Just say yes.
Yes to good mornings
   and late night talks.
Yes to Monday Night Football
   and Friday Night *****.
Yes to you singing to me all your favorite songs,
   yes to do it off-key,
      yes to do it out loud.
Yes to writting you poems
   and watching tv reruns.
Yes to dancing... even in silence,
   yes to do it without asking.
Yes to letting me love you,
   to holding you tight,
      to feeling the breeze
         while your hand squizes mine.
Yes to your fingers curlying my hair
   and me messing with yours.
Yes to that smile so bright,
   yes to sinking in your eyes,
      yes to your strong arms
         that lift me of the ground.
Yes to hearing you say
   how I make you proud,
      yes to the way you make me feel on a cloud.
Yes to repeating these things many times,
   yes to living a life to fill a thousand lines.
Yes to happiness,
   to our ocasional wildness.
Yes to planning,
   and sharing,
      to trusting
         and never questioning.
Yes to a chance to show you how I feel.
Do you want to build a life of dreams?

     Please, say yes...

                      ...at least say maybe.

Today I woke up and the world was between my arms.
I kissed it's shoulder and the world turn around to hold me back.

...and just when I start believing
that I might be fogetting you.
I see you randomly burst into a dance in the middle of the kitchen,
and you cut apple bites for both of us,
and they taste so sweet,
and you are making me laugh,
and then I get home to realize
I don't even like apples...
... or so I though.

I'm afraid
that if I push too hard
you'll run away,
and if I stay still
you will forget.

At this point in my life,
when nothing stays the same more than a while.
At this point when everything 5 months from now is a blur,
the love I have for you is the only thing that stays the same.
I made myself promise something,
you wont be a priority,
but you wont be prohibited,
I can't keep myself from you,
It hurts more not seeing you.
I'll live now to the fullest,
I'll call you when I want, kiss you when I want, hug you all the time.
I wont keep myself from you, cause if there's one thing I'd regret more about losing you next September is losing you right now.

What is wrong with love is that it doesn't think, it feels.
At some point you'll be in love with the most mistaken person; the *****, the player, the most unatainable people of all, a tragedy.
A tragedy only worsened when you do get them, because you'll only share a glimpse of life, the most beautiful and magical for you. But how brief that enlightening time is by no means proportionate to the agony of the dark days ahead once they are gone of your side.

He was lightning and she was thunder
            Always following.
Like Fall after Summer,
           And falling was all she could do.
She was the moon,
           Hidden inside the night,
watching her lovely sun shine from a far.

If I had a time machine I would always set it to the same date, August 3rd, 2012.
To that sunny afternoon when I was oblivious of who you were,
to the exact moment when you casually came out and opened up a beer.
I wouldn't change a thing, I'll just relive the couriousity I felt towards you and how nervous I got when you sat next to me.
I would go back and try to figure out why I decided to stay up all night with someone I had just met
                       and I would do it all over again.
I would still show up the next day to my 24-hour shift without a minute of sleep because I knew then I had hit a breaking pioint,
                      where there was going to be a different me before and after you.

I hope the tears you shreded one day
nurture the flowers that will blossom from your scars.

When tears come streaming down your face
and the world crumbles beneath your feet,
know that my shoulder is always there for you
To ease the times of grieve.
When you feel hopeless and just want to stop
I'll be the light that guides your way
and the breeze pushing your sails.
I'll show you that you're not alone
because your company is my love.

The days are going faster lately,
I'm keeping myself busy with work, and chores,
and reading, and noise.
I listen only to the electro music you hate and stay away from the songs you used to sing.
I find myself not thinking about you every minute,
and I also find myself unable to rest, unable to stop, because I'm scared of drifting towards you..
The days are becoming easier,
but the nights are still the worst.
When the lights and sounds are off and I get to feel the empty side of my twin bed, that's when I wish I could erase the past month without you, thats when I wish I could time travel to the day I met you, to our first kiss, to our first date, to the first time you held my hand, I wish I could time travel to the sight of you. I wish I could stop crying, I so deeply wish and pray to stop loving you. And then I pray a little harder for you to love me back.

Would you stay a little longer?-
                              and you flash that smile I love,
                              and your eyes sink into mine as deep as the ocean goes.
                              The sweetness of your lips takes me by surprise
                              while gravity shuts down.
                              My heart tells me this is home,
                              I think with you I could go to the edge of the world,
                              there's something about you that makes me feel safe
                                                                ­   and warm
                                                                ­                      and timeless.
                             Don't even ask again.
Sure, I'd love to stay.-

I cut my hair,
the tips that you liked curlying around your fingers while you sang are now gone.
I painted it with sunshine rays,
To surround me with all the light I've been needing since the last time I got blinded by yours.
And that flock of hair that was shorter from that time I accidentally burned it trying to light you a cigarrette, the one that made me smile with its stubborness to stay still, the one that reminded me of our first night, it has growned.

I hope he knows that holding my hand
is the closest way to the heart on my sleeve.

I hope he kisses my eyes shut
to give me sweet dreams.

I hope he whispers ballads
like soft spring wind.

I hope he knows I won't need a coat
as long as his arms are around me.

I hope he can make me love him,
make it blossom from beneath.

Only my pillow knows of the late nights staring at the ceiling, of the silent tears rolling until tiredness knocks me out.
Of the scenarios I plot that most likely will never happen.
Only my pillow knows because my diary is hidden under it.
Of the dreams where you realize its been long enough and come looking for me.
Only my pillow knows and doesnt get tired of the same subject everynight, only she gets what I feel and stays in silence while I weep.
Only my pillow knows I hit snooze cause I want to keep dreaming of you. Only she knows that every morning you are my first thought.
What my pillow doesnt know but my car stereo does is that everyday I try to find music that doesn't remind me of you, that I fake a smile as long as the day lasts until I get back home to the only one that knows the truth.

When I asked how you've been
I meant to know everything you did while we were apart.
And when I said I was fine
I meant to say I'm not fine at all,
I meant to say I've been missing you quite a lot.
And when I said you looked good
I meant to say you are still as beautiful as I remembered you.
And when I smiled I meant to hug you and never let you go again.
And when you said we should meet sometime
I was thinking "sometime" should last forever.

I'm sorry for not being enough for you.
I'm sorry that giving you all that I had was so little.
I'm sorry for not being what you needed,
for loving you in spite of everyone's opinion.
I'm sorry for believing that we had a chance,
for trying so hard to be the one.
I'm sorry that I can't stay around anymore,
for getting tired of waiting for you,
I'm sorry that I'm giving up.
I'm sorry for crumbling down every night that I don't hear your voice,
for counting the days since I saw you,
for being unable to hide my sadness behind a smile.
I'm sorry for knowing this is the best for me and still wanting to run to you.
I'm so sorry that this is hurting me so much.

I feel a hole inside my chest
cause I can't stop missing you,
because he is not you,
none of them is you.

I'm keeping score of the days without you
and I find myself hiding between books
and music not to call you.

Because I liked how you didn't fight my demons,
instead they learned to get along with yours
and now they are turning against me trying to find something to do.

I stumble with your memory and burst into tears,
and I know I tried
and I gave the best in me,
but I couldn't make you love me enough
so I have to be the one who stops.

He opens my door,
he asks me out,
he calls to say good morning
and calls to say good night.
He is a gentleman,
he is smart,
he is fun,
he brought coffee to my door when I told him I was cold.

What am I so scared of?

Usually this is the time I call you to see if you have any plans,
crossing my fingers to see you tonight.
But last week, for the third time since I met you,
I decided to leave you.
Since that I got asked on a date,
I got good morning messages,
I got good night messages,
I got coffee at my door on the coldest night.
None from you.
and still I'd rather look at you smiling,
I'd rather look at the way your hands move,
I'd rather stay in silence sitting next to you.
So tonight, instead of calling you
I find myself making plans with someone else
to get you out of my head.

We were looking for each other but it took you longer
to realize that when I saw you the search was over.
I knew that sooner or later you'd have to see the truth,
that back when you didn't care I was caring for us two.
I was losing my faith but you catched me right on time,
and now when I look into your eyes I see what you see in mine,
and I know that you know how I've always loved you.

I've been awake for almost three hours while you are still sleeping, and I realized two things.
1. You are really lazy.
2. I'm so in love with you that I could lay here next to you for three more hours and my time wouldn't have been wasted.

He was fire,
she was rain.
He was warm, he could burn her,
she would flood his thoughts anytime.
Anger made him burst,
she gently washed his flames away.

My first thought when I saw you was "****!"
I knew from the begining a tornado would hit,
I saw an entire life unraveling before my eyes.
I didn't know when or how
but I predicted myself a mountain moving love.
I tried to look away while I could.
But you sat next to me and asked my name.
I got lost right there and still can't find my way back.

After "once upon a time" our story becomes a mistery;
weather you are Prince Charming or the ogre is mine to discover.
The not-so-typicall "boy meets girl"
where the princess has dragons living inside her
and the ghosts that haunt her com from her own past.
A tale where Mr. Perfect has a weakness for easy women and strong liquor
and a miracle has to happen to make him see the magic.

12 texts,
15 missed calls
and one visit in the middle of the night
and I still don't believe you.
The only thing I see when you speak is
that those same lips now begging for forgiveness
where kissing her.

I want to forget you,
politely and looking back on how good our time together was,
thinking that it was just not meant to be.
Don't start changing now, don't make me hate you.

I tried to forget you with someone else.
but when he smiled (and he did it often)
I remembered the serious face you have most of the time, like you are analyzing what surrounds you, taking in every detail and how your smile is like a shooting star, only to be seen once in a while.
And I forced myself to kiss him,
foolishly thinking that would keep you out of my mind, so naive to think I could take out of my head someone that lives in my heart, and that those strange lips could fill the void of not having yours.
I came back home. I broke down once again.
This morning I picked my pieces and put them back together. My lips that kissed you, my hands that held you, my eyes blinded by you, every piece of me that has had you and glued it all to go out and try again.

Please, make it stop.
Stop this pain,
stop this hopeless hope,
stop the love.
Fast forward to a time when I won't think of him
(or when he'll feel ready to be with me)
Make me understand that I cannot have everything I wish for
(or him that I can make his deepest wishes true)
I don't want to keep living out of flashes and moments,
I don't want to keep worrying about the definite end.
I don't want to kiss him and leave wondering when it will happen again.
Give me a sign of what to pray for,
because I really don't know what to ask for when I get on my knees.
Do I keep praying for him to realize I am the one or for me to realize that he may not be?
How can I convince myself of that?
(how can I convince him?)
I bet no one would believe that I felt he was special since day one,
that I saw in you whan no one would see.
And then you smiled, and then you talked,
and you named all the reasons to be who you are.
And just when I couldn't stop picturing my life without him,
he comes and says he is happy alone.
That he is not ready right now,
that he does not want me, nor anyone.
How do I compete against that?
There's no other woman,
there's nothing to fight against but himself.
He says he doesn't know how to think in plural anymore cause he's been alone for so long,
well, so have I,
c'mon my love, react.
We can learn together, from the basics if you want,
from writting each other notes and drawing hearts on the windows of our cars.
So, what will it be?
Do I give up or do you give in?

I saw you today.
I saw you safe.
I saw you smile.
That's all I needed.
The chit-chatting and laughter were bonus points.

NFL season and 49ers games.
Twins.
Dark clothes.
The cranberries music that you so shamely confessed you liked.
Rock festivals and when 80s pop is played in night clubs cause it's the only way you will stand up and dance with me.
Buffalo wings on our first date.
Zombie movies although we've never seen a movie together.
The rooftop outside my apartment that you hated cause it didn't let us watch the sunrise.
That limited edition beer we tried together and both disliked.
Random attacks of laughter, silence and my bed.
Big streets and long rides in my car and that it only takes 10 minutes to get to your house.
Watching buildings and streets get constructed because I've never seen Engineering the same way since you explained it to me and the passion you put in your career.
The sofa at one of our friend's house.
Yellow pick ups and blue Jetta's.
The space between my fingers.
Small eyes and your dad's smile.

Today I almost lost you,
for real and forever.
Your sister called and said someone had put a gun at your head, that someone wanted to take you,
that someone had tried to hurt you.
I felt numb and instantly shred a tear.
Thank God you are fine.
Thank God they realized it wasn't you who they wanted.
Thank God you are alive.
In that moment I didn't care if you were mine or not, I just wanted you safe.
I'm so relieved you and I are still breathing the same air.
"Tell him I love him"
That's the first time you are going to hear those words from me and your sister is going to say them.
***** that "I quit to you" thing.
I can't quit loving you.
I don't care anymore if we end up together or not.
I just want to love you more.
I want to know wherever you are, you are ok.

I've been using the shaking hands thing
in my poems a lot lately,
and I know it may sound cliche,
but for a surgeon to be
it's kind of a big deal.
I'm used to keep everything under control,
to be steady as a rock,
around chaos and blood and pain,
everything collapsing but my hands are always still.
Then you came, and suddenly my entire career is at risk when you say hi.

I can't do this anymore.
I'm tired of all the effort,
of trying to be good enough,
of my friends telling me that the one who's not enough is you,
and me trying to explain that you are.  
It's exhausting.
All the waiting,
all the hoping of you to realize that this could've been good.
I'm tired of praying every night for you to commit,
for you to want something serious,
I'm tired being let down everytime my phone rings and it's not you,
of the constant ups and downs,
of feeling devastated because I only get to have glimpses of you,
of being scared that one day I'll stop seeing you for good,
of being worried that some other woman can take you and
I'll just have to stare.
One year is long enough.
I can't do this anymore. I'm done.

What do you wanna prove?
you are already enough for me.
When will I be enough for you?

I love the space between your fingers and how my hand in yours feels like home,
I love how peaceful you look when you're falling asleep,
and how you close your eyes when I caress your cheek,
and that you don't get mad when I mess up your hair,
I love lazy sundays and goodbye kisses,
but I don't like how fragile I become when I'm with you,
always with my heart pumping out of my chest,
always with shaky hands,
always focusing on not falling to the ground from the weakness in my knees,
I don't like how being together is the highlight of my days and that I know those highlights always end.
And after all that rush comes days of feeling blue,
because I never know when I will go back to you.

How did I let this happen?
How come out of nowhere now you are my first thought every morning?
The happiness I feel while singing out loud on my way to work seemed something from the past.
I have this goofy smile all day, even when we don't talk.
But when we do, oh my! The entire world disappears when you say "hi"
and I find myself thinking of ways to make you mine, not too fast so I don't scare you, not too slow so I don't die with every minute we spend appart.
Is this love?

They broke up,
at the edge of their wedding something went wrong.
The couple everyone adored
and the faith on having what they had completely gone.
                  What side are you on?
                                  I have no side, I love you both.
And he cries and she cries,
and they ask for advice,
I dont know what to say,
I wanted to be them.
I love you, he says, don't ever leave.
I love you, she says, thanks for staying here.
I guess that's what friends are for,
through good and bad,
even when I dont have the words to heal their wounds.

Right now we could be happy together,
or miserable, or both.
We won't find out until we actually are,
let's end this,
let's open the box and see if it survives.

Like that time when I prayed for a miracle and then I met you.
I'm uncontrolably falling in love,
now my prayers are for this to work,
just once I would like to be loved in return.

You sleep like a rock,
and you snore,
and you take most space in bed,
and I cant roll myself in the sheets cause you have the other half...
I couldnt sleep facing down,
and my neck hurt a few hours in the morning...
but waking up surrounded by your arms for the first time made it the loveliest night.

And then, in the middle of a talk with our friends I randomly turned to my right and kissed him on the shoulder, and I realized I was madly, deeply in love and there was no way back.

Everything went numb when you kissed me.

I should be more excited
but this is all too scary.
My parents are proud
and I'm thinking why?
Why didn't you stop me when I was 18?
Why did you support me all these years?
Whenever I needed anything, you never said no.
How come you didn't think this through? The hurry that I'm now into.
You are so happy.
Don't you see I'm terrified?
I'm don't feel ready for the real world yet,
and there you are, taking pictures of it all.
I should be mad at you for putting me in such a stress;
for never letting me give up.
You should've let me quit when things got hard.
You shouldn't have told me that I was capable of everything.
But whenever I had doubts you were there to erase them,
and now here I am,
starring my life long dream
and this is all your fault.
I'm afraid.
Afraid that I'll never be able to thank you enough.

Don't call him first; if he calls don't answer right away.
Who made those stupid rules anyway?
They say men are all about hunting,
how will I do that when my desire is the only thing I'm struggling?

And don't kiss on the first date,
maybe hold hands but you gotta make him wait.
Well, I dare you to do it.
I dare you to look into his eyes and not sink into them.

And you can label me all you want,
you can call me easy to get,
but I'll never wonder what if?
that I can bet.

I know why you are single,
it's because you make bad choices of men.
You always like the players, the fighters and the broken.
For once, stop trying to fix all of them.

I know, I know.
My love life is a mess,
But if you got to see what I've seen in them you'd understand that love is not a catalogue and I have never made a choice.
I fall in love with that small spark between all the dark spots.

Whatever you do, do not fall in love.
No matter how charming he is, or how much he makes you laugh. Remember; all of them started that way.
No matter how hard it is to contain your happiness when he is around, or how long it takes you to fall asleep when you think of him.
Do not let him be the reason you wake up, do not count the seconds until you see him again.
Remember all the times you got hurt? Replay it in your head everytime you want to jump onto his arms. Be scared. Be cautious. Because either he is the love of your life or he will carve another scar in it.
Your heart has been weakened (or strenghted) by all the other loves of your life, the armor around you has grown thicker and thicker.
But, who I'm I kidding? We all know you will fall. Your soul has been desparate to find its mate for so long that when his fingers slightly put your hair away from your face you will know you lost and all the others will disappear from the back of your mind, and you will throw yourself at him and give in to all the love you have been keeping locked in.
No matter how many times your brain insists on not falling in love, your reckless heart will.

I will take it as it comes.
If life decides to bless me I won't say no.