Alexander T: Poems

Jan 2019 · 357

not okay

Alexander T Jan 2019

not okay

everyday you see this smile
thinking its real
thinking everything is okay

if you only saw the inside
you would understand

#notokay

Jan 2019 · 394

yeah... im a teen

Alexander T Jan 2019

yeah... im a teen

im a teen, of sorts
17 years and still told to speak up
but I cant tell you to listen
told to speak
but all thats heard is a long drawl
"but you need to stop
grow some thick skin"
shut the F* up
listen to me
cant you see me
cant you hear me
I tell you that hurts
I tell you my pain
but where is the change
"you arent old enough to understand"
im old enough to have a heart
old enough to speak
im old enough to feel
why do you think
every time you cry
I try to help you feel better
ive been there
and if not
ill walk right next to you
for you
so shut up and listen

how todays youth get treated, but yet they have more ideas than just about any adult, so listen to us

#standupandspeak #listentous #empowerment

Nov 2018 · 329

December

Alexander T Nov 2018

December

holding my hand
i was on top of the world
the lights all around
defining what surrounds

the feelings that I have for you
in this monthly dream
walking down the street
never thinking about the reality

look at that smile
the happiest girl in the world
im the proudest man alive
I never knew what was coming

this month thats coming
the coldest ever recorded

feedback?

#monthly #broken #dreaming

Nov 2018 · 264

in the clouds?

Alexander T Nov 2018

in the clouds?

beautiful clouds so shy
why do you have to be so high
so pleasing to the eye
couldn't you just help me fly

does this work

#escape

Nov 2018 · 236

wheres mommy

Alexander T Nov 2018

wheres mommy

I remember being young
careless, not a worry in the world

I was so happy
I was that kid running around
trying to race everyone

never feeling alone

I didnt know right from wrong
but what was wrong with that

one day
I remember my mommy
she was listening to the phone

I had a really good day
except for when that teacher
called me over

"why do you have that bruise dear"
gasp and that cut

I looked down
"oh, I fell yesterday"

she sent me off to play again

so, my mommy on the phone
she covers her mouth
I asked what was wrong
but she didnt say a thing

over the next few days thats how it went
me talking to the teachers between races
and my mom listening to her voicemail

one day I came home
a nice lady in a suit
wanted to talk to me

I thought she was cool so we talked
she asked me all sorts of questions
how much do you eat
when
what do you do for fun
have you ever been hit

I told her everything
not a single care
it was fun right

she left while talking about me on the phone
give it a little while
and an hour later
she came back with 4 police officers
I could smell cologne

They smiled at me and on walked me over to a squad car, asked if I wanted to sit up front. "sure." Who could say no? The nice lady sat with me fro a while and talked a lot. A little while later, she took me in her car. We drove for an hour. I forgot to ask though, "Wheres mommy?"

for anyone who has been in something like this or knows someone who experiences this.

#dcscps #taken #questions

Nov 2018 · 641

I gave everything

Alexander T Nov 2018

I gave everything

She had galaxies
In her eyes
And her tears
Were falling stars

I lost that girl
not in a way that it all ends
but where it totally changed
I still love her more then the best friend we have to be
is it my fault
is it me
I lost the last bit of hope in finding someone,
to live with forever
I cant love her like that
it is forbidden
I gave my life to her
she didnt **** me
but someone else did,
her mother
took that love away
that girl love me
I love her
whats wrong with that
I was always there for her
even in my worst times
I was still there
what is wrong with me
am I that bad
did I **** up that bad when I was ten
thats when I ****** up
but I am still held back 7 years later
I gave everything
I know that I am better than every other,
woman or man
I am the best for her
I became better
lost so many things
so I can have her
I gave everything
I dont know what to do now
do I give up?
thats an option.
should I go,
an option too.
I ****** this up before I even met her
isnt that like discrimination or something
wouldnt that be illegal or something
if not it should be
I have nothing now.
I just need some love
something to help me live again
I was alive for a year,
but I am dying again
what can I do
I gave everything
for her
for our love
was I wrong
to ever fall in love like this
to smile again
I hurt now
because I know we will never be anything
I gave everything
...
and its all gone

I just dont feel like living all the time anymore, how can such a perfect love be destroyed by someone not part of it?

#lostlove

Oct 2018 · 218

here's a look

Alexander T Oct 2018

here's a look

The pain
It comes and goes
A startled shame
That nobody knows

#pain #open #honest #true #real

Oct 2018 · 226

beautiful angel from heaven

Alexander T Oct 2018

beautiful angel from heaven

my beautiful angel
I'd give you the world
nothing in return
all for you
not a day goes by
that I don't think of you
after all this time
my love still grows
baby
not a day goes by
I am amazed
how our hearts collided
and created this image
this beauty
that is so unique
only we can see
my first hour that I was away
I already missed you more than I did anything else
just imagine now
how these feelings are
my beautiful girl
I constantly think of you

#love #missingyou

Oct 2018 · 1.1k

reliability

Alexander T Oct 2018

reliability

why do I keep relying on people
it seems like every time I do
its just another letdown
another heartbreak

tell me tomorrow
do I believe that too
ha, you know I do

just keep on telling me those lies
watch me fade away
out of existence
into oblivion

watch me go
watch me leave
pretend to care
this is so unfair

I will stay at your knees
believe everything you say
be your slave
as I fade away

I fall to you
I love you

and you destroy me

I do all my good
for you
keep pushing me away
I will stay for you

until I am gone
I am at your quarter

I am all yours
until my forever doesnt exist

your words are like a knife
sharp and deadly
but at the same time
safe and comforting

so I will say at your mercy
I will be yours

when I am gone
please forget me
I am not worth remembering
I am nothing

a ghost thats what I am

I am yours until my heart is blackened
decayed
destroyed

I will give you my all
and I return
I will have nothing

many months ago...

#old #hurt #pain #depression #toxiclove

Oct 2018 · 170

Trained killer

Alexander T Oct 2018

Trained killer

my words are like a sharpened sword
providing the ultimate protection
or destroying everything it touches

I know just where to strike
I can ****
or it can save

I am deadly
dont touch me
for what happens next is unclear

every little pain to me
erects a newer weapon
each more deadly than the last
sharper and more precise
with every use
I become more vilified

when I leave
there will be scares
there will be tragedy

a master of my art
a devastated lonely assassin
I am a trained killer

months ago...

#pain #killer #sad

Oct 2018 · 781

that girl

Alexander T Oct 2018

that girl

love is the key
it opened my heart
and closed the hole

you healed me
I was torn apart
you fixed my soul

I dont like the air
so I drown the time

...

I dont want to die anymore
I have reasons to stay
I have a girlfriend

I might not be kinetic energy
but I have potential energy

that girlfriend
keeps me sane
I havent spoken to her in a while
or seen her in some time
but she stays in my heart
to keep me from being torn apart

this is my poem
I am evolving
I am growing
I am me

made for my girl in June, when I was away for months. She never knew just how much I thought of her (all the time), but now she knows everything.

#jail #mygirl #life #change

Oct 2018 · 210

Voice

Alexander T Oct 2018

Voice

I heard your voice today
after four years
I heard your voice

I imagined this day before
I thought we would talk longer
share a couple memories
laugh a few times

"I missed you"

"I thought of you"

"I miss the fun"

endless conversations
playing in my head
I've thought of millions
but not a single one right

im at a loss of words
this is totally new
I heard your voice
but I had no choice

who was that person
with the nails on a chalkboard
razors in the shredder
type of voice

"hello, is this Angela?"
"no"
"who is this"
"faith"
"oh, well... it's Alex"
"im not supposed to talk to you"
(you sound like a trained killer)
"I know, can you tell mom I said hi"
"yeah"
(you executed perfectly)
"im sorry"
(dial tone)

who was that
my used to be sister
I dont know

I thought it would be different
I was wrong
do I deserve this life
she spoke like I dont

she used to like me
so who is that

I heard her voice today
after four years
I wish I could forget

after the first time talking to my step-sister in four years in July.

#sad #confusing #new #different #lost #numb

Oct 2018 · 357

the face of life

Alexander T Oct 2018

the face of life

I wish I could write something beautiful
just for you
but my life is so horrible
because you arent here

this plays in to my words
because there is no beauty in me
I cant see the light
I am surrounded by night

everywhere I look
there are people
yet I am so lonely

I can hear the voices
but they're not for me

I am in a cold, desolate land
but its so scalding

my only joy
comes from seeing your face
and hearing your voice
all a distant memory

I was looking over all of my poems the other day and I decided that this was one worth putting on here. I wrote this about 7 or 8 months ago. This is one of my better ones from this time.

#love #missingyou #injail

Oct 2018 · 511

The Equation

Alexander T Oct 2018

The Equation

what is the answer
there should be an equation
but if there was

actually... I think I know
I look at her
she looks at me
we smile
we laugh
and I know
we can spend this life
together

she is here
she is now
we
us
she is life

I love her

she is my answer
me plus her equals us

my equation is her
my answer is her
its only complicated
if you cant see
if you cant feel
'cause each time we walk into a room
you feel the love

we see eye to eye
we feel heart to heart
when can we finally start
cause you are the answer

The Answer

#equation #answer #life #her #love

Oct 2018 · 208

why the pain

Alexander T Oct 2018

why the pain

these thoughts in my head
they're destroying me
painfully

I wish it was slow
so I have more time

I am losing it
I hate this
I am trying
but I am failing

she is hurting
and I cant do a thing

maybe i should just accept that
that could be the answer
but I have to help
I cant leave yet

I cant leave her
she is the one

I would give my life
just for her happiness

I am at a loss of words
I dont know what to do

I hope you feel better
I hope I can help you
because you helped
my life
you helped me

#loveher #givemylifefor

Oct 2018 · 1.7k

Heartbeat

Alexander T Oct 2018

Heartbeat

I felt my heartbeat today
I cant remember the last time

when I met you
I knew there was something
but I never could have guessed this much love
could have ever came from what we make

you're making me live
I want to live
all because of you

all because of you
im starting to learn happiness
and it all starts with you

I love her from the very first moment, and now that I have her i love her more and more. And she knows that too.

#love #heart #happy

Oct 2018 · 216

Names

Alexander T Oct 2018

Names

weird kids
cool kids
crazy kids
gang kids

of all of that
we are all still kids

no judging, kids are kids and they are all smart and perfect in their own way.

#kids #names #judgement

Oct 2018 · 180

something new

Alexander T Oct 2018

something new

its the start of something new
anxiety builds
self conscious wreaking, breaking
but I can make it through

wrote months ago, but this is just one of the things I use when I feel the anxiety building

#anxiety #unknown

Oct 2018 · 198

Days and Nights

Alexander T Oct 2018

Days and Nights

days and nights
thery're all the same
pain, pain, pain
same, same... same

it makes no difference
walk or run
awake of asleep
maybe even,
live or die

...

days and nights
I think of you
love, love, love
us, us... us

you are the difference
calm or happy
smile or laugh
maybe even
live my life

this is the one, this is the girl

#love #difference

Oct 2018 · 362

silence

Alexander T Oct 2018

silence

you are the kind of unnoticed excellence
that carries around people,
every day
accidentally overlooked
my buried jewel
you may not be flawless
but you're still so perfect

#love #perfectflaws #silent #beautiful #excellence

Oct 2018 · 291

my mirror

Alexander T Oct 2018

my mirror

who is that
staring at me

she is so ugly
he is too fat
not even all that smart

I can hear the words,
"you aren't worthy"
"you aren't sorry"
"keep the blood coming"
and worse

nothing is a surprise anymore
nothing wants to be seen

it should have shattered
it should have broke
seeing so much pain
it leaves me in pieces

Sometimes I feel like this, so I decided to put it in words a month ago. And I know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

#mirror #reflection #reality #truth #pain #shattered #broken #sad

Oct 2018 · 441

Can I do anything to help?

Alexander T Oct 2018

Can I do anything to help?

these thoughts in my head
theyre destroying me
painfully

I wish it was slow
so I have more time

I am losing it
I hate this
I am trying
bit I am failing

she is hurting
and I cant do a thing

maybe I should just accept that
that could be the answer
but I have to help
I cant leave yet

I cant leave her
she is the one

I would give her my life
so she could be happy
but I know that wont happen

I am at a loss of words
I dont know what to do

I hope you feel better
I hope I can help you
because you helped me

for anyone

#love #help #feelbetter #pain #destroyed #accept

Sep 2018 · 648

another thing I cant unsee

Alexander T Sep 2018

another thing I cant unsee

there is another thing that I cant unsee
my brother smile
when he used to see me

he used to smile
but now its clouds

I hurt him so much
I cant even begin to describe what he could feel

his smile was so childish
so amazing
and in less than a second
it vanished
into something...
indescribable

I am full of guilt
I am a criminal
I stole his happiness
I stole his dreams

Im so sorry bro
I wish I could take it all back

me even saying that im sorry isnt enough
nothing is enough anymore
you deserve such a better life

if you can still live
than please do,
but I know that that's venturing quite far

my sad brother
im sorry for the pain that I have caused for you
I should have never done it
I had no brain
no thoughts
no empathy
I never thought

that smile
it used to be so bright
I turned it off faster than a blink

can I even explain this
am I even at liberty

#sad #sorry #hurt #regret #depressing #deep

Sep 2018 · 266

another conversation

Alexander T Sep 2018

another conversation

ups and downs
rights and wrongs
ill pull through
look at me now
you see better
you see a little happiness
coming through the dark

I write poems just talking to the girl

#better #happier #nice #smile #stronger

Sep 2018 · 1.6k

Minds Little Trick Followup

Alexander T Sep 2018

Minds Little Trick Followup

someone said young love at its finest
it more than that dude
its life
its living

she is everything
she is still my best friend
and thats more than I could ever ask for
she is love

I know I need to give a little time
help myself get better
for her
for her family
our family

she still loves me
and I guess I was just scared that I would never hear that again
but I know I will
because our love is neverending
even if we cant be together
we will always be the best of friends

she said that
even if we arent together
we will always love
always be friends

and I cant ask for more
just knowing her is a blessing

so to the dude who said
"young love"
ur quite wrong
adults cant even love this way

sure we get mad and argue
but we get stronger each time
because we want to
because she is life
she is everything

this is more than love
more than life
bigger than the universe

that last poem was a little sad, but that was my feeling at the time. and this is the smarts showing through.

#everlastinglove #girl #smart #change #smile #bittersweet

Sep 2018 · 336

Minds Little Trick

Alexander T Sep 2018

Minds Little Trick

I give you my everything
and now it seems like you have deserted me
I know its not true
but it feels like it

I hate me
I hate me
I hate me
I hate me
I hate me

I cant say it enough
did I ruin this

did I ruin it before it even started
all the things we have said
were they 100% true
because I just dont know anymore

everything is leaving again
I thought we had something
and you just took it away like it was nothing
was it real
or was it a dream

im sorry baby
I know im horrible
I know I would do that too

f**k im sorry if this hurts you
you know who im talking about

Sep 2018 · 219

no death allowed

Alexander T Sep 2018

no death allowed

in life there is this thing called death
but what if death
just dissipated
went away

what would I do

would I talk
would I eat
would I care,
okay, thats not a good question
I would always care

but seriously
what would I do
would I even need to write poetry

I do everything now because I know I will die someday
just like I love my girlfriend now
I want to make sure she has an amazing life
and she makes my life amazing

would we even be able to call it life
if there was no death

how would I wrap things up
would I even be able to?
would this just continue on forever

I know that if I couldnt die
I would jump off a bridge or two
hang a couple of times
go into space with no gear
I would do anything

I would be more selfish...
maybe

maybe I would be different
but what if im just the same

then would that bridge be so available
because I know its not quite an option now
I cant do that

would I do anything like I do now?

So, what if?
What would I do?

A topic that I am exploring a little in poetry club.

#forever #what #different #death #life #wouldi

Sep 2018 · 486

what I cant unsee

Alexander T Sep 2018

what I cant unsee

i remember a long time ago
sitting with my brothers
they were covered from head to toe
but not in what you might expect

we were in a big house
at my aunts
sitting in the hallway

in such a short time
they were so content
I didnt realize what it was
at the time I was only 6 or 7

like I said
covered
not in any ordinary substance
it was a recycled thing
very gross

you could not even guess
what I cant unsee

no boxers
no clothes
but still covered

having such a great time
playing in the stuff
tasting their handy work
pretending it was a sandwich

they were covered in
the most stinky thing they could find
or in their case, make
they were covered in
crap

to my brothers. all grown up now. I hope you know better :)

#funny #cringe #smile #distant #memory #happy

Sep 2018 · 219

stay

Alexander T Sep 2018

stay

I know its been a while
it's getting late
baby just stay a while
please just wait

hear me out girl

its been a year
full of heartache and hardships
I lost life then
but you kept me alive

I stayed away from deaths knife
and I came back to life

everyday
you had a say
and led the way
so baby just stay

them **** love songs ain't doing a thing anymore
I don't know what to do anymore
I cant live anymore
without you girl
i'm gone from the world

you've been hurt
you've been in pain
stuck out in the rain
you've felt the knife
and now you might question life

baby you know i've felt that
i've heard that
I know that

this pain
it will all go away
baby just stay
i'll make it go away
just stay
stay

I couldn't hurt you
don't be scared
i'm not like them
they think they're the ****
but they're just full of it

take a seat
and you can see
that we are meant to be

don't worry
i'll take care of it

don't cry
need a kiss?

i'll be there
just stay
and don't you worry
I'll stay too
i'll stay

Im not sure if this is good, please give feedback. I hope that this makes sense. This could be a song, but I dont know how to get the rhythm.

#love #lyrics #worry #stay

Sep 2018 · 3.0k

lies for my therapist

Alexander T Sep 2018

lies for my therapist

You already know why I'm here don't you?
I would tell you but you are so smart,
Probably heard all this before

Here comes the lies
The pattern of my life

I am happier now a days
I can see more light than ever before
Its like life really wants me
Can relate with me so well

When I smell the fresh air
I know that there is still a world for me
In the city or in the subs
Someone is there

I haven't fantasized in a long lime
Its been months since my last urge
I have never attempted, not even once

You know me
I smile and I laugh
My eyes are dry
If I need to cry,
The tears will come

My poems are getting happier too
You can feel the sun
It radiates from the words,
The verbs,
The nouns,
And the pronouns,

You really know how to help me
The music is so fresh
My sleep has never been better
I am glad that I feel better

I would tell you if anything was wrong
I trust you
I know you want to help
I have never been happier
Waking up I know is a blessing
You have helped me in every way

I wrote this for my poetry club after hearing a similar poem by a really great poet. His name is Miles Walser. Inspired by, Lies I've Told my Therapist, in Reverse Chronological Order.

#lies

Sep 2018 · 180

lie with me tonight

Alexander T Sep 2018

lie with me tonight

lie with me tonight
feel my breathing
hear my heart
feel the kisses
like rain on your soft lips
know that you are in my heart
never doubt
the way I love you

#love

Sep 2018 · 377

my small but true words

Alexander T Sep 2018

my small but true words

I love you so much, everything is just a reminder of how perfect life is being with you. every pain gives me the chance to learn more that you still love me

to the girl who is still saving my life

#love #girl #perfect

Sep 2018 · 190

not quite a poem

Alexander T Sep 2018

not quite a poem

you are sweeter than honey but flow better than water, right through me, washing all my sorrows away

#love #away

Sep 2018 · 565

for my girl

Alexander T Sep 2018

for my girl

over and over
I think about someday
When I will see you again
When I can kiss your smooth skin
feel the warmth of your heart
Every second
is filled with your spirit
I still have questions though
guess I am just too messed up
but do you really love me
I know you have proved you do
many times
I told you everything
you still love me
I hope im enough
I dont feel like it
last night I asked
"am I worth your love"
"yes, I wouldnt love you otherwise"
well, I love you
I dont know if I have proved that enough
I know that me still wanting to die sometimes
that must feel horrible
Baby im sorry
I still fantasize
I still remember
all of our warm hugs
all of out tears
all of our love
I think of what we had and have
it is so unique
just like you
you are perfect to me
I think of sleeping next to you
I get so many butterflys
my everything gets so warm
even right now
as im writing this
no editing
this is all from the heart
so,
I love you.

#love

Sep 2018 · 3.7k

Help Me, Please

Alexander T Sep 2018

Help Me, Please

help me,
I want to die
I want that knife
I want the lasting peace

I hate me
I hate how I have everything,
and I still feel like dying
I hate how I cant love her enough

I want to die
I want an end
I am sad
I am depressed
everything that should be happy,
just isnt

I need your help
I need something
I want to keep going,
but I want to die

I love her
She loves me
I have everything I have ever wanted
so why do I feel this way

I am empty
a void
I need help
I dont want to leave her

she is everything
I dont want to hurt her
I am scared that I will,
if I say that I still want to die
help me

self-explanitory

#suicide #scared #hopeless #depression #love #confused #unknown

Sep 2018 · 334

Conspiracy Theory

Alexander T Sep 2018

Conspiracy Theory

A walk through life
left, 9/11
right, moon landing
above, Aliens
below, there's the devil

What is being said
we are a simulation
our lives are being controlled
our phones have been tapped

in this world
I have one question,
what isnt a theory

can you hear me
I said what isnt a theory

so speak to me
are you being told to say that?
am I programmed to write this?
whats your theory

#conspiracy #questions #confused #controlled

Sep 2018 · 238

What would I say

Alexander T Sep 2018

What would I say

If I could tell you everything
What would I say

Would I explain my love for you
No, thats impossible

Would I say im suicidal
no, not quite true anymore

What would I say...

#confused #love #impossible

Sep 2018 · 530

you, my perfect girl

Alexander T Sep 2018

you, my perfect girl

My heart aches
My life hurts

When I see you
it goes away

how can you love me
I am so horrible

You are perfect
you are life

I still cry
but I know your by my side

I hope my love knows...

#love #confused #sad #cry

Sep 2018 · 215

you

Alexander T Sep 2018

you

my biggest fear,
losing you
What you might not hear
I LOVE YOU

Sep 2018 · 239

everything

Alexander T Sep 2018

everything

I have waited years and years, and now that its here, I can wait no longer. I have needs and wants, I need-want you. and some how I know, I have time to wait. Live longer. My mind whispers, who is she to you?
She is everything

#love

Sep 2018 · 2.7k

you killed me

Alexander T Sep 2018

you killed me

I hope nobody trusts you again
like I did you

I pray you never hurt another person
like you did me

You carved into my soul
And have taken peices
They will never grow back

Dont ever say that you want to help
because you will just hurt again
you will destroy
and you will ******

This is the perfect story
for a broken heart

you made me feel good
and I just dont understand
how you killed me

I told you everything
and you continued to destroy what was left
and turned me into this

a grumpy
unwanted
suicidal being
Who you illusioned
believing all was good
while you tore me apart
and extracted my heart

I hope you never have somebody
like I thought I had in you

I hope you get what I got in you
because your time is due
you earned that

I hope nobody trusts you
because you will hurt them too

You will tell them what they need
and when its time for you to work
you will never be there

Give us that fake smile
the one that used to push the clouds away
but I know now
that the tornado is coming our way

you make things seem okay
seem liveable
just to gain your unholy power

Hurt is a childs dream
compared to this terror

I have lost all hope

you told me you will help
the only thing you helped
is to ****

Never talk to me again
I cannot bare your lies

For anyone who has ever felt this way

#hurt #pain #love #broken #bonded #lie #hate

Sep 2018 · 317

the darkness in you

Alexander T Sep 2018

the darkness in you

call me suicidal
call me a loser
call me stupid
call me a ******

But little do you know
I am all of these

I am dark
and I leave a mark

Little do you know
I am the darkness in you

#dark #know #suicidal #stupid #loser

Sep 2018 · 6.9k

Leave

Alexander T Sep 2018

Leave

what is the meaning of life
if my heart wants the knife

What is the point of love
if theres nothing to dream of

How am I supposed to live,
feeling this way
If I want to **** myself,
Every **** day

I keep searching for reasons
Theres only a steady hum
stuck with closed minded relations
hearing nothing but a drum

stuck in this war
I am cold and sore

I am doing the time
but what is my crime

I can see blood
It looks like mud
Theres nothing left in me
so why dont you flee

I am undefined
and not so kind

you need to see
that theres nothing left for me
I dont want to breathe
So say I wont leave

#challenge #suicide #pain #heartache #death #alone

Sep 2018 · 282

questions

Alexander T Sep 2018

questions

there seems to be no end
i am in an indescribable pain
that no one knows but me

I want to trust you
But I dont know you

You seem to understand
Like that last thing I let in
But she killed me

I want us to work
I want us to be friends
Will you open up the door
not wreck me
help me clean up
or at least be there when i need it

Are you the someone I need
Or an I just destined to be alone
Filled with heartache

Asking death to come
Please finish the job

I dont know what else to feel

#sad #death #suicide #trust #opening

Sep 2018 · 183

sit down and cry

Alexander T Sep 2018

sit down and cry

I sit in the corner
crying for you
knowing no matter how many rivers I cry
I will never get back with you

#crying

Sep 2018 · 195

smile

Alexander T Sep 2018

smile

i smile to hide the truth
that i was happier when i was with you

#love

Sep 2018 · 268

the disaster

Alexander T Sep 2018

the disaster

people tell me I dont look the same
maybe ive lost weight
maybe ive lost all

the truth is
im just not the same
im a disaster waiting to happen
or already happened
just ask anyone who was ever important to me

#done #sad #disaster

Sep 2018 · 226

The Lonely Boy

Alexander T Sep 2018

The Lonely Boy

Death says to me
Come here my boy,
I'll take you away

I think, "I can finally flee"
I am not playing coy
The pain will go away

I love the idea of living
But the pain wont go away
Just like a knife to the heart
And I dont want to live
Feeling this way
I dont want to live at all
I have no love
And nothing happy
In this thing they call life

I wish I had a friend
Girl,
If pickiness was an option
But anyone would do

I thought I would be happy,
If I could find someone good
But there is no good in site

I am suicidal
But I cant bring myself to do it
I am waiting to find someone good
Or to save another life
To help a girl
Who feels like me

I dont hate
But myself

I am giving up
Slowly these changes are coming
I want to cut deep
Deeper than ever before
Sharp and precise
Smell the iron
See the red
Feel the warmth that she could never give
Make me dead

Death
If you could
Make it easy
I don't want to hurt anymore
I want to stop feeling
Make me satisfied
Take me away
**** me

I am ready to leave
I am ready to go
Make it easy
No one needs to hurt for me
They dont deserve it
I need to leave

This is me
This may be the last
Goodbye

Four months and not much has changed. I should be happy. I have a wonderful girlfriend, good friends, a great father, but I still hate life. I have it all, but I am so empty

#pain #help

Nov 2017 · 239

Changing

Alexander T Nov 2017

Changing

I don't know why I feel like this
I have felt it for such a long time now
But something is changing

I feel a little different
A little happy
A little better

Its so weird
Now that she feels and looks better
I do too

#changing #happy

Nov 2017 · 408

Understanding

Alexander T Nov 2017

Understanding

Whether its from a rock
Or from a person
Understanding is great

We seek it all the time
But most of the time
We cant find it

I wish I could tell you where to find it,
But truthfully
I don't know where it is

But i can tell you this
I will do my best to understand you
You are important
You are all life's meaning

And believe it or not
There are quite a few people
People who will understand you

This person may look weird
Or smell funny
Or even have a lisp

But the important thing?
There is someone who understands you
It may even be me
I hope you feel understood

You are never alone. There is always someone out there who is willing to help. Look for them, you will find them.

#understanding #help #love #pain #sad