I love you more.
Not more than you love me.
I love you
More than there are stars in the sky,
More than there are days in an eternity,
More than there are drops in the ocean,
More than there are rays of sunshine,
More than there are craters on the moon,
More than there are grains of sand in the desert,
More than there are snowflakes in a blizzard.
My love for you in boundless
My love for you is infinite.
I will never stop loving you,
Forever & Always.

Swaddled within your arms,
I feel my worries rush away
from my thoughts.
I am left with only
complete clarity
about my future with you.
My anxieties
seem to simply evaporate
when our limbs intertwine.

I was scared at first.
The voice started
drifting in slowly.
It crept in and dimmed
the shining lights that
kept me bright and shiny.
Such as the morning fog
consumes the mountains
was the voice in my mind.
I was scared at first,
but no longer.
The dark thoughts
are constant and persistent
but no longer worry me.
It is hard to find a light
when I am trapped by
all these shadows.
What scares me now
is not the voice itself
but is the fact that
I have fallen in love with it.

While you might look
at the months ahead
and see feasts,
and shared tables,
and celebratory treats,
and memories made in the kitchen.
I see hours needed on the treadmill,
and calories needing to be logged,
and pounds gained,
and hours crying on the bathroom floor.
I no longer see the holidays
as a joyous time full of laughs
but rather as a 3 month long
depressive purge.

Everyday,
multiple times
you remind me of my beauty
because I can no longer
do this for myself.
You tell me that one day
I will believe these words.
They will eventually sink
into my DNA.
You tell me the words will
one day feel real and until they do
you will continue on.
You do not make me
feel ashamed that these words
are foreign to my diseased brain.
While you call me breathtaking
I tell myself I am not deserving of breath.
Your words restore me.
They keep me alive
until the next dosage of
your selfless reminders.

I want to be lost in your gaze
I want to be drunk off your words
I want to be entangled with your body
I want to be haunted by your touch
I want to be drowned in your love

It only takes three simple words
for my very being to melt in your arms
and my soul to take flight high above us.
I am not talking about the cliche here.
We are so much better than a cliche.
I am talking about a phrase
so much more gentle,
so much more inviting,
so much more meaningful,
so much more personal,
so much more tender,
so much more caring.
"Babe, come here"

You pulled me in tighter
and calmly whispered to me
how scared you were
of going any further
because you didn't want to
fall victim to seduction
and lose control because
you love control.

We were laying in bed
and I was drowning in your gaze.
You wrapped your arms around
me and slowly whispered in my ear
that I was a national treasure to you.
You told me my essence,
my power, and my presence
overwhelmed you and that
I was your Niagara Falls.

You always ask me
what I'm thinking of
and I must admit
if you knew my
true thoughts
you will never see
me the same again.

Constantly I am
thinking about
how I could
possibly feel
beautiful at night
when I eat anything
during the day.

I can't tell you this
because you might
worry for me.
You would say
I am beautiful always.

While this helps
it feels as though
you are putting
a band-aid on
a cavernous wound.
One that was small
many years ago,
but recently was infected,
left untreated and
ignored because of
how ugly it is to me.
I am embarrassed
that I love you more
then I love myself.

So I won't reveal
what I'm truly thinking
to you ever.
Instead I smile,
blush even,
and say I cannot
stop thinking of you.

I am intoxicated by you.
The smell of your clothing,
The taste of your lips,
The feel of your hair,
The structure of your face,
Everything about you
Overwhelms my senses
And makes me
Pull you in tighter
And bring you in close.
I cannot stop
Wrapping myself in
Your arms.
You intoxicate me.

The worst feeling
is remembering
how much I love you
five years later;
and not having
you by my side.

What if I don't want
to get better? This hunger is the only thing
I feel anymore. You abandoned me,
so I sit on the bathroom
floor. I drown out my tears
with lyrics to songs we used
to scream out the car
window. While others congratulate
the damage this hunger has caused,
I obsess over the numbers that
light up whenever I step on
the scale. This is the only thing
I can control anymore. Since
you left.

Get out of my head
Get out of my heart.
It's been 2 years
but I can't think of us apart.
The two of us
were never a we.
So why do I want you
to be with me?
On paper, we looked great
I thought we'd be perfect,
but our moment was ruined
we never really clicked.
I hope you maybe see this,
you'll know who you are.
Please don't forget me
my heart is always scarred.

I dreamt about you again last night.
Nothing bad nothing raunchy,
I guess I just miss you.
I'll admit it
I made a mistake.
You said yes to me
I said no to you.
Perhaps we weren't
meant to be.
It isn't that easy though.
Is it ever
that easy.
If you weren't
meant to be mine,
why don't you leave
my mind?

Want to know
what I think?
The fates had something
absolutely, grand
planned for us.
Those three
twisted, dastardly
women had given us
to each other
at the wrong time.
An issue that they only
make once every eon.
I would love to call
them and complain.
Instead, I dream about
you every single
night, and cry about
you every morning.

You said it first
and showed it first
and took it away
Ruining the most beautiful parts
the most tender parts
the most sacred parts
of Us

You saw me sitting vulnerably
and you took your strong
yet deceptive hand
and plunged it deep within me
You found my heart
and kept it as your own
making me believe you were keeping it safe
but quickly I discovered
you took it to destroy it
and add my heart
to your collection
of broken women

You broke me
and left me with an insatiable need
to be further wanted
and further tormented
Now I sit here
2 years later
At 3 a.m.
and I still crave
Your Love