your love is your own, its natural
Who you are changes, it's not a disaster
You may be born, a clean slate
But its your choice who paints you
Are you going to be covered in words
Society's criteria of importance
Or will you be covered in art
Painted by life lived to the fullest

By lovers, friends
The start of relationships, and the ends
To make yourself a stand against society
A beautiful picture of anarchy
So please live free, live happily
Don't let society define you
Don't make the same mistake as me

I am floating, drowning
In a *** dream
Words float, about me
Out of reach, as I am out of touch
Here and there, a wanderer
But I do not call to them
I see them, they try
To mend nets, to close the holes
Retain some of the cosmos
That slip through
I hear their low, anguished moans
Moving through, a dream of dreaming
Clocks, melting into a pool of abstract
As time itself ceases to believe
I wake, clocks are solid
The universe is not running
Reality reigns again

Hook up culture
Cheap cider
He has a car
That's the decider
A year or less
Down the line
You're nine months along
He's doing time
But you tell yourself
We're doing fine
Now you're wishing
You'd finished school
Instead of smoking
And acting 'cool'
Read this, think on it well
You have, one life, one story
Make it one, you want to tell

My mind
Afire
My soul
Afire
Every part of me
Filled with desire
For every part of you

They gather, to hear musicians play
A few small groups litter the grass
They are like the music
Or the summer sun
They are fleeting
They exist, but for a time
They may even live
But they too shall pass
Into nothing
Should I envy them?
Their joy, however fleeting
Perhaps not
And yet, I do

Another 20p in the jukebox
Another has-been song
The bar is full of people
Each one moving along
They exist, satisfied
In their own small bubble
Each person is alone
This is what we call a life
This is all we've ever known

The bells ring out, their sonorous toll
To speed, upon its way, your soul
Your life, too short, yet full of plenty
Dear are you, in our memory
Always working, striving for more
With a humour, we did adore
You, do not, deserve this strife
And yet, look back upon your life
Much laughter, now, too, tears
I, and others, for your life, smile
Now, for your death, we cry
And yet, I fancy you would not
Wish tears, so I'll smile
And fondly, as the years pass
Think on our shared while
My great uncle, your mischievous smile
Your youthful abandon
I will miss you dearly
Now that you are gone
Here, for you, a requiem
To soothe your startled soul
Lift you up, to higher things
Not a six by twelve foot hole
Alas, it is goodbye now
In peace, great uncle, test
The once light eyes, are glassy now
The heart, still, in your breast
And now I can form no more words
Go, be at peace, out of this world
Rest in peace, and not mischief
To you, great uncle, farewell.

Coffee cups and ink stained hands
Half finished thoughts, part written papers
Aching, craving, sentiment
A purple book, so innocent
Chronicling an atrophy
Of soul

Break, break
My walls
They fall
I will cease to hide
So that I may heal
She, is here
All will be well

It is with heavy heart that I should wish such passion gone
To have my heart see that she is not the one
I know that how I feel, is but a bright burning candle
Soon to burn out
And well that it should too
For my mind is all afire with the ecstatic pain of you
I wax poetical because I cannot speak a simple truth
I know and am painfully aware
That the knowledge of such passions on my part
Would drive you from my company
And remove me from your good graces and graceful heart

I would look even if it burns my eyes. Unlike the sun, you can grow brighter. You are smouldering coals. But darling, some day you'll be a blazing fire. And I've always wanted a funeral pyre.

I sip my coffee
I keep looking up
When you're looking away
Over the rim of my cup

I know, outside of here
We're strangers, you told me
But I guess, I just enjoy
My illusions

I know you're not important
Nothing really is
But I still think you're beautiful
That much, I gotta admit

I finish my coffee
I'm leaving, sneaking one last look your way
I guess I'm done hurting myself for now
I'll see you, some, other day

A madness of touch
Skin, on skin
Lips, on every inch of you
Devouring you
Looking at you
Awe, undisguised
No mask or falsehood, I wear
In all my fumbling uncertainty
I am led, by my own passion
The heat of you beneath me
The taste of you on my tongue
I want to press closer
Make up for all the time before
This moment, every moment
My skin and yours were not
In contact, concert
Our movements, a dance
Our mingled moans, a song
It feels like we're birds
Denied to sing, until this moment
And I never want our little, finite
Infinity, to end

Human existence is a detritus of emotion and we seek to immortalise that. I see the beauty in scratching your name into a ruined castle. So something of you remains. Scars remain but kisses don't. I would write my name on big bens face to be the man who did.

Live each day knowing you may die. Drink, eat, spend. Enjoy life with the sole goal of pleasure. Go out like a firework. Whether you illuminate the world for others or catch them in the blaze it doesn't matter.

From my garden
On a Saturday night
I can hear, the shouts
Of the young, and free, and happy
Despite the rain, pouring, from our sky
They laugh, and shout, and cry
Happy, in being
Happy, in life
This, is why
I love
Humanity

In this empty space
Sitting on my bench
I am acutely aware
That I am alone
How long then
Since I felt
The fiery confusion, of fumbling kiss
Or many small ecstasies
Wrought by another's hand?
How long then since
In some shared space
With precious little between
Yet still we tried
To close any space
And in this, there was
Fire, and ice, calm, and excitement
How long then, since?
I cannot recall

I am a philosopher
Of folly
An astronomer
Of stars I dream
Into the sky
A painter, in the colours
Of existence
I am a dreamer
Dreaming into the void
I am human

I often stare off, into space
Like I'm thinking, intensely
But I'm just musing
On the concept
Of, me
The genetic flaws
Chromosomes
That make my body
My home
This vessel
To contain, my essence
The childhood impressions
That shaped
And changed, my essence
Into what, it is today
And I think
Of containment
I am an essence
Thus contained
Inside this body of mine
And this body, is contained
In these four walls
Most of all, I am
Contained, held, constrained
By my lack of belief
In my own infinity

I am giving up
I will not get up tomorrow
Until, I have to go
To work
I will not eat breakfast
I will simply, go
I will not come home
When I finish
I will go, and sit
I will read, and write
Until I am told
I will not speak
Until I am asked
I will not eat
Unless I am ordered
I will go, to my room
I will not try
I will not bother
I am giving up

I love you
Happy words
Unless, they preced
The dreaded, but
Or feared, however
Both can shatter a heart
And I'm sorry.
Because
I love you, but
There it is
The rest of what I have to say
Is white noise
As your mind processes
That word
But
Still, I will continue
I love you, but I cannot
I cannot do this on my own
I cannot keep hoping for a word from you
Sit here wondering
Pondering
I am slowly accepting
You're here but not
So maybe
When you come back
If you do
I'll be here, but gone, too
Moving, or moved on
From you

We sat on your bed
My arm around you
Other hand resting, on your leg
I laughed, and when
I looked at you
I smiled
You may wonder
Why?
Why I put my arm around you
Or smiled so
You may wonder
Though, you know
I am in love with you
It is because, I know
That we, will never be
And soon, you will leave
I am trying, desperately
For something, to hold on to
Something more, than memory, of you
So I put my arm around you

I told a girl, I loved her, once
And have since I was ten
For though life has no meaning
It does not mean there should be no knowing
Indeed, I would never wish ignorance upon anyone
She knew, she said, it was no real secret
A flurry of messages, confession, acceptance
Maybe even an inkling of understanding
And then, my shame
It doesn't matter
That small exchange
Of letters, and periods and pauses
Will be forgotten when we die

Since, it seems
I have to live
Because I made a promise
I will learn, to swim
I will ride a bike
And play piano
I will do, all the things
I thought, or hoped
I'd never have time to do

With every beat
My fingers keep
Pace, with my
Restless heart
For fear, of how
You'll react
Will you stutter and start?
For I have outpoured words
While tapping fingers
Keep their pace
With my restless heart

The grass is wet
Drops of rain, clinging
To each lolling blade
Like minute universes
Trees, all purple, like a swollen bruise
Or overripe fruit
Bit into, to cascade juices down
The chin of one, who sups upon
The pulpy flesh
And drinks, the juice of life
I fade, and flicker
Far away, and held fast
By that simple majesty
I see in nature
In this wet grass
I see, time's endless passage
Emerald green, vibrant grass
Here, and there, is scattered
All about, with leaves
Withered, brown, old
Marking time's voyage onward
Ravaged, by the passing moments
They do not even blow
Or flutter in the wind
As they did when they
Were green, on summer day
But rest, or are all dead
And will not stir
For what might stir now
The old and decayed
No touch of green upon them
Nay, they will not stir

I am desperate
For a change
An excitement
Anything new
If I could drive
I would go
Take all my money
Leave home
Driving for days
Sleep in my car
Or cheap hotels
Somewhere far, away
I would destroy myself
For my own freedom
I would crumble
With each step
As long as it takes me
Away

Look up! Look up!
From your phone screen
Or staring at your feet
Look up! Look up!
Claw!
Scratch!
Look up! Look up!
Break!
Destroy!
Look up! Look up!
Destroy, whatever it may be
That which keeps your head bowed
Look up! Look up!

You are made of ivory and gold
Your lips could rewrite history
From but a brief touch
You have rewritten me
Yet you remain unchanged
Porcelain, china, marble or gold
You are timeless beauty
Never to know the ages ruin
Or the terror of slowly growing old
Your hands will not wither
Nor your eyes and dreams fade
You will remain as you did
On the day you were truly made
Nigh on twenty you were made
Not born, but made, to you
And since then, to the world you have not changed
Though inside I do not know if this is true
None can penetrate your façade
Your mask of beauty and charm
You will not relinquish your weapon of a silver tongue
As though you fear the whole world means you harm
You do not know how easy you pass
With wit and boyish charm
Against all obstacles you need only smile
And all your enemies are disarmed

A cigarette with a stranger
A just missed bus
The wrong number texted
A Facebook comment thread
This is modern romance
Who said romance is dead?

Strangers at the bus stop
Always moving, a microcosm
Life in miniature
All convinced they need to get somewhere
When it doesn't really matter
They wait, impatiently
And i wait with them
But when my bus comes
I do not wish away the journey
I know that the destination, and time
Are unimportant
Yet, I hope
Someone might speak to me
Fill, however briefly
This silent time existing
With a flicker, of humanity
We will see

I saw the long green grass, mown down
It fell, lifeless and dead
And I wished, how I wished
I were the grass, instead
The grass has never, hurt a man
Or made a person cry
I have done both these things, and more
It is I who should die

I love, my boots
They are my freedom
Jet black, fit like a glove
Bulletproof
I like their security
Knowing, any day
I can put them on
And go
If I walked, till they wore out
I'd be worlds away from here
In my boots, I could
Kick all my bullies, to the floor
And walk away, comfortably
Freedom
Security
Independence
Yes, I love my boots

Eight years, I have loved you
Since both we, were children
Not some fast burning flame
But the warmth of a coffee cup
Or an arm, around your shoulder
I never said a word
I dared hope, only in silence
A year ago, I kissed you
And like brittle clay, I broke
I told you of my feelings
And of my secret hope
You did not feel the same
But said you knew, for a long time
And yet I love you still
Shamefully, in secret
Like my love is a crime

I love you
So I wrote this
Because I need
To move, swiftly on

You, my best friend
Will soon be gone
It will be so empty
You are, I feel, a part of me

And yet, too much
I love you
To feel bitter
That you go

Until then, I will
But hold you tighter
Drink in your smile
Make memories, with you

I shall miss you, dearly
My first love, my best friend
I will come visit, till then
Adieu

I came, or was ******
Into the world
A half formed thing
I have limped through life
The waters of the universe
Slip through my fingers
I cannot cup my left hand
To catch the falling stars
Nor have I, all my brain
With which to comprehend
The nothing, that is our existence
I have existed, set back
Striving, for chances
To be, the same
I have thrown away
Gold gilt books, of wisdom
And sweet fruits of life
To follow others, to rot
And ruination, to be in company
To feel normal, and be not alone

I am in need
I am in need, of a heartbeat
Of flesh to touch
Lips to kiss
The fire of a life
To feel like
I plunge my head
Into the lake of eternity
And grasp, for each
Falling leaf, of maybe
And could have been
I will run, and seek
But not, find purpose
Because, in my heart
I know, that our time
Is worthless
But still, I will
Pick fruits of this
The universe
And swim in cosmic streams
As I trip, and fall, down
Stairs, of unknown depth
A sea, of staring faces

Watching, with an eagerness
My folly, my descent
I get up, and wander
Through the known
Unknown, and absurd
This place, this state
Abstract, and lone
This is the closest
I am come
To church, or faith
For whom, having seen
Even a piece, of this
Cosmic finite
Void, this insanity
Could put his trust
In anything beyond
The end, a void
Only a fool
And I am a fool
But not one
So disillusioned

Bare, the green
Empty of people
Of life
But for one lone wanderer
People in the park
Fifty feet away
Do they wonder
Or believe they know
Why they're here
Or where they go
In the distance, I can see
A church steeple
That fountain of lies
They claim to know
The how's and why's
Of our existence
Of our strife
It is but an ******
To dull existential ache
To those who are not fooled
It has a bitter taste
Still, the grass is vacant
My hands, they shake
I used to stand up in high places
And fancy, I could see
The whole world, see everything
Stretching out in front of me
I am older now, and not so misty eyed
I see but a placeholder
A thing waiting to die
The tiny ant does not worry
Or count it's passing days
I think that our intelligence, has harmed us in some ways
We know too little, think too much
Try to mark the nothingness
To scratch, to scar
The endless void
We claw, and clutch
At meaning, purpose
These frail, ghostly things
Spectre of a ghost
Shadow of a shadow
These things, they die with us
There is no Eldorado
This is all I know

I have, no words
I may not feel truly alive
But medically, I live
My uncle, he does not
He is gone, and so
I, have no words
There are none
For he is gone
What can I say?
Naught, but wish him
On his way