"ng. That love is more powerful than any disappointment, mistake or breech in trust. My reality"
Herbie Mackentire 

What if love became so overwhelming, such an inextinguishable force that its true purpose betrayed itself completely?
To the point that even the utterance of those three powerful words, that at a different junction had held such promise, now left a distinct taste of uncertainty on the lips and a ringing of insanity in the ear drum. What else does one say when the most pure form of expression and commitment echo with distain and regret?
Even as I slide into introspection, diving deep to the point of no return, there seems to be no logical path, no penance for the monster I have created. Through my own autonomous actions and neglect I have reached this dark place. Perhaps I indulged beyond a point where thoughts and actions have boundaries. A broken compass , spinning without meaning. All indicators in tact, every cog and point in place, magnetism lost to exaggerated memories, fears and regrets.
Self delusion is a drink that is best served with company. With companionship the mind tends to believe its own meddling. Delusions are mistaken for truth and biased opinions blur with reality.  
All roads lead to pain. Every so often a spark jumps to the surface of my consciousness.  A pin prick exclaiming hope.  It’s a glitch of my own creation. The belief in happy endings and love prevailing. That love is more powerful than any disappointment, mistake or breech in trust. My reality had been resurfaced and augmented by the media. Love stories are just that. Stories.  A wave of manufactured hope, washing over the beach of the human psyche. Every grain of sand is washed back to the sea just as it has arrived.
Happiness, a flame burning on a tiny wick. Enjoy the heat while it lasts for it is going to be a cold winter. And the power is out.

"Disappointment, dismay, disillusions,"
Sarita Crandall 

Creeping up the steps of the building,
She holds her breath.
The building stares at her with massive, polished eyes,
Eyes of judgement,
Daring her to enter it's realm of formality,
It's realm of order and conduct.
She holds her breath.
A chill passes through her when she sees the others.
Dressed to impress,
Traveling in packs, like wolves of the wild.
And completely unaware of everything.
They have attended a private performance,
Put on by the people,
They immerse themselves with, surround themselves with.
She holds her breath.
The walls beckon her in, soak her in.
And she blends into them like a chameleon.
She holds her breath.
Traveling soundlessly, with soft footsteps that don't echo along the hallow halls,
Making her way to her destination,
She holds her breath.
The door moans as it opens to reveal what lays behind.
Disappointment, dismay, disillusions,
She holds her breath.

"ok, on paper and in reality. i’m such a disappointment, i think everyone hates me and i can’t"
heather leather 

i am tired of feeling like i am not worth anything, tired of wanting a better future, tired of having all these panic attacks, i mean am i really this screwed up? maybe i am. maybe we all are. actually that’s a lie i’m the only screw up in this world i’m pretty sure that’s quite evident in the way i look, on paper and in reality. i’m such a disappointment, i think everyone hates me and i can’t exactly blame them. my parents probably regret giving birth to me and sometimes i regret being born. i used to be afraid of death but what’s the point of being scared of anything at this point; i’m pretty sure even monsters and demons have standards i can’t measure up to. i can’t measure up to anything really; i’m a horrible person, a waste of space in this drowning planet. i’m not a dying ember or a broken star that had to fall to make someone’s wish come true. i’m not anything really, i’m not important to anyone and the worst part? the worst part is that it’s all my goddamned fault, I shouldn't have turned out to be a screw up, nothing bad really happened to me. i was just a girl, interrupted, a seemingly hopeful burning flame that died out a little everyday and one day the wind blew particularly strong. i can’t blame that on the wind though because i’m pretty sure that i would've turned out to be a lost cause anyway.

"maybe I was just crazy, maybe it was the sixties, or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted." --Girl, Interrupted
"your back is where you'll find the MOST disappointment of your life."
Hannah J Chesley 

Old fashioned girls with indifference in their eyes.
a will to be different.
a desire to be unique, but an emptiness fit for the farthest reaches of space.
a pathetic excuse for an individual are you.
the exact copy to that of a ghost of nothing... vain fantasy, as inconstant as the sea.
but dependable are your downfalls, everyone see's your issues.
if you were smart, you'd take it off.
you'd shed your skin and be yourself.
deny the paint on your face and the fact that we can all see it, we know you think you're above it.
you may think what you say doesn't reach my ears, but your ridiculous calls and impunitive voice are what I hear above all else.
it'll escape your mind, and I'm the one who will remind you of what it once was.
I'll get in your head, you're thinner than you think, your being is nothing, and your demise I will be.
your downfall is on a platter dear, take heed and be smart or behind your back is where you'll find the MOST disappointment of your life.
wish all you want, wishes are nothing.
especially to the undeserving.

Dec. 29th, 2008 - 10:34 a.m.
"world is full of agony, depression, and disappointment,"

I am a magnet for misery,
Among self hate and reckless stupidity,
With no one to love  or to be loved by.
Lies, torture, and hopes to be different,
All of which are buried within me.
Disguised as something I am not and will never be.
It hurts to be human.
The world is full of agony, depression, and disappointment,
But best of luck to those who've discovered otherwise.

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