I still feel my heart shutter
but i guess it doesn't matter
*it was just a lesson to teach me never
to believe those who promise forever.

The past
is like first love, we met and it was the most beautiful thing
it was as wonderful as listening to the nightingale sing
she was not so Angelic but her heart was as vast as the Pacific
in that I could not help but dig her like a farmer
she had a slightly long pointed nose like rays at sunrise
with tomorrow as the promising sky blue beauty in her shiny eyes
in some sense she was a definition of true innocence
trust was in the delicious taste of our first and my longest kiss
she was a treasure I would die for before time happened
and the globe beneath us shifted as I dared to blink
things changed since, the romance and innocence was lost
the promises were broken, wounded I bled
and the scars have remained, they are a ghost
from a life I want forgotten, a life that's dead
the past is my ex,no matter how bad I want her back
it can't happen, and thus I must date the present

The present is the girl I can't avoid
She is just my consolation in the period of hopeless oscillation sometimes she's beautiful and most times she's ugly
she's close to someone I'd marry but she isn't the one
for she is always on the move, tick by tick
with her ruby lips that are over spiced by lipstick of anxiety
I love her or I think I do simply because she feeds the ***** of my esteem
and wets my dry lips of despair with her tasteless kisses
I **** her ******* of opportunities like a hungry puppy
I totally enjoy the moment, I know she won't last forever
after all I have my future to work for and she's somewhere
at the end of the road waiting to lay eyes on me
she's so tired of waiting to meet her soulmate

The future is the lady of my dreams
we haven't met yet but my mind has a vivid picture of her
she has a soft light skin, straight organised white teeth of responsibility
and dimples of uncertainty that dig deeper whenever she smiles
she has the qualities of a mother to my children but she's currently
bedding wrong people (laziness) and getting hurt
albeit we haven't met, whatever I do has an effect on our life together
she is blinding bright like the midday sun,
with a pony tail of destiny hanging down her back
she loves children more than I do and is desperate to have some
she's an Angel and thinking she might fly back to Heaven scares me
she loves me and I love her more even if we don't know each other
and when I meet her, she'll be tired of getting hurt
and trusting wrong people, she will not trust me easily
but I'll steadily build the trust with my loving future
she's the only one who can make me forget the past with her beauty
but sometimes I fear that's just an imagination
and she is actually as ugly as the marabou stock
with a coerce voice that will make me hate hearing her talk
she might be as black as charcoal and scary as unemployment
I'm afraid she might even be a ****** from the countryside
who doesn't know what kissing is let alone making love*

that's the thing about life, the past is
an Ex, the present is a loveless consolation of an affair
and the future the perfect soulmate we're not quite sure will find their way here

The funny thing is I was prepared and willing... I was ready to remove the obstacles on the path to my heart,
to light a torch through the tunnels so that you know the directions to take in the labyrinth of my grim personality
characterized by culverts of mood swings and the stinking sewage of my tantrums... I was ready to rid myself of the dust of my haunting past
and stop sneezing good intentions like yours away, I was ready to hold your hand
and match along with you to a future that keeps getting brighter every other day.
I was prepared to cut open my soul and let you put the candle of affection inside so that you drive out the darkness of cynicism that's plagued me for years,
I was ready to make you the handkerchief that finally dries my invisible tears...
The uplifting embrace that finally brings my silent sobs to an end, I was willing to make you more than a friend
by ripping away the high fences of my diffidence and letting you into my sanctuary,
my innocuous zone so that you would drive away the compulsion I have for desolation...
I was even open to letting you help me gather the pieces clattered all over the floor of my reality
that have eluded me for what seems like epochs, I was willing to overlook your flaws as I thought they were faultily perfect
and you earned a chance to flip the pages and let me read the chapters beneath rather than judge you by your cover,
I was eager to be an open book, to open my mind and let you be the radar, that guides the wreck of my life back to the shores of romance
Whose flame for the fuel in my soul was promising to burn and never die out and even if I’d run out of fuel,
I was willing to seek help from the glow of the sun to light our way if the flame ever died out...
I was keen to whither the storms if it wasn’t a happily ever after, to feel our way through dark times
To never admit defeat till time when the moonlight of joy crept through the alleys of our hearts.
More than before, I was ready to let you be the blanket that warms the winter in my soul into spring
and that cools the summer of confusion in my mind into autumn where the leaves of loneliness would fall
greener optimism was already budded awaiting the despair to fall,
I was willing to let you explore deeper than anyone had ever been in a very long time, close to the first cut
Until you chose to ruin it all…and made me shut my doors even tighter with your guns loaded with bullets of empty promises
albeit I cautioned you against promising anything because in my experience it was the expectations that hurt
You’ve made me build even bigger walls, locking out even the little warmth I was starting to gather…
You’ve made me put bigger barriers on the boulevard to my heart and turned it into a boulevard of broken dreams
and by doing so, you’ve locked me away forever, and lost the keys yet am grateful
to you for showing me that the world outside the cocoon is still what it used to be before my hibernation
a world where butterflies cannot survive for even the roses have Datura within their sweet nectar…
Am grateful you didn’t wait for me to fly so high before severing my wings, so grateful you’ve confirmed to me
that even the most splintered of fragile hearts can still be broken…I was saving forever for you, thank you for not letting me waste it all.

I know you have someone in your life
And I know I stand no chance
I see your hate for me in every glance
It hurts knowing ,like a cut by a blunt knife
But why do you still feel so close?
Why are you the one my heart chose?
What's wrong with me?

They are like puzzle pieces missing their link,
floating in affection, yet in doubt they sink.
A beautiful story, they're out of ink,
Always in proximity, but never in sync.

They are like the moon and the sun, so near yet so far,
As distant yet as bright as the morning star.
Their connection, a tantalizing cosmic tease,
A love that lingers on the edge of celestial seas.

They are rushing rivers yearning to converge,
parallel to divergent, a traveler and a mirage.
Like the ebb and flow of tides, they wax and wane,
In a dance of longing yet forever in refrain.

They're mountain peaks and the sky above,
Always in sight, yet unable to touch and love
They are like the morning dew and the rising sun,
One glistens briefly, while the other's journey has just begun.

You either change to love or love to change
There is Love everywhere out here for the taking
And though your sad story's somewhat creepy and strange
You can find someone to pick up the pieces
I envy your breath while contemplating her kisses
Hear out of the diverse universe only she deserved to be your Mrs
She brought you the phantoms that Hurt
Yet she's still the one person you truly heart
You heart her so much that thoughts of her tear your eyes and drive you crazy
You see every moment by the mind even if your vision's a little hazy
She threw you in a pitch abyss of a daze
You have failed to climb out of cause you cannot find your way through the maze
So you just keep falling unceasingly into that abyss of despair
In hurtful vain because no matter how deep you go,an end ain't there
You were an idiot to trust a human with your soul
And guess what, bruised souls heal slow and sometimes never heal at all
Be glad though,you loved and unprecedentedly lost
And you still love that demon even when you know Hell's the cost

There Is An Old Poet Called Bill
Who hid keys and thought remember he will!
and when he found, what it opened he forgot
He's kind, engaging and chats a lot...
That Good Old Poet Called Bill.

I took you in when you were stuck in the rain
Eroded by a downpour, your fragrance ornamenting the drain
Lost in tumultuous thoughts that caused you a pain
which threatened to totally drive you insane
unable to remember that the world was once beautiful and sunny
I took you in when you were giving up your journey
far from your purpose, deadbeat and completely out of money
I took you in when no joke in this world could be funny
you were a withered rose drenched by a torrent of tears
distrusting, odious and cloaked in crimson fears
In quest of comfort from draining bottles of beers
endeavouring to wash off reminiscences of futile years
You supposed none noted no matter how loud you’d shout
and were a violent wind that salutes a storm, a cyclone up and about
I took you in when you were overflowing with doubt,
When everyone had kicked you out, I took you in
I took you in, when you were a caving void within
but the instant the world took you back you kicked me out.

When will the war end
so that I can entomb these bones that were once a friend?
When will the final bullet fire
So that back to the serene that once was I can retire?
When will we say bye to anarchy for good
so that some of us instead of bombs on the scotched earth plant some food?
When will our people cease to cry
Rather than live in muffled sobs when their folk incongruously die?
When will these roundtable talks yield,
we have traumatised lives to piece together and crumbled homes to rebuild?
When will we finally understand that Muslim or Christian we are all humanity
and rather than fight, peace to weave a cosmic unity?
when will we finally illuminate the inhuman darkness
with love and oneness?
When will we change the violent trend,
when will the war end?

I have tried looking for it in the Church
But just lost it at the touch of the latch
Thought It's fish, by the hook I'd have a catch
Turns out It's an Eagle far from about to perch
I once found It's precious unclear trail
Which trail led me specifically nowhere
One moment it was, the other it wasn't here
I went out clubbing hoping to find my luck
And that proved love isn't a walk in the park
I scratched my mind hoping to get a reply
But in such affairs even the mind can't tell a lie
I thought with tomorrows come a new dawn
Each that came by did but leave me on my own
I searched in every path, every road,every village and town
Wandering, everyone took me for a clown
I explored the young and the old, the real and the tales told
But sunk deep in despair with nothing concrete to hold
I searched in the cracks through the broken walls
Trust me I did stretch my courage, had the *****
I tried to find it, like they said its easier using wallets
I hunted it down, with spears and mallets, guns and bullets
I looked everywhere, paying attention to the different faces
It was neither on my mind nor the streets I tore apart
Even prayer couldn’t bring it on miracle wings
I tried all options there are for we the beings
I didn't know the search starts within the Heart
That's why I was searching for love in the wrong places

I don't have to be perfect
there's someone out there
who doesn't mind the scars
and flaws, I just have to find her

Before you part your tender lips to ask
I want to put your mind to task

First tell me

If the Sun would ever rise from the West and set in the East
If a funeral could turn out as interesting as a
wedding feast?
If stars would ever stop twinkling and delegate the moon.
And flowers be treasured if they abandoned
their bloom.

First tell me

Whether the heart would ever ask for a salary
increment or rest
And an audience in the theatre mourn at the
jest
If the road would ever ask from pedestrians
transport fare
If "U " and "I" apart even in the Alphabet
seems fair

First tell me

Whether romance would have meaning if we
didn't have each other
If Oceans would exist incase Springs and Rivers
didn't stretch further
If the Red Wine would have a description
besides your kiss
If the Art of humanity would make sense
without the masterpiece?

First tell me

Which ballad would sell if an Angel like you
wasn't born?
What else besides your rosy smile would
describe the dawn?
If dreams would be worth pursuing without
you
What else is worth waking to view like morning dew?
If poems would survive the glacier of time
Without the worthwhile candy taste of rhyme

Don't trade your life for another
Don't sell your brother or mother
time will surely come when the waves will be calm
Look at the skies soon they'll be clear
Ask the past, did you ever think that you'd be here
so take your time, talk to your heartbeat
maybe there's something your heart is trying to say
somebody once told me you don't need to kneel
even while running away you can always pray
running from the shadows of temptation
escaping the idle and misleading contemplation
look at the road ahead... don't dwell on the life you've led
those are costs gone, tariffs already paid
stop living like you're dead, start breathing instead
for you have a life time ahead,
you can change the view in front of you
it's never late albeit it seems like it's overdue
you can make it...just keep going endure the pain
to the light at the end of the tunnel, watch out for oncoming trains
every step you take is a step closer to your destination
learn to forget the past...it can't answer your questions

The waves have washed me far from where I belong
I think I can't remember who I was...
I will always be gone for so long
but time and again still find the shores...

It doesn't get any easier
if anything it gets busier...

I think no matter how distant we grow
no matter how far apart we go
no matter the success I achieve
or the length of life I live
no matter the many I meet
deeply fall in love with and admit
You will always be here, in my heart
no matter the amount of hurt.
No matter the many lonesome boulevards I walk
and the words I hear and those I talk
even when time comes to steal these memories away,
or heal the wounds and scars
I pray
she discerns the wounds and scars are stars
pointing me due north because
without the memories of our together am a lost cause
which is the absolute truth, you were my radar
and I can't move on for you were my bridge
that despite the number of bottles I empty
I just can't touch the sky; no quantity of liquor can get me high.
How can I without you? you were my stairs and ladder
without which my very reality is under siege…
You are my jailer, and only you have the keys to set me free.

"You are at the end of my fingertips"*
the cherished itch between my flesh and nail
that I giggly scratch and the blood of loneliness drips
sealing all the hugs and kisses to send them by mail

you are the lashes to my eye, minced to my pie
and days without you lost their right of count
for no matter how busy I keep and hard I try
the sizzling thoughts of you never fade, they don't

If you were the bible I would read all the verses
if you were the ocean I would explore every corner
if you were soccer I would make complete passes
and if you were near I know I wouldn't be a loner

those are the echoes consequent to my silent heart's screams
for you are a choice I would make even in my dreams

The mysteries of death loom in our minds,
Questions of what lies beyond, we often find.
Will we continue choking when hearts cease to beat?
Or does a new existence offer a different feat?

Is it the final chapter, the ultimate end?
Or a new beginning, a journey to transcend?
Will there be a community, souls to befriend?
Will we face another war or embrace peace's trend?

For those left behind, will sadness befall?
Or will a new form of bliss envelop us all?
Though answers elude us, uncertainties persist,
Perhaps in the realm beyond, truths will enlist.

Until that moment dawns, let's cherish each day,
Embrace the present, love in every way.
For life's intricate tapestry weaves joy and strife,
And in the face of the unknown, let's embrace life.

I wish I knew where the River of my life ends
I'd have chance to say goodbye to all my friends
If only I knew how long our shared road extends
The steep hills and slopes ,*** holes and bends
If I knew when the petals will fall,for life's a flower
I'd recite you a magical poem prior my final hour
If only I knew the minutes the gates open
I'd try to leave all like you who care about me unbroken
I wish I knew where the leaf of my destiny will fall
From the tree of life ,we'd meet there every nightfall
I wouldn't have sleepless nights in fear
Because I'd be certain you'll always be near
If only those who have gone sent us mails
From after life to fill us in on the mystic tales
If only we were destined to go together
For it's the only blockade twixt our now and forever

Won't be here to always tell the story,
right?
that's why rather than feeling sorry,
I write...

I've wasted enough 'nows' thinking about tomorrows
Just as I've wasted bandages nursing my sorrows
I've thrown away every opportunity that knocked
I built a fortress and in it my poor heart is locked
I've wasted Handkerchiefs wiping tears, It's time to laugh
Sacrificed a million faith , and enough is enough

And here I was thinking she's my happy ending...
the road of life has a funny way of suddenly bending.