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Privilege child
Actions foul
***** lifestyle
Poor decisions made as he smiles

Black home
Friends gone
Parents tired
Of him using folks, then disowns

Choices bad
Women mad
Memphis child
Lost the trust that he had

Spending cash
$100 stacks
Behavior uncontrolled
Finance is where his knowledge lacks

Lack of care
Pulling back each layer
The pain he hides
Someone come send a prayer

Man-child is grown
Leaving a trail of loans
Selfish son
Refuse to pay back what he owes

Stays equip
Snorting strips
High all the time
On cloud 9 taking another trip
Dear best friend. You will lose everyone, including me, if you continue down this path.
But I guess you could care less huh…
Sad you’ll lose everything you have between now & in the future.
Jan 5 · 7
#43
#43
Dear God,

I miss this person I associated myself with.
I miss their presence, their smile, their weird side, their love, their shyness, them laying under me.

However; I revert back to 3 main questions:
Do I miss them because I love them?
Do I miss them because I lust them?
Do I miss them because I left them?
Ask questions
Jan 5 · 52
#42
#42
Dear God,

I stared my killer in his eyes
as he express his frustration about the past
that he couldn’t redeem.

he told me:
“If I had another opportunity… if I had to **** you to regain what I lost, I would in a heartbeat. No questions asked my G.”

pure pain is what I saw…
killing him softly

instead of being frightened, I wasn’t, I respected him.
Not hating him, I couldn’t, but forgiven him.

in that short moment of him talking
made me understand the value of my young life.

what trip me out the most is that we just finished playing 5v5 ball on the same team,
while asking me for a ride home afterwards.

May 19, 2018
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Jan 4 · 76
#41
#41
Dear God,

For this new year, I’m ready to start living with my partner.
I’m ready to share my space with their space
for me & her to own our home
with the dog running around the yard
with the kids acting silly around the house
with us planning to say “I do” for eternity.
Living in this single home for 2 years,
under your wings, has been amazing.
But I’m ready for the next chapter,
the next task at hand,
join together,
a new growth.

January 3, 2022
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Dec 2021 · 82
#39
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#39
Dear Jesus,

When people say they are “manifesting” something into their lives.
~let’s add good deeds + intentions.~
They go out to get it in the “now” factor
vs. “patient” matter right?
However, in your eyes
does the word manifest cast sin?
That it is not of you, your will?
Because we use it so freely,
overtime
was this word(s) true meaning
swept under the rug
from those who came before us?
maybe it’s a unknown sin to our knowledge
until it’s known?

June 14, 2027
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Dec 2021 · 62
#38
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#38
Dear God,

May I ask you a question please?

I wanna know if Lucifer, your first angel, has permission to challenge us (your creation), by your approval?
For example: Lucy makes a request from you, and if accepted, he then tries to show you( Lord) that we (your creation) don’t love you like he say we do because we sin.
As a result, he wants us all for himself in hell.
And if so,

I want you to forgive me as I confess my sins.
But also,
I want to forgive him for thinking he will change me. He will continuously lose + never gain my love over yours.

April 6, 1968
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Dec 2021 · 73
#37
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#37
Dear Jesus,

Happy birthday once again king! I am so proud & thrilled to celebrate your day + happy to be alive to enjoy it with my own family. It’s not a day that goes by when I think about what you have done for us.
So this year, we will be thankful as our attention is on you.
Today we will sing your name
Today we will glorify your presence
Today we will honor your love

Since today’s your day,
I just have to ask…
What would you like this year for your birthday?

December 25, 2021
Dec 2021 · 12
#40
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#40
Dear God,

In the book of Genesis:
did snakes back then have legs?
or did the devil create those legs possessing the snake?
I remember reading & speaking with the pastor about how the serpent was deceiving Adam & Eve.
Serpent trick them both to eat from the tree of knowledge (good & evil).
You found out, highly disappointed, then cast Adam & Eve out of the garden.
Afterwards, the Bible talks about you making snakes slither from now on.
So if I’m reading in-between the lines this time, then that’s a scary sight to see snakes walking.

March 11, 1982
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Dec 2021 · 338
She took me serious when…
xavier thomas Dec 2021
She took me serious,
When I included her children who wasn’t my own

She took me serious,
When judgement became irrelevant

She took me serious,
When she trusted me with internal/external wounds

She took me serious,
When clear communication expanded unconditionally

She took me serious,
When trauma or anxiety triggers became nonexistent

She took me serious,
When open conversations felt genuine

She took me serious,
When both bodies were respected

She took me serious,
When priority meant sacrifice willingly

She took me serious,
When God was involved
When she text me that I was her husband in her own happiness
Dec 2021 · 61
#36
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#36
Dear God,

What I want for Christmas this year is peace. No more drama. No more family members asking me who I am bringing home for Christmas or “what happened to the last person?”. No more asking me when I will get married, have children running around, etc etc. and especially no more asking me to go shovel the snow outside knowing it’s below zero degrees outside.
May we please have a peaceful, gift opening , celebrating, honoring heaven, hot cocoa winter.

December 19, 2021
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Dec 2021 · 25
Master Plan (pt.5)
xavier thomas Dec 2021
only good deeds
stay at ease
we’re in control of this destiny
try to make it pro so desperately
get recognize around the world & the big leagues
only one plan there’s nothing else
win multiple rewards to prove one’s self
I know we can make it
this chance we can take it
Lord, Lord, Lord
If the basketball could speak to me one-on-one…
Because it saved my life
Dec 2021 · 29
Master Plan (pt.4)
xavier thomas Dec 2021
well-defined, bottom line
be victorious all the time
it’s my guy and just me
for all others to see
show our talent is our thing
scoring bucket’s what we bring

I’m your master plan…
I’m your master plan…
I’m your master plan…
If the basketball could speak to me one-on-one…
Because it saved my life
Dec 2021 · 23
Master Plan (pt.3)
xavier thomas Dec 2021
big dream & grind
a player with odd circumstance
battle life with a game of chance
practice hard through the trails
you’ll be rewarded with a great big smile
be thankful for the past
life will change for you very fast
Oh, oh, oh, yeah…..
If the basketball could speak to me one-on-one…
Because it saved my life
Dec 2021 · 14
Master Plan (pt.2)
xavier thomas Dec 2021
legend genes, wild machine
test your skills, ok King
you know me, biggest fan
master plan, ball to man
build that stash, let’s make cash
now I said what I said

I’m your master plan….
I’m your master plan….
I’m your master plan….
If the basketball could speak to me one-on-one…
Because it saved my life
Dec 2021 · 18
Master Plan
xavier thomas Dec 2021
I’m your partner; I’m your bestie;
bounce with me, on a daily

I’m your supporter; when you’re angry;
shoot your shot; express though feelings

you know me; ya main friend;
ball is life, til the end

I’m your master plan…
I’m your master plan…
If the basketball could speak to me one-on-one…
Because it saved my life
Dec 2021 · 179
#35
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#35
Dear God,

Man I’m tired of this toxic trait going around.
Why am I always being pushed away in the end every time someone catches my attention?
I’m just tired of feeling abandoned after putting efforts into a new relationship.
I mean it’s like the new norm & seems to be ok to push folks away when it’s actually not. I may not know what people go through all the time, but please keep them away from me. I’m done feeling hurt after I caught feelings for someone, while planning a future. High expectations.
It makes me question if it’s even worth giving someone new a chance now-a-days.
Please help.

December 11, 2022
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Dec 2021 · 67
#34
xavier thomas Dec 2021
#34
Dear God,

I remember the day I sat down with my high school coach who’s like a father to me, tell me a story about his father sitting him down about the afterlife.
His father said, “You really don’t know what’s going to happen after death. At the end of the day one group is right, and a whole lot of people are wrong. Better hope your group right.” - then me & coach both laughed.
After I laughed, I started to really think who’s right & who’s wrong.
Because of the unknown, that’s why I have faith.

November 20, 1977
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Nov 2021 · 208
Love Basketball 🏀 ❤️
xavier thomas Nov 2021
-I don’t wanna lose in this game
-I’d rather be close to you in your space
-It’s your ball, the score is 7 to 8
-Check-up, game-point, let’s get after it bae

-Even though we’re battling, I’ll only battle with you
-We can play all night, till it’s morning light with you
-Guard you tight with all my might, I’ll take the challenge with you
-So even though we’re battling, I’ll only battle with you

-You better use all your tricks and your tools, this game here I’m not about to lose,
You know I’ll battle with ya

-We can finish this game playing R&B tunes,
head home to make love afterwards boo,
You know I’ll battle with ya

-You always have something to prove,
that’s what I’ve always loved about you,
You know I’ll battle with ya
Nov 2021 · 79
#33
xavier thomas Nov 2021
#33
Dear God,

Remember the time our twin moms
sat down with me & my cousin
as we decided to leave our old home
for a better life back then?
The four of us signing our rights
over to our new guardians
to take us in for a higher education
and a chance at life vs the streets.
Our first big grownup decision as kids.
It was also our first encounter
with racism. The district tried everything
in their power to keep us away
making excuses:
“There’s to many kids.”
“Judge won’t allow these kids from the north.”
“We don’t want troubled kids.”
” It’s not a good look.”
What they were actually saying
was they won’t accept black kids.
Nothing but trouble. Scared of us.
The county hated us, but never knew us.
People judged us, said we never graduate
is what they told us.
Crazy part about it was we never once
stepped foot on the bus, school, nor the classroom. It was still summer time.

However; once we were accepted
we passed classes, honors, popular,
accepted, and graduated.
We showed them we can do anything huh…
Now they miss us

August 28, 1946
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Nov 2021 · 104
#32
xavier thomas Nov 2021
#32
Dear God,

It’s been nearly 20 years
since I step away from my second home
-section 8
right outside of Chicago, IL.
I never forgotten where I came from
but almost forgotten my nickname.
The name my beautiful hood
given to me as my identity
became my trademark on my face
I was born with.
Because they knew the right name
would bring tears of joy to their eyes
that showed I made it out alive.
My village still recognizes
me, even present day, as…

My government name is Xavier Deont’e Thomas
But my hood name is “ Tear Drop”

June 24, 1994
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Nov 2021 · 39
Random thoughts 💭
xavier thomas Nov 2021
FaceTime me every week, as the calls start to pile

play dumb like we weren’t a thing, you know that -ish is really foul

told me you’ll never be submissive, love, your mouth be running wild

posting couple & single memes together must really got you down

Oh a new person in your DM’s, someone new to get you riled up

random thoughts run through my mind, watching you chase after titles

can’t find anyone to commit, how’s love working for you now?
Let it sink in
Nov 2021 · 176
#31
xavier thomas Nov 2021
#31
Dear God,

Tonight I sin lying in bed.
As I fall asleep, a force begins to press pressure on my chest. Pushing me down into my bed. Attacking me with no warning signs. Trying to terrify me. I feel myself beginning to wake up; however, I can not open my eyes for some odd reason. So I panic with each second that goes by. Until it randomly stops. The pressure disappeared from thin air, and I open my eyes breathing real hard.
I don’t know what happened, but if that was you sending someone to come protect me that night,
Thank you.

April 24, 2018
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Nov 2021 · 99
#30
xavier thomas Nov 2021
#30
Dear God,

I remember this day like it was yesterday. When I was only 4-5 years old, I asked my mom who lives up there (pointing towards the sky), and who lives down there( pointing towards the ground). She told me you ( God) lived in heaven with Jesus, the angels. While the devil & his minions live down below. She was the first person in my life to tell me to follow you father. To be thankful Jesus Christ died for us. Ever since then, I been curious of your mysterious ways, thinking about you daily.

March 16, 1998
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Nov 2021 · 130
Soul on my Sleeve (pt.1)
xavier thomas Nov 2021
-God life is just fine. I mean just look at your creation you design
-I see your light in me every morning when it shines
-Protected from the depths of hell by reading your people stories they tell
-I enjoy one-on-one with you cause we’re bonding
-Today I have new questions for you as a young man
-Do you enjoy the poetry I write, Do you crack jokes or tease?
-If I saved another soul today, would that keep your mind at ease?
-Feeling lifted, when I do a task you ask of me for you
-Reward is good so I’ll continue to follow for you
-So merciful, it’s powerful, your love do something to me
-Cause God I caught the vibe of purity & happiness you given to me
-So I share it back, to all my friends, and now they’re like, “Zay you genuine, I love that. I want peace, so how do I get like that?”
-It’s just turning one home into God’s home
-Cause this is heaven sent, God made life just fine.
Oct 2021 · 138
#29
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#29
Dear God,

When is enough “enough” for you?
We (your creation) have sinned, cast stones, apologize for our actions, been forgiven, felt good, then repeated the same cycles for centuries to come.
So again I ask, when is enough “enough” for you?
Or you love us that much, hoping we’ll finally get the message.


February 14, 1989
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Oct 2021 · 98
#28
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#28
Dear God,

When I die
I want my day to be celebrated.
No pain, no sorrows, no regrets, no sadness.
Just a big party full of fun living, breathing, healthy people who enjoy the company of genuine people.
That I be remembered as a goofy, silly, different type of unique being that has enjoyed his time on earth.
Because I can honestly say I lived & learned in this world.
And I did it all thanks to you.

October 26, 2038
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Oct 2021 · 203
Soul on my Sleeve (pt.3)
xavier thomas Oct 2021
God bless me now so I can stand up to foes
God help me now so I don’t stand alone
God I thank you now for me surviving my lows
Due to you I been holding it down all on my own

You see, I been under your protection for years.
I’m learning to lean more on you and become more aware; Therefore, learn not to idolize others love and compare.
That’s just pure destruction and corruption ready to appear.
So I wear, your shield of armor daily when I call you for prayer.
Because these demons want to tear me apart with their fears.
Back then I was scared, but now I dare anyone of them to try to do something.
And I’ll be calling out the angels to help me battle it out.
Cause I’ll stand victorious as your servant dear Lord.
I want nothing else but your blessing as the reward.
You’ve fought for me all day, I choose you like always, cause you deserve it.
Oct 2021 · 399
Soul on my Sleeve (pt.2)
xavier thomas Oct 2021
Devil you’re ice out cold.
Sending mix signals, you like to put on a show.
Master of emotions, poison victims image when they’re low.
Examine your attentions on different people under quality control.
Mmm, you like to test my worth, asking for God’s permission just to see if I’ll sin again.
You grew from a mighty titan angel to this fallen illusion magician.
Aroused from the thrill of being king of the underworld like your soul is free.
I question your position there cause hell is really beneath me.
Not joking, who you think you provoking?
I mean you think you slick for trying to keep my wounds open.
I mean I’m forever God’s vessel, never your black token.
Those wicked rituals your followers steady be coding.
Things my soul refuse to soak in.
Don’t need any validation, I’m not trying to live perfect.
And if you think I want that, I promise you I don’t need it.
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul to rest and peace,
to the heavens.
False promise
Oct 2021 · 126
#1
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#1
Dear God,

I rather be a honest sinner and give my soul to you
expressing my truth
than a lying hypocrite idolizing a fake life in society .

February 28, 1968
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Oct 2021 · 113
#2
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#2
Dear God,

Thank you for waking me up this morning. Forgive me for my sins & unknown sins each and everyday.

June 20, 1994
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Oct 2021 · 81
#3
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#3
Dear God,

I’m mad.
Sometimes I wish you would come down here & stop the madness that goes on around here. The killing, stealing, disrespect. I wish that you would stop these bad people from harming others for their own desires.

But at the same time, how can I be mad at you? You gave us free will. You gave us everything we needed and it was certain individuals own fault that caused all of these issues to occur.
It’s s not your fault that we don’t know how to behave. I guess I’m upset because I want you to do something about it.
I’m sorry. Forgive my ignorance.

Sometimes I just wish you controlled these situations.

March 9, 1988
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Oct 2021 · 80
#4
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#4
Dear God,

I have days where I wish I was with you in heaven. No, I’m not suicidal. I just think about you taking my soul away as I spend all eternity with you.
But then I start to think, “How selfish of me would that be when I haven’t even fulfilled my purpose on earth yet”, you know?
I haven’t tried to change my life around. Given myself time to find out who I am or what makes me, “me”. Nor realize how it would affect family / friends to see me gone in an instant.

So thank you for not taking me away just yet. I will fulfill your request. I promise

But what is my purpose?

July 8, 1974
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Oct 2021 · 71
#5
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#5
Dear God,

I don’t know if you saw, but the other day, I saved someone’s life with my words. They told me they were cutting themselves to the point where they **** near killed themselves. But I came into their lives right on time, sharing my story that was very identical to theirs.
The difference between us was that I kept fighting for my life. Then I showed them how to fight for theirs so they survive.
I honestly didn’t know I had something like this in me. I mean I was just writing down how I felt.
Yet, to hear them say I saved theirs life made me cry with them happily.

Looks like you have another angel coming your way.

April 14, 2020
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Oct 2021 · 88
#6
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#6
Dear God,

Tonight, after having this difficult conversation with my woman.
I pray that you continue to guide us both on the right path. We ask the right questions. We take care of each other regardless. And that things will be revealed to us to know if we are ready for marriage or not.
But most of all, if we belong to one another under your will.

September 1, 2006
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Oct 2021 · 76
#7
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#7
Dear God,

Lately I’ve been feeling attacked by family. More than often, and don’t understand why?
I pray, I stay out of trouble for the most part, read the Bible from time to time, and because of you I finally found one of my callings. Poetry. I know I haven’t been around or talked much. I’m invested into my craft. My energy/ attitude never changed. I’m still the same strong spirit, will minded, giving child you created for this world.
Back then they said - “ Put God in the center, be anything you want, pay no attention to stupidity.”  
Now it’s, “Go get a good job with benefits, why aren’t you back in school, I don’t think this is what God intended for you.”
I don’t get it.
I’m just trying to obey your orders and demonstrate it to the family, best way I know how.
I just don’t understand.

So why me????

December 6, 2004
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Oct 2021 · 61
#8
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#8
Dear God,

Random questions:
What is it like to be God? To see over everyone and everything you created. To watch things on earth fade away like certain animals going extinct as new ones be replaced. Is the work difficult sometimes or easy?

How strong are you?
Like seriously. I want to know how strong you  are. I think it would be so cool to see you in action demonstrating your power.

What exactly do you look like? I know you tell us we’re made in your image and all but I must see what you look like if possible.

Lastly, have you ever been embarrassed or embarrassed yourself before? For example-
Person “A” is talking to person “B” right. And all of sudden, person “A” pass gas in front of “B” because “A” thought it was going to be silent.
Something silly like that.

May 16, 1984
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Oct 2021 · 77
#9
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#9
Dear God,

Do you ever crack jokes?
Every time I read the Bible, I only read about you blessing people, causing wrath due to disobedience, or telling someone what to do in order to receive what they desire most and be thankful.
But one thing the Bible never talks about is you laughing.
Unless I’m not reading in between the lines and you actually are from time to time.

I would definitely love to see that one day.

January 4, 2010
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Oct 2021 · 79
#10
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#10
Dear God,

So, if we are grown at a certain age…
But are considered a child of God…
Shouldn’t we stay in a child’s place???

June 23, 2021
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Oct 2021 · 74
#11
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#11
Dear God,

How do we have all of these religions in the world.
But we have similar devil(s)???

March 13, 1950
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Oct 2021 · 75
#12
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#12
Dear God,

The signs you are making me see, what do those exactly mean? Is this what the future would possibly look like for me if I continue down this path?

August 9, 1999
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Oct 2021 · 49
#13
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#13
Dear God,

Out of the 10 commandments: My biggest sin is adultery.
I love ***. Especially as much as the next person, you know. But I do have it under control for the most part.
I don’t know why but these urges keep coming. Like today, the only thing that was on my mind was eating and sleeping because I didn’t get enough rest last night. As I awake, I immediately start having intense energy for ***. I am strong to say “NO” or stop myself from time to time. I have common sense not to spread my seeds around town. But it’s hard man.
I’m smart & humble.
I’m not perfect but I try.

So I’m asking you this evening to help me control my urges. Because as a man, I tend to want *** a lot; however, I am trying my hardest to control it the best way I know how.

December 25, 2008
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Oct 2021 · 56
#14
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#14
Dear God,

Today I pray for mental health and for those who can not fight for themselves. That consistently need help on a day in/out.
It’s sad to see an individual you love go through what they go through, knowing they have to learn how to fight for themselves when they feel like they can’t. They feel like they don’t have enough will power to overcome their own situation.

April 23, 2001
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Oct 2021 · 55
#15
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#15
Dear God,

No weapon shall prosper against me for my list:

Continue to make me stronger mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

Allow my mistakes / sins to be lessons and vanish. Let my wisdom/ faith bloom for others.

Forgive me and my family as I am the head of the household, not the tail.

Grant my future wife the meaning of being “submissive”. Godly ways, not earthly flesh ways.

I need my wife to be rich in mental health, in her own goals, her gains, and pockets.
Let her cup be full of joy & wonders with mine.

Allow our children, she will have to bare, to come out healthy as she to makes a 100% full recovery.

Allow my children to lean on you Lord. Open their hearts, mind, and study your words. In the Bible, 2 Corinthians, have them “preach the word of God with sincerity and with Christ authority, knowing that God is watching.”

Let me teach my children to ware the shield of armor at all times so they may protect their self-image.

Help my children to become stable & calm under pressure when times get tough. Keep their minds focus on the prize they seek with good deeds.

No weapon shall prosper against me for my list:

October 17, 2015
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Oct 2021 · 279
#16
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#16
Dear God,

The other day I learned that I was not ready for marriage yet. I still have a few old doors that need to be closed in order to fulfill my promise. Not many, just a handful. I need to get my finances in check, as well as receive a better job. Work on my brand so I can quit my 9-5. (Boy I can’t wait for that day.)
Secondly, I need to continue to speak with you and my partner about us moving forward together. That this is not only what we both want, but what you want from us. That you approve our marriage or not.

November 2, 1990
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Oct 2021 · 68
#17
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#17
Dear God,

I became my own biggest critic
when I started to play scenarios in my head about what I think others may think of my craft.

June 4, 2007
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Oct 2021 · 43
#18
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#18
Dear God,

I cried joy creating these books.
Simply because now I have something to leave behind for people to read. They can revert back to knowing they weren’t the only one going through joy & pain / sunshine & rain.
Giving back to those who lost their way or forgotten why it’s important to live.
To show that when you start an idea, you keep going. You may feel the “want” to give up. However; you must remember why you wanted to start your idea in the first place.
Take passion & creativity to another level to make it exist.
That being said,
I am leaving behind a legacy of who I am.
My art work, ideas, craft, identity.
All will bare witness to this blessing.
This is my story to tell. That’s my poetry.  

May 15, 2020
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Oct 2021 · 41
#19
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#19
Dear God,

Your presence was here today.
You spoke through an older lady, who others thought was drunk or high, at the tire shop. Simply because they didn’t understand her. But I did. She gave me money as if she knew what I was going through.
She asked me- “ I saw you when I came in. why are you here? What are you here for? You are here for a reason. You know why you’re here. Do you need anything realistic? I am financially stable. I don’t know you at all, but I love you.”
That was you speaking through her. I know it was.

P.S.- I do not remember her name. Please accept & bless her as well, for me.

Thank you for blessing me with the money in my pocket.

September 26, 2018
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Oct 2021 · 44
#20
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#20
Dear God,

What I find to be funny sometimes is how I’m sitting here in my bed writing about my life in my mid-20s, as if I already lived a full lifetime and was reborn again to tell another.

February 14, 1997
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Oct 2021 · 50
#21
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#21
Dear God,

I’m having the best time of my life as a middle class citizen in society. And I’m only getting started. Keep the motivation going.

January 31, 1974
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Oct 2021 · 58
#22
xavier thomas Oct 2021
#22
Dear God,

You didn’t get enough credit today. I just want to say thank you for putting up with me over the years. You’ve always been there as I’m trying to change my life around. I want to thank you for giving me time to overcome my addiction. I knew it was time to stop and I finally did. I feel amazing + I use my free time to workout or get into other projects. My mind is at ease now.
I guess time does heal all.

November 19, 2027
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