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purse your lips for sour stinging kisses like lemons left too long in the sun,
homemade lemonade without enough sugar,
just the coating of gummy worms burning your tongue with redhot sweetness.
surround yourself not just with gold but yellow,
like the sun
like the lemon peel
like star trek command uniforms (original series, captain kirk loyalty)
like daffodils and sunflowers faces turned up on the prairie
like bright, obnoxious, bumbling, highlighter yellow,
satiate your sweet tooth with speckles of summers past, bright spots in the memory bank.
purse your lips for sour stinging kisses like honeybees in chapstick.
i woke up with daisies in my hair,
sunflowers sprouting from my closet,
someone telling me that i do not fit
with the color yellow. i have never
felt lighter, though, like i'm finally turning
back into apollo after a winter in the waves,
icarus out at sea. honeysuckle lipgloss,
cherry nails, coke can. i cannot wait for
summer, but for now, spring is more
than enough. the sun is setting on an
equinox, a changing. i can feel the roots
settling and sprouting and blossoms
unfurling.
I am Apollo in the way that I have always been Persephone:
When the sun sets as November gives way, leaves the world dark until the last dredges of February
have swirled down the drain of March,
I crawl into my lover's arms to wait out the chill.
When spring whispers through the incoming blooming trees,
gives kisses that taste like the promise of June,
I don the colors of the sunrise, of noon, of freckles and bare knees, and embrace the warmth of eternal fire.
I am Apollo in the way that I have always been Persephone,
the way the breeze twists my moods with the slightest chill, how love is found in flowers grown in fields sown with blood,
how my darling knows the ways that the seasons change me,
how he waits for the sun to thaw me and bring life back into me,
the way my mother awaits my homecoming, watching the end of winter eagerly for my arrival and spring.
jack of spades Dec 2018
i wish you knew how pretty of a shade of blue your eyes are,
the way your eyelashes frame them with delicate curls.
i wish you knew the way my chest feels like a helium balloon
when you laugh at a joke i make, the way you light up,
the curve of your mouth and the line of your teeth.
i wish you knew the way your hands feel when our fingers are intertwined,
warm and safe and i want to never let go.
i wish you knew the way i am always overflowing for you,
the way you put sparks under my skin and the way my heart
always rests in the base of my throat, like it wants the chance to see you.
i wish that i could show you the rhythms of your own voice,
the push and pull of syllables when you tell me about your day,
your friends, your hobbies, your loves and hates
and the things that have settled into the cracks of your brain.
i wish i could remember every single detail,
have a scrapbook database of all the things you've ever said,
all the ways that sunlight and stoplights have colored you ethereal.
i want to give you flowers and deep easy sleeps
and to unwind the knots in your shoulders.
i want to give you the moon and the stars and every record
you've ever wanted, want to send you to see all the people
who have ever positively impacted you, want to raise the dead
and risk hellfire for you.
i want to show you what you mean to me.
i want to be able to tell you.
i want you to know what i would give for you,
and i wish i knew the keynotes on how to make you irrevocably happy.
i wish i knew how to tell you to call me,
not just if you need to but if you want to,
because hearing you breathe is as good as ****** to me,
and you make cute sounds in your sleep but also sometimes
i want to wake you just to try to save you from
whatever it is that makes you groan.
i wish i knew how to save you from the things that weigh down on you.
i want to know how to help you with the things that weigh down on you.
i wish i could give you everything;
i know that you would really prefer to do it alone, to work for it.
i want to tag along, though, if that's okay with you.
because someone needs to tell you that you're cute,
and you deserve more love than i know how to give
but i want to at least try for you.
i wish you knew.
i want you to.
my darling deserves the world tbh
  Nov 2018 jack of spades
avalon
“why would you intentionally allow someone to wield power over you? you step perfectly in place for them to checkmate you.”

“yes,” i say with a smile. “that’s the point.”

she scowls. “losing?”

“giving enough of yourself to another person that you have something to lose.”
jack of spades Sep 2018
so i close my eyes and then picture you,
conjure your image into my bedroom:
the record spins and we've got nothing to do,
but when the music stops we continue to move.

you drag your hand through my bubblegum hair.
we're playing this game and we aren't playing fair.
killer competition with just breath in the air,
until you laugh and i crack, but my heart's in repair.
how is do rhyme?? meter??? not-free-verse??? wild
jack of spades Aug 2018
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY,
just want the light feeling to stay.
i don't want to feel this heavycrushinglonely,
don't want to be summer sad.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY
IN THE WAY THAT THE ADDAMS FAMILY IS,
IN THE WAY THAT THE GRAND CANYON IS,
IN THE WAY THAT IT SEEMS LIKE
everyone else already is.
i just want to be happy.
i just wish that i knew how to feel light.
i wish that i wasn't heavycrushinglonely,
that i had adventures and memories and smiles.
i wish my friends wanted to do more than just
drink and play video games in their apartment
that is suffocating with the smell of chase's vape
and cold and too cozy. i wish my friends did more
of that "aimlessly driving with the windows down,
the music blaring," but more importantly, i wish
that in those instances i could just stay in time.
i spend too much time stuck in my own mind,
and i don't know how to get out anymore.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.
i just don't know how to make that choice,
how to stick with it.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE LONELY.
I JUST WANT--
i don't know. i don't really know
what answers i'm looking for.
i just know that i've been
heavycrushinglonely for too long now.
what's the alternative to that, if not happy?
im glad that summer is almost over
it's my favorite season but the memories are miserable
at least when there's snow i have an excuse to be sad
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