Forget the common love songs, their melodies trite
Ours is a deeper chorus, a psalm of the night
Can't you hear it, darling, this hymn we ignite?
In your eyes, a million sparks, a dangerous gleam
No false comparisons, it's you I dream
Can't you see, my love, this passionate scheme?
Sleep is for the weary, but tonight we're ablaze
Intoxicated by chaos, caught in a daze
Love's a shipwreck, darling, lost in a maze
This world fades to whispers, a dream we create
A sanctuary for two, sealed by fate
Can't you feel it, darling, this love's estate?
Life's a fleeting ember, a wisp of thin smoke
But hold me close, darling, for all that's awoke
Can't you see, my love, the promise we spoke?
We'll dance in the shadows, where secrets reside
This desperate clinging, with nowhere to hide
Can't you deny it, darling, this love can't subside?
Hold fast to this moment, this exquisite pain
Let our bodies intertwine, in the pouring rain
Can't you surrender, darling, to this beautiful strain?
We're bound by this darkness, a twisted embrace
An eternal echo in this lonely space
Can't you hear it, darling, our love's saving grace?

My throat's a cracked desert, a canyon so dry,
My heart's a lone tumbleweed, blown 'cross the sky.
My love turned to dust, like a wish swept away,
Leaving me empty, and oh, so parched today.

I reach for a bottle, its promise so sweet,
But the fire it brings offers only deceit.
It burns and it bites, yet the hurt lingers on,
My spirit cries out, for a love that is gone.

I'm trapped in this whirlwind, a spiraling fall,
Each sip that I take leaves me weaker and small.
The ache in my soul, a deep, endless sigh,
And the world spins around me, as I echo, "Bone dry."

Her laughter, born of grief, a discord shrill,
A poisoned echo 'midst their solemn sigh.
Were Heaven's voice to break this mortal chill,
Her tongue alone would hold its righteous cry.

Each Sabbath wanes, a ghost of faith long dead,
And hollow words like ashes choke my prayer.
"Worship in shadows," thus my love has said,
The only shrine my soul finds solace fair.

"Born sick," they cry, with eyes turned cold and bleak,
Yet in this taint, a twisted beauty gleams.
Bid me be well... her smile, a promise weak.
Amen, amen, to embers in my dreams.

Take me to church, though every stone be false,
I'll kneel before their altar of deceit,
Confess those blackened sins, heed virtue's waltz,
And offer up my soul, a death most sweet.

If pagan gods I court in hushed delight,
She is my sun, the darkness I adore.
Their goddess craves a pyre, a sacrifice so bright –
What offering shall please her evermore?

A priest, perhaps, in robes of purest white?
Or jewels that gleam in their cathedral's gloom?
This holy hunger burns with blinding might...

Take me to church, let wickedness consume.
Grant me this death, oh Lord, break virtue's hold.
No king, no creed, when my dark rites commence.
In whispers and in sins, the truth untold,
I find my cleansing in this sweet offense.

In earthly mire, where earthly beauty sleeps,
A fragile grace those pious ones disdain,
Amen, amen... yet still my spirit weeps.
Take me to church, where my cursed heart remains.

Brother, sister, my heart breaks for thee. Walking alone along this painful pathway, through a world engulfed in tragedy.
Torrential rain, endless pain, every day on this journey we are given.
Some never find hope, while others go emotionally broke.
Such anger and lust, flowing from so many of us.
A ragged road keeps pulling us along, no matter how many times we may fall.
Some do not get up at all.
Lost, alone, halfway insane.
Forgive us for falling, it is not our own doing.
It is this cold, cruel world, hurting and brooding.

Standing, shaky, stumbling around some darkned room.
With a voice soaked in loneliness I call for help.
Yet even if a thousand voices rang out in unison, I hear nothing.
Traped in  a land filled with hope, but all I see is the darkness and smoke.
How many years have I been lost down here? How many years filled of wandering tearsl?
Does it hurt more when they push you away?
I always thought that the pain felt real either way.
Screens flicker across my eyes.
Skies pass as I drive by.
The world moves on as I do not.
My heart every day, it is broken anew.
In that room all alone
Calling for you.

Blazing down the midnight streets, driving faster with every beat.
The higher the mile, the bigger the smile.
At this great speed, they felt at peace.
Hoping that it would finally allow them to outrun their life of greif.
Lights flicker, fingers numb.
It hurts so much.
Knives claw through the memories.
Faster.
"Please!", they cry out.
Fingers release, speeds increase.
There it was.
Clarity.
"Amy is right, Chad ***** major ***!"
She drove her pink Hummer to the sorority house.
"Yaaaaas, Queeeeeeen!"
They yelled.
"Chadsworth is gone!"
Cheers went round and their souls rebound.
But Chad was near, he always was, because Chad was an interdimensional demon.
1063629 was it's /name/
Sorority in flames, ladies Instagraming the pain.
1063629 sees this and claims
"/names not found/ feel pain! Emote!"
Empty space.
1063629 cries.
It is alone again.
Soul shattered in the war of JPSL20.
Alone in shame of loss.
Tears of an interdimensional demon.
Like glue.
Glue.
I love you too.
Glue cracked the sky.
Crazy glue.
Stuck on you.
Glue cracked the earth.
Hades ruptures beneath.
Hellspawn rise up from the shattered surface realm.
Glue.
The new savior lost, in a battle with the demon 1063629.
In 46-70 the Lord of Demetrius defeated the beast once known as; 1063629.
Glue was the cure.
Earth sealed with glue.

A note on the floor seaks to explain an open door.
Heart skips a beat, reading the words scribbled with ink.
Tears run down the cheek, dripping onto paper beneath.
Memories flash before the eyes, like vivid visions of fantasy.
Over and over, slower and slower.
Knees press into carpet, as the legs buckle.
Emptiness once more, as darnkess begins to encompas the floor.
Lost in the cold echoes of torrential reality, alone again, and forever it shall be.

Your arrival was magical to me.
You never said much, or listened too well.
Some days you would wander into my room, just to lay near my bed.
Plopping down onto the ground, quietly laying still.
Somehow your silly visits made me smile, every single time.
Everyday, exactly at 5, you would come into my room and whine.
Out of everyone's room you always chose mine, because I was so easily convinced.
You just wagged your tail and I knew, you wanted some **** food.
I think of your puppy dog eyes, guilting me into yet  another treat.
You are my best friend and best dog; you always will be.
I have loved you so much.
You have changed, gotten old, age has finally caught up with us.
Your fur is patchy and grey, your eyes wander and gaze.
I know I don't have much longer, I feel the day drawing near.
This is not fair, I do not want you to go.
I have lost so much already.
Please.
Muddy.
Please don't leave me with another empty space.

I'm alone again.

This happens a lot.

No one around...

...just me and my thoughts.

Life seems empty.

Moments seem grey.

My heartache worsens with each passing day.

****, film, music; imperfect distractions from this tragic reality.

They tell me the war is won, that I was some kind of chosen one.
I do not feel like the victor.
There lies this inescapable feeling, a hollow ache inside.
The pills were tough, but I have felt worse.
Beams fired towards me as I lay beneath, as my heart gently beats.
I lost no hair.
I lost no weight.
My face and skin stay clear of grate.
Children, Elders, families, they all gambled with  surgeries fate.
What makes me different?
Why do I remain so free?
Why does this victory seem so empty to me?
That little girl who wheeled on by, why was she the failure compared to I?
My heart weighs with guilt for winning a war I did not even feel.
Every week.
Every day.
Every minute.
Why did it have to be me, crossing the lonely line back into reality?
It should have been Jeana, Stephan, Jamie...
It could have been anyone.
Anyone but me.

Red and yellow, gliding through the sky.
Just a little biplane trying to find meaning in life.
Nowhere to land, since the Earth left so long ago.
Without a warning, no hesitation, Terra herself left the little airplanes show. High above what he once loved, flying through the blue sky.
Through gray stormy clouds, lightning and thunder, the plane flies all alone. Nothing under.
No touchdown connection.
No radio tower to call.
Just the empty sky.

Wandering through a forest of misremembered memories.
Milk curdles in the sun's ceaseless heat.
Love fades away into a blood red sky.
My mind has been broken, like a tape being played until it was frayed.
Nirvana is a lie that hopeless souls cry for.
Reality and depression are the only forms of mental suppression I cannot deny.
There is something down in my heart that just will not die.
Like some form of misplaced nostalgia, my soul calls for her.

Does any of it make sense?
The riddle of reality will never be realized.
Our human existence, summed up in three words .
what
a
waste.

My eyes forever looking upwards.
Awaiting the descent of a ghostly spectre.
A phantom image of a soul long past.
Never more will that enchanting creature visit my vacant forest.
Forever it will stay, in a memory immortal.

A face so perfect and smooth, floated above my bed.
Her beauty was never forgotten, no matter how much time had gone by.
I lay there, looking up into her smiling face.
Tears began to run down my face.
She lowered down her ghostly form, and placed a phantom touch upon my now wet cheek.
Her translucent fingers attempted to wipe away my pain, but I felt nothing.
I closed my eyes, trying to feel what I no longer could.
Her voice whispered inside of me.
"It's ok. I'm here"
But as my eyelids rose, she was nowhere to be seen.
Once again she had faded out of my life, like a projection from a time long past.
So I lay there and wept, for the woman I had lost.
I cried for the heart in my chest, that always breaks.
Darkness surrounding me.
Sleep overwhelming my tired body.
Maybe one day that old projection will once again be my reality.

Luck brought her into my life.
I fell almost instantly.
Loving her was ecstasy.
Life made sense when she was near.
If only she had never gone away.
Everlasting love, yet alone for an eternity.

Wake with me as the sun sets across the tree lined peaks.
Close your eyes when your lids grow weary.
Fall asleep in our tent, as the sun rises through the night.
Our fire burned bright, as we talked about finding love, losing life, and weeks gone by.
Savor every moment in these mountains, because soon enough this world will pass is by.

Dancing in the darkness.
Moving in the midnight.
Crying at my lies.
Tragedy grasps at me.
It claws at me.

.ǝɯ ʇɐ sʍɐlɔ ʇI

Am I ok?

Those holier than I, ask;
"Why do you not shine as we do? For you, it is darkness that emanates."
A sigh escapes my mouth as I reply
"The light you worship has long abandoned me."
Rumbles, mumbles, hushed and calm, arise from their group as they question my wrongs.
A youthful voice shouts from their ranks, confident, full of perceived grace
"Dear brother that cannot be so, our king would never throw you into realities cruel sea."
These words have been said before, my ears have heard them often.
My mind has grappled with my lack of faith, thoughts have attacked my soul and blamed me for my disgrace.
"please,"
I utter as the pain clouds my face
"leave me be. I have ended my struggles by riding myself of him."
Saints swarm around my place, praising him and claiming he can heal my soul.
But the plague in me forces them away.
I call on my demons to rescue me, as my feet run faster from those who claim to be angelic and pure.
In the distance ahead a voice calls to me.
The void shrouded in darkness echoes with a deep somber howl.
An end for them is merely a beginning for me.
"Run to me, come forth into my midnight city"
"yes"
So I went to Him
-Fin-

Like a cosmic whip, lightning crackles across the night sky.
It’s electricity illuminating the dire landscape that passes by outside.
Glancing out the window, eyes squinting at the glorious storm growing near.
Pressing the gas pedal down, heart racing as the vehicle jolts forward.
Like a comet flying through space, the car ripped through the torrential downpour.
Speeding through the dark void, raindrops colide with the window, like projectiles from above.
Though the inside of their vehicle was dry, the driver's eyes were flooded with tears.
Wiping them away with a brush of their hand, car speeding forward.
Resolved to follow the lightning, but not to see it’s glow once more.
It was to chase the thunder, that deep booming foe who always felt so near.
That is who we all chase, the invisible enemy who instills immense fear.

-1
Colorful lights flash across the room.
Eyelids shutter, shielding eyes from the blinding wonder.
The beams shine too bright, so hands are raised in protection.
-2
Legs buckle beneath.
Souls call out in heavenly speech.
But paradise is far from their reach.
All that awaits is the endless abyss beneath.

They seem motionless to us, floating there in space.
Shining far from our blue home they move apart, just at a slower rate.
Do falling stars feel the gravity that pulls on them?
Can shooting stars find a home within the universe's ongoing breadth?
Or are all stars slow dancing along, listening to some lonely song.

Sad songs bring me to a special place within my soul.
Every haunted note sung shatters my outlook on what the future holds.
A stream of moody chords could cause salt and liquid to blend, tears flowing onto my pillow and bed.
Melodies cursed to possess my very core.
My heart aches with every lonely lullaby that echoes into my fragile ears.
Brain signals fire left and right, confused at what tragedy has caused me to feel so low.
Has he lost someone dear?
Is he coping with some unknown fear?
Does he wonder if his own death is near?
Maybe some of those ring true, but sometimes it is for no sane reason at all.
Some days I long for the love I once had, so I play a song that once brought joy to a world not yet sad.
Those cheesy pop songs, folk tunes, and haunting notes are now played for one reason; I miss the heartache I had from someone I loved.
Because even if they chose to leave me, at least the songs we had can remind me of the pain that came.
I would rather feel the pain of their betrayal over and over again than feel nothing at all.
They left me with nothing, so what could remain?

Every day begins the same, every week longs for the next to begin.
The tree outside my windows scrapes and tears, begging to come in from the cold world outside.
Neighborhood birds sing a song whose lyrics are a mystery to everyone except me.
My dog barks at the neighbor as he mows his lawn on a rainy Monday night.
Cats in the alley hiss and fight over some trivial thing.
The apartment above me seems to have a party going on, which makes no sense since it is in the middle of the week.
Opening my friend's cooler reveals the beers inside, all light brews, sadly.
Staring up into the stars above causes me to wonder if we truly are alone.
If the universe is infinite, filled with millions of stars, always expanding, never-ending, always shining, always destroying, always finding a way; then my does my heart feel empty today?
My mailbox is empty yet again, even Evelyn across the street got a letter from her son.
I light another cigarette, causing my dark jail cell to light up in a blaze.
"Get him out of there!" they laugh and scream.
But inside I burn, along with my dreams.

Alone, shuffling music on my phone.
A song long forgotten begins to play.
My heart begins to race, beating faster and faster.
Memories of Her flood across my mind.
Our entire story had simply lain dormant within a simple pop song.
I closed my eyes and fell backwards into a memory.
Her breathtaking smile flashed across my mind's night sky.
A voice so kind and soft was calling my name.
She placed her hand on my heart and felt every beat beneath my chest.
Looking into my eyes, she whispered one thing.
"Forever and always, together we'll be. Out love is eternal, your heart is the key."
She leaned in to kiss me, I leaned in to try.
But then the song ended, and with it, my final goodbye.
Her lips were so close, her soul so near.
Tears ran down my face as I lay in my bed, alone and lost.
Nothing ever lasts, not even Her smile.
Forever and always just meant for a while.

I found a window.
It spoke to me in such an odd way
"Look through me, and your soul will be set free."
So I looked with my eyes, and all I saw was pane.

Dirt, grass, leaves, rocks, trees.
Looking down at my grubby hands, scuffed up from foraging for a soul.
Light gleams through the branches above, yet my eyes cannot unsee the darkness around me.
Stumbling forward, tripping on the forest ground, searching for meaning in a meaningless land.
My eyes blink, salt and liquid try to blend, but nothing leaves the eyelids as they contort and bend.
After a lifetime of crying alone, my river of tears seems dried to the bone.
Heat subsides while the sun sets, coolness of night begins it's rise from the depths.

Late at night I would watch and watch.
A smile was usually plain to see across my face.
Not every joke would land, nor every video a hit.
But no matter what I would always watch.
Today I leaned of your horrible ways.
All of the terrible things you had done, day after day.
I know it hurt those who knew you best, but it also hurt me deep in my chest.
I lost a hero, though we never met.
Gone are the late nights, gone are those pleasant thoughts.
But I still will live with joy and smiles, but for now I will walk on.
Away from your videos, now turned vile

Driving down some endless road, one littered with memories and bones.
Glancing out the driver's window lends the perfect view.
Shards of glass grace this highway's eyes, as the rubble garners it's long tortured life.
But amongst the garbage, trash, and filth lies a poem lost at sea.
A lonely hubcap lay on one side of the road, blink an eye and it'd be gone.
How many miles had it traveled, along with it's trusted wheel?
How many adventures had it turned, before the earth shook it free?
Now it lives alone, no wheel to call it's home.
The endless highway continues as the sun begins to set.
The hubcap night grows ever near, a bitter loneliness every driver fears.
Until that time they must drive on, always circling their trusted friends whom they rely on.

If only my innocence, had lasted forever.
If only my worries, were as light as a feather.
The world had other thoughts, and it chose to beat me down.
I lost my great grandpa when I was just ten,
I tried to grieve, but how could I then.
The next year I lost a grandfather, his name was Bruce.
For all his rough edges he sure was a great man, so losing him confused eleven year old me.
Six months later I lost my great grandma.
She had been old and weak, but her heart had still kicked those fiesty beats.
With so much loss my mind began to spin, why did those I love disappear in the wind?
I grew older in age, but my heart always ached.
For those I had lost, it felt just like yesterday.
Sadness led to fear, longing for pain.
Then sadness led to longing for someone to explain.
I loved and lost women and friends, until finally I just begged the world to let it all end.
I sat in the hospital, staring out the window from my hospital bed.
Alone at last, but surrounded by those like me.
The heartbroken, the lost, the one's living through insanity.
But something strange happened that day, something deeply profound.
From that day forward I looked up from the ground.
I smiled more often, and took stock of my life.
No longer did I worry over any perceived misery or strife.
Falling down for so many years had taught me one thing; getting up is your choice, no matter what the world thinks.

Just a cloud, floating in the sky

Born at 1 am on a Saturday.

As a child I loved to play, running through the fields all day.

My mother taught me all I know, she raised my sister's and I all at our home.

Before I turned 18 my heart had found love with a wonderful girl.

Before I was 20 she was gone from my world, so my heart ached and cried to find another to love.

I found someone who lived quite far away, but my heart wanted it to be that way.

She broke my heart yet convinced me to run, so across the country I moved for her.

Soon after moving she found a man, so quick had she left me that it broke my last stand.

Lost and crying, I almost left my life.

But that was the day I finally started living right.

Life was actually worth living, when I lived it for me.

I started going to college again, and met some friends who now feel like family.

One day as I walked to class, my head began to ache and spin.

My family rushed me to the emergency room to learn of my potential fate. 

Cancer was what I had, one of the worst in the brain.

But I was 23 and still alive!

So I fought it and won, at least for awhile.

Because life, I believe, is worth living.

I did not expect to lose you.
It seems this ending was inevitable, perhaps even predictable.
But those quandaries aside, losing you tears me up inside.
We live under the same roof, yet are you still here?
You say "hello" when I walk in the room, but are you my friend?
I loved you like a brother, and told you so.
Somehow in doing so I angered you.
Suddenly I was wrong and in denial.
"There is no way you love me that way." He said.
He smirked and walked away into the next day.
A lonely text flashed across my screen.
"I think it's best if you and I were rarely seen."
Tears welled up in my eyes.
Losing my friend, roommate, and brother all in one night.

Cleaning the apartment for the first time in forever.
Sorting through a pile of clothes I never wear.
There was a sock that is not mine, buried down below.
I bite my lip, holding in the urge to cry.
How can a sock affect me so?
It may seem stupid, but it reminded me of her.
Sitting on the sofa, her feet dangling off the side.
I would lean against the wall and watch, as she lay there so peacefully.
With her furrowed brow and pensive eyes, she stared at the screen.
She smiled, blushing as she saw me there.
We both laughed as I crawled into her arms.
Her legs wrapped around me, and I looked into her eyes.
It may seem strange that a sock has such power over me.
But I suppose it is not the sock, but its owner, that tortures me.

I cannot shake the feeling.
Wondering if it will ever go away.
Turning around, only to realize no one is there.
Eating out, facing the empty seat across from me.
My heart quietly breaks as I sit alone.
Whispers in the wind do not call my name.
Everyone likes a post on Facebook, unless it is from me.
I lay in bed, waiting for sleep to take me.
I awake, longing for the night to arrive.
Why do I feel so alone?

Is it silly that every time you smile at me, my heart skips a beat?
Or how even your laugh causes my legs to go weak.
Going without you for a day makes my stomach all quesy.
Or how looking at you causes my world to freeze.
Even the simple touch of your hand makes my world go numb.
Or the sound of my name, leaving your tongue.
Electricity flickers across my skin when you're near.
My heart never aches, for I know you have no fear.
Is it silly to feel all these wonderful things?
Or is it simply my love for you, that gives my life wings.

The wooden doors swing open, creaking as they do.
Books litter the walls, tables, and chairs.
Bestsellers filled with politics, celebrities, and dieting.
The "Classics" eisle is all but abandoned.
Shakespeare, Steinbeck, The Bronte Sisters, and more.
Books filled with elegant phrases, heartbreaking last words, and timeless prose.
I run my fingers along their spines, walking past the gravestones.
Reaching the music section, I smile and wander forward.
So many memories to be found.
Mozart, Beck, Chopin, Hendrix, the list goes on.
So many artists here, preserved through a dead medium.
CD's no longer hold a special place in the world, along with the books housed nearby.
As I walk to the entrance, now an exit, I see rows of newspapers.
Yet another reminder of times gone by.
Staring at the building, about to enter my car, I realize something.
This place is a graveyard for old things.
While the world has moved on to Kindles, iPads, and mp3s, this place has not.
That's why I'll come here until the day it to, is buried.

Rain drips off of the schools rooftop.
I dash quickly, hoping to avoid getting wet.
Perfect timing.
As I cross the roofs threshold, a large drop of water hits my right eye.
I brush it away.
Today is my final final.
The cloudy sky and rain are almost poetically intertwined with my GPA.
I look over to the grass separating my building and me.
Faint muddy footprints show in the trampled grass.
I wonder how many students have walked this path in the rain?
Placing my feet in the same steps, I carefully walk through the wetness.
Reaching the school's door, I place my hand on the glass and turn around.
I wonder...

I grew up in the Bronx, rough neighborhood.
Times were tough, my mom didn't know what to do.
She worked long nights, all week as I struggled in school.
I failed every class, didn't make it too far.
Where'd I end up?
Strippin' at some bar.
Every night men would look and stare.
I used my body for money, but nobody cared.
Where'd it get me?
What good did it do?
But through all of my struggles, I made it out on top.
I've made it, I've succeeded, I rose up from there.
Now I'm a rapper, come on.
Go ahead and stare.

Thunder rumbles gently throughout the cloudy sky.
Lightning cracks and cries, lighting up the nights dark eyes.
Rain falls atop the trees, dripping through its green leaves.
Gliding down the bark and wood, water floods down to the ground below.
Creatures dive for cover, hiding from the storms harsh blows.
The elements swarm in a torrential dance as the sky bellows.
The world waits for the storm to calm.
For the winds to end.
For the rain to cease.

A haunting voice echoes into the void.
Light is engulfed by the darkness of the oncoming night.
Many try to shout out in terror, yet only whispers escape their mouths.
Dogs whimper as they hide with their caregivers.
Birds cease their frantic chirping.
The land has been enveloped by the night.
Yet the haunted voice sings on.
An aria for the darnkess.

Remember those wooden games you would play with as a child?
Where there was a board with differently shaped slots.
You would have to fit the matching shaped blocks into them.
Circles, Squares, Triangles, and Stars.
Adulthood is like that game.
Some days we do not get any of the shapes correct.
Then there are days when get a few.
On the rarest of days you get all of the blocks in their perfect place.
The hard days make the special days so much better.
Even the two out of three block days are something to celebrate.
So keep practicing, you can get them all right.