stormy skies

pretty lies

unanswered whys

unexpected goodbyes

are hard to know

but harder to let go

for once
i want
to flaunt
my scars
cross all
the bars
fall to rise
again
forget all
the pain
be a little
dramatic
let go of
the arctic
defense
the perfect
pretense
just be me
small stature
with a messy bun
a difficult nature
the weird one
lose fitting shirts
hell no to skirts
no hint of concealer
i'm not a revealer
yes i'm boring
yes i'm lame
but if loyalty is what
you're looking for
then i'm game

the only difference
between
who I am
&
who I've been
is
the image in my head
that said
I can be
whoever
I can do
whatever
&
if none of this
proves to be a bliss
I can reset
GO SET GET
whenever
&
however

after all
~
It's My Life

beating heart
a kick start
a slow burn
twists and turns
a playful plot
taking a shot
falling deep
a faithful leap
blushing
crushing
dreaming
beaming
panic attack
out in black
a hole so vivid
a thought so lucid
law of attraction
love is nothing
but an unyielding
transaction

I don't know
for how long
have I been
a melancholy song
it's been years
I've been with my fears
swimming in my tears
only to wet my pillow
every night
losing my light
giving up the fight
I hate myself
like a book on a shelf
that's read by none
because it's no fun
I am the weird one
I try to stop my cry
be a bit stronger
hold up a little longer
but I always fail
leaving behind a trail
of weakness and vices
of these unending compromises
I **** myself everyday
by keeping words
that I should say
by following rules
that none should lay
I suffocate
I choke
and all they think is that
this is another joke
I say I'm okay
but I'm not
I say I'm okay
but I'm caught
in the middle of this chaos
in end of another phase
but this time I don't see
a reason for me to chase
I feel *****
I feel guilty
I feel so much
yet nothing at all
no reason to rise
after this fall
no reason to rise
after this fall.

are you who
who am i
we're the same truth
bound by different lies

take my hand
and set me free
help me live
and let me be

My issues

aren't important

when I see the world around

falling apart on shaky ground

faith depleting

hope fleeting

people dying

breathless and out of breath

with no beds left for death

it's haunting me day and night

seeing the little light

dimming and dimming

darkness brimming

I feel useless and so out of hope

that I find difficult to cope

with my own issues

that seem nothing today

like a sad excuse

I've got nothing more to say.

i don't know
what's making me show
my screen glow
in this dark dark room
where all i have is gloom
i have everything
yet nothing at all
so many numbers
but none that i could call
too many blessing to count
yet so much self doubt
my dad's playing his good old songs
my mum's watching her series
yet here i've been sitting for so long
that my own head seems eerie
it's pouring out
the silence too loud
i miss a friend i had
his memories making me sad
there's none so bold
to ever fall for me
i've been told
i'm pretty
yet the irony
that none think i'm worth
i too curse my birth
i also miss my sister
her death gave my soul blisters
that still bleed and will never heal
i don't want to feel
just an adrenaline rush
a sext here; there a crush
nothing permanent
nothing to cement
just give me an hour i crave
i promise, after that i'll behave

Everday
on my bed
as I lay
with images in my head
of him in me, on me
my wrists tied, my heart free
heavy breathing
souls seething
so much passion
******* in every fashion
I let all these thoughts
guide me to places
where pleasure can be brought
with mere bites and traces
as I set a rhythm so profound
taking myself till I'm left astound
all I see is him, all I hear is him
and then as our hips stop
it's time for our lips to lock
only for me to open my eyes
and realize
all of this is nothing but lies
him, me and us
created by my mind
only for me to find
me all by myself and lonely
making me feel oh so guilty
filling me up with so much shame
this wildness I try to tame
in vain
in vain
because now I know that
my touch will get too much
over and over again
over and over again.

t h e  p r e t t i e s t

f a c e s

h i d e

t h e  u g l i e s t

t r a c e s

Your absence fills my heart

like an unclaimed piece of art,

you already knew

that I lacked hues

so

I

charged

U

for

theft

when

you

left

but you made me realize

how dull are my eyes

how muffled are my cries

how lame is my existence

how pointless is my persistence,

how far you are

when you still hold me close,

how easy I am

waiting to be the one you chose,

I know

in this world of "Hello"

all I'll ever be is "Crucio"

unlovable

&

unwanted

-a pretty little thing that'll

always remain haunted.

Why
do I
end up
alone
with my
phone
showing
screen glowing
with nothing
at all
no texts
no calls
just me
and this solitude
I wish for
someone
to intrude
but they keep
their distance
and
I keep up my
persistence
waiting
wishing
wanting
yet
the montony
is haunting,
I decided to
be okay
with me being
lonely everyday
but a small part of me
does pray
my heart
does betray
making me regret
all the chances
I didn't take
making me fret
over all the
bonds
I didn't make,
so I write this verse
on impulse
missing the absence
wasting the presence
living in the past
dying for a future to last.

Guys don't like
girls like me
pretty to the eyes
with insides ugly
a past so aghast
a mind so contrast
a tongue so sharp
a mess of shards
all I'll be
is me
and me being me
isn't ****
I'm repulsive
I'm impulsive
I'm not impressive
but very expressive,
some days I'm cold
some days I do what I'm told
some days I give you the fight of your life
some days I wish for you to make me your wife,
guys don't like
girls like me
chained to my fears
appearing to be free
I can smile in my pain
then cry in my regrets
keeping my heat safe
I'll love you in my brain,
all I wish is for
a guy like me
to like me
for who I am
and not what
he wants me to be
a chance, a risk, a gamble
a love story in shambles.

The motions of 'e'

have always failed me,

caring too much

loving so much,

has always broken

me and my heart,

everybody taking a token

of my sharpest of shards;

letting people in

only for them to leave

and to be left by so many

has now made me believe

that

there's no point in harboring

these motions of 'e'

for all I'll always be

so fully empty,

people are wrong

when they say

that

emotions make us strong

because

for all this long

all I've learnt

after getting brutally burnt

expressing ourselves

is

exhibiting ourselves;

is

exposing ourselves,

making them see

will never let us free,

so I'll never let

these motions of 'e'

stop me

so I'll never let

these motions of 'e'

stop me.

Take me to bed

but don't let me sleep,

embrace me please

and hear me weep;

then hug me so tight

let me bury my head

in the crook of your neck

making you hear the unsaid,

after that wipe my tears

then kiss my eyes;

for loving you isn't always easy

but I'm willing to pay the price.

I don't know
where did I
go wrong
or lie
why
did you leave
and what made you
believe
that I betrayed
when it was my life
I layed
for your eyes to see
that I'm not like any
but you were
like all
promising timers
while stopping our calls
happily choosing
a life without
my dullness my brokenness
my issues my doubts
you did not trust me
enough
but you took me for someone
who wasn't tough
so I write this verse
last blessing last curse
4 years of
confusion and control
calculatitive goals
I tell you this
I don't miss
you or your bookshelf-self
untitled ice-cube bonds
or anything else
our talks our walks
our texts our interests
my dull your bright
your voice my fight
my guilt my pride
your scars you hide.

[Ha]te + Lo[ve] = Have

love & hate
are the fruits
of what we sow
like plants
they grow
from the same
seeds
some blossom
whereas
some become
weeds
it's not simply nature
but what we nurture
and
at the end
both are emotions
so strong
that
they prolong
year after year
all life long

everyday

I

betray

myself

this

way

by

trying

to

portray

­that

everything's

okay

I wish I could go
back to the days
when prancing around naked
wasn't seen as a stripper's case,
a time when
depression was a difficult word
to simply speak and spell
not a condition from which I suffered,
when playing with Barbie
was a part of my daily routine,
and not to look like one
with a big **** but body so lean,
a period when
I could make myself
happy at the same time
with everybody else,
when the Sun seemed reachable
and stars twinkled in my eyes,
when truth was my only language
and I couldn't tell sugarcoated lies,
when the whole world
was mine alone
not merely confined to
the screen of my smart phone,
I wish I could go
back to being a kid
but I not know
how to time travel,
so I do unravel
back being kids-
by keeping an open mind
and closing my eyelids.

.
yo ur
to   u   ch
ign   i   tes
my  heart
set ting
m y
******>u l
on
f i
re
gi
vi
ng
aw
ay
yo
ur
pa
rt
ta
ki
ng
in
my
de
si
re

The "SHIP"

of our friendship

stands marred,

broken and scarred

are our hearts

that beat apart

and out of sync,

empty to the very brink.

Now that I think

with every blink,

we came with a date

of expiration in wait

because the very word

that defined our world

had an "END" to it

-fading friendship bit by bit.

PART 1

I will be on my knees
still never beg
to be yours
as I'll spread my legs.
Letting you tie
my wrists with ropes
doesn't mean submission
so don't up your hopes.
If I let you in
and you let me come
please stop mistaking
it for something beyond fun,
as you move
up and down, inside-out
marking my neck,
it's simple biology without a doubt.
And as you taste me
getting too close
somewhere no one's ever been
don't you dare think it's you I chose.
I don't care
for anything other than
these bursts of pleasure
where you're just another man.
Stay where you are
never cross these lines,
I am an attention *****
it's the thrill on which I thrive


PART 2

I sold my thoughts
for mere pennies,
prepared myself to be bought
by so many.
Craved attention
by typing stories of my dismay
sought appreciation
with vulnerability on display.
I kept all my clothes in place
yet I was naked to your eyes,
leaving behind all my grace
I forced you to hear my cries.
Unfolding my story
giving away my parts,
I served you my glory
by pouring out my heart.
Years of uncertainty
has my stomach in knots,
guilty for a moment of vanity
I am done calling the shots.
Please free me from this bond
I don't want your attention anymore
of you I am no longer fond...
Why? Because,
I'm not your *****
so stop demanding encore.

There are parts

of mine

that are

far from fine,

I hide them well

behind

a mask so pretty

concealing an ugly mind,

dark-dingy corners

where

I don't let in the

Sun's glare,

filthy and messy

with litters from past

devilish and doomed

been from the very start,

I'm twisted

inside-out

cold and unlovable

without a doubt.

But I keep

all this

to myself

like a kiss,

that's too *****

to share

like a secret

I bear

&

add

layer

after

layer

burying these

demons and evils

deeper and deeper

calming the

impending upheavals.

You cut me

so deep

even stitches

couldn't seal

and now

words bleed

from wounds

that can't heal.

The darkest of souls

have the brightest of scars.

Black as coal

dwelling in their mar.


Writing their pains

while choking on their cries,

revealing their brains

through poems for your eyes.


The darkest of souls

have the brightest of scars.

Black as coal

burning like stars.


Creating these arts

while surviving their hell,

gluing their broken hearts

by rhyming to a fare thee well.


The darkest of souls

have the brightest of scars.

Black as coal

poetry is their superpower.

Something weird happened today,

with my body talking all the way.

I heard a creak here

and then a squeak there-

my backbone said

nodding its head

"Keep me straight and clever.

For men may come and men may go

but I'll be there for you forever"

Then there was a sound so deep,

my gut roared in his sleep-

"Trust me, lady,  

I'm your well wisher.

I know plots when they turn shady"

Confused I wondered why

all of a sudden I

heard noises from within

only to feel my skin-

say out loud and clear,

"Oh woman! Now you see

don't let anyone get under me"

This made my heart

pump so **** fast,

that I had to press my palm

in order to keep it calm.

Yet he lubdubbed-

"Keep me safe,

but don't place me in a cage

I'm sure,

I can keep up with a little estrange"

Then to my utter surprise

as I closed my eyes,

thinking

only to start blinking

when I heard an unusual call,

my brain whispered,

"Dear Palpebra, I may not be the smartest of all!

Is love simply

give and take?

an ionic bond

is all what we make?

Or do we come

with applied conditions

"Share To Adhere"

like covalent bond-sums?

Wait....or is it pure

and so **** selfless

as if coordinating our

lives for someone else's?

Or maybe it is

a feeling so deep

felt even when

distance we keep?

But I believe

we have bonds

that are beyond

chemistry.

Because we humans

aren't mere elements

bonding with each other

isn't just an experiment!

My eyes

have dried

with the tears

I've cried.

And now

I'm hollow,

I've got nothing to give.

And now

I'm done,

I've got nothing to live.

She fades

away

a little

each day

regretting

the way

she caused

her own

decay.

I created you with my art,

you immortalized me on your canvas,


channelising our broken hearts

to pour out the story of "us"


you dusted my shards

on the paintings you made;


I wrote you down on my cards

wording you in my shades,


we found each other

when we lost ourselves,


we are two books kept together

that belong to different shelves.

I will like you

on your dark gloomy days,

when there'll be none

I will stay.

I will cherish

All your rusty broken parts,

which they'll try to fix

as if Kintsugi Art.

I will accept you

just the way you are,

from your tears to your fears

I will caress all your scars.

I will see you

even if the world turns blind,

lost in your head

I will help you find.

I will breathe

life into your dead eyes,

giving you my light

I will fall for you to rise.


You wonder why

will I

go through

all these things for you?

Well,

because I love you,

in all your dull-bright hues.

You   were
supposed
to be my
anchor;
But
U
end
ed up
burnin
g my dr
eams. Yo
u  became
my  very  o
wn brand  of
ca m  p  h or  ;
A ban  d  onin g
me in the ab
undance o
f my scr
eam
s.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
   I   '   m
  n   o   t
   f u s e d ;
  M a y  b e
   a    l   i   t   t   l  e
   c   o   n   f   u   s  e  d  .
  I ' ve    s  t  i  l  l    g  o  t
  a    l  o  t   o f   f  i  g  h  t
  l   e   f   t     i    n    m   e ;
  I ' ve    s  t  i  l  l    g  o  t
a   l o  t   o f   l i g h t
   l   e   f   t     i    n
    m  e . . . . .

Y  o  u     t  o  l   d    m  e
  t  h  a  t        I        w  a  s  
C           O            L         D
  B   u    t     i     t     w  a  s  
    y      o      u       w    h    o    
n       e        v        e        r
  t    r    i    ­e    d        t     o  
B       R       E        A        K
        t      h     e         i      c     e.     .      .     .

They didn't do anything wrong,
I take all the blame,
It's me who endured the same burns,
caused by different flames!


I GUESS I'M THE ONE WHO'S STUPID;
FOR I HAD MISTAKEN VULCAN FOR CUPID.