day 1 - I was looking for your handprint in the leaves so I could have something to hold on to when I'm drowning in the sea.
day 7 - you kept your hand an inch away but along ē same phase as her breathing in hopes that one day you'd have her whispers in your chest.
day 13 - you huddle in the corner so the walls can hold you the way he used to. It's cold again and your fingertips are blue.
day 27 - they say that all ē walls look the same no matter how many times you blink & that stories are lies but you know better, don't you?
day 32 - his voice never leaves and every step you take is another reminder of him whispering to you that he never loved you.
day 46 - you're tripping over the roots of your fears and, darling, at this rate you'll never be able to outrun yourself or him or them.
day 54 - we sit across from each other without even noticing the oceans that crash into us and the ripped fabric between our eyes.
day 61 - I've caught the dreams of you and of almosts. Of reaching and barely touching fingertips. Of longing and denial. Of stepping stones and emotions that ricochet.
day 79 - they were your eyes & the natural order of things. Of us orbiting in a Higgs-Bosson type of way & we're still waiting for when we inevitably collide.
day 85 - I was staring at my hands wondering how long it was going to take me to get used to the lack of yours holding them
day 98 - hearing voices overlap the wallpaper and I haven't stopped inhaling smoke and choking on my own tears since you walked away
day 103 - they didn't see it but it's always been there,
day 108 - there are flames in our hands we can't extinguish alone
day 119 - I thought you would cherish my heart in your hands
day 127 - the walls are covered in ash and so are my lungs
day 132 - the whispered promises are on the surface of my skin
day 136 - I feel a breath of life every time you look me in the eyes and nothing could ever replace that feeling
day 144 - its like no matter how far I wander I end up back in your arms
day 159 - happiness, bliss and repeat
day 167 - you had both feet planted to grow roots for our future, this time it's forever
day 182 - the reflections in your eyes were always warm, but on this summer day they were quite far away
day 217 - our laughter doesn't echo anymore, it's always a silence
day 235 - even when you hold my hand, I barely feel your heartbeat, what is happening, my love? Where did you go?
day 270 - it's like the ocean wants to swallow me whole, will you pull me out? how far did you go?
day 302 - I can barely speak, we've been yelling for hours. I'm sorry, my love. What did I do?
day 327 - our picture frames fell in slow motion, there was a glass bottle in your hand. What do you need, my love? How can we mend?
day 344 - I looked into your eyes today, but you weren't there. There was no warmth in your touch today, I feel bare.
day 365 - you walked out the door today, a suitcase in hand. Was my love not enough? Was I the one who let us fade?
Series of the Days we never had
(Oct 14 2014 - Nov 2 2022)