2AM                                          
I am assaulted with emotion at the notion of closing my eyes               
            my drunken blackouts are the only peace I seem to find     deprived of my liquid therapy I sink into my thoughts      
              ignoring atrocious reality brings no solace to a villain caught  

                                   3AM
paralysed within myself calling out from my empty shell
              a stranger inhabits my skeleton but I'm yet to hear alarm bells
my identity's gone missing but all the poles are poster-less
                          suffocating on small talk I'm lost in exquisite sadness

                                                            4AM­
do my eyes of infinite tragedy hold the same tone of desperation?
          dead detached peepers resemble marbles glossy from sedation
privately frantic for acknowledgment of my internal death
                        fearful you see my demise but see no value in my breath

                                                         ­                              5AM
           mother dearest placed me on the curb for a foreigners collection       unworthy of a garage sale I squat amongst the household rejections
       amidst disheveled furniture a crusty mop makes my acquaintance
I suppose the oppression of my despair made it less contagious

                                                     ­                                                          6AM
whoever claimed sunrises bring hope never tried stimulants
                the ***** smeared sky bears as much nausea as I implement
such is the tacky masochistic cycle of damnation
                                  give me my slice of death and pray I don't awaken




                                     i
  grieve
                                                 my
                                                                ­ whiskey
                                                                ­                                  as
                                     i
  grieve
                                                  my            ­   humanity

The first & last words I spoke to you were identical.
Regurgitation of primal instinct
Unwillingly born to my breath.

‘I love you’

I smiled with delayed recognition,

My pitifully soft instincts disembowelling mundane exchange,

‘I’m sorry’

I corrected with sick, pulsing insides. Face falling with vulnerable realisation.

Pathetic, prophetic irony.
You didn’t reciprocate at the beginning nor the end,
Yet I still dream of your mirage off in the distance, that mirror you wore in-between.

I see now,
With skin burning and eyes bleeding,
It always going to end this way.
Pity me the hopeful fool,

Crawling for water in the desert.

last night you appeared to me
an intruder to my peaceful sleep
words slid smoothly from your mouth
with confidence of a man who's liquor isn't cheap

yet your tattoos lingered upon your body
like the fingertips that linger here still
for once you weren't using or abusing
and you appraised me with free will

your eyes once rough and accusatory
now sickeningly endearing
your egotistical defence mechanisms
wasting away feverishly and disappearing

your dried out hollow heart
now plump with passion and flesh
a hallucination if viewed during the day
complexion of radiancy dewy and fresh

in my slumber i didn't have to save you
you weren't a criminal or a troubled statistic
ever since i awoke from my innocently ****** encounter
the knowledge of what you could've been
makes every waking second worse than a bad dream

my organs sustained by the blood that seeps from my mangled heart
my gruesome wounds performed a variety
the oily stranger who slipped me a pill and a victim complex
my parents whom raised glasses to their lips but did not rasie me
the drugs i consumed by the dozens that refused **** me

We drove our cars side by side,
always steady but not too slow.
All of a sudden you sped up
and I watched as you
fled from my dependance.
Without warning
you swerved
and you smashed
into my car
with so much force
i couldn't breathe.
your mistake pinned my car
against a pole of regret,
the smoke of shame
forced its way down my throat
and shards of sharp words
impaled my body.
your love trapped me
my doors sealed shut by misery
if you had just reversed
I'd be free
from this twisted metal cage of suffering
instead
you took one look at the mess we made
unbuckled your seatbelt of lies
opened your door of deception
stood and watched
as i succumbed to the death of our relationship.
I struggled helplessly
to reach out
as you simply chuckled
and walked away.

******* truth,
sour and sweet.
I lick your lies
the bittersweet myth
that falls from your lips.
I let you mislead me,
so you can feel less guilty
for misusing my flesh and bones
so you can feel pleasure.
silly boy.
too naive to realise
i know you feel nothing for me.
To these simple minded lovers
i have never been a person
all i am
is a hole to ****,
and a lemon to squeeze dry.
However
Vapid romancers
often forget
that with the sweetness of citrus
comes the sour cry.

The fine line
between
fresh starts
and running away
blur together,
melting into
a new kind of sadness
that is not sad at all
just
warmly
desolate
and
bitterly
disconnected.

I think of the days
That I woke in those cardboard beds
Not knowing how I’d gotten there
The nurse’s pity filled stares
Burnt a hole in my chest
I remember
What that lump in my throat was made of
Something bitter
Something cruel
Guilt
I felt guilty
Not for consuming
The drugs
The drinks
The pills
I felt guilty for wasting their time.