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Josh Jul 2017
I have always wanted, to go
To university
Since, I was eleven
And fresh faced with possibility
I need to learn, to know
So there is no other place
For me
I have clung to this
When I have had, nothing
I will not give up
On university
Josh Jul 2017
See them rising now, oh England
Heroes of our causes, past and now
Rising, as one, to defend
This beloved democracy of ours
See Britons of all colour, creed, and race
United under one banner, if not one face
To fight the injustice and tyranny
Both perpetuated by, and visited upon, you, and me
Are we not a nation of all values?
United, as a kingdom, in that we are free
Not all the same, how boring it would be
And where in freedom and democracy, is it stated we accept bigotry?
No racism, or slander, shall we have, not in our fair Britain, are you mad?
We are built of all peoples, from all places
A varied hand, to win the long game, is surely better than all early aces
We claimed we wanted freedom, separation
Proclaimed it "the people's liberation"
Yet how can we be trusted? I ask, when we cannot complete one simple task
To love all others no matter their skin
Nor creed, or where their story did begin
Think sadly of the many who are dead
Because we cannot get it into our head
That people, no matter their race, or religion, are certainly, not, better off dead
Young, impetuous souls, raised, often, with the prejudice of old
Do commit a new atrocity, because they cling to age old tyranny
We cannot accept those, other, than ourselves
We cannot learn, are we stone?
Oh no, but stubborn *****, to the bone
But stubbornness is no excuse for hate, if you cannot go with progress, and tolerance
Simply, move out of the way
For ****'s sake, we can barely cope
When someone wears the wrong style of coat
Without offering jibes or mockery
Oh what pitiful wretches, are we?
We, who disdain our own species and kin
All for what? Their language? Their love? The colour of their skin?
I cannot bear the thought, of such regression
To times of such barbarism and repression
Look now, oh, England, to our ranks of rising warriors, see how they are all different?
They are all, unique, to be sure
Yet are united, in a common cause
To rid the country that we love so dear
Of all the bigotry and tyranny and fear
That makes living, so hard, for so many
I ask, racists, bigots, what's the point?
Is there truly any?
Allow a rational person to answer, on your stead, and likely hit the nail on the head
The answer is no, there is not any
But cruelty and evil, I weep for man
For we are supposed to be enlightened, and so much more
Yet we seem not such, for even the worms, or the birds that prey upon them, do not hate, and **** for their uniqueness
So are we truly worthy to say we are, the greatest race on earth?
When we cannot put decency first
Over hatred of those different
Our own base evilness is an affront
To the DNA that grew to be, or so it thought a more evolved form, Is it truly we?
For it seems to me, that we are only truly advanced, in physiology
Our minds seem too small to comprehend, that in our universe, almost without end, there may be, many, vastly, different from we
Look again, oh England, to our heroes rising up, black, white, Latino, Greek, they are no different to you, or me
All came to seek, or were born, free
Their lives taken by human cruelty
I say, nay, I call, I do implore you to open up your door, see the world around you now, and help, not hinder, do you ask how?
Simply, be decent, lend a hand, accept, not, casual bigotry, take a stand
Be a shield, for those who need you
At the core I'm asking you to be human, give a ****
If you see harassment, don't walk by, help your fellow human, justice outcry
If you think rationally, you will see
I do surely ask no more than can be
Expected of any of humanity, fight so that all others may be free
I ask, specifically, the opponents of such, camaraderie, racists, bigots, whomever you may be, why do you protest equality?
Do you think, the colour of your skin, gives you some pedigree? Or immunity to sin?
Do you feel you are more deserving of the world than those who are different? Do you suppose you are superior? You ****** fools
Can you not use humanity's most basic tools?
Love, compassion, these things are given to share, not hoard, you unkind few, fear, for no good reason, those different than you
So, I suppose I'm asking you to say, why you feel the need to be this way, but don't tell me
Admit it to yourself, in stark daylight
And see if it holds the same weight and conviction as it does in dark midnight
When shadows hide your own deep prejudice, your weakness, tell me, what is this?
But a call to wake up and accept the truth, that you are the playground bully of your youth
You bully and hurt someone for who they are, how can we say, humanity has come so far?
If you are as much a racist as someone from centuries back
You cannot accept that we, are moving on
Sad, little, inconsequential, close minded man
Or woman, sadly racism does span, and spread, even to those who were, and are still themselves oppressed, racism is not born, it is deeply, an
and hatefully, bred
To hate our kin, although we all bleed red
Lo, since our fateful vote, I have seen too many, too many, jump aboard the boat
And lay the blame for all our country's woes, upon our, oft, ill chosen foes
We lay the bitter fruit of our own follies, at the feet of those, we already mistreat
And expect, that they will sup on bitter unjust fruit, and thank us as they choke on the juice
The fruit of our evil labours against, progress, and those people we expect to, now why do I say we when I mean you?
These people that you, expect to, sup, and be thankful for what you give, will not, nor should they, for they desire to not just exist, but live
We'll I've likely earned the hatred of racists, truly, I wish, I could say, this upsets me
But I care not, for I know, when, lo, England's heroes rise up, they shall go, and sweep forth, with such a might, and justice, such as all racists, shall be left down in the dust
I do believe that I am done, I bid farewell to everyone
And I hope you do remember, treat as you would be treated, one another, for at our core,  We are sister and brother.
A poem written because I can't stand racism and prejudice.
Josh Jul 2017
I love her, she not me
This much, I accept
But now, how?
How can I move on
Almost a decade
Through every failed love
I've been okay
Because I never gave my all
Because some of me was hers
Eight years of hope
Dashed, in a moment
What to do?
How, to move
To move on
From you
Josh Jul 2017
Sitting alone on the woodchips
Steel and planks
Shelter from the rain, receiving no thanks
A roofed box
Where lovers kissed
The lonely reminisced
Promises made
Years wished away
Shelter from the rain
Marks and names
Of love and hate
Inscribed on walls
Hearts and initials
Disfigured by the same individuals
Who professed love under its roof
If it could talk, it would speak such truths
Hearts broken in summer haze
Shelter, of sorrow
Solace at night to the solemn
A meeting place
Once unused, but for trysts and trifles
Now that the sun returns so does the warmth
That little park shelter
No longer filled with the sadness of those who dwelt there last
And now it is filled with child's
Another one from my book "ivory and gold" available on Amazon.
Josh Jul 2017
And so friend farewell to you
You will be missed, dear friend adieu
In the earth your body shall lie
We commend your soul to the gods on high
And weep for the loss of a promising life
Oh how the earth and heaven shall cry
Oh friend, oh friend I do lament
All our time unwisely spent
All our woes and all our folly
Though some of our time was surely jolly
You whom I loved
Beloved friend, my hearts kin
You are gone now and free from sin
And so with angels rest your soul
Never to fear growing old
Oh I weep I weep
I cry and cry
Men must be strong, that is a lie
How can I friend, I beg you tell
When you, my support, toppling, fell
And I have fallen lowly now
Mourning one who is gone down
Unto the earth
Oh she is blessed, to have you, in her *****, rest
Whether friend, foe, brother or lover
All at times, and none at others
Surely none could ever so well
Be as you were, your perfect self
Another one from my book "ivory and gold" available on Amazon.
Josh Jul 2017
Four shots of ***
Then I write
Grandiose, I soliloquise
And my pen tracks across the page
Talking of being forgotten
As they themselves shall be
Then, my mind afire, and exhausted
I collapse, into the oblivion of sleep
This is but practice for death
I wake, and the process begins anew
Josh Jul 2017
Another glass of whisky, and I'm staring at the door
Asking myself questions, I've never asked before
Because now, I know, that it's okay
To talk about what's in my head
Now I know its normal
To sometimes wish I were dead
I'm writing like I'm running
Out of time, or away
Often, I'm doing both, on any given day
I've pledged to live a life of pleasure
Perhaps I'm out of touch with reality
Maybe, I'm just accepting, my own grim, mortality
I thought that I was golden
I thought the sun was out
Maybe it's just mood swings
Or a mood merry go round
Josh Jul 2017
The raindrops touch, my skin
And then are gone, absorbed
To be dead
Until I sweat, or ****
Or weep bitter tears
I wonder, what they witnessed
Created in high, tumultuous clouds
To fall, to fall amidst
Lightning and thunder
To experience such
Only to die, mere feet
From the earth
Because of one, such as I
Josh Jul 2017
I have a phone call tomorrow
To talk about my depression
They'll ask me questions
With clinical precision
While I'm just trying
Not to throw my phone
I'll do my best
But its terrifying
It'll be one less hour of silence
Sixty minutes closer to the void
I'm hoping, like ****, they can
Fix me up
I want to start living again
Josh Jul 2017
I consider myself fortunate, that I discovered absurdism at eighteen. It seems to me, one of those things, discovered in old age when you wish then, you could go back and do all differently. I don't have that, I am free to live the absurd life, maybe I will feel I should have lived otherwise, when I am old. But absurdism makes sense, for right now. I've tried religion, I was scapegoating, putting my problems onto a deity rather than taking responsibility. I suppose, I must live. And we will see.
Josh Jul 2017
I've half a bottle of cider
In my bedroom at home
I'll drink it, when I go back
I'll write some more
Then doubtless, switch it up, to ***
It tastes like ****
But it's a hit
And the closest I'll get to a gun
Twice as lethal, thrice as slow
It is my remedy
For all of those evil thoughts
And no one loving me
It seems, when I am drinking
My brain shuts the **** up
It lets me write
It lets me dream
And I've not thrown my guts up
Josh Jul 2017
You're just like
My cigarette
Temporary
To help forget
That I am
A walking debt
A life that rightly
Belongs to death
And it may be
The reason why
I'm taking the fast route back
The smoke in my lungs
You on my mind
Both to shorten my stolen life
And "render unto caesar that which is caesar's"
Josh Jul 2017
This pain, this ache
Within my chest
It hurts me, I wish, I could rest
I would take, for any price
A moment's peace, a restful night
Josh Jul 2017
I want, to run away
Come take me
We'll live
On kisses, and cigarettes, and gin
On Jack and coke
And the heat of one another
We'll wear down our soles
And build up our souls
We'll drive all through the night
To make love at sunrise
And I will dismiss
All the books and the songs
That taught me to love
They got it all wrong
I'll see you're not perfect
You'll see all my flaws
But we'll work it all out
Love each other more

So I'll get the train
To wherever you're at
And we'll start our journey
We'll never look back
It won't be easy
It might even hurt
But it's worth it i swear
We can own the world
Leave our bootprint
And a memory too
On all of the places
I'll now share with you
When we get old
We'll look back with a laugh
Life offered a sip
Darling, we drained the **** glass
So let's get started, I'm on my way
And we'll only look back, when we're far away
Josh Jul 2017
Mostly, I am numb
Sometimes I feel
I feel fire, tearing my chest
Or rivers, cascading down my cheeks
I feel that I am, a ghost already
I feel insubstantial
As I breathe, because I must
I pretend, fake, living
In fact I simply move
I follow the actions
The processes, to survive
I, am numb
Sometimes, I feel
Josh Jul 2017
Stargazing is a strange act
Or wishing upon those self same things
They aren't even corpses, they are shadows
Shadows of ghosts of long dead giants
But we ****** upon them
Our wishes, our hopes
This hillside is damp
With late summer dew
But I don't move
As I feel it soak my shirt
Maybe this is part of the experience
I do not know, I do not pin my hopes
On long dead, once burning gases
So I lay, and look, not really seeing
Unsure, uncertain of my role
Josh Jul 2017
I live in, a quiet house
Arguments are quiet
Everything subdued
As if a blanket has settled
A weariness, almost
They will not, who knows why
It is like, not building a fire
Because the wood won't last forever
Pointless
I need a shout
Life, shrug off this stillness
Be rid of this lethargy
I would shoot myself
Or someone else
To have, to feel
Even to see
Feeling, an argument above a whisper
Somebody light me on fire
Josh Jul 2017
My life, my existence
Has become
Cigarettes, ***, indigo ink
Wishing, to make it
Through the day
And wishing I had
The guts to die
I hope, secretly
For a stranger
A human shaped hurricane
Someone new
Who doesn't know my history
Someone to set me free
My perfect, imperfect
Stranger
Wherever can you be?
Josh Jul 2017
I was stumbling
Suddenly, a light
I saw you
And for the first time
In an eternity
I thought
I might just be alright
Josh Aug 2017
It's in cloudy lemonade
In a cheap candy cane
In the kiss of a lover
Or an early morning smile
In a goodbye kiss
It's in the pouring rain
And pounding hearts
Gasping , grabbing greedy breaths
In long drives
Songs sung
Out of time to the radio
In time with each other
In simple things
Pizza and long talks
A bottle of some thing cheap
Kisses that taste wine-sweet
And the places you meet
Life, itself
Made sweet
Just random. Not happy with it but oh well.
Josh Jul 2017
You might have passed me
Sitting, on a bench
Maybe with a stranger, smoking a cigarette
Or writing, maybe reading a book
I question, did you wonder?
Who I am, or maybe you thought I had a distinctive feature
For a brief moment, I existed, in the periphery of your own, and you in mine
A meeting, however brief, of our existences
Josh Jul 2017
Your eyes could kindle ash to fire
Your touch revive a dying flower
Your smile is like the sun at noon
I cling to the very essence of you
I long for you like a wolf for the moon
Oh creature of heaven that you are, take me soon

Words are my stock and trade
Yet I have none when with you I am faced
I am not a hunter I have no thrill in chase
I am but a cat gazing upon you a queen
You, whom are perfect and must be a dream
Oh can you truly be, all that you seem

Angels weep as you pass by
God gave up creating
After seeing the glimmer in your eye
Israfel dedicates songs to you
Though he knows he is not your equal
Sings of you wildly well, from his lyre in the sky

On the mortal earth below
Mortals too seek to bestow
Upon you, tokens of their love
In spite of jealous god above
You are the person
Whom all love

When you walk, you draw all eyes
Birds fall down from the skies
Or hungry cats miss their mice
Fixed upon you, are their eyes
And upon the sight of you
Newborn babies cease to cry

I think that you shall live always
For with you, life
Wishes not to part ways
You could tame the sky or sea
For even nature's beauty
Cannot compete with thee

Forgive me, I have praised
Only your appearance
Though your soul, is thrice as lovely
Your voice, a gift to all who hear it
And your anger, although rare
I would doubtless fear it

And of course, in others
You provoke a host of feelings
Ecstasy and joy
Why to explain
Would simply be
Blaspheming

And so my dear
We are here
The end of my verse
I wish you well
And pray do tell
You liked what you read here
Another one from my self published book "ivory and gold" available on Amazon.
Josh Jul 2017
I would take, a damaged love
Over this endless solitude
A passion, it burns to touch
Rather than a silent room
I would take, and would return
With a fierceness
With fire's burn
A violent delight
Like Shakespeare's fire and powder
Which as they kiss, consume
Rather than my comfortable, silent
Tomb
Josh Jul 2017
Trending
Is like a funeral
A final hurrah
Born, obscure
Existence
Then, a final blaze
The congregation
Over a corpse
To wish well
And eat free food
Or in this case
To be read
By strangers, but once
And then again
Fade into obscurity
Josh Jul 2017
I used to disagree
With Frost
I believed that ice would be our end
But you have kindled me
Heap of ashes that i am
And now. I know
Because I feel desire
That my world will end
In fire
Because my world ends
With you.
Josh Aug 2017
I am not fragile
I am not a porcelain doll
Or a baby bird
I am not something to be wrapped in cotton wool
He broke me. I built myself up
They tried. I endured. Only cracking
She tried. She failed.
By the time you met me
I am more glue and duct tape
Whisky and ink
And grim resolve
Than I am person.  
I am not fragile.
I have survived.
I will continue to do so.
No.
I am not fragile.
Just something. I didn't realise it needed saying.
Josh Jul 2017
You're like smoke.
You take my breath away
You numb the ache
But i can't hold you
I don't want to let you go
But I'm not holding on
If you'd rather be gone
Like smoke on a midnight breeze
Darling, won't you stay?
Ramblings because I am a ****
Josh Jul 2017
No one ever asks, if I tell them i write, why? I suppose it's an answer intertwined with why my idols and inspiration are the romantic poets, and Oscar Wilde. It is because I love the poetic ideals, the idea, the oil painting life captured in pieces such as Wordsworth's "daffodils" or Byron's "she walks in beauty". I desire the poetic love, that unattainable, perfect, still moment. I love the Romantic response to their world, in a time of endless discovery of new things far off, the Romantics discovered new things in and around themselves. The poetry in the green fields, exploration of human expression and sexuality. I write, because I wish to both create and experience these perfect, still life, oil painting moments. And, to, in a time where everything is a click away, bring new discovery and a sense of wonder. I want to be surrounded by the fruits of boundless creativity. In a world of sleek, monochromatic, identical, functionality, I want to be surrounded by messy colours on canvas, by people with souls in all hues, barely contained by their bodies, with paint in their hair, ink on their hands, and adventure in their very essence. That, that is why I write.
Josh Jul 2017
I am not enjoying, my youth
It seems, I crave to age
I experience, not, nor know not of
The joys that come with my, youthful freedom
And yet, I think, there is one thing, to tell
To join me in mutual bond, with others of my years
A wanderlust, so born of youth, uncertainty, and, curiosity
Oh, how I would wander, but not, oddly enough, to see the world, not to take photos
For Facebook and likes
But because I need to keep moving
I don't care where I'm going
Just as long as it's new
And there's no one to drag me back home
I want a weekend of coffee, poetry with strangers, who know only my, work, not my name
I want a sojourn to Bohemia, to get lost among artists, how sublime, would be, a world apart from, this
Drunk, for a weekend, hyper, sleepless, as long as my pen fills a page
I have a need to wander
And I'll never grow fonder
Of this small, dying town of the grey
I'll write my work, and count the hours
Till I'm finally out of this place
Cos, my soul needs to wander
I don't need roads, no signs, I don't care where I'm going
If it's, a, change of scene, well then
There's never been, a more beautiful sight for my, eyes
Oh, the farther I wander, the more my heart grows fonder
Of a world that I've never, truly known
Josh Jul 2017
I am lost, in reverie
Staring out, at an
Empty town square
Thinking, of the sea
The crashing waves
They could fall here
And wash, little, away
There is little, to be missed
Little, to bar the way
Josh Jul 2017
When I am dead, reclaim me
When I am dead, our earth
Though it will be mine, no more
Will reclaim me
It will have my body
Like hyenas, upon my empty carcass
Or crows, on battle fields
I shall cease to be
My body will be of the earth
Because in these, once, the vessels of our opinion and our prejudice
Are things, that allow
For one more day
One infinitesimal second
They allow, the earth, to limp on
Existing, decaying
For one day longer
Josh Jul 2017
I tore off my wings
When I fell, for you
And to this day
I do not envy birds
Josh Jul 2017
You are not a diamond
Not something to be locked in a case
Stared at
You are not a diamond
You are a rock, you are stability
You are bricks and mortar
I would build a home with you
You are not a diamond, hard and cold
You are breakfast in the morning
Kisses before falling asleep
You are not a diamond
Not some shiny stone
You do not reflect light
You emit it, you are the sun with a smile
A star that laughs
You are not a diamond
From my self published book "ivory and gold" available on Amazon.
Josh Jul 2017
My skin looks old, i feel it in my bones
I am growing weary, can you hear me
Can you give my eyes the gleam, can you help me sleep and dream
Can you bring back smiles, memories playing over to laughter
Instead of remembering every self inflicted disaster
My mind grows weary of constant fights, i just want to sleep at night
I've seen, too many times, the sun dancing with the moon at midnight
The way the moon glances at the night, gets me every time
Even the dark has someone, like the day has the sun
When i ask where is mine they say, your life has just begun
But if this is youth where is the fun, has it gone already
Is it time to grow up, has summer flown by
I am soon to the grave

— The End —