negative words cut into me
they leave their wounds

old cuts flare up now and then
I hear the world screaming
I am not good enough,
even when I am the only person around

the negative voices in my head
are slowly quelled by the daily spiritual path
based on love and service,
and each subtle damage is being transformed
to scars that teach

we drift further away
our once unending love is
coming to a close

the sadness of it all is overwhelming
I miss being able to laugh together
and now we can't even agree
on raising our beautiful daughter

sometimes I wonder how we got here?
But that question will lead me
to the gates of insanity?

all I can do is take little steps forward,
and keep showing up to life.
I cherish each moment with my daughter.

you react to me as if I leave a strong
unpleasant aftertaste.
I try not to react and practice love and tolerance.

at the end of the day love guides me
through this strange journey of
grief and loss.

we are no longer two made one through vows.
I am sad, but I am grateful I can welcome
little moments of joy, sadness, tears and laughter.

I embrace it all.

.
         presence                            is                               love
         interwoven                      web                            given
         freely                                created                       to
         saturated                         into                             creation
         breathing                         life                              for                  
         infinitely                          always                       illuminating

your hollow words
reveal the subtle lies
and if they were stars,
your lies would be scattered
across  the sky.

infinite universes find life in
your constellation of lies.
how can the voice that spoke words of love
seem so empty and hollow?

action speak louder than words,
and your heart lies inactive and cold.
what or who are you waiting for?
I know for certain that it's not me.

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude."-- A.A. Milne

expectant waiting
heart adjusting
shifts into
new focus
seeing all

slumber is fleeting
so is the promise of love
which can easily
be lost

my world falls apart with one word

as my world crumbles,
the Divine Lover whispers my name.
three words are spoken into my heart,
and my heart sings even as I walk through the death of love.

there is a holy silence that binds
souls together

a silence that takes up room
a palpable presence

not like the empty silence that destroys
and splits people apart

a holy silence that warms hearts
and connects long lost lovers

silence of the *divine mystery

I am not a machine with a full tank of gas
I am a human being with limits, and food is not just fuel.
I need nourishment of all sorts to be fully alive.

Sometimes all I see are empty eyes in this urban jungle
that I call home, even though my heart belongs in Appalachia.
I am a mountain boy away from my true home.

I long to feel the morning fog roll in,
and hear the songs of the cicadas.
I love seeing fireflies in the summer time,
and the feel of a summer rain coolin' my skin.

I am not a machine,
a thing to be valued merely based on
production and function.

I have value, because I have life coursing through me,
and I sing the song of the Creator in my soul.

**** people,
who tell me to be calm.
talk to my mother ******' hand.

every little thing is an excuse
    to explode.  
              reaction, action, explosion,
                        and ultimately implosion.

i act out emotionally coz
i don't want to deal with myself.
more and more i'm being less of a
            drama queen.

but i'd be ****** if i let go of my
               inner queen.
     coz when's she's not loco,
        she's wise and kind.

even straight self identifying
queer men with father issues
        can unleash their
                  queen.

i awake to the thundering of the sky,
flashes of light that shimmer in the sky,
and the sound of rain pouring down.

on rainy days it's hard to see and feel
that the sun shines above the skies,
behind the dreary darkness.
It's hard to remember that the rain feeds the earth
and helps things grow.

Most of my life I avoided the sadness that
I feel on stormy days, but today underneath
the sadness I can also feel a sense of excitement
for the storm to wash away the wreckage of my life
to help my heart's soil be renewed.

may my delusions
be smashed

may my sanity
be restored

you and I stood in
silence

our hearts joined
as *one

i used to be one of those folks full of cynicism
and bitterness.

i still have my moments.

i reckon i'm more grateful than i've ever been before.

i give thanks to the universe for the gift of my body, the gift of breath, and the gift of life.

i still have a lot to learn, but i'm growing a little each day and for that i'm forever grateful.

i hope and pray that my heart stays open to life and to death that i embrace it all with a smile.

my mind is a wasteland of negative thoughts
self-pity, resentment, and fear-- they bury themselves
deep in my mind slowly decomposing, but sometimes are
reborn when I feed them

I would be consumed by dark self destructive thoughts
that would eat me away from the inside, if it was not for my heart sorting and purifying my negative thoughts into good intentions that grow into thoughtful actions to help others

I always thought I could think my way out from the hell I created, but what really freed me is allowing my heart to sing

I needed the help of others who survived their own wastelands
to believe my song was worth singing, their voices carried me
until I found my own melody bubbling inside of me

my heart sings to remember not to loose hope, and reach out to others

everything looked and felt so hopeless
never would have thought 4 years a go
that my life would be so full

grateful i wake up most days grateful to be alive,
where as before i woke everyday praying for
God to **** me

i just needed a spiritual awakening to tweak my perspective
from hopelessness to hope
constant criticism to gratitude

time flows like an uninterrupted stream
building steam and crescendoing into
a raging river

instead of flowing against it, I try to be
like a leaf flowing with it instead of
fighting the current

sometimes I am caught in an eddy and
time stands still as I wind in circles
until I'm off again

I can't always see the larger picture,
but when I am centered in a loving Divine Presence
then I remember I am flowing to the Great Ocean

Each hour is precious and a chance to open up,
so I may move closer to the greater whole
a destination I can't even imagine

heaven and hell lives in me
the fires of my anger destroy
me from the inside

deep rage rises from nowhere,
and I feel deep compassion for myself
despite my short comings

I am both angel and demon
rolled  up into one
I love them both

my breath flows in and out
my heart drums on

A profound moment lost forever
In the wake of worry
Awe’s reverent beauty
Overlooked for life’s illusions
No wonder lights the soul
As worry’s froth and foam
Clouds one’s perspective*

Lost in thought and never saying never
Everything is blurry like walking in a flurry
Beauty surrounds me even when I feel pity
Chances squandered, like when an ump cried "foul!"
I dance with death with awe
Each move so seductive

sometimes I feel
faceless and nameless,
just a cog in the machine.

I live in a capitalist society
that constantly reminds me
that my value depends on the
accumulation of wealth

all I know is what
I learned through experience
that I have been named
by a loving Creator
that loved me
even when I was praying to die
everyday

my wealth lies in the freedom
I feel living spiritual principles
and real connections I have today

today, I have been given the
ability to be grateful,
which was something I could
never be on my own

love simply is
given without expectations
holding my baby girl

nobody croons like marvin gaye.
no other black man's voice eases
my soul like that man.in need of
some ****** healin.'  

everyone needs some lovin,' even
on made up holidays. i want to go
back to the days of pagan rituals
of celebrating life and fertility.

sow your wild oats my man.  sing
your song and shake what your
momma gave you.  we all need
some healing touch, especially
those fools who got no soul.

Divine Prescnce, thank you for the gift of today.
My weary eyes see how much each moment is
filled with grace.  I am grateful that my friends
help me see how I have been holding onto fears
and resentments, to the point that life felt like
a burden.

I offer up myself to You.  Help me to be useful to You
and those that are still suffering.  Thank you for taking
away my fears and helping me see my part in the resentments
I held.  

I feel lighter and little more free today, so I offer this poem
of praise and gratitude.  Thank you for helping me glimpse
the reality of each moment being as a free gift offered out of love.  May I share this precious gift with others.  Amen.

I long to be engulfed
by your warm embrace

Breathe your breath into me
let my heart beat in time
to *yours

life giving water flows
from the hidden spring
look within

the world explodes in
the infinite now

in this one single moment
I experience infinity
where I live the truth that
I am always connected to everything
we are connected by the great tapestry of life

my heart explodes with joy in
the infinite now

your words wounded deeper than your fists,
and it seems like a life time ago when I forgave
you.

I find myself afraid of becoming like you once again,
the you that no longer exists, but lives botteled up in
all my passive aggressive energies.

I am afraid I might be a father that unleashes my anger
and frustrations at my future baby, and yet in my heart
I know that I am free.

I know father that you were a child of abuse like me,
and you did the best you could.  I dont't have to continue
the cycle of violence.

I start by loving me with all of my gifts and imperfections,
and with this new found freedom I can love like a father
who is not bounded by the past.  

I forgive you.  I love you.

O creator
I am lost at sea
until I rest in you

in the silence of contemplation
I become one with the sea,
and awaken to the reality that
what I was searching for was you

you were with me always
even when I thought I was
lost

the divine flame burns
even in cold dark rainy nights

tickle at night
before you go to bed
laughter is best medicine
to put you to sleep
after a long day

God, I want to be real with you, but sometimes its really hard.
Help me to let go of what I think what I know about You, my spiritual journey, and who I am.

I open myself up to you, so I may experience You in my life.

Help me cut through my own *******, so I am honest with myself.

I give thanks for my life.  Please help me to breathe deeply today, so I may be present to people that I think are "*******."  Help me to get to know them as people, and connect to them beyond what's hard about them.  I don't expect this to happen overnight, so help me to have patience as You teach me to love.

Oh yeah, and help me to love the greatest pain in the *** in my life. Me.  Help me to be compassionate and loving to myself, so I may embody Your love to others.  Thanks. Amen.

heart believing
what eyes
cannot see
love frees
fear binds

your small body sinks into my arms
I will hold you as long as I am able
I promise to hold you close and safe
until you awaken to run away to explore
my little adventurer I love you,
let the beating of my heart soothe you to sleep
i will hold you through toothaches and heartaches

i'm sitting sitting sitting
thinking thinking thinking
breathing breathing breathing
oh crap oh crap oh crap
i just remembered i forgot to send an email
thinking thinking thinking
anxious thoughts fearful thoughts planning thoughts

breathing breathing breathing
in out in out in out

breathing
breathing
breathing

in
out
in
out
in
out

(ding)

my thought are fragmented,
so they grow in number
filling my head with
wreckage of the future

I know I cannot control the future,
yet my fear of the unknown makes
me obsess about things that might or might not happen.
I am grateful I have prayer to help me "let go and let God"

Sometimes simply putting my fears out on paper,
and literally getting it out of my head helps.  
then I ask a loving Power that's not me remove it,
and ask what it would have me be.

A loving God does not want me be locked inside of myself
with fears about things I cannot control.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will not mine be done. Amen."

my own mind
robs me of serenity
delusions seem real
and fears of the future
seem imminent

a huge weight is lifted
when I trust in a loving power
I do not know what
but it's not me

Quakers call it the Divine Light
Taoists call it the Great Tao
and Yoda called it the force all around us
I choose to call it *Love