I want to get inside your head...
See the world through your eyes...
Touch the ground with your feet...
Only then can I understand.
Forgive yourself…
For your sins.
Forgive yourself…
For being fragile.
You are only mortal.
Forgive me…
For not answering your burning question.
Forgive me…
For I cannot answer.
Forgive…
I know so little…
I’m trying to understand.

I want to get inside your head...
See the world through your eyes...
Touch the ground with your feet...
I want to hear what you hear...
Feel your heart beat.
Only then can I understand.
Understand me...
Understand you.
Forgive yourself for your sins...
You are only mortal filled with blood and bone.
Forgive yourself for being so fragile.
Forgiveness...
I forgive you.
Forgive me...
For not understanding
your world.

The soul he needs,
It should be wise.
It should be sweet.
It should care.
Their feelings should be strong, but not too overwhelming.
It must like the closeness of his body.
The soul he needs,
Must be strong.
It must be tender.
The soul he needs,
Should be a soul like his.

Across time,
Across space,
Never again,
Will I see your face.

Across the galaxies,
Through the stars,
Do you remember,
When it was ours?

Of course you do,
Never forget,
That cold afternoon,
When we first met.

If you fall off the highest point of your life, I will no longer be your net. I will be the concrete. And if you lay there long enough, I will liquefy into the IV that goes into your arm. And if you don't move I will be the oxygen mask. See, my mind is the hospital in which you will stay. My arms will be the blanket and my heart will be the nurse. But I will never hold you too tightly because I don't want you to confuse the water in the IV with the ocean. Because the ocean drowns people. The ocean will take you away like driftwood.
My body is the hospital. But remember a hospital is a building, and a building cannot stand without support beams underneath.

I always wanted this
I had it
For a while I didn't know

We stuck together
Like a magnet
Everywhere we'd go

I notice now
That it's not me
It's not you who wanted to leave
It was her
Who taught you I was poison
How to know what to do
Well I know
I don't need a friend like you.

She burned
Herself
Into
Ashes.

Pain keeps me
From losing myself.
It reminds my heart,
that it likes to beat.
It reminds my lungs,
To never stop breathing.
Pain keeps me here.
Grounded.
Sane.
Happy.

Her hair was red and her nails were short.
She was a spark that got lost in the flame.
In need of water to drown out her screams.
But her screams won't be the only thing it'll drown.

I used to always want to be a back-up plan. A person people could fall back on. Meaning, people can ignore me for a year, but the moment something happens they now want to be my friend. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not a net, or a back-up plan. I'm either in your life or I'm not. Make up your mind, because I'm fine either way.
I have come to realize in my life that I don't have a problem letting people go. I have a friend who was best friends with a group of people for three years and they suddenly decided they don't want to be friends with her anymore. It's been months and she's still angry about it. Who knows if she'll ever get over it. With me it's opposite. You don't wanna be my friend anymore? Fine, go have a happy life, I'll be here living mine.

Like glass, hearts are fragile.
You drop them and they will break into a million pieces.
If you are afraid of falling, then don't sit so close to the edge.
Because there's no one there to catch you.
And maybe there is.
Maybe there's someone at the bottom waiting to hold on to you no matter how cracked you are.
Maybe there not.
Maybe there's someone at the bottom waiting to catch you so that they can drop you.
So that they can leave you on the ground.
Shattered.
And maybe you'll realize you weren't the only one.
They'd wait for anyone to fall into the trap.
Manipulating the way you were meant to be held.
You tell them,
That a heart is like glass, If you drop it it will shatter into a million pieces. it's pieces will cut you so deep you begin to bleed.
You tell them,
Don't complain to your doctor when they tell you you've got a transmitted disease.

Stained.
Like the blood on my hands have dried to a crust.
My heart had thawed but now has freezer burn.
The strands of blonde that were bleached last year.
The words that I won't forget.
Stained.
Like the white dress that has now turned yellow.
The dried candle wax that won't come off the carpet.
Don't love me, or I will become hard.
Don't leave me
Or I will become,
Stained.

Your hands have never been so frail.
Your eyelids had never been so weak.
Your bed had been replaced.
Your head, surrounded by pillows.
Your lips were never so white.
Your hair was never so little.

Your voice had never become so small.
Your skin have never been so thin.
Eat more, you need it.
Sleep, don’t strain.
I hope your day tomorrow will be better.
I hope your muscles tomorrow are stronger.

And when I said goodnight
On your 83rd birthday
I held your hand
You kissed my head
How long until I see you again?
Or will I ever?

I didn't throw you aside
Not the way that you imagined
I put you gently next to me
So that I could see ahead
But you thought I threw you away
No, I just kept walking
You stopped, furthering yourself
So don't say I threw you away
Just because I wanted to marvel at a different painting
I was a piece in your museum
But the art work has changed.

When I first saw you, I don't know what I thought. Your hair was straight, and your bangs swooped to one side mearly covering the corner of your eye. You were talkative, clearly not my type. And yet, we held engaging conversations for 3 hours. I had forgotten your name, but I thought it would be nice for you to be my friend anyway.

Time passed and you opened my mind up to a lot of things, like not settling too young. You said you wanted me, and yet would not give me such a committing title as to say Girlfriend. I pushed you to like me. I was in such awe of you.

You were talented. I encouraged all of your successes. But I didn't see your true talent. You were talented in other ways that were malicious.
You were with two women. You were out with me by day, and talking with her at night. Confused about which one you liked more.

But it wasn't even about which of us you liked more. It was a game of chase. You waited to see which one of us would run after you the most.

Even after you gave me the long awaited title, you didn't tell me reasons you liked me other than the fact that I had won. Like you were some big prize at a carnival I had wasted all of my tickets on all the games trying to win a version of you. The version I thought was cool, and a version I could adore.

I wouldn't say it was a facade, or an illusion, or an illustration in my head. The version of you was real, but it was simply not the only version.

Some nine months later, you had declared a new version of yourself. One you said was better than all the others. One you claimed was going to be the final one. I had to grieve for the old ones, but had to accept the new one quicker.
I went to all of your appointments. Every doctor you had visited. Helped you develop your voice. Encouraged you when you got discouraged. And yet I was so discouraged.

You buried yourself. In other people, and in other things, never turning to look at me. I was helping you find your voice yet your voice would never speak to me directly. There was always someone else you rather talk to.

I found my solice in a few other people, too. When you took notice, that voice i never heard towards me, would suddenly boom into my ear as a loud sob. Also admitting all of your promises to me would be lies.

I was a Villan now. Untrustworthy. But had you not done the same? Wasn't it you who started it? Had it become another game?

I'd like to think I got good at the game, however I was still playing by your rules, and you were still the ruler. I had tried to cut the strings many times but you were still my puppeteer.

As I slept with one eye open, expecting you to scream at me in the dead of night- as you often did- I wondered, was this a new version of you, or was this your true version all along? Was this who you were when I met you? Was the adoration I had for you since the start...delusion?

You scream and you sob, and yet I can't hear you anymore. Your voice was hoarse and strained, and had becoming nothing more than white noise like rain on my metaphorical window sill. All the rain- the sobbing, and I still couldn't sleep.

I started to hear voices in an empty room. Angels? Hallucinations. You had encouraged I take a sip of alcohol, but the sip turned into bottles, routinely. And yet I still couldn't sleep.

I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. I grabbed a knife I had stowed in my pocket, just to see if I could still feel such human pain. As the blade mearly touched my skin I wondered, how deep could I go? Now a scar I carry with me for the rest of my life.

Maybe you were my hallucination. Every bad day, bad experience I had in a person. I feel like it was training. Training me for the types of people I might encounter in my lifetime. Teaching me how to solve such a problem.

Did God give you the right for such an act? Such false promises and falsettos? I still cannot think of a reason for all that I endured. And will continue to search for one.

I told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
I was told that I whenever I talk I speak as if I'm telling a story.
When I tried out for every solo in middle school and never got it.
Notice: That never stopped me from singing.
When my best friend ignored my words of wisdom, or told me she didn't get it.
Notice: That never stopped me from writing.
Those plenty of times I've sprained my ankle or was too weak to run another mile.
Notice: It never stopped me from running.
I'm stubborn and that could be a good thing and a bad thing.
I was told by my own family "Shut up, no one cares."
Notice: That didn't stop me from having a voice.
I was afraid to go outside because I was afraid I'd need an ambulance.
Notice: I still went outside.
See when I was a baby I never tried new things.
I didn't take risks.
But I was told that when I came out of my mother's womb I was singing.
Singing to the heavens, singing to the sky, singing all the angel's goodbye.
Notice: Nothing has ever stopped me from believing in myself.

If ever I were to remember
I would remember the sunset
A day ends to make room for new beginnings.

If ever I were to remember, anything at all
I would remember when she cried
So helpless for her daughter.

And if ever I were to remember
I'd remember how souls danced
Because mine might not ever
Again.

He said that I'd never have to breathe again.
Breathing wasn't necessary.
He said wounds would never be made.
I'd never feel the sting.
He said I wouldn't drown.
Stay above the water.

His love makes me immortal.

I'm gasping for oxygen.
It is so necessary.
The blood now drains from my skin.
The pain is excruciating.
And I find myself going deeper.
Unable to breathe underwater.

Because his love had made me immortal.

It’s a fire
You and I
It’s a word
We testified.

We grew larger
It’s a flame
Every singing crackle
It calls your name.

We have heat
You and I
Have many colors
Trapped inside my eye.

It’s a dream
Yet so real
Can we deny?
Should we feel?

It’s a fire
You and I
Such a flame
Grew so high.

It’s a fire
Me and you
Such abundance
Where fire stood blue.

What is that?
It holds the most wondrous words known to man.
Text lay carefully inside it, painting pictures for your mind.
What is that?
It opens and closes like a door.
It smells of old basements.
It is fragile, can easily be torn.
It lay anywhere you place it, it stays there.
What’s inside can be so meaningful, or mean nothing at all.
What is this fragile thing that holds the language of man?
It is book,
The best example of living and non-living.
The book itself cannot move, but the text inside can move you.
It is a book, I said.
The best way to look through other eyes.

Everyone forgets your name
The name never spoken
The name never said

The name that sang songs
Too beautiful for the ear
The name that waltzes on every tongue
The name that’s like a being
Like a creature that hides
Only to be seen by chosen

This name that is never said
This name that is never spoken—
Only remember this:

Everyone forgets.

We were friends.
She changed.
I didn't.
Enough said.

Let's find some place to go,
Where it never snows,
The rain is always warm.
Let's find somewhere,
Where the only tears cried,
Are content.
Let's find somewhere to go,
Where the sky is always clear,
As pure as the hearts we're given.
Let's find somewhere,
Our own island.
A sanctuary.

I'm an outsider
Looking inside
I'm telling the window
To close the blinds
And def my ears
And numb my nerves
And dry my voice
So I won't be heard.

Breathe, my little darling soul
Drop defenses, just come home
My little darling soul
Spoil it for me, when do I go?

I'm growing sick here
I should just leave
I'm held down by
Only me

Breathe, my little darling soul
Drop defenses, just come home
My little darling soul
Spoil it for me, when do I go?

The reason I stay here
Why I won't leave
I wanna be your back up plan
Because someday you'll remember me.

It grabs you
With long dark nails
It pins you down
Captivating.

It looks you in the eye
You see a fake present
You see past with future.

Tell not nobody
Or it will **** you
It kills you not to
Tormenting.

Your body moves in a seizure
No one notices
Tell not nobody.

You're blinded
Punctured with light and words
Words, difficult, passionate, dulling
Enrapturing.

The more anxious, the more I seizure
It grabs a hold of your heart
Never before feel losing blood
Tell not nobody.

I didn't care.
Maybe I did, but not enough to cry.
I heard the words, "he's dead"
But I felt no death.
The day I screamed in pain but with no tears in my eyes, they thought I was joking.
I threw my computer because I couldn't think of anything to write.
I snapped my pencil because I couldn't draw as well as they could.
I screamed out, but with no voice they thought I was yawning.  
I didn't care.
Maybe I did but not enough to scream I love you.
I heard the words "She's gone" and I ran.
They thought I didn't care but truth is I cared so much I didn't know what else to do.
My heart aches because of a disorder I have no control over.
I didn't care.
Maybe I did,
But when I heard the words "I love you" I had no clue what that meant.
I run down the street not only to get exorcise,
But in hopes that if I run far enough I'll run away from myself.
When they spit in my hair, and threw a cheap shot, I went home crying but nothing could be done.
I screamed out in pain but they didn't get it.
I said, I didn't care.
But just maybe, I did.

A word. That word. The one you said while I was sitting on your lap. The room was dark but dim from the moon shining through your window. That word. Say it again.
*******.

Death laid down beside me,
And whispered in my ear.
It made me a ghost.
A shadow of what once was,
Is now dead in my arms.
Now I lay down beside you,
and whisper in your ear.
One day you'll listen,
One day you'll hear me,
And I'll be there,
Waiting

Love came.
Love left.
It was romantic.
It was ugly.
He gave her a rose.
That was half dead and bought for $2.99.
She took it and smiled.
She allowed herself.
He kissed her.*
She kissed him, knowing it would be the last time he saw her.

My battery is low.
Can you find my charger?
You can find it between my coffee and my laptop.
Behind my depression and anxiety.
Underneath those people I still call friends even though I haven't seen them or a year.
And for those friends that I saw last week,
It feels like a year since I've spoken to them.
My storage is full of memories that aren't even mine, words I can't repeat, songs I don't even listen to.
I know I need to update my software, update to a better version of myself.
But until I can do that, I need to find my charger.

It needs to just leave me alone.
Let me sleep.
Leave me with thoughts of love.
Not thoughts of panic.

Welcome to my Panic Room.
Where instead of sleep,
Thoughts of terror come into play.
And I can feel the swelling of my throat;
As if I were allergic to the tragedy.
My heart beats as if it were a horse race.

Welcome to my Panic Room.
Where a bed lay in the center.
One I wish to sleep upon and dream of fearing nothing.
Yet I sit in the corner;
All curled up to protect myself from the monster that's coming.
Only to realize, every time,
The monster is inside me.

My sleep-deprived friend.
You should be sleeping.
I'm sure you were told that many times and were never able to take their advice.
I want you to know,
That you're safe.
There is no monster under the bed.
No, the moon isn't going to catch you.
Your dreams, are only dreams.
Rest now.
You're still a child.
Your day tomorrow is big.
Yet you lie here, not able to sleep.
Close your eyes.
Let yourself fall.
You're only falling into a garden of roses.
A field of daisies.
You will sit under an apple tree and listen to the soft breeze.
Rest now, friend.
The night won't get any shorter.

Last time I saw him he was saying "I will always love you."
Last time I saw him he was holding my hand.
Last time I saw him he smelled of cologne.
Last time, he touched my heart.
This time she is saying "I love you so much."
This time, she is kissing my cheek.
This time, she smells of perfume.
This time, she is touching my soul.

Forgetting you wasn't hard.
After all,
You forgot me first.

A memory is like a movie that plays back,
Over and over.
The definition of memory is an event that has past.
One that you still remember.
So if I remember every word,
Every story our tears told,
Then my name is memory.
Nice to meet you.

He was broken.
She could see it even when he smiled.
He was a haunting melody.
One in which she wanted to change.
He was lost inside himself.
She gathered her flashlight and went on a search.
But he looked so happy.
She knew he wasn’t.
He told her his secret.
She didn’t flinch.
He was surprised by her.
*She didn’t leave.

Who are you?
Are you a human gentle and sad?
Are you a flower slowly wilting?
Maybe you’re the sun burning with radiation,
Or a myth that outlived a century,

Who you are is not what you think.
Maybe you’re actually a star burning with gas,
Or a medallion worn around an empress’s neck.
Or maybe,
You’re the God.

Maybe, you know exactly who you are,
Because the spirit never changes.

She wrote:
Meet me there.
Run across the track.
I never watch you leave,
Please, come back.

He wrote:
If you never watch me leave,
Then I am still here.
I watch over you, darling.
I'll be there.

What if someone was out there?
Someone to wipe your tears
Someone to teach you new meaning of "I'm okay"
Someone to show you what happiness was
What if someone was out there?
Would you then come off that ledge?

I can’t say a word
If I do the world will end.
I’ll be the cause
I’ll be the blame.
I can’t write anymore.
My words are too strong
Slowly, you’ll die.
I can’t say a word,
I’ve said too much
Like insects eating me,
I’ll be the fire
I’ll be the bomb.
I can’t write anymore
My words are defeating
Slowly, I’ll die.
I can’t say a word
If I do, the world will end.
I’ll be the cause
I’ll be the blame
I’ll be the bomb
I’ll be the flame.

So this isn't a poem... But I've decided to ask on here (Instead of keep asking on instagram: @Maybeiloveyoutoo)
I'm looking for someone to do a collab with. Either poetry or a story. Right now I'm looking for a call & response kind of poetry collab. And for a story I'm open to ideas, just keep in mind writing crime and gore, or even ****** content is hard and uncomfortable for me.
So,  any takers? Just message me!
Any poems written will be put on my HelloPoetry and instagram account. And as for the story, if it is finished, I will put it on my Wattpad.
(Will give half credit to you)

I'll end this with an exert I just finished writing.
"Don't you want to fall in love?" She looked at him with hope in her eyes.
"Love is a fairytale," he replied, looking up to the evening sky.
"Fairytales don't sound so bad right now," she frowned. He looked down at her. His face showed no emotion.
"Yes, they do," he said, "If you go into a fairytale, then you won't see the reality that lies in front you."
"Then let me live a beautiful lie," she whispered.

It's like I've lived a thousand lives
And I'm tired of goodbyes
I'm falling from the sky forever

I need to move on
I've done something wrong
Need to run, need to fly away

As long as my heart still beats
I have no way to see you
You're so far away

It's like I've loved a thousand times
Only one man on my mind
Running through my mouth
Need to walk, need to run away

Because as long as my heart still beats
As long as I still need you
I can't do a thing

All I need to say
Good night
Good night

Cuz I've loved a thousand times
I've live d a hundred lives

Nice blue sky
Puffy white clouds
The sun is blinding me.

If you hear a phrase too many times it just becomes white noise.
If you say the same thing over, and over again someday you'll forget why you say it.
If you feel the same thing enough times you tend to not feel it at all.
If you go to the same place every day you become blind to your environment.
If you stay underwater long enough you forget how to breathe
And if your heart dies everyday you don't remember what it's like to live.
I know.
I know that if I remember my past it is still my present.
But I know that if I forget my past, then I won't know where I've been.
If you sleep too much, you won't know when the dream ends.
And if you never sleep, you think life is one long nightmare.
Know this:
There is a difference between heaven and hell.
There is a difference between a dream and a nightmare.
There's a difference.
I just know there is.

In my waking hours
You're not there.
You're never there.
No matter how loud I call
No matter how much I scream for you
You're never there.
In my waking hours
You're somewhere else.
In a grocery store perhaps
Or screaming for me
In your waking hours.

Asleep, you're next to me
Under that apple tree
In that field
Asleep you are here, always.

Watch me then
Watch me now
Your silence is soft
But silence is loud.

Five years
Eleven cries
Don't go now
Don't let it die

A thousand years,
Two-hundred cries,
It's never gone,
But it nearly dies.

Hold me down
Keep me here
Don't wake me up

Hold me down
Stay with me here
Before I wake

I am from a pencil, from words, and paper.
I am from the two bedroom, one floor home.
I am from the roses, and the sun.
I am from homemade coffee and depression, from Bonnie and Charlie and Christopher.
I am from the anxiety and denial.
I am from not throwing things and not living life in fear.
I am from Angels surrounding, and Omnipotent protection.
I'm from Hartford and Greenwich, statesmen and viscounts.
From the pain in their eyes and rage they expressed, and the ignorance of men.
I am from the wall where the past hangs in frames.
From pictures of possible better times, yet maybe not any greater.
From pictures that may be of worse times, hidden behind these smiles.

He watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Waits for what?
Last night he smiled at me,
I asked him why.
He told me a story of a girl
Who sounded awfully like me.
"One day she will realize why I am here," He said.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Three years ago I had asked him why,
If I ask again now he won't respond.
"Who are you?" I ask,
"Some one important," He says.
And still he watches me.
Dark or light.
He stands, he waits.
Twelve years I had asked him who he was.
I grow weaker.
My days on earth are numbered.
I am hooked to IVs and still he stands.
And waits.
When I close my eyes for the last time, I realize who he is.