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Alyssa Underwood Jan 2016
I would have taken the easy path
But that would leave no room for glory
I would have picked out a comfortable life
But that isn't God’s kind of story

I would have followed a prettier road
But missed the most beautiful way
I would have clung to familiar things
But lived out my days in the grey

I would have chosen what’s stable
But grown cold, apathetic and bored
I would have sought out earth’s riches
But lost all that in heaven is stored

I would have liked more successes
But not learned so quickly of grace
I would have seen myself praised more
But given up knowing God’s face

I would have tied all my loose ends
But not known it’s He Who brings peace
I would have wanted for happier times
But traded a joy that can’t cease

I would have opted for normal
But not tasted rare delicacies
I would have preferred a man’s love
But been robbed of Divine intimacy

He’s chosen for me the high road
More jagged, more narrow and steep
So now I must travel this difficult way
Ever knowing it leads to the deep

Now I must choose to cherish His path
And trust Him to walk with me there
Now I must hasten to take up my cross
The fellowship of His sufferings to share

For one day this life will be over
And all my afflictions will end
It is then I will see what all this is for
In my Bridegroom, my Savior, my Friend
~~~

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

~~~
Alyssa Underwood Jul 2017
It's delight which flows without measure
from the assurance that through every circumstance
and detail of my life God is ever beckoning and drawing me
into deeper intimacy with Himself, ever whispering to my heart,
“Come closer still.”

Joy in the midst of devastating loss, crushing disappointment,
unbearable pain or scourging heartache is about the discovery of
treasure so precious and rare that it never could have been found
had we not been forced to walk a path of affliction in the desert.

It's in the isolation and brutality of the wild that we come to know Him
in ways that transcend the span of human imagining or desiring,
and all the songs and all the poems and all the masterpieces
taken together cannot capture an estimable description
of the pleasures that might be unearthed there.

There lies before us in our afflictions a vast and wondrous beauty
yet undisclosed behind the fog, and like a theatrical curtain
slowly pulled back to reveal a perfectly set stage
He will sublimely unveil it in His own directed time.

And we shall be elated at the view,
for it's against a backdrop of struggle and darkness
that the best and most moving of stories have always unfolded.

Maybe nothing truly beautiful can ever take form on earth
without the shroud of mystery and brokenness surrounding it—
at least not the kind of beauty that takes our breath away
and leaves us yearning to possess it.
~~~

"You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy
in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."  
~ Psalm 16:11

"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You. On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me."  
~ Psalm 63:1-8

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees. The law from Your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold."  
~ Psalm 119:71-72

"'Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth...'"
~ Hosea 2:14-15
emily mikkelsen Jul 2018
recently
I got a little older,
learned a lesson or two,
like how loving someone
could never be as poetic
as I wanted it to.
like how nothing
would ever be as poetic
as I wanted it to.
how can I accept
that the miracle of love
isn’t really a miracle at all?
how can I wrap myself
in someone’s arms
when I know
that there isn’t any sort
of poetic loving involved?
how do I unlearn
the romantic thoughts
that taught me
about the fireworks,
the butterflies,
and the fluttering fingers
in the dark.
and accept that
maybe kissing
won’t be as spiritual as I thought.
maybe it’s really just a mouth on mine.
how do I unlearn my innocent heart
who lulled me into a false sense of hope
for a lover who would call
the way my body moves
art.
a lover who would feel
the poetry
in every word
I spoke in the dark.
The thuds in my chest stopped being my heart a long time ago-
my feelings ceased,
and maybe me,
the initial person I was,
is knocking on my ribs
begging for freedom.
Throughout all the voices in my head,
his is the lowest,
getting tangled in with all the
killers that took him,
torturing him until he's nothing but a headstone.
You don't see it,
but I do,
how I open my mouth to speak,
and he's accepted I just won't accent my words the way he used to.
My disappointment tore up your eyes,
as you saw the person I was
formed by a web of lies I loved to string up,
and tried to pretend I wasn't struggling to
get out-
All feedback is welcome
I wanted to do something emotional, I hope this conveys that.
Dolores Jul 2018
The feelings muffled by the pain,
Like a smoldering bonfire
Covered with damp leaves.

The dimming flame of affection,
Like the pieces of wood
Emitting sinuous smoke.

The infatuation hitting suddenly,
Like the bitter smell of carbon
Inspired with its blackness.

Quenched by
The heavy rain
Of experience.
Vish Sep 2018
You shouldn’t have come if leaving was all you had in mind

You do not deserve these words of mine and yet here I am writing line after line of heartache that you caused me

Because it is these words that help me cope with your unpleasant and unwelcoming departure

Thank you for leaving for it showed me that I am so much better off without someone who chooses not to appreciate the beauty that lies within me
to all the people who broke my heart
Alyssa Underwood Jul 2017
There are times when the Lord will take from us every familiar thing and send all the others away to have us to Himself, uprooting and dismantling our earthly anchors until we find no safe place of attachment but to Him alone. And though we search feverishly to secure another, He will faithfully cut off our efforts at every pass and every attempted by-pass, almost as though we could see them being escorted out the door, marching one after the other in file and possibly taking our sanity with them. “No, not another one! Where are they all going and why am I not invited?” But it is His alone to give or not to give, to give and take away.

The One Who took up the cross and took the cup of the Father’s wrath for us has the absolute right to take anything and everything from us at any time for whatever reasons might please Him. But know this for certain: concerning His redeemed, those reasons will always involve two things—glory and intimacy. They are the overriding answers to every lingering question of “Why?”.

But if we fail to understand His glorious and intimate intentions we may misconstrue our losses to be a sign that He is actually withdrawing His affection from us. The very things which He is doing for love’s sake to perfect our pathway to intimacy might be taken instead for obstacles blocking it, causing us to doubt His love. We could not be more wrong, but sometimes it's so hard to see through the veil of pain.

For it's a strange and bewildering thing to feel that you belong to no place and no person in this world, to have nowhere to call home and no one to share it with if you did. A severe untethering indeed that though meant to prepare us for flying can seem to us more like drowning. The sobering truth is that none of us belong to this life or the things of this earth; all sense of it is only an illusion, and pain and loss are simply the dispelling of the myth—the rude awakening from a bewitching dream we once had. But oh how we fight the disillusionment.

Maybe we remember a time when we had prayed to be refined, to be made more like Jesus, but we didn’t know it would have to hurt so bad and take so long and look so dark and feel so lonely. Even if we have understood and embraced His call to deeper intimacy we may after a while, when nothing seems improved either around us or in us, start to resent our belonging to such a determined and jealous Lover, though He is doing exactly what we had once asked Him to. We may start to think we can no longer bear anything except that which superficially distracts us from our grief. We may even start to give up hope, for if not anchored exclusively “behind the curtain” and if repeatedly crushed it threatens to **** our hearts for good should we have to face one more disappointment.

We may feel very much like we are flailing around in a deep and darkening ocean, repeatedly pulled under by the powerful tow and thrashing waves of overwhelming emotion and continuously knocked back by the brutal winds of confusion. Yet we can still see the unshakable boat of faith and truth standing solidly only a small distance away. We know it is real and that if we could just reach it we would be safe. We hear someone shouting through the din, “Just hold onto the boat! The boat will save you. Look beyond your feelings and walk by faith. Hold onto truth!” But can’t they see that as hard as we may try we have no strength to swim to the boat? Can’t they see that we are sinking?

And so we are left with nothing but to cry out to Jesus, to cry out to Him to bring the boat to us, to come Himself and rescue us. Do we have that much faith? Enough to just say, “Jesus, help me! I’m drowning!”? Enough to see that He is our only hope and nothing else matters apart from Him?

Because when we do, we will understand that this hope in Him alone is the very lifeline by which He will pull us to safety—back to faith, back to truth, back into His intimate arms of love, back into a peace which passes all understanding and into a joy that gives us strength for the journey.

As difficult as it can be in our grief to hear the Lord whispering truth to our hearts above the constant clanging of our feelings, we must now more than ever choose to take the time to be still and seek our soul’s rest in Him and in His promises. But how amidst such clamor and confusion?

Simply decide to cast your cares on Him, if only for the moment, by climbing into His Shepherd’s lap to look and loiter and listen. And if you have no energy to climb up, then just lift your arms and ask Him to pick you up. And if you haven’t the strength even for that, only raise your eyes toward Him and you will soon find your sanity restored as you behold His love for you. Ask Him earnestly to let you see it afresh, for perhaps you have been temporarily blinded from recognizing it.

Stop everything; cease just for this minute from all worry, anxiety, fear and anger. Forget the past and do not look toward the future. Focus only on this moment right now, as if you knew it would be your last, as if it were the very one to lead you into eternity. Inhale like fresh air the powerful promises of God’s Word. Soak in their grace and drink in their healing, keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus’ face. Can you see Him longing for you? Exhale every distraction, conflict and uncertainty of this world. Then listen... What is He saying to you right now? Wait for it, then let your soul rest in it, and let go of everything else. Rest in the grace of this present moment and in His strong, sure arms. Let Him take care of you, wounded one, for you are His beloved, and He longs to tend your broken and needy heart.
~~~

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
    my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
    He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."
~ Psalm 62:5-6

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
    and I have been saved from my enemies.
The cords of death entangled me;
    the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
The cords of the grave coiled around me;
    the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called to the LORD;
    I cried to my God for help.
From His temple He heard my voice;
    my cry came before Him, into His ears...
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the LORD was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
    He rescued me because He delighted in me."
~ Psalm 18:2-6,16-19

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf..."
~ Hebrews 6:19-20a
Bella Mar 27
I know that I'm a disappointment.

I've only been told that half a million times.

It's a running joke within the family now.

I know that I get angry at you.

I know I fight with you.

I know I make things hard.

And as much as you don't think so,

I'm trying really hard.

I'm trying to be better.

I'm trying to better myself.

Get my grades up.

And fix myself for you.

But to you,

I'll always be a dissapointment.
Natalie Feb 2016
That look,
that look you're giving me, i could tell what it is from a mile away.
You aren't mad, no. You're disappointed.
That look,
that look you're giving me, with your eyes darkened and the corners of your mouth twitching down.
You aren't sad, no. You're disappointed.
That look,
that look you're giving me, like i just stained your favorite sweater; the one that fits you just right.
You aren't remorseful, no. You're disappointed.
That feeling,
that feeling I get when you give me the look.
It's a punch in the gut.
A loss of trust.
A trembling, constant worry.
I'm not disappointed, No.
I'm the disappointment.
slay Oct 2018
Painted realize
Real lies
Contoured my jawline
Choked out fragmented, underchewed bites of asinine rhymes
Forcing my way back up mucked in stomach enzymes
Didnt anyone ever tell you to take your time?
Take smaller bites?
Or like women with strong personalities you bit off more than you could chew?
Drank far less tea than you once thought to brew
Did your mother ever blame herself when you couldnt finish your plate,
Or were you forced to sit there until its contents were scraped
Like the walls of my brain?
Digging my nails so deep into my hair i siphoned a drain
Relinquishing my lungs from the broth of my distain
Now that's where she really sealed my fate;
Letting you up from your dinner place before you cleaned your nightly plate
And so forth you learned what you wanted to take
Was alright with the woman who slaved hours of her day away
For the perfect texture,
Temperature,
Taste testing testamur
SO WHY NOT ME?
No man will ever know all the baby hairs ive tamed,
Couches ive rearranged,
Backs of earrings I've misplaced,
Shaved my legs,
Beat my face,
Smeared a fragrance down the nape n pinned my curls back only to let them fall with the grace you couldn't show.
Setting the dinner table, to which I was prone,
Pouring tea for two until I realized I was drinking alone.
duane hall Jan 29
As I slowly fall into the grip of mezzo consciousness
Your face emerges from the mist
A face this beautiful I shall never forget
Nor will I ever forget your beautiful silhouette
Is it really you, how can this be?
Last time I saw you,  you were wild and free
In the meadows we  used to run
Or Is this just an  illusion
You reach out your hand and we slowly caress
Your tongue explores my mouth's  inner recess
I slowly survey the curve of your lingerie
You leave me speechless, you take my breath away
Oh my god what's that horrible sound?
I open my eyes to find myself earthbound
I slowly turn over to silence the alarm
****, it was just a dream, I'm back on the farm.
ashw Jul 2013
I once was on an endless journey of turning left and right
There was bramble all around me, only
Nothing not alike.
Though none were up above me, I could not see the sky
All except my inner strength,
I had been left alone to die.
Deserted by the moon and stars, I was even without light
But desperate to be free again,
I braved the endless night.
Time escaped me, also. I traveled a day, a week, a year
But my body never weakened,
Nor hunger did I fear.
Even if I neared the end, I had no way to be sure
So, I promised myself it was close ahead;
Just one more set of turns.
But the exit never greeted me – and disappointment, it grew strong
I had broken so many promises,
My credibility was gone.
I could no longer reassure my mind, so I faced the truth instead
I prepared myself for eternity –
And an endless path ahead.
Atoosa Jun 2018
Even before our first date
You make sure we have The Conversation  
Heaven forbid I should mistake you for a man of honor
That I should have any expectation....
That you know how to treat me
As a friend .....or a lover
As a woman of substance
A lady not a *****


Your immaturity doesn’t surprise me
But until that moment that you showed your hand
I was willing to suspend my disbelief
To give you the benefit of the doubt
To let you set the bar higher
But you succeeded in lowering my expectations
Even further
Seeking a REAL MAN. Open heart, available future, ready for something true and awesome. Players and half-hearted daters need not apply. Bring the fire or go elsewhere looking for your fun cuddle bunny.....not to sound jaded. I'm not bitter. I'm just NOT wasting my time on manboys because I believe REAL MEN are out there and I want to find mine.
kevin hamilton Oct 2014
where were you when the dawn broke
and swallows filled the gentle breeze
that wet my eyes and swayed the oaks
searching in the forest for my keys

where were you when i was coated
in flecks of golden, caustic dust
caught in the wind as shores eroded
falling from the skies at dusk

you are what i see
in the blood of the setting sun
where were you, all emerald green
in perfect silks, by spiders spun
Spenser Bennett Feb 2016
There's an impossibility standing adjacent to the nearest star bound body
It waves and beckons with a sincere familiarity so unnaturally
I am the end of the undulating tunneled vision
I am become a silhouette of a dead city caught in the decaying story bones fiction

We are all emptiness and our emptiness is how we define ourselves.
But our emptiness will become a river into which we will find the world to be held.
The universe exists in the eyes of those who live without the sight to see
Those breathing, freezing stars that burn into the heart buried deep.

Constructs of will and portions of strength cut out the guilt of my youth
All roads lead to the sky but I will not seek to understand you
Futures are made in blinks and beats
Are they aware of the way we lay with our tangled feet under these threadbare sheets?

Follow the light of my darkness
A single shot of whiskey and a conversation whisks away my heart's hardness
All cool and breezy across the great green oceans
I'll meet you halfway between loss and a facsimile of dreamed emotions
Francie Lynch Feb 19
He promised happiness, but we got strife.
Eternal paradise, but we got life.
He promised the chosen, but they got fire.
He promised redemption, but he's a liar.
J-J Johnson Mar 2015
"No! No! This cannot be happening"
The words stumbled out as I tried hard to keep the sogged eye from draining
My vision became blurrer
And blurrer as I turned and run out of the house
Grabbing my stiletto as I did
Under the pear tree in the garden I stopped
And allowed the now heavy eyes
To drain the burning water
They flow on as if rain onto a wet clay statue
Bitter and hurt
Bitter from the disappointment and forlon
From a mixture of shock, disbelief and loss
Served in a glass of betrayal and a tray of painful regret
I raise the dagger in a drunken cognition
For my sob now has become the cry of a damage soul
A disfigured spirit
I can barely hear them from without in the midst of the caos
Those little voices in my heard
Screaming out at me
Hitting ******* the walls of my mind
Pushing my conciense
"Do it!" one says
"It wouldn't solve the problem" the other retorts
"But it will end it!"
"Leaving bigger problems"
The blood in my head is more than in any other part
The heat rising in exponents
The tension now causes my whole body to trob
To ache
My mind cannot hold it any longer
The quicker the better
I opened my mouth to say my final
But all the came out
Was a scream.
Big Virge Sep 2018
When You People See ME ...  
Do You Start To Feel ... "Scared" ... ?!?  

If You Do ...  
Let Me Ask You ...  

" ARE YOU PEOPLE FOR REAL ? "  
  
What Is The REAL DEAL ... ???  
  
Let's ... INSPECT Your FEAR ...  
Let The TRUTH Be REVEALED ... !!!  
  
Do You Start To Feel SCARED ...  
Because of My STARE .... ?  
  
Or ... Is It Because ...  
My Nostrils Start To FLARE ... ?  
  
Or Maybe It's Because ... ???  
I've Got A ... BLACK GLARE ... ?!?
  
It Seems ... This Is The View ...  
That ... Most of You Share ...  
  
Well .....  
  
Here Is ... MY VIEW ... !!!  
  
DON'T Look At ... " My COLOUR " ... !!!  
DON'T Look At ..... " My SIZE " ..... !!!  
  
STUPID ... Racist Remarks ...  
Are Really NOT WISE ... !!!!!  
  
DON'T Do It With ME ...  
Cos' You'll Be SURPRISED ...  
DON'T .... " STEREOTYPE " .... !!!!!!!!  
  
It Could Be Your DEMISE ... ?!?  
  
I SEE THROUGH Your Guise ...  
The FAKENESS' and LIES ...  
  
You've STILL GOT A PROBLEM ...  
With FORTHRIGHT Black Guys ... !?!  
  
YES Those Thought PROVOKING ... !!!  
And Those NOW ... OUTSPOKEN ... !!!!!  
  
DON'T LAUGH When You Read This ...  
Cos NOW I'm NOT JOKING ... !!!!! ...  
  
I'm NOT Just A ... " TOKEN " ... !!!  
For YOU To Sit ... POKING ... !!!  
Your RACIST Type ... " JOKES " ...  
While You ... SNIFF The Coc' ...  
  
Now DON'T Get Me Wrong ....  
NOT ONLY White Blokes ... !!!!!  
  
Caucasians To Asians ...  
Now Get My Blood RACING ... !!!!!!  
Because of The IGNORANT Things ...  
  
... You ARE Saying ... !?!?!  
  
  
"Your Attitudes THREATENING ... !!!  
Your DRESS is AGGRESSIVE ... ?!?  
Your Tone is DISTRESSING ... !?!"
  
"My Attitudes ... THREATENING ... ?!?  
What The HELL Does That Mean ?!?"  
  
My Lifestyle Is THREATENED ...  
By ... Government SCHEMES ... !!!  
  
Governments Run By ...  
  
" WHITES ONLY " ... Teams ... !!!  
  
Let's Just Get This STRAIGHT ... !!!  
  
The Blacks Who've Now ...  
... " Joined Them " ...  
  
Just Make Me IRATE ... !!!!!!!  
  
They ARE just As Bad ...  
With Their Nose IN THE AIR ... !!!  
  
PLAYING To The TUNE ...  
of Men Just Like ... BLAIR ... !!!  
  
They STILL HATE The ... " Dreads " ...  
  
"Boy, cut down your hair !"
  
Like Barbers and Shavers ...  
Have ALWAYS BEEN THERE ... ?!?!?  
  
I No Longer Care ...  
About Being Black ... !!!  
  
OH YES ...  
That's A FACT ... !!!!!  
  
Some Black Folk Look At Me ...  
As If I'm On CRACK ... !?!  
  
My Father Is ONE ...  
Who Stabbed Me IN MY BACK ... !!!!!  
  
NOT Just Me But My ... " Mum " ...  
....... That's A FACT ...... !!!  
  
NOT ... " LITERALLY " ...  
That's A DIFFERENT Story " ... !!!  
  
Let's ......  
Get Back To The Subject ...  
How I Am ... " Perceived " ... ???  
And Why Most of You Think ...  
  
I'm REALLY ... " Scary " ... !?!  
  
You People DON'T LISTEN ... !!!  
You Sit There ......................................... Dismissing .....  
  
The Problem's Blacks' Face ...  
In ... EVERY Workplace ... ?!?!?  
  
We're STILL Underpaid ...  
And Being ABUSED ...  
And ALWAYS Fall VICTIM ...  
of New BOGUS Rules ... !!!!!!!!!!  
  
Believe If You Like ...  
  
DISMISS If You Choose ...  
  
But ALWAYS REMEMBER ...  
We Can LOSE OUR COOL ... !!!!!  
  
And These Days It's GUNS ...  
Just Check In The News ...  
  
DUMB Rappers Sold Out ...  
For ... Financial CLOUT ... !!!  
And That's The New Message ...  
The Media ... " TOUTS " ... !!!  
  
You DUMMIES BELIEVE ... ?!?  
That's What Blacks Are About ... !?!  
  
EVERY Young Black ...  
Is NOT A **** Lout ... !!!!!  
  
But That's Your EXCUSE ...  
When Young Blacks ...  
Start To SHOUT ..... ?!?  
  
Back In The Old Days ...  
In The .... " U.S. of A " ...  
  
We Were TOLD NOT TO SPEAK ... !!!  
To Simply Be ... "meek" ...  
And WATCH OUT For WHITE SHEETS ... !!!!!  
  
But When Brothers Came ...  
With A ... Message of PEACE ...  
  
BOTH Malcolm and Martin ...  
Were BOTH ... "Put To Sleep" ...  
  
If We SPEAK ... We Get BEAT ... !?!  
If We DON'T ... We Get BEAT ... ?!?  
  
SO STOP Your ACCUSING ... !!!  
When YOU KEEP ABUSING ... !!!  
Cos THIS You May FIND ...  
  
Is A DEATH LINE Your Choosing ... !!!  
  
I'm Writing This Prose ...  
To Stay OPEN ... NOT Closed ... !!!!!  
  
Just Like MY NOSTRILS ...  
When Frustration SHOWS ... !!!!!  
  
Let Us EXPRESS ...  
OTHERWISE Take The BLOWS ... !!!!!!  
  
Muhammad Has SHOWN You ...  
How THAT Contest Goes ... !!!!!!  
  
REMEMBER These Words ...  

What YOU SEE Is ABSURD ... !?!
  
I'm A PERSON Like YOU ... !!!  
NOT A ... Violent Tool ... !!!  
  
STOP Trusting Your Telly ...  
The Message Is SMELLY ... !!!!!!  
  
Just Because I Am Black ...  
You DON'T Have To Be ... " WARY " ...  
  
My Moods Like Yours ...... " VARY " ......  
  
So ...  
Do Me A FAVOUR ...  
  
" Stop Saying I'm Scary !!! " .....
Simply, it's HARD to be Black ANYWHERE, but, in London, contrary to what is presented as being The Truth ..... Don't let all the Pretty, Polite, TOLERANT Talk, Fool Ya ... !!!!!!
H E L E N A Dec 2018
The moon dusts off the rust,
Begonias woebegone,
Withering wisterias forlorn.

And in the morning,
A flower of mourning.

A blossom, a *****,
Baby's breath
In a smug golden wreath

Left bright yellow carnations
Of shifting grey hues,

Hard-to-pinpoint
Variations;
There might have been some blues.
YELLOW CARNATIONS: disappointment, regret
BLUE CARNATIONS/MOONDUST: a rarity, mystery, fickle, truth
Bad Luck Jul 2018
Doing a dance,
to wear a mask,
To play a game that you can’t stomach . . .
Just so that the truth doesn’t have to face you,
The way you recoil from reflections of yourself.

You’d forsake your happiness, your health —
                                                  You would burn it all.

To do a dance,
To wear a mask
To play a game you’ll always lose.
                                                  To look in a mirror . . .
             To tell an image, that it’s anything but you.

And it is in that moment, that you'll find
                                you tell the unfamiliar truth
As you bleed and feed your own obliterated youth . . .

To feel, and then
                          to lose —
Just like the loss you always knew

                          You would find in disappointment.
Like an unholy anointment
                          of your least desirable possessions
That retire from the heavens
                          Back to you.


To betray, and to amuse
                                                          A­lone.
The ides of irony rejoice!
               For they’ve found their lamb... or
their ever-dying muse.
                 Forsaking life itself, you clamor
To see others just like you.

And maybe, one day, one will choose
           the path that you can’t leave,
As it reciprocates to thee —
            Two partners in misery, fated to excuse
the waste of each other...
            until they find there’s nothing left.

To feel the flame within its breath consumed.

Wearing a mask,
To live a lie,
                And die a death,
                Whose dance you six-times misstep


                              And on the seventh, betrays you.

"Bad Luck: In a Wakeful Contradiction" is now available on Amazon in paperback!

Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1691941182
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