It's the mad saints that interest me,
the holy fools of the Divine Mystery.

Ikkyu. Ezekiel. Buddha. Jesus. Lao-Tzu.

The ones where their lives turn upside down,
just because they walk a path against
the flow of convention.

A holy fool laughs a laughter that
cuts through all the ******* and hypocricy.
A laughter that rises from the heart,
And enters the heart of another
like a small spark before a wild fire.

i do not remember what i have lost
but there is a a feeling of loss that i cannot fill
a void that spreads beyond my reach

a vague memory of something i cannot trace
faint glimmer of something that should be
but is no longer with me

the feeling leaves me confused and numb
is this grief?

little girl
your tiny breaths
contain the breath of life

as you doze
a whole universe inside of you
is expanding and bursting into life

I cannot shield you from
the joys and pains of life
but what I can be is a
stable and consistent
loving presence in your life

I will try to stay in the now
and not get all bent out of shape about
puttin' the fear of God in the boys and/or girls you date
for now, I will be a sane daddy that
holds you while you gently sleep

just remember when daddy gets a little crazy
I still love you

I will try to remember the same when
me and mommy stay up late at night waiting for you
hold you and soothe you as you cry out through the night
and even when you grow up and say "I hate you."
I will say "thank you. I love you."

but for now, I am glad you are just dozing in my arms
a tiny little being without a care in the world
daddy is here to change your poopy diapers
and rock you to sleep

my heart cries
but as the sun sets
sun is rising simultaneously
somewhere in the world

as my heart grieves,
it's making room for more space
for love

this hum drum existence we live
working ourselves to the bone to have the bills paid
clock in, clock out
repeat

sometimes each momemt feels magical,
each one wrapped with infinite possibility

some days, life feels like utter futility
a grind till I get to the leisure or buy the next thing
I am supposed to work myself for

I am a clog in the machine of captilism,
but I know something that makes all this
futile monotony not lead to slow death of my soul

the secret I treasure in my heart is that my worth does not lie
in my production or function.

I have value, because I have the breadth of life flowing in me.
and when my heart connects to the bredth of life in you,
then two hearts transform futility into beauty
I realize for a moment I am not alone,
that a meeting of hearts sparked hope
and transformed each other from dehumanized
objects into persons

sitting in solitude
embracing life
with all its magnitude
being still

i was dazed and in a fog
sometimes reality seems so unreal
am i me?  

i put one foot in front of the other
trying to fake it till i make it
pretending to walk among humans

you say you love me
But all I experience is contempt

Love is presence embodied
by patience and understanding

all I taste is bitterness

i've
        been
                   chasing
                   oblivion
                                    all
                                         my
                                    life.
                   today i
                   realized
         i'm
free                        
       to  
           just        
                   be.  
                            all
                                ­  life
                                          
               ­                            is
                                     beautiful,
                                 i just need to
                             stop long enough to
                                  really  accept
               ­                           life.

fingers numb
as I wait for the bus
while snow falls.

my heart thumps
and blood circulates
to keep me warm.

my soul comes alive
even when I am physically
numb.

an inner fire burns
within me
to keep me warm.

I am free even
when I'm
numb and cold.

There was a time, where nothing                                 Now, gratitude flows from
but resentments and fears                                             my heart into the
flowed through me.                                                        into the world.

I have known the hardness of                                       I know now that all I have
deep emptiness that swallows you whole,                 is today, this very moment
when wallowing in self-pity.                                         to be a channel of Love.

just for today
                        i am happy,  joyous and free
                                                            ­            to
                                                  ­                          feel.
                                 ­                                                 no past demons to haunt me
          
                                                   ­                                                                 ­               no anxiety about the future

i take little steps into freedom
                     into
                     joy
                     and
                    presence

                               ­                                         its all a gift
                                                      life with all its joys and sadness
                                                         ­      teaches me how to
                                                              ­              love

air invisible
heart vulnerable
Love indivisible
fear perpetuates
peace regenerates

I write because it feels right
in the process of writing
I am creating something

the Divine spark lives in me
and comes to life in the act of creation

even during my darkest suicidal hours,
I could not abandon poetry and art.
the act of creating and destroying
saved me

the process of writing is like my life
I build and destroy,
and in the process
try to grow from the experience

little moments of joy
fill my day
with you near

I was cursing on autopilot,
not reay taking responsibility
for my life.

I lived a decade or more in a daze
and confused by my own illusions,
thinking somehow I was in control.

I was lucky enough to be given a moment of grace,
a tiny window where I surrendered and cried out
for help and actually took the help offered to me.

Three years ago I was alone drinking myself to death
in my basement apartment, bitter and resentful.
I was praying everyday for God to **** me.

Today, I am grateful that I am alive.
I am free to make mistakes, but more importantly,
I can be grateful today for my life with all it's beauty and pain.

I am grateful that I got to see my baby girl for the first time,
in her mother's belly and that I am alive today
welcome life instead of trying to end it.

Who needs sleep,
when crazy thoughts
cozy up to me?

loss, grief, pain,
shame, and guilt
are warm faithful bedfellows

sadness washes over me
like sweat on a hot summer's day in the South

air is thick with grief and yet my heart sings

my heart sings songs of love as I hold my daughter
and as I reach out my hand to help the new guy

Life is full even as I walk through grief and for that I am truly grateful.

my heart longs for cool nights back home in the mountains, where the fire flies dance and bull frogs sing

may the forces of gravity draw us near
the ocean tides swell till a wave brings
you home

you are like the moon with its ethereal glow
a beacon on a dark night

no matter how far I am
I can stare at the moon and
know that the same moon light
that shines on me shines on you

may the light of the moon draw us near
to the magnificent glow of the sun
without getting burned

as we cuddle for warmth
I feel your heart beating

as our hearts meet
a fire burns within
melting away my fears

writing a poem
in this virtual community
called hello poetry
is like coming home
after a long absence

waves crash and pound the
hard earth till it softens

soft caress of the mysterious moon
and the vast ocean

when it rains, are the heavens crying?
sometimes I think the land itself cries
for all the torturous ways in which
we destroy it.

I wish I could converse with the trees
and learn from their experience,
the wisdom of being rooted to a place.

rain drops fall to wash away ***** city streets:
blood, *****, spit, trash, and lingering pain
all wash down to the sewers.

all water return to the great ocean
and we, even urban dwellers,
return to the earth.

don't cry sky, we're all returning home.

your touch
your love
the laughter
we share
feels safe

a storm of emotions
all a stir
yet there is a calm and peace
in the center of even
the wildest of storms

after the flurry has subsided
I am left still standing
with the fury of the storm behind me
all there is left to do is pick up the pieces
and start again

fears dissipate
when I crack open
the doors of my heart

the world quietly welcomes the dawn
darkness before the sunrise
all is still

as I wait patiently in silence
my heart wakes up to a
new day

wisps of smoke rise like prayers
to the sky

may hope overcome fear and hate
in the darkest of nights

i pray for you my friend who feel lost and alone
may you find your way home

O beloved, Your love is not a drug,
a substance that keeps me bound and trapped.

In my experience,
Love is not a compulsive impulse,
but a feeling of coming home.

In being loved and loving,
I become a little more free to
once again be the little boy that loves freely

Your love is not addictive, because
no drug can free me from the ******* of self

Beloved, my love for You grows from mutuality and commitment
A love that frees

winter is fast approaching
and the morning frost has
already come

but my heart is like the spring
and new life is blossoming
in my unfrozen heart

serenity flowers in my life
when I sit in the throne of my heart

mind locked in fear
repeating the same
mistakes over and over
slamming into the same
dead end walls.

one day a life altering suggestion
is given, "go around the wall."
fear dissipates to make room
for something unknown;
a new regime takes over my mind
based on trust and hope that
dismantles the walls.

when life becomes unbearable,
I coalesce into         nothing.
I kneel down  to     surrender,
my last ounce of   pride.
admitting defeat    to
God so I may         live.

my heart crumbles
as I walk away
with you crying in your mother's arms
with tears streaming down your face
reaching out to me

today, as i walk this path
I am not alone

spirits sing
from deep within
a song we
all know

we are strangers
yet our lives are
woven by poetry

our hearts beat as one
our chests close together
the falling and rising of our chests
synching into a rhythm

our hearts are dancing as one
with it's unique individual flavor
and adding spice and fun into my solitary life
my heart skips a beat

our breaths go in and out
falling and rising like the great ocean
always flowing with mysterious motion
each breath unique and new

I wrote all these words,
when I could have simply said
"I love you"

love ignites
a flame
in this
icy heart of mine