if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like his love is penetrating your veins through your mouth, if he kisses you and you feel like you owe him something more, if he kisses you and it feels like his tongue is searching for a "yes" in the back of your throat, if he kisses you and you don't feel like it is a direct pouring out of his love for you from his mouth to yours, if he kisses you and time doesn't stop, if he kisses you and the room doesn't spin, if he kisses you and you're not floating, if he kisses you and his lips aren't the only thing keeping you grounded, if he kisses you and he doesn't need both hands to steady himself, both hands to keep his grip on your beautiful face so he doesn't get lost in you then darling, he is not for you.
if he kisses you and it doesn't feel like he loves you, then darling, i am sorry, but he is not the one for you.

good morning kisses
goodnight kisses
kisses to taste the cinnamon on your lips
happy kisses
middle of the night kisses
gentle kisses
kisses because i like you
sleepy kisses
movie theatre kisses
oh god we're in an elevator by ourselves kisses
the stolen kind of kisses
kisses because you're too cute
wake up and see you and think you're the best person ever kisses
kisses just because

I am sinking to
Where the moon drips
From frosted lips, frothing with
Syrupy sweet lies
One sticky spoonful at a time

Call me a name,
**** me with words

Forget about me,
It’s what I deserve.

The moon split in half
And the stars crumbled,
Falling like fireworks into the sea.

I watched my world
Fall apart the day
My love left me.

What if I told you
I want to die?
That i’m tired of living,
Of being alive?

What if I told you
It gets worse at night?
The thoughts get louder,
And nothing is right?

What if I died?
Would you even cry?
Would you even care?
If I took my own life?

I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.