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It spreads,
From your throat to your chest
Down your arms to your finger tips
Into your lungs, over your diaphragm

You're drowning
You can't breathe
And the only thing your body does
Is have tears stream down your face
You can't breathe

You're in the ocean
And you're drowning
There is no life raft
There is no hand to hold
No one is pulling you to shore

You're not safe
You're not whole
You're not fixed

It spreads,
From your chest to your stomach
Down your legs to your toes
Over your spine, under your knees

The walls fall away
The floor is not holding you
Your breath gets caught
You can't breathe
You can't breathe

I am not safe
I am not whole
I am not fixed

But I'll try to live
derelictmemory Sep 2020
The walls are so thin, i can hear you scream
The walls are so thin, i can almost feel your fear on my skin
It's not the end yet, love
I'm right here
I'm right here

The room is so cold, i don't know if you're still there
The room is so cold, i hope you're warmer than i am
It's not the end yet, love
We will survive this
We will survive this

The roof is leaking, my throat is so dry
The roof is leaking, I can't feel my hands
I heard the whispers
You'll be free soon
You'll be free soon

They came for you, im still behind this wall
They came for you, they didn't know i was here
My eyes are tired...
I'm glad you're safe
I'm glad you're safe
derelictmemory Dec 2019
A drink by my side
A cigarette in my hand
A long dreary silence
A neglected heart

She sits by the water
She observes the sea
Can't take the silence
But she'll grin with a cup of tea

He leans on the railing
He gazes at the clouds
Yearning a little more
Needing a touch of femininity
derelictmemory Dec 2019
I keep wandering this same path. Where I meet you and I fall in love then I lose you. It's  like a cassette stuck on one side. I saw myself cry, when I thought of what my wedding vows would be if we ever reached that point in our lives. And while the tears stream down my face, you'd lift a hand and you'd wipe the tears and you'd take me in your arms. Then you'd whisper, "I'm here."

Let me tell you a story about two very broken people. It started with an invitation to a table. I saw you and I thought to myself, "I want to know him." At the time, I didn't know that I would get what I had asked for. I was young. Naive. Foolish.

It was love and loss and love and loss and love and loss and now there's nothing left but cigarette ash and a deafening silence I never thought I'd feel this deeply. I gave love on a silver platter and it was left on the sacrificial altar. By the time they tried to get it back, I could no longer provide that same love.

It's like being home and getting lost again. But I wouldn't trade it for any other.
derelictmemory Nov 2019
It wasn't within the days that I lost you
It wasn't in the breaks where I was without you

It was when you were holding my hand
It was when I was close to you
but I was so far away
I was so so far away

It wasn't when I yelled at you
It wasn't the moment tears streamed because of you

It was when I looked into your eyes and they were empty
It was when you told me you loved me
but I saw the crinkle in your left eye
it was telling
it was so so telling

lay down my heart for the night
lay down my soul
lay me down in the ocean
lat me sink into the cold
derelictmemory Feb 2019
I met the love of my life
when my palms were still smooth
and my heart was still full.

The love of my life
was barely healing
while I was newly broken

When the love of my life
reached out to me
I would radiate warmth
but be encased in ice

When I reached out
The love of my life
would intertwine his fingers with mine
even though they were covered in thorns

We broke together
then we broke apart
The love of my life left me at 20
and all those years we lost
all the time we wasted
He is still the love of my life

I left the key under the mat
Just so he could find it
He held on to that key for the longest time
Before he finally used it
The love of my life came back to me

When the love of my life came back to me
I had just turned 23 and by then
My heart had been beaten, bruised, broken
My mind had been put back together
torn apart, and put back together again

When I saw the love of my life
for the first time in 3 years
I didn't know how to breathe
but I spotted him a mile away
He still smelled the same
and he still felt the same
like home

For the next six days
I got to experience the bliss
the ultimate peace of finally being home
For six days
I laughed and smiled
more than I had in a long time

When reality set in,
the love of my life
was not mine to love anymore
He made a life without me in it

I had done the same
but I kept a special space just for him
but like all homes
they eventually get run down
then they start to fall apart
until all that's left is just
the memories

The love of my life came back to me
but it's time for me to let go
it's time to actually move on
He was the love of my life
I was not the love of his life
I don't think I ever could be
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